Where to GO FROM HERE?

        i've gained back 17 pounds and health wise feel terrible. w/in the first 10 gained back my sugar shot up and i only continued out of control. i hiked over the holidays and i was slow and breathing heavy. i just not sure where to go from here. try, try, try again at WW, atkins, calorie cut back????? or is it time to do something more permant since i can't be trusted from keeping the fork and spoon from digging my grave. i'm back to wondering about the LAP BAND but no way no how gastric by pass, thats not an option. i guess i'm just bummed.

Just Call Me CRAZY!!

Yep!  CRAZY..... thats me!!!

What was i thinking?????   DIET ! ...... THANKSGIVING!! ..... a trip back home and NOT ONE BUT TWO !!!  yes, I said TWO dinners i attended and ate until i could have busted !!!  my families holiday cooking i hadn't tasted at thanksgiving in the last 5 years and i just went...HOG wild at the dinner table. i also took advantage to eating ny pizza, yummy wings, and a one of a kind fish fry !!! 

 i just spent a week in food heaven which i thought for sure would land me in weight scale hell but the gain wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.

i actually decided a head of time what i was gonna eat that i wanted really bad that i couldn't have in NC and then ate around the bad stuff w/ good stuff and nothing extra that was bad. like i ate those yummy wings and pizza for dinner but i only ate egg whites for breakfast and then had 2 small apples for lunch w/ a small salad and fat free dressing AND THEN came the JUNK!! 

i also stayed active on my feet as much as possible. a family reunion/b-day celebration brought about a dancing workout that made muscles ache that hadn't yelled "uncle!!!!!!" in a very long time. over all i feel like i'm doing pretty good but am not beating my self up either for not being more restrictive over my holiday indulgence. i'm gonna keep on chucking... b/c next year will bring the same battle w/ the holidays...=)

The 1st. week Back!

The first week back wasn't as easy as i had thought it would be. I didn't realize how far I had allowed myself to go w/ eating what I and wanted and how much! 

So by Thursday it was a little better. Also, finding time to exercise as much as I want to has been difficult. It just seems like I have to do something or complete it NOW and it never fails my stress level is up aswell as my emotions running wild but my mind is always on where I can add a few extra steps some where in my day.

I went for my yearly check-up at the dr. yesterday. I may have some thyroid issues. hardening or calcification of the thyroid. has anyone ever heard of that? i've heard of hypo and hyper thyroid but thats a new one for me.

All in all it was a good week. Any amount lost is a blessing and I am thankful for it.

The Plan !! WW flex Points, Here I Come!

Well Monday November 6, 2006 will be the offical start date.

I plan on using the weight watchers flex point system. I used that before and it was an easy plan for me to use and helps me to be accountable for the choices I choose to eat over the course of a day. Just from being on this plan before it has left its mark as far as a new eating habit and choices. I feel the reason I didn't gain back more than I have is b/c of the changes WW has previously made in my life. I also feel the resent wt. gain is partly my eating (portion size-even too much of a good thing isn't good in the end) but mostly my inactivity. So are are some guidelines i have made up for myself. They are personal things I do to help me be accountable for my actions. I love to record things so thats another reason why WW has worked well for me.

Guidelines:

1. Follow the WW flex point plan.
2. Record my weight every morning.
3. Record my steps every day.
4. Exercise at least 3-4 times a week w/ a goal of 4-5 times.
5. Drink at least 64 oz. of water in addition to other fluids.
6. Record here on my blog.

The above rules may change or be modified along the way. I will need to plan out how I'm going to eat and exercise. So I still have a to-do list.

The To do List

• Set up a flex point meal plans. This will be thing that I can eat as meals or snacks on index cards telling me point value.
• Construct a Total Body exercise plan. Things I enjoy doing such as Tubo Jams, Elliptical, Treadmill, Out door walking, Hiking, and Weight Training.
• Create a record keep system for the things i want to watch. such as my wt., steps taken everyday, and exercise.
• Create a Positive Quote list. This will help encourage me through rough times.

Again this list may be modified as well but I will keep everything posted.

Give and Take

i have gained...... some muscle and some unwanted weight.  i'm not feeling bad though.  i know the reasons, all my own.  my parents are down for the 2-3 month visit and my mom loves to eat out. i'm proud to say... i have that situation undercontrol 95% of the time but my problem is actually exercising on regular timed session.  i have been still doing my yoga and modified yoga moves (i've been using the book "a yoga guide for idiots") and have become more flexible and relaxed.  i am still playing softball and loving it!! thats where i know the muscle has come from as well as the strength that the yoga gives to me just by moving my own body.  my cloths are baggy!!! i actually need a belt and i have actually purchased a few pairs of new jeans that are tight. this will give me a goal to actually get my hands on and physically gage how i'm doing.  when i take a bath and dry my body, even thought i still have aways to go i can see the curves of muscle in my legs and arms. i can feel under once all sqwishy fat strong hard muscle!! so i'm giving and taking. giving it a 100% and taking my time to really make the life change. i'm not beating myself up for the gain b/c i have already changed so much. especially my mind and choices. once there was a time when it came to food it was a mental battle...to eat or not to eat. now i eat w/out really thinking about the choice i am making. i eat healthy. sometimes not perfect but most of the time i eat only what i want in a portion size that isn't out of control and if i want to eat something full of cals. i do and  most of the time i eat enough that it fufills me and leave more than half on my plate. i'm doing good...=)  and i'm  proud. as the weather gets colder here the less i can spend out side so i will start blogging again and checking in on some of my old friends and look forward to meeting some new friends too!  =) 

the best advise i can offer :  Never Give Up!!!!  w/ each new day there is a New Start and eventually that new start is a new journey and then a new way of life and how you will love.....NOW LIVE IT!!!....=)

Gone but I haven't Forgotten!!

I have not posted in a while but its not b/c i have given up, i have been keeping myself busy w/ positive movement!!! 

i have been maintaining or - two pounds here and there but my body is changing. my waist line, my arms, my legs, and my inner desire to be "strong" !! has had a total makeover.

softball is going great!! i am considered one of the "strong" players and hitters...yes, me!!  i could have believed that back in the old days but here i am!!  =)   Taaa-Daaa!!!   look out...number 13 in up to bat!!!...lol

my little guy is busy w/ soccer and my husband is the assistant coach. that is an awesome experience for the whole family...=)

i had a lot of problems w/ my quads in my left leg and just this past thursday i ran w/ out pain!!     thank you YOGA!!

i just wanted to keep everyone posted...althought i am living life like i'm training for a race i am not racing...i am living each day one day at a time.... one meal at a time..... and i'm winning!!! =)  i am in this for the long haul....life change not just another timed body change....=)

Braking an old addiction!

loooong time no blog!   well here is where i have been...=)

still going strong doing my yoga. still just three basic moves and centered breathing. boy has this alone done wonders for me and my "spine".

the batteries in the scale began to die and i still weighed my self a bunch of times. old habits are hard to break! but i have not replaced them and have not weighed myself for more than a week now. i'm hoping this addictive behavior has stopped. but i'm not ready to replace the batteries yet.

i have been keeping very busy. my little guy started kindergaten last monday and my oldest came back from her summer long new york visit to start college this coming monday and i've been trying to support my oldest son starting his first year of college in new york w/ 650 miles between us the best that i can....eeeks! emotion after emotion but too busy to comfort myself in a bath of junk food.

i am also proud to say....drum roll please.....=)  i have joined a softball team!!! i have not played since 99' and i'm probably a good 30-35 pounds heavier. our first game is this coming tuesday. my first practice was this past thursday and let me tell you.... i did great hitting the ball...making it to first base...then second...then as i approcehed third...my legs said "HELL NO!! LADY" and i belly flopped right there for everyone to see...lol  our third base coach, a small 4 foot nothing woman tried to reach out and catch me...it was slow motion and i started laughing and yelled you'll get sqwished!!! just let me go... lol we laughed and she helped me to my knees and before i knew it i was on the run again toward home plate. thank God its co-ed and i guy hit a good one. i hit 2 more times and both times remained in play. when i wasn't hitting i was catcher... my legs are KILLING!!! me!!! all i can say is "SQWATS" its just my upper legs.."every where" and it has to been from sqwating and jumping up. i'm feeling better today but geez... nothing replaces a good hour of game sports. i also turned 38 on the 13th of august and decided on my drive home that been 38 and over weight sucks!!..lol so its the kick in the butt i needed to get moving again...=) 

i will up date as soon as i can. i highly reccommend yoga!! in any form...modified...when i was on second the first time..i was breathing hard...heaving...and i remembered to focus on the light w/in...its a deep experience than just breathing in and out deeply. its more controlled and i recovered really fast....talk to you soon!! =)

sorry about any spelling & other errors...i'm just gonna submit and get my little guy in the tub...night night! 

Thanks to Everyone!!

thank you to everyone who commented. i never thought yoga could be so rewarding "inside" as well as the outside.

things have been going good w/ getting back on eating healthy once i stopped using the heat as an excuse to eat a little junk here and there and nothing else.

my poor daughter...=(  my heart is just in tears over her new dilemma w/ her father. i for a long time have not allowed him to use me as an emotional punching bag as he once did emotionall and physically. he has now the past 2 months while arriel has been visiting ny every now and then flipped out on her. hes crazy! and when she gives it right back right down to the dirty mouth he flips out even more thats shes being disrespectful and questions the truckers mouth. well she learned it at the source...the man himself. i use to worry but she doesn't use that verbage anywhere else in her life. i know how she feels. to spoon feed him right back what he just fed you sometimes feels like your only defence. of course, he then starts burning up my phone line talking crap but he only does it a few times b/c he knows the next person maybe my husband picking up that phone and hes afraid of another man...then its all about he'll call the police for harassment or assult but he thinks he can abuse any woman he wants too. well maybe his girlfrend but not me or his daughter. i think this is finally it. arriel has finally had enough and the man being her father doesn't give him a free card to flip out on her when things aren't going right in his life. to be honest i am thrilled!!! i worry so much about that unhealthy relationship. and yes for those of you who know this story my 18 year old son is living w/ him still "but" usually minds his ground but mikey is every upset w/ the verbal abuse his sister has gone through here lately. our talk today kinda shocked me when my son said, " dad really talked to you that way too all those years?" i wanted to say HELLO!! but he was just a small boy when all that went on and i guess he really didn't know. now i worry for him but he doesn't have to stay w/ hhis father if he doesn't want too. my parents still live up there and have aleady told him he has a home to come to and still be able to attend the college hes worked so hard to get into. at least i don't have to worry anymore about my ex poisioning my sons mind. mikey is nothing like his father either, thank God!!

whooo, i love this place...just get my worries out there and let them free. no more drownding them in a pan of brownies which by the way is out in the kitchen walnut and peanutbutter chip. but here is my comfort not the food. and even yoga has brought the release of tention in the few moves i am only doing for right now.

when i stated above about being healthy mind, body, and soul.... yoga i see now is gonna be that major part that has been missing from my life. GO YOGA!!!  ...lol  =) 

Yoga Question?

hey everyone!!   the scale said i was down a pound, i'm sure its all due to the heat.

i have been doing a few yoga positions that is for streching the back and i do notice a difference already.  heres my question....

i get in the position and i consentrate on my breathing (that really makes me feel awesome) then all of a sudden i series of cracking runs up or down my spine depending on the position i'm in. does this happen to anyone else? for those of you who see a yoga instructor has that ever been mentioned?

it doesn't hurt. it actual feels good and i sleep so much better. my concern is the way i am shaped and my belly is what pulled the disc and it ruptured a little over a year ago. i wonder is my belly fat is also whats making that happen and down the road i'll pay for it. my husband heard it last night and asked if i was ok and need any help. i didn't its just a noise. i don't push myself only to where i'm comfortable and it seems i get relaxed and pop, snap, crack happens.

well i'm gonna go see a movie...maybe a scary one or click if its still up...then i'll pick up my little guy and were gonna go school shopping since its tax free weekend here.

have a great day!!

feeling: good/and ready to deal w/ the heat...=)

Too hotttttt here

it is just toooooooo hot to do anything here. heat index has been between 105-110.... i admit it i've been eating "JUNK!" not a whole lot but more than i should.. its too hot to really do anything. our central air is broken...boo hoo  we have been waiting on a part the air guy is gonna try but if it doesn't work then we need a whole new (couple thousand dollars) unit...fun wow...=(  

feeling: hot/bummed

side note: heat or no heat tomorrow will kick off my "4" day weekend!!!!  =)