i am losing my mind...lol i knew i had a doc's appt today "monday" but just now when i started to blog it said today was monday....to my shock!!...lol i thought monday??...lol i have been really busy today and i got a lot done. thats how it always is on my long weekends... i never really get rolling until the last day... monday and i start huge projects leaving it unfinished and me bummed its not complete. anyway.....
the doctor said.... we;ll wait on getting an MRI done b/c i am strong and all the little pushing pulling..."pounding" didn't produce any real discomfort for me... just in the mid of my back where he thinks the muscles are all grumpy and tight. i do sit weird for my elderly patients who can't lay back... i'm gonna have to figure something out w/ that....anyway...he recommended physical therapy...who has time for that... can't i just go get a message...lol he told me to stop "stressing" and relax and try a little therapy or message and see if that helps... ???money and time??? really... i'm dieing right now... i worked hard lifting and pulling and it was killing me...my mid back and shoulder but i just worked through it... i've been through theraphy w/ my knee and really it was no different that joining an expensive gym... they showed me what to do and left me on a table to do my exercises... so really i will admit it i will probably not go and work through the pain... i'll have to sugar up my hubby to message my back...he does a great job but never long enough and often enough...we'll have to work something out...hehe (evil grin) i joke w/ him thats why i went for a youngin' (5 years younger) to take good care of this old girl...lol =) so thats where i'm at...in pain... and holding tight to the purse strings...lol =)
well i hope everyone is doing great...and everyone has a great tuesday!!! =)
Well today has been started off on a serious note. yes, i'm still on the wagon not chasing it BUT i've scooted over to the edge and my legs have been dangling over catching a little dirt from time to time.....in other words...i've been over indulging in the evening and lacks on my exercise...i do have a little excuse for the exercise b/c my back has been killing me...so monday i'll be going to the neuro-doc and finding out what i need to do to get out of this pain and NO pills and NO surgery! of course losing more weight, but do i need a brace or different exercises or physical therapy??? i had a ruptured disc last june in my lower back. what i'm feeling now is in my neck and runs down between my shoulder blades and i flinch w/ sharp pain if i move wrong not to mention my right shoulder is in on this pain game and my thumbs in both hands...if i put my arms up and straight out in front of me my arms are both weak and i get a tingling sensation in my right arm that runs down to my hand where i feel it in my pinky and thumb...i have tried to just deal w/ it but its really uncomfortable and becoming harder to work w/. i'm a dental hygienist and the occupational clinical expectancy is 5-7 years and i'm head onto my 14 th. and before hygiene i was a dental assistant since are 16. so i've been blessed in my career but i'm not ready to leave it yet...for one thing... my pay is excellent and disability would never meet it especially at my age...second is i have some debt (thank God no credit cards) that i'd like to get rid of and i plan on refi my home to a 15 year mortage and also put more into savings and retirement... i have a plan and i need at least 15 more years out of this back...lol the nurse said on the phone that it sounded nerve related...that scares me b/c i met a lady once who was left w/ her rand daughters baby ( the girl was a young wild mother of 14) and so she adopted the baby but had terrible artritis which made her arms weak and was not able to bend.... she cried b/c he could not care for the baby her great grandson and was going to put him up for adoption b/c he deseved to be physically loved as well as emotionally and verbally loved...it was heart braking to hear her story...she was at the dental clinic i worked at in ny w/ an older grandchild in her custody as well... another hygienist listen in on her heart braking story and took her a side when all was said and done...her sister in law could not have children as she offered to arrange a meeting if the grandma truly was serious (she was about her mid 60's) the out come....the baby was adopted out to my friend and co-workers sister in law and brother where they included that grandma in every holiday and life event in that childs life...thank God...but now when the numbness runs now my arm and as like right now the pinky on my right hand is going numb her stroy comes to mind... i want to feel my children and hug them...i want to do the same to my some day grand kids... i'm sure i'm not gonna be as bad as that lady i spoke of but i worry... the pharse "it sounds nerve related" does scare me.... so i'm gonna get down and dirty w/ my eating... until i can get back to my exercise... my feet are back up on the wagon and i'm on board for the long haul...the more i lose the less weight on my bones and nerve trunk ...the better i continue to eat the healthier i will be the stronger i will be the better my life will be... i have made changes...and i feel great...i just gotta keep on the wagon!! =) happy saturday to everyone!!!
Well i'm is a holding pattern and thats ok. i know this is how my body works. i lose...i go up 1-2 pounds...then down...then up a little then down...then i stablize...and then i'll start to lose a little more. my little guy hasn't been feeling well so we've inside a little more. tomorrow we're going to see cars!! we both can't wait!! i hope everyone is doing great!! and enjoying the sunshine and in some cases the rain!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT........
~I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination~
Another 0.04 gone....slow and steady....i'm getting there!!!!
Its getting hot here in NC so i've been keeping myself busy and on the move. i'm not one for heat so if i let it get to me i'll just let myself sit around and be lazy....so i have to push myself and its real easy to think....i need to blog in the cool house and comfee computer chair...but thats not helping me be healthy if i'm gonna use blogging as and out or excuse. so i will post when i can. i hope eveyone is doing great and i'm gonna make sure to make the time to check in on you guys!!
well the scale said only a 0.04 loss but i'm keeping in mind i gained a little over last weekend so i think the "re"-loss plus 0.04 isn't too bad for the week.
so far since i've started WW i have been very pleased. especially now that i am really getting the swing of things. i'll be going into my third week and every week there is a reason to "eat".
week one: mother's day
week two: went on the little trip to florida (my first time)
and now...week three: memorial day cook out!
but i've got it covered. i went out w/ the girls from the office to a meat eaters restaurant and yes i ordered a cheese burger that was huge and yes it came w/ huge french fries and a salad. so when this monster burger came i cut it in half, then parted the fries....and tested the dressing which was suppose to be fat free but i wasn't sure it was and after tasting felt it was better to not eat it and cost my self points for a dressing that wasn't worth it and only ate a few bites. the burger was yummy and the fries too but when the halfs were done i was done. when i got a refill of water i asked for a box so it wasn't there calling me to eat it even though i was full but i could have packed it in let me tell you...=) so when i got home i cut the burger in half and gave my little guy it and the fries w/ some fruit for dinner since my husband was workling late. and since lunch seemed like a dinner meal i made my dinner meal kinda light like a lunch w/ a salad, fruit, and yogurt.
i think i made the other girls a little uncomfortable when i asked for the box and they realized i wasn't gonna pound it all down which was my usual m-o. but i went about conversation as it i didn't notice their reactions like nothing new was happening. i noticed they ate a little slower and started to complain they were full but finished there plates. later that afternoon i came to realize that since i have always been the "buffe girl", "clean your plate girl", "pound it down no matter what girl" ....must have gave them the reason or ok feeling to over eat when we were out together b/c they could tell them selves....i didn't eat as much as emma did or i only ate half of what emma did"
well they better find a new leader to the feed bag b/c those days are over for me!! i later got looks from a distance that were caught and a smile was quick to come but i know what they were thinking. they know i've lost weight. they've seen i have some control over my addiction to food and over eating. now they are thinking about when i will fail or maybe i am really gonna get healthy and that makes them reflect on their own health. even though the office seemed over turned w/ food emotion thursday afternoon i'm sure things will be back to normal on turesday. but any matter i'm on a mission for my self and i'm excited to get now to business....=) holiday parties or not...i will con't. to lose!!!!!
i'm having a prblem w/ "thinking" i'm "feeling" hungry but i don't think i really am. yeah, my tummy grubled a little but it wasn't like the times when i "really" have been hungry. it happens mostly in the morning hours. no matter what i eat i end up snacking but its fruits or carrots. i know i'm feeling a little stressed and thats probably it. but i want success....and it making me feel a little bummed that i still don't have full control w/ my emotions and my eating behaviors....yeah, they've gotten much better and i shouldn't beat myself w/ a stick like i do b/c good things come to those who wait "and" continue to work hard! maybe its more that i miss my daughter whos still down in florida...=( i talk to her everyday...shes almost 21 and might move far from home one day...what will i do then???!!!!??? eat myself into a dark hole!!!??? i need to get a grip...just talking about it here right now makes me feel better....i want success and i want her to experience success and our success are very personal to eachothers goals...my baby girl is growing up...admit it! yes....she has been grown for a long time now and shes a smart beautiful young woman.
wow! what a weekend...whoo! early friday morning i left w/ my daughter to drive down to orlando florida. he high school friend from new york moved there and is now getting married next weekend and arriel went a week early to help the bride w/ final details. then early saturday morning i flew out to washinton, dc. then to north carolina. i am tired to say the least...lol
i tried whole hearted to keep up w/ counting points and i felt like if i didn't keep track of the points i would fail and gain a huge amount of weight.
i gave in to a little travel junk food here and there and i felt just terrible. then later when we arrived in orlano we went of for a steak and baked potato dinne that was so yummy. and no i didn't refer to my point food guide so any failure would all be me and i'd know why. i had a three hour lay over and i pretty much kept up w/ ww in the airport and since the washington airport was so huge and i had three hours i just kept walking around. i felt very good getting the walking in. i also thought about the day before and how i gave in to the demons of food. it was a good time for me.
so this morning the scale told me just a one pound gain and to be honest i am shocked b/c i drank regular pop. real butter and sour cream on the baked potato (ate only half but it was huge and half still probly made up a big whole potato), chips, sausage gravy and bisquit, reg. pringles, 4...yes four reese sticks, bbq chips.... i hand my hands on everything and it seemed the more i stressed over my mistakes and lack of will the more out of control i got. but now w/ my yesterday analyzing as i walked in the airport and got the actual weight damage its not really that bad.
i already know i can't live my life like i did that couple of days. if i did i'd only be digging my early grave w/ a fork and spoon. i realize i am healthier. i enjoy good healthy food and look forward to veggies now.....and on occasion i'm gonna have a "blow out" and getting a handful of this or that will add up but its still not the same as a "whole" bag of this and "all" of that....and now i can return to my WW plan...yeah a little dented but still in working condition and not feeling deprived from anything.
food is no longer in the driver seat in my life like it once was. it may grab the wheel once in a while but i'm the driver and i can order it to the "back seat". i think when i stopped rewarding myself w/ food and teeling myself to eat something b/c i deserved it started taking the power of food from my life and food is just food. i guess i will always suffer from relapes from time to time but there moments...not days at a time.
how could i forget to meantion....i hit my first 10% GOAL yesterday!!!!!
i have been working on my weight since last july starting at 248 pounds. when i found extrapounds i had already lost some weight and since starting my blog i lost an additional 13.60 pounds to date for a grand total of over the 24.8 pounds needed for my first 10% goal!!!
my second 10% goal is around 22 pounds...=) i am looking forward to getting there!!
