i've been down here for 4 yrs now NC and although everything is just fine i still miss home...=(  NY tonight has been ruff. we all know i can't commit to a eating plan or diet and i have been going on portion control and my go a head a have a bite just not the whole thing plan. everything has been going pretty good until tonight. i can't sleep and i'm home sick. the only exercise i've been doing is exercising my 2 bite rule but on "everything" and on top of it my stomach is upset i guess b/c its not use to the junk any more. i keep telling my self to remember how this feels and maybe at a later date when i go a 2 bite frenzy i'll be able to control it better. tomorrow will be better i know, but for tonight i long for the cold and snow where my family is.

                        ok now this is weird.... i got on the scale today and it said 233.6!! i got on and off, over and over but that's what it said??? was it rigth??? i went and got a 2 lb weight and sure enough...2.0. so then i held it and got on the scale and it said 235.6 so it was right. BUT HOW!!  i have been driving myself crazy trying to figure out whats right for me and how i will go about it. yes, i've cut portions and the only thing i can think of is that i've been drink my water, not as much as i should and replaced my sweet tea w/ crystal lite. could that make such a difference? i have felt hungry but i more or less have been letting it happen so i know what it feels like and gage the span of time it stays and then goes and when it will return. the other thing is i looked at what i've been eating and most of it is low carb and protein. that's not intentional b/c adkins really makes me sick and now i realize where my afternoon headache has been coming from. so i guess the way i've been eating is kinda adkins but modified to a higher carb consumption. i guess only time will tell and that 233.6 is subject to change but either way i'm gonna keep working at it and w/ some good friends and their support and help i'm gonna figure this thing out and make it work!!......=)

                              now if 3500 cals = one pound of fat, then to lose one pound of fat a week i would have to decrease 3500 cals taken in or burned thru exercise in that weeks time? is this rigth? does anyone know for sure how to figure it out. i found this web site that shows you but i'd like to know how it is really worked out..... ACS :: Calculate Your Daily Calorie Needs

my other question has been about my target heart rate and i found this and thought someone else may be wondering too... ACS :: Target Heart Rate Calculator 

                             i have also made a few changes in my tracker. when i started i entered my initial weight being 236.4 but actually i have been fighting this battle since summer 05' and i did manage to lose weight and maintain it while i've been chancing that diet wagon. so when i talk about losing weight i always refer to that high of 248 minus what ever i lost so i decided to put the 248 as my initial weight vs. the 236.4 b/c i did work hard to lose that 11.6 lbs. and have maintained it since august 05' and i am proud of that b/c i really didn't  try to keep it off so that means that some of my eating habits have changed as well as being a little more active meaning "i made that i did make a healthy life change!!!" so now i just gotta get going and keep on keepin...=)

                       i need to really get this weight off!!!   =) today at work i got asked "again" if i was pregnant!! i had my little guy "4 yrs. ago!!"....lol  but i'm pretty use to it now and feel sorry for their embarrassment after i answer no, but it would be a blessing. i work in health care and see a lot of people each day and some regualr for continuing care and when a senior citizen asks whens the baby due, i just reply soon i hope and rub my tummy...lol  =)  i see these people every 3-6 months if not more!! and some will ask me again, month after month, year after year...lol  i realize my shape does make me look like i am pregnant. but geezz.... lol i can only imagine what they must think when they see me "pregnant" again....=)

                     well things are getting better. i am looking into ww. i wish i could get my hands on a book or have someone explain how many points you get and what determines it. i actually got hungry today and heard my stomach rumble....i thought ...so this is what hunger really feels like..lol  and can you believe it i lived to tell!!

                    my spirits are off the ground i just have to keep them there and set them off on the wind above... the downside...i haven't been keeping my promise to myself to "exercise", my intentions are good and i have walked a little extra but have not gotten on the treadmill but i am after i post. my dishes will just have to wait. i'm gonna take this 30 minutes for me...=)

 

 

                    well i guess i shouldn't be too disappointed that i gained a little. that's just the way the cookie crumbles especially when your eating it!! but anyway it could be worse. i could beat myself up over it or make a ton of excuses way but i'll just drop it and move forward.

                    today was the first day of a new week and my portion control went well and my hunger actually wasn't too bad. i've noticed that when i turn to the clock to see what time it is it will trigger me to think about if i've been hungry and then i'd thinking what could i eat so i don't starve. i now have things at work right at my hands and believe it or not just knowing that its there that feeling goes away and confirms i really wasn't hungry. i've tried to not look at the clock but i have a schd. keep w/ my patients so i subconsciously keep checking. but i think that's progress...=)

                    i am also feeling pretty happy about this journaling business. one of my issues is not keeping up w/ the pack on losing weight. i know, i know...this is my issue and i have tons of support telling me to take baby steps and it will happen, just stick w/ it and i guess a big part of me doesn't want to disappoint and as i said before i want to celebrate. i love fun and dancing around and tooting my own horn. but i have come to realize, i have met some really good people on here that really understand what i'm going through. they have shared their stories and health info. w/ me and i really appreciate that and i feel blessed to have met them. so off i go.....=)

                Well, i spent sometime today w/in myself. i guess soul searching, looking at that person in the mirror and this is what i found.

                 i have not truly committed myself to losing weight at this time. i thought journaling would help me get better motivated. 6 months ago i made peace w/ my mission and that the result would not be swift and i did good until my parents came to visit and for that next 2 months we ate out and i was busy w/ them and eventually neglected exercise or making sure healthy food came first. but i managed to keep off 11 of the 13 i lost so some change in my eating habits had to happened. so here i am wanting to get back on the wagon and start losing weight again. i think my sadness or bad feelings or depression is b/c deep down in my heart i have not committed to what "i" need to do. i love this site and was very excited when i found it. then i started reading other and although inspirational, motivating , and support every where i want what other people have. 3 lbs. gone, 10 pounds. gone, 20 pounds gone....quick and fast.....and i know i have tried that before and when i've done it that way i've gained it right back as soon as i went back to my life outside of dieting. obviously i am on to something here for myself. slow but i lost and maintained most. i know that's the best way to go for me but i want to record a lost every week and celebrate. how can i change this way of thinking. i have to just keep working at it. i guess admitting the truth here is a positive. and i have to keep saying to myself its better to be in the game (trying to lose) than on the sideline (trying to die) and eventually when the work has been put in and the reward will he shown and i can retire from this game, the battle of bulge.

               i may change my plan here and there but basically i know what i have to do like it or not. starting tomorrow i will be working hard on 2 mini-goals....to drink "WATER" and to "EXERCISE". i know the exercise will help w/ my low feeling. i know that exercise will help release chemicals in my brain that fights against depression and the more i do the better i will feel. and i just need to drink water period! i always drink flavored drinks and my body need that brake. so here i go again!

hey everyone!

i guess i'm doing ok. i really haven't been feeling well but i'm not sure if its a bug or just not being happy w/ myself. i have cut back on eating like i said i would but "i'm eating junk!!" its in my mouth chewed and swallowed before i realize..."DON'Teat that!!" then i've got the taste and an emotional battle begins in my head...and i always end up eating just a little more. why do i do that!! i feel and sound so weak! i am so strong every where else in my life except for this area...FOOD! Monday is my weigh in and i can't bare to see a gain but yet i don't stop myself from making the wrong choices when it comes to food and i'm not being consistent w/ exercise. instead of feeling gun-ho i just can't get excited like i have before about losing weight and feeling better. could i be depressed? is this what its like? i feel happy around my family and friends and stuff but inside where people can't see i feel so down. has anyone out there had bout w/ depression? does it sound like i am?

          Thank you, Thank you, to everyone for your comments and encouragement! I have really needed them and it feels great to have such a wonderful support system in place.

 

           This isn't going as easy as before. Unhappily I am trying to keep w/in the limits i have set for my self. My mind constantly thinking about food and the next meal/snack time. Every little tummy rumble I worry "oh no...I'm hungry"  I've been kinda grumpy but I've kept it contained internally. I was so motivated 6 months ago. This feels like such punishment!....whine whine...whine! now w/ all that whining over w/!!!!

 

            So, tomorrow is a new day and another day has passed and I survived!! I honestly don't think mu body knows what its like to be hungry b/c I've spoiled it so. Today was a co-workers birthday and the office went out to Ruby Tuesdays. I ordered what I wanted b/c I was starving but I added a side of steamed broccoli and that's what I ate first. I just didn't feel like a salad so i figured it was a nice trade off. Then I only ate 3 of my 6 chicken tenders and a couple bits of the mashed potatos I got instead of french fries. It was weird, I actually brought a to go box w/ half of what I "didn't" eat!!!....this never...ever happens...i've always cleaned my plate and although my co-workers are not slim and trim either they noticed and just gave me a smile of encouragement which I welcomed verses the conversation of diets and worries of failure.

 

               What I'm doing...Some asked about high protein/Low carb?....Well, what I'm trying to do is exactly what I did today at lunch. Live a normal life. Eat what I love and w/ who I love but know my limits. Know what "my" portion size is and when my stomach is getting full and teach myself that I can bring what I love home for later or the next day and enjoy it again verses eating it all feeling stuffed, unhappy, and going through the mental beating I give myself for be so out of control and then go and do it all over again the next day. I have been on diets. I've won and I've lost but I really want to walk off this playing field and live a regular life. I feel like this is the best way for me to go about this.

                  THE RULES:             1. watch my portions

                                                       2. at least 64 oz. of water daily

                                                       3. 3 meals and 3 snacks

                                                       4. last snack of the evening 

                                                             before 7:30 pm.            

                                                       5. no eating after 8pm.

                                                       6. walk at least 30 mins. 5 days

                                                             a week.  

                                                       7. cardio at least 3 times a week

 

(the exercise other than walking is a work in progress. i need to look further into that but i will doing my walking)

               

                    What the diet might look like: calories a day to range between 1500-1200.

                     morning: opti-slim fast shake

                     mid morning: snack

                     lunch: a salad w/ low cal dressing is a

                                  must & a portion controlled meal.

                     mid afternoon: snack

                     dinner: a salad w/ low cal dressing is a

                                   must & a portion controlled meal.

 

                     evening snack: between 7-8pm snack if needed.

(a snack might be fruit, veggie, sugar free jello, rice cake, v8 sm can drink, anything between 75-100 cals.) each days intake will effect the choice of snack cals. i don't plan on count cals but have a general idea.

 

                   well, this is my plan and i started today and so far seems like i'm gonna be ok. i need to learn how to eat w/ the food i love and temptations around me so i can co-live w/ my demons and lose weight. i'm not running a race, i'm in-route to a healthier life style and its gonna take time. time is what i have but if i don't do something to lose this weight then my time is running out!

     hey everyone! i have struggled w/ committing to a eating plan all weekend. i have done, tried, and considered so many from adkins to gastric bypass.
      with adkins its a hard diet for me to get started on. i have always felt so sick in the starting phase and the bad head aches similar to migraines would always make me go off the diet and attempt after attempt only left me successful once w/ a total of 34 lbs. lost.
       medifast, an all liquid expensive diet. my ex-husband invested in that for me. at the time i was a 13/14 and he called me fat. what i would have give to be that now...lol. that was a miserable punishing diet, at first it was ok but i was hungry all the time (hmmm..maybe i have been starved and thats why i worry so now about becoming hungry) and eventually when my ex wasn't around i'd sneak and eat. when i served the kids their meals i'd take a few spoon fulls before bring the plate to the table. i might have lost 10 lbs. at the most and heard years after about that failure from my ex.
        phentermine, has been the most successful in losing about 10 lbs. a month and keeping it off but its been years since i used it. the dr. i had to go see was a little old man and a major pervert the required a breast exam every month to refill the RX and eventually i just couldn't stand it anymore and stopped going. it was a terrible degrading feeling. its amazing what you'll subject your self to when trying to lose weight.
         i've considered adkins again, south beach, dr. phils solution (he actually has good advise for emotional eaters like me), lap band, and gastric bypass.
         gastric bypass, the dr. i work for had it done last august. she weighed 348 lbs. and has lost a total of 167 lbs. at first i wanted that easy fix. to hear her tell the story it was a piece of cake but actually i watched her struggle w/ the need to comfort her emotions and not being able to eat and eventually started smoking. then she moved along doing well but she traded one evil for another. her pre-health was poor w/ diabetes, high blood pressure, joint pain, fatigue,...etc w/ a list from being obese. post. surg. she no longer had diabetes and resently took her self off her high blood pressure meds. which i don't think is a good idea on her own. she seems to have more energy but her eating habits are still poor and is most important than ever. she's suppose to be putting protein first and drinking water. see a dr. regularly b/c B12 vitamin is usually harder to absorb w/ the bypass as well as calcium. too often i see her choose wine over food and toosie rolls over protein. although she has done great i just worry for the long term effect of not doing like shes suppose to be so that is what has changed my mind that i don't need a quick fix i need to learn to eat right and exercise.
        as far as the other diets i mentioned above i just feel like i need to learn to eat right so that i can sit down w/ family and friends and "be normal" at the dinner table and enjoy what i love....good food and laughter. i may try the appetite suppressant in the beginning for maybe three months or less to help with my hungry worry and get my stomach use to smaller portions and then whine myself off and get out on my own. i'll have the full plan tomorrow, monday my deadline for the plan and my weigh in.

              i know i need to be working toward my deadline of how i'm going to loss this weight through diet and exercise. i think about it constantly but have not committed to anything as of yet and Monday is 2 days away. as i said before its like i'm afraid to be hungry or deprived the privilege of eating what i think i might deserve. so that's my big problem, i'm an emotional eater and i guess i'm afraid that a major crisis will happen and i will be w/out the means i'm use to having to cope with it. i know i have to stop telling myself that i "deserve" to eat something high in calorie or unhealthy. what i deserve is to be healthy and live a long life for my children and myself. i realize that food intake and exercise is a very important part to weight loss but after analyzing myself and the way i think i know in my heart and soul if i don't get my mind straight w/ why i'm eating i won't keep any weight that i lose off and i'm working toward a life change not a quick fix like before when all my hard work was regained and w/ a vengeance!!!  

             On a good note my 17 yr old son just got his acceptance letter to the University at Buffalo for civil engineering!!! now that's two in college. my 20 yr old has been working toward her BA in psychology where she plans on going into med. school or law. and my 4 yr old is working on getting ready for kindergarten this coming school year... i am so blessed!! and i owe my children to enjoy w/ them the great accomplishments and milestones to come in the future. i need to do this! i need to change my life!!