i appreciate any help in getting healthier food into my diet. i do love steamed broccoli w/out cheese amazingly...=) i've had grilled red onions which i do love but did not even taste the other veggies just picked out what i know and loved. i have also tasted a few steamed veggie mixes that were awesome but they were doctored up w/ herbs and the mixes confirmed why i didn't eat anything other than white potatos and corn. i just don't know how to really use herbs/spices in cooking. i would love to learn that or get a book that explain which herb enhances what foods. i am a creature of habit. that's why i am where i am in my wt. struggle. if i like it and it tastes great then heck! why eat anything else. i can get on a kick of eating something and eat it weeks straight at a time. my size doesn't show how pickie i can be. i really like chili but not the chunky tomatos (but i love sauce) and i don't like beans so when i make chili i make it normal b/c everyone else in my family are "normal" eaters but it takes me foreverrrrrrr to eat b/c i'm picking through and around the chunks of tomatos and beans. i bet your wondering if my kids eat veggies. well i'd make them the best way i knew how and they ate them. and i serve me a plate full too and as we sat at the table me w/ a napkin in lap would slide them off into the napkin when they weren't looking...yes its true!! and now i'm doing the same thing w/ my 4 yr. old he thinks i eat my veggies just like he does. what a terrible secret =) ....lol yeah, i know....i need help... i'm trying...=)
soooo that leads me into what i'm making for dinner tonight that i can't wait until it gets done and big example of no one ever teaching me how to cook!!! my oldest sister is awesome but she was taught by a lady she baby sat for my middle sister is a make it out of a box girl and my mom has always fried everything but still has her own style that tastes good like i do.
meatloaf and this is how i make it...
1.5 lbs of ground round hamburger
2 eggs
dried white onions
salt/pepper
1/2 cup tomato soup (in meat mix, rest watered dwn. pour over last 15 mins of cooking)
1 box of chicken favored stove top stuffing.
that's right stove top!! mix it all together and BAM! i'm sure full of extra calories but my kids and family love it...and its one of my favs. i add a little sugar to the tomato soup before pouring it over the loaf to counter the bitterness of the soup taste. then mashed or baked potatos and yes you guessed it...and don't scream...corn w/ a little sugar and butter added. but if i have corn on the cob i steam it in its husks and that alone makes it yummy so i can do right by my food. really.......=) what can i say, i was a young working mother/std. w/ a demanding - controlling first husband who wanted his dinner on the table and i took every short cut i could find so i would find my self in trouble w/ him and had to be creative w/ my own creations. well.... what do you think? is there hope for me? =)
today has been a strange day. i weighed in...229.4!!!! can't believe i broke the 230 mark. i have been close but never below. anyway...i was kinda hungry today...yeah i know no crime but this was a first for how i began to feel.
i have been hungry before after i started having some success w/ losing, my stomach even grumbled a little and i played the game of watching and waiting to see if i'd die from being hungry...lol but today was weird, i felt hungry but not that hungry more so like i wanted to munch on something and it was so annoying!! i'd rather have my stomach banging away like a drum. i think i faced boardum inducted hunger. at lunch i even got a bigger salad but when i began to eat it i barely ate half and have some for tomorrows lunch so i wasn't as hungry as i perceived to be and yet that nagging feeling of wanting to eat hung over me all day. so i gave into a tall skinny glass filled w/ ice to the top and some regular pepsi. i feel pretty good but i'm home and always have tons to keep me busy. we'll see what happens when i settle down for before bed tonight. i can't believe i am as old as i am and as much as i thought i knew me and my body i never really listened or understood whats going on. i'll just have to cont. working w/ myself...ok me...hop on the couch and tell me all about it and how are we gonna handle it...lol =)
i love the tv show the biggest loser and just recently bought the book. the diet in there doesn't seem to be too bad as far as a diet i think i might be able to follow. yes, i want to be healthy and yes i wanna look good and yes i wanna live a strong health long life...well yes, i'm losing, and yes, i'm still eating what i like just not as much but really am i being healthy? no, not really. i do need to learn to eat healthier. my whole life a vegetable that i eat and only eat is a white potato and corn. starch and starch. i have been know to eat mashed potatos and potato salad. i don't like other veggies. i tolerate green beans drowning in butter sauce. i'm just a mess really. but i think i might try some of the suggestions in the book about trying a new fruit and veggie a week. all i can do is try. i have always been a poor choice eater. when i was little my mother made dinner for the family but i was spoiled and pickie so for all my youth i ate home made french fries. i was spoiled then and i have always spoiled myself when it comes to food. fruit likes consist of apple, limited orange, pineapple, limited banana, strawberries, and melons. i guess the fruit thing isn't too bad. well if anyone has any suggestions i'm all ears...=)
i'm doing it!! i got on the scale this morning and it said 230.8!! i can feel it.....220's here i come!! i know some say that you shouldn't weigh your self every day, don't let it become an obsession and i haven't. for me its something i do as a daily guild. i guess kinda like mini goals. if i weigh in and i've lost a little i am thrilled, if it says the same i am still happy b/c i didn't gain, and if it does say i gained then i know i have and that i have to look at what i ate the day before and what i'll do better at today. but Monday is suppose to be my official weight recording day.
i decided a little while back that if i had a lose i was going to record it mainly b/c theres something about the graph that really motivates me. i know the journey i'm on will rise and fall along the way and as i'm learning control and discipline i am learning how to better deal w/ disappointment by not turning to food and looking to other comfort resources such as journaling. not just here but in a book i carry w/ me to work and have on hand at home. i have done this when i was going through my divorce and started a note book diet stats and journal when i started trying to lose this weight last summer. most people tell me, "every time i see you your always smiling" and this is true...good times bad times the outside never told the true stories, that the fat didn't mean happy and content. inside, my eating, sleepless nights, and plump apple shaped body really told the story. so in addition to venting and celebrating in my personal journal as well as here i think i'm growing in abilities instead of size...lol i have also tried to exercise when i'm frustrated or angry but that doesn't give me the finality of leaving it on the pages when i close the cover.
well see you tomorrow for the official weight recording...=) hope everyone is having a great weekend! =)
i just had to comment again!!! i can really see how my life is changing since i started journaling here. when i created my page i entered these things at the titles:
Too young to feel so old!
My weight loss journey from obesity back to health.
i remember i wanted what everyone else was experiencing here w/ weight loss from fast to slow results. my mind frame was so different just a few short weeks ago. i was feeling so old, tired, unattractive, and withdrawn from my life. what i thought i was doing was jounaling and hopefully getting and giving support i needed to receive and give back. but what i didn't expect was the battle w/ in me that ignited but had been raging for years!! i thought i knew me completely and how to get where i needed to go just by making the commitment to eat less and exercise. it was true i knew me enough to know a full out n' out restrictive food diet would only = failure as it had so many times before. it seems when that one day i soul searched and really examined what was eating my inside that made me eat the way i was on the outside was i only able to start to lose weight.
before when i started this journey from 248 i was scared into that w/ my liver having high enzyme levels meaning fatty liver disease and boarder line type II diabetes or what the dr. said "pre-diabetic" which she said we'd check in a year which didn't worry me too much. but my liver w/ fat running through it like an alcoholic disgusted me!! so i lost some weight and my next test were normal and then i blame my parents 2 month visit of knocking me off the wagon. the truth is....i wasn't worried any more. but i did maintain. that was a major success b/c i hadn't watched anything i was eating or exercising.
i now go to the home page here everyday and read the most resent posts. then to my friends pages. sometimes i comment and hopefully and helping but mostly it energizes me. and i walk away w/ something else to think about besides me and my battle. then later i look at me and what am i doing and who i am and what i need.
my goals have changed. i wanted to lose weight and be healthy. but that defined means the body i had as a teen, before i got pregnant at 16 and delivered a 17. and to eat healthy like on fit tv. but honestly that will never happen so i am already beat!! those are unrealistic goals. i am 37 and have been over weight since 17 yrs old when my being over weight started. i have abused my body w/ food for all these years and its never gonna be what i want it to be. i need to work toward being healthy and accepting i will eat healthier and make better food choices but i will always be who i have been for the last 37 years. someone who likes to eat junk. i just have to limit it and learn to live w/ it and be in control of it instead of it controlling me! for i have to get my mind straight on how i'm gonna change and then the rest just seems to follow. for me it is mind over food b/c i have to learn the control of eating b/c i know i can never cut all the junk i love totally out of my life. and that's what i tried to do all my diet life and i'd lose then i'd get to feeling good and go off the diet and bam!! here comes the pounds and i'd watch the scale rise 2, 3, 5..i have to do something...7,10, 15, 20, 10 , 15 more in addition!!! b/c i couldn't gain control.
so what i've been trying to say is typing it out here, reading successes and struggles here have made me really look deep inside and i'm feeling so good that for the first time in my life i do have a chance to be healthy and will not suffer from loss of any foods that i like. i know the battle is forever. i once referred to it as a game i look forward to retiring from but its not that easy. i need to continue to feed myself w/ inspiration and educating myself on how my body works.
i really do hope my struggle will help someone else out there who can't commit to a true "diet plan" that they'll be able to live w/ for the rest of their life and know they are not the only one like i did, and realize that maybe something else is the problem and not just the food and commitment like i thought my problem was when actually it was me and my self control as a whole. I am a Work in Progress!!! and i will never forget about working on me again....=)
i am dancing the "belly" dance!!!! i weighed in today at "231.4" !!!!!!!!!!!! i have not been below 232 in 4 years!! this confirms i'm on my way.
i even ate the night before last 4 oreo cookies and 1/2 glass of milk and last night about 2 hand full of lays classic potato chips and 1/2 a can of pepsi. i didn't go over board and i didn't feel cheated or guilty after i ate those things. i had control of me! and slowly for the first time i am gaining more and more control w/ out the mental battle and agreement contract that usually has to go on in my head about if i'm gonna eat it and how much will it be. i really feel like i am making life changes here. changes that eventually will be my life and not food portion restriction. i am feeling so proud of me!! now if i can increase my movement/exercise and keep myself hydrated. another biggie is sleep. i need to keep making sure i go to bed at a good time so i get at least 7-8 hours of sleep. i read in someones blog that their dr. told them to make sure they were getting enough sleep b/c that would effect their wt. loss b/c the body needed that resting time to do what it had to do. this makes so much sense to me. our bodies repair and grow when we sleep so why wouldn't it brake down the fat cells while we were sleeping too. ever since then i have been mindful of that and i actually started losing so there must be some truth there. i think what i'm gonna do when i can't sleep or have too much on my mind to lay there and close my eyes is get up and instead of semi watching tv and either enter zombie mode or cont. to worry about things i can't change or hurry in my life i am going to make myself either clean and organize or walk on the treadmill or the elliptical so i can be positive productive if i'm gonna starve my body for sleep then i will get another benefit of exercise and maybe tire myself where i get a really good nights sleep!!
i hope everyone is doing great and thanks to everyone who comments, it really encourages me to keep w/ it and i hope i can inspire someone the same way! =) have a great saturday!!! i feel so GOOD i think i need to change my title b/c i don't feel so old anymore!!!!
as i sit in my car waiting my turn in the wendys drive-thru i was faced w/ a challenge....we all know me and my struggle w/ food and that God awful fear of being hungry, God forbid...anyway i think i'm finally making progress w/ myself...lol ok so i'm sitting there and i had already agreed w/ myself i wasn't that hungry and there for i was going to "just" get a side salad. so as i get closer to my turn to order this dilemma sparks in my mind...maybe i should get a bacon classic jr. too...i don't wanna be "hungry"...no no i'm here for a salad....but what if its not enough and i get "hungry" later...now i'm driving up to order and i do so...i'd like a ceaser side salad please...the voice asks would you like anything else and that little voice was screaming, seriously it was like patting your head w/ one hand and rubbing your tummy w/ the other...2 things going on and its hard talk...but i said that's it...thank you!!!!!!!! i am sooooo proud of myself. 37 years old and finally i actually exercised some control today w/ my eating habits!!!! i am now just starting to get a little hungry and it would be easy to go grab some junk or quick fix but i am still in control and it feels soooo darn good!! =)
well every little bit counts...=) my usual weigh day is Monday but i got on the scale and i was down a little bit (0.6). i went an head and recorded it like i did once before b/c i fell like knowing that i log it in on my blog helps keep me on the straight and narrow. i don't know what it is but i love to look at everyones graph and especially mine now that its showing a downward slope. to date w/ my initial weight loss it 15.6 lbs. and 4.0 lbs. since i started journaling on here and actually making a serious effort.
i feel good. i feel like i am getting some where. i feel like i am taking control. i do still think about food all the time but not whens the next meal or what will i eat or worry i might get hungry..."God forbid i get hungry"...=) i look around and watch other people and wonder what motivates them. do they have to work at being at an attractive healthy weight or is it God given. i think about how i worried to starve at lunch so many times before and try to figure out why?? how did i get to this place over and over again through out my life. i'm not sure if this is a help for me in the long run or just a helpful distraction from obsessing over food. what ever it is its helping me mentally. all this conversation in my head...lol as long as i don't start talking to myself and counseling myself back...lol
there are still a few things i still need to work on. the first is drinking more water and the second is being consistent w/ exercise. i must...i must no ifs ands or buts!!!
Well i made it through the weekend and being home sick. i weighed today and its 233.0 even! every little bit counts. my monthly is two days late and that worried me b/c as much as my husband and i would love another one i am much older than when we started. so i took a test and it was a negative. a bitter sweet. if i were i would have worried about my weight and our health. i thought back when i was 33 and pregnant w/ my youngest i was very healthy but time old the story as i had complete placenta previa which might not have been b/c i was over weight but i was tired and i wished i would have exercised before so i could during my pregnancy. i thought about being pregnant at 16 a baby by 17 a second by 19 then a new family at 33 and now 37 .... and for the first time i felt selfish and now i feel guilty i felt that way...i thought i thought i would be almost 60 before the youngest was well on their own...how selfish is that!!! but when the test came up negative i felt even worse, no wonder...=( my love my children and i love being a mom. if you asked me what i'm best at i'd say being a mom. it truly is what i love in my life from birth on into adulthood as my oldest is 20 and in college and my second oldest heading into college this fall...its hard to let them fly but watching them sore is awesome. i hang on tight to my little guy he is so much company for me and keeps me laughing all day long. God has blessed me and i'm sure if it were a positive those selfish feelings would have vanished b/c i know what a miracle and gift having a child is. its in God's hands, i'm getting older and that's a concern but i know God knows best for us, for me and my family. maybe when i lose weight and get stronger and maybe not at all...i'll just have to look forward to grand kids someday then i can spoil them and send them home....he he...=)
t oday was better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be even better. we went and saw "8 below" today and of course anything w/ kids and dogs i cry. wonder if that counted toward any water weight...lol =) anyway the movie was really good, a little slow for my 4 yr old but he had lots of questions which is good. i love chatting w/ him he is such a great kid! =) any way i had a few bites of that yummy movie pop corn but that was it. i surprised my self and gave myself a pat on the back. my husband is a great guy but in the weight dept. he is such an enabler!! i guess he just feels its better to play it safe and stay out of trouble when i bring up my weight issues. but it doesn't help when he starts telling me i need to eat more and i need to do it right and how i should exercise. he was a high school wrestling champ so at 32 he thinks he can direct this fat 37 yr old on proper exercise to be "healthy"...kinda makes me laugh now but in the past it would make me crazy! he watches my favorite show w/ me the "biggest loser" and i felt like he watched just to spend some time w/ me but w/ the last season he was matt's biggest fan and #1 supporter...i guess i was too...he he ...=) so we are looking forward to keeping up w/ that. i am blessed i don't have a critical husband in my life. my mom can get on me but my dad gets after her and then he'll get on me...=) crazy.... i'm blessed to have them there to tell me a "thing or two"...lol
