02/19/2006 16:20
Mirror, Mirror Tell this Fat Girl...
Well, i spent sometime today w/in myself. i guess soul searching, looking at that person in the mirror and this is what i found.
i have not truly committed myself to losing weight at this time. i thought journaling would help me get better motivated. 6 months ago i made peace w/ my mission and that the result would not be swift and i did good until my parents came to visit and for that next 2 months we ate out and i was busy w/ them and eventually neglected exercise or making sure healthy food came first. but i managed to keep off 11 of the 13 i lost so some change in my eating habits had to happened. so here i am wanting to get back on the wagon and start losing weight again. i think my sadness or bad feelings or depression is b/c deep down in my heart i have not committed to what "i" need to do. i love this site and was very excited when i found it. then i started reading other and although inspirational, motivating , and support every where i want what other people have. 3 lbs. gone, 10 pounds. gone, 20 pounds gone....quick and fast.....and i know i have tried that before and when i've done it that way i've gained it right back as soon as i went back to my life outside of dieting. obviously i am on to something here for myself. slow but i lost and maintained most. i know that's the best way to go for me but i want to record a lost every week and celebrate. how can i change this way of thinking. i have to just keep working at it. i guess admitting the truth here is a positive. and i have to keep saying to myself its better to be in the game (trying to lose) than on the sideline (trying to die) and eventually when the work has been put in and the reward will he shown and i can retire from this game, the battle of bulge.
i may change my plan here and there but basically i know what i have to do like it or not. starting tomorrow i will be working hard on 2 mini-goals....to drink "WATER" and to "EXERCISE". i know the exercise will help w/ my low feeling. i know that exercise will help release chemicals in my brain that fights against depression and the more i do the better i will feel. and i just need to drink water period! i always drink flavored drinks and my body need that brake. so here i go again!