I went skiing over the long weekend (it's amazing how nice that one extra day is!) and had an awesome time! I was a bit worried that my bad back wouldn't take it, but it turns out that I felt better skiing and jumping moguls than I do right now, sitting at my desk! So it really sucks that the majority of my days are spent sitting, in pain. I should have been a farmer or something...or a ski instructor!
I didn't eat so great this week, but the hours of skiing kept me even, so I'm working hard to get a pound off at my next WI on Wednesday (no WI this week - working late every night).
I read an article about binge eating disorder in Fitness Magazine yesterday, and, scary to say, it totally pinned me. I think i've known that now for a long time, but it made me realize that I still have a lot of work to do. I've made some really positive changes in my lifestyle and eating habits, but I have a long way to go. Experts always say that overeating is a symptom of a larger problem...in this case, they said that the author overeats because it causes her stress, and it's easier to be stressed about overeating than it is to be stressed about the larger problem - feeling lonely.
There's always something stopping me from hitting my goals...I always sabotage myself...lose one pound, gain two. I tell myself how wonderful life will be when I hit my goal, how everything will fall into place and it will be perfect - I'll find the perfect job, the perfect man, and be perfectly happy. But I'm so afraid that it won't happen that way, that I'm keeping myself from having to deal with it. I'm keeping myself fat.
I should probably see a therapist, ha! There was another article about therapists who exercise their patients during their sessions, instead of lying on a couch. A therapist and a trainer - for the price of one! Sounds pretty good to me!
Okay I lost a pound this week! It's my first loss since re-joining JC, so it makes me happy.
I made myself a reward list, and when I first mentioned it, my JCC started talking about food..."remember, a splurge is only 250 calories, so be careful if you're eating out..."
And I had to stop her...a FOOD reward is not what I meant. And if she thought that's what I meant, don't you think she should have dissuaded me from doing that?! I mean, rewarding a good week with FOOD (though that's what most of us do) makes no sense!
But no, I made a list of things that I want. More specifically, things that I used to go and get without thinking about it. But with times as they are, I've cut back on a LOT of spending. So for instance, since I lost 1 lb this week, I get to download a few songs from ITunes. yay!
5lbs, I get a manicure...7lbs, new clothes...15lbs, ballroom dance lessons (I drive past the studio every day, and I'm dying to go inside!). 20lbs, a fabulous new party dress...25lbs, a personal trainer at the gym to really rev up my workouts and get those last few pounds off me.
When I reach goal...well I haven't decided yet. Maybe a treadmill. Maybe a vacation and a new bathing suit. Maybe I throw myself a party.
So far (as in, this week) it's been much more compelling than anything my JCC or my own brain has been telling me. I guess money is my motivator - tangible things are much easier to imagine than a vague image of my future self as a skinny person. I can never really picture that...but me rocking out with my Ipod...that I can see!
I'm going skiing this weekend, which will hopefully count as a good workout, since next week is crazy busy with work. 2 weeks till my next WI, and I'm aiming for 2 lbs lost, which will bring me back to where I was before I "quit" JC (before the holidays). Then we can start REALLY losing!
I thought you were supposed to LOSE weight when you get sick! How bad is it that I was kind of banking on that to jump start my diet? Well...lesson learned.
I gained 0.4 lbs, but my JCC said she's marking it down as "maintenance" since as a woman, we lose and gain ounces every second of the day. Sometimes I feel like she just blows me off as a "lifer" who's never going to reach my goal. But truthfully, I can't think of a way that she would be more helpful. If she yelled or chastized me, I would resent it and probably get angry. The positive reinforcement obviously isn't sinking in, and the "I know how you feel" attitude only gives me a reason to go off plan again. So she's probably just fed up with me.
She's also been a bit negative lately. When I first came back, we had this big conversation on how I was so motivated when I first joined, and where that feeling went. She said she had no idea how to get it back, and she's afraid she's going to live on JC meals for the rest of her life. Um...NOT a good way to sell the plan! But I guess they've got me! I already put so much money into JC, I'm not going to abandon it for another program (especially since I know it actually works, if I put the effort into it).
This week I feel better, and I WILL take advantage of the warmer weather to get outside and walk. Saturday AND Sunday. And I WILL stick to the food plan.
On a happy note, I've solved the too-much-chocolate-at-work problem. I got a new office that's nowhere NEAR the candy bowl. I have absolutely zero reason to go past it, which means I haven't even thought about it the entire week. Awesome!
I've been sick all week. I don't really ever GET sick, so when I actually do, it hits me hard, and this time totally sucked. I took Monday off because I physically couldn't move, but by Tuesday morning I had cabin fever, so I tried to go to work, but had to leave before I fell over.
Feeling better now, but it definitely sidelined my diet for a few days...most of the week, actually.
I guess what I'm saying is, I'm tired of always having an excuse. But I always seem to find one...
This was so easy in the beginning...30 lbs came off in an instant. Now I've gained 10 of that back, and I'm just not desperate enough to take off the 40 I want to lose. Because I want it to be easy.
Weigh in tonight...hopefully I'll have lost the 2 lbs I put on last week. And hopefully I won't be able to think of any more excuses next week.
So...I was all determined and ready to go at the beginning of the year, but it took me until last week to rejoin Jenny Craig. Now tonight is my "first" weigh-in, and I don't think it will be very good news!
On top of three restaurant dinners and a lot more alcohol than I normally drink, I also had the guilt of leaving all this food in my refrigerator uneaten. And seriously, I'm not going to throw out perfectly good food just because I'm supposed to be eating JC's frozen meals - I just can't justify wasting all that money. So I ate all my leftovers, cooked my eggs, drank my milk, and ate **some** of a cheesecake (even I can't finish a whole cheesecake by myself!). Which will most likely add up to a gain - hopefully not too much.
My counselor wanted me to lose the almost 3 lbs that I gained over the holidays this week, so that will be my goal for this coming week. It's a lot, but I'd like a big loss to jumpstart things.
I got to the gym once last week. Trying for at least twice this week...progress is progress, right?!
I'm having trouble with two things lately -
1. The candy jar at my office. It's situated directly in my path, every time I go to the restroom. Can't resist it...especailly since it's full of chocolate. So far I've had two Hershey Kisses and a Dove chocolate square. I can't even resist on WEIGH-IN DAY!
2. 100 calorie packs. Good in theory, but not good when you eat three a night. Why is it that I'm just NEVER satisfied with a taste, or a bite, or a single serving? I always go overboard on dessert. I wish it was never invented!
Wow it's been months since I've been on here...thanks to all of you who wondered where I was and left me nice messages.
I took "off" for the holidays, and the month leading up to them...there was no specific reason except that I didn't want to be stressing over food when there was so much good food to eat. Probably not the greatest idea, but I don't think there was ever a day when I went totally overboard. There were a few when the caloric intake got a little high, hence the 6 lb gain since September.
I've also been having trouble with my back and hips. Arthritis, herniated discs...all at age 27! I didn't want to feel this old so soon! But a few injections later, and a whole lot of physical therapy, and I'm starting to feel better and getting back to some semblance of a workout schedule. Even if it's just a 20 minute walk to work in the morning, at least it's something. And I've committed to doing at 15 minute ab routine tape and a 15 minute stretching tape (both from Slim in 6) at least every other day. They will both help my back feel better. I got to the gym twice over the New Year's break - I was very proud of myself.
So this year, I have the same cliched, boring resolutions that everyone else has - lose weight, eat better, exercise more. Execpt this time, my OTHER resolution is to not be so negative about it. Yes, I'm on a diet. Yes, I resent that fact that I have to be on a diet. But it's my own fault, and my own responsibility to change my life and my habits. So what's the use of complaining about it all the time??
If you ever see something super negative on this blog, please call me out on it and remind me of my resolution. New outlook, new happiness, new life.
I also have a more specific goal - I will be returning to Jenny Craig this weekend, to prepare for my 10 year high school reunion in June. My goal is to lose 3 lbs per month until then. Just THREE! If I lose more, great! In April and May I will work my butt extra hard to hopefully make it to 20lbs total.
I also hope to give you some tips which have helped me, and which others have been so kind as to pass on. So here's the first!
Citrucel SmartFiber Soft Chews in chocolate and caramel. These are a great fiber supplement, not only for keeping you, ahem, regular, but for getting the daily amount of fiber most of us aren't getting. I happen to eat a lot of fiber-filled foods (oatmeal, apples, Fiber One cereal, popcorn, broccoli, spinach etc), so I usually take 1 or 2 of these every day (the recommended dose on the package is 4). I've found that if I take two after dinner with a big glass of water, I'm too full for dessert. The caramel flavor is better than the chocolate. Both are a bit gravely tasting towards the end, so it's best to just let them melt away instead of chewing. Also, you NEED that big glass of water, or you will feel them in your throat for hours!
Still struggling to get out of this mess I put myself in. I skipped my WI last weekend because I couldn't face it. The scale still says I'm about 5 pounds up...ugh.
Starting a google calendar with my scheduled workouts and meals. Anyone want to join in and hold me accountable? We can share calendars and make sure things get accomplished!
I bought ice pops and cookies at the food store this weekend. The ice pops aren't so bad...no more than 30 cals each, and they're not so good that you want more than one. The cookies are in 100cal packs, but I always wind up eating two of them. WHY can't I just be satisfied with a little bit?! Also finished off a small bottle of Bailey's...I don't even want to know what that's costing me! But it's delicious...
Did anyone see the new oatmeal in Starbucks...the serving cups look HUGE! Add raisins, brown sugar, maple syrup...that's just dangerous! Can't find the nutritional info on their website...hmmm. I guess it's officially Fall if stores are breaking out the oatmeal and soup offerings...I'm not ready yet!
Breakfast: JC oatmeal bar, yogurt, peach, decaf coffee w/ skim and vanilla syrup
If you've been reading these posts at all, you'll notice a recurring trend - I do awesome for about 2 and a half weeks, then I totally f*** it up and have to start all over again.
Without fail, I do something to sabotage myself. This week, I overdid it just a LITTLE bit at a party last weekend, and it's snowballed from there. I can't stop eating.
Last night I went to a book club meeting and ate for 3 hours. 2 hours had gone by when suddenly I realized my hands had been going for the chips and dip non-stop since I had arrived. I'm thinking, "why do I feel so full? I didn't have any dinner tonight," then looked down and noticed a bowl of spinach dip completely devoured. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, hovering over the food like I would fight off anyone who came near my pretzels. For the next hour, I managed to sit back in my chair, but COULD NOT resist the cookies and cupcakes that appeared just a few feet away from me.
I'm not sure if any of my friends noticed my behavior - they must have, because I was acting like a starving crazy person. This morning the scale says I gained another pound. No surprise there! 2 days until my WI. Totally screwed.
Chugging water like it's my job. And coffee (even decaf) seems to work pretty well as an appetite supressant - going to get more at lunch.
I just got passed over for a job I really wanted because they said I was "perfect, but too perfect." Overqualified. Don't you think that if a person WANTS to do entry level work and is excited to be working for the company they've always dreamed about, you should let them!? I don't think that's selling myself short - I think it's a strategic career move, and it shows persistence and sacrifice. Aren't those things you'd want in an employee!?!
I don't want to "dumb down" my resume, but I'm thinking I might try it for a few submissions...I thought a Masters degree would be an asset, but apparently it makes me look pretentious and snooty.
Anyone out there want to sponsor this blog, so I can live off of it and quit my crappy job??
Anyway...still have a LOT of work to do to get off the "3" pounds I gained over the weekend, and I put that number in parentheses because I know some of it is water weight...still daunting to see though. Went to the gym last night and stayed on the precor until my back started hurting (about 25 min), then walked some stairs and did some weights, but my back hurts pretty bad lately (definitely from sitting 7 hours in the car Sat and Sun).
Dinner out tonight with a friend, but I'm going to behave myself, and we'll be doing some walking. Book club meeting tomorrow night...planning to eat at home, then try not to touch a thing at the meeting (excluding alcohol!).
BUT the most exciting thing about tomorrow is that I'm working from home, so I can get up early and walk the beach! Yay! There's nothing better than starting your day with sunshine and fresh ocean air. And after that...the job search and food struggle continues for another day.
Breakfast: JC pancakes, yogurt, plum
Snack: Celery and peanut butter
Lunch: JC pesto pizza, fruit cup, 10 french fries
Dinner: salad w/ chicken or chicken w/ veggies (restaurant), glass of wine
Dessert: shared with a friend (or maybe ice cream?)
Extras: peanut butter, french fries, restaurant dessert = much too much!
Had a big weekend party Sat/Sun...definitely didn't think about what I was eating. Will definitely be paying for it this week.
Right now I'm starving...I have a headache and stomach's growling - but I don't want to eat lunch quite yet, so I'm chugging lots of water. I tried to prepare myself, because when you stretch your stomach to its limits (like I did this weekend!) it takes a few days for it to go back to normal!
Hunger should just be a physical response...but in my mind, its like torture! So another hour of torture shouldn't kill me, then I'll eat my lunch as scheduled.
And after that...the job search and food struggle continues for another day.