07/10/2006 01:18
Time to Stop Whining!
talk about a work out!! i just wanted to walk and see the picnic shelters. a nice short walk maybe .25 of a mile. well it turned into an all out hike. i did it for my son who ran the whole way. we laughter and talked about dinosaurs and snakes and bears. the whole time inside i was whining to myself about not wanting to do this...and as we moved down the mountain to the water falls i knew going back up was going to kill me. as it was my husband was a great helping hand but couldn't carry me out of there like i was wishing. all in all it was a great walk and my son's smile is worth more than any other riches and it gave me some time to think when my son and husband left me in the dust or ventured off trail so i could rest a little bit. i really wish i knew what the real reason was for my depression. yeah, i miss new york and family and friends but we visit off and talk all the time on the phone. my being in nc gives them a reason to get away from the busy city life. i couldn't have in ny what i have here in nc and my little guy wouldn't be still such an innocent 4 year old if we were in ny. and as far as my almost 18 year old (his birthday is on July 31st.) and my almost 21 year old (her birthday is December 16th.) theres nothing i can do about them growing up and moving on out on their own...=( i'm just sad and feeling sorry for myself. i am proud they are independent and both college students w/ great futures ahead of them. thank God i've never had any problems really w/ them other than growing pains. always respectful of me and even i'm sure not wanted they listened to my advise and direction w/ out protest. i am blessed w/ great kids....so what the heck am i worried about????!!!!!???? i guess the other billions of people and things that could happen to them. and maybe too... i'm just their mom retired to sit out watching instead of always be such an active part. and i guess that's where i'm being selfish i want what i want...my babies to always be my babies...=( i need to get out of this funk!! i have to focus on the big picture... they will always need me and i have to be ready for when they might...which means i need to be healthy and strong... i need to continue to lose weight and change my life...i need to live for as long as i can b/c i have a little 4 year old who needs that physical mom being in his life... and w/ that being said.... i'm gonna suck it up and even if i don't feel like it i'm gonna have to push myself to feeling better until i don't have to push no more and just do it b/c.....b/c my kids need me, b/c my husband needs me, b/c parents need me, and b/c i need to do this for myself so that i can live a long happy life!
Posted By: Emma Bella
07/10/2006 11:00
good morning
I wish I was there in person to talk to you, because it's hard to really understand what's upsetting you from your posts. Homesickness or missing your children or falling off your diet? When I'm depressed, I often think about wanting to live somewhere else, but I know in my logical mind that I would just take my problems with me if I moved. I think when I feel that way, what I'm really wanting is to feel the way I used to feel when I lived there. I want to go back in time, so to speak.
I think there is more than one kind of depression, the short-term kind that comes from legitimate sadness over an event, like a death. The other kind is harder to get over because it stems from anger turned inward. It comes from being unhappy with yourself and blaming yourself for something. It's often not clear what that thing is. Another version comes from chemical imbalances in the brain. The second kind is the one I have struggled with.
What has helped me has not been drugs, but taking control of my life and making changes. I get depressed when I feel aspects of my life are out of my control, but losing weight and tetting fit have really helped me to soothe those feelings.
I fear that letting your diet go after all the success you've seen will just make you feel more depressed. You'll be angry at yourself for failing and that will just lead you further down the depression rabbit hole.
I don't know if you can "push yourself to feeling better." I recommed doing things that you enjoy and try to focus on the things in your life that are working--like your incredible weight loss! Just because you gained three pounds doesn't mean that part of your life is over. You could get back on plan right this minute and that very act is a positive one that will make you feel better. You'll be taking control of your life.
Also, spend some talking to someone close to you about how you feel. Maybe you can get to the root of why you feel so unhappy with your life when you have so many great things in your life, like your son. Also, please keep blogging. I really think it helps and we're all here to help get your through this rough patch.
07/12/2006 23:38
sob sob!!! pass me the tissues!!! please....
I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE SAD!! IM READING YOUR BLOG AND THE SCREEN IS GETTING ALL BLURRY BECAUSE MY TEARS ARE FILLING UP MY EYES!! OH HONEY...I WISH I HAD SOME MAGICAL WORDS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!! 3 POUNDS IS NOT 30!! YOU CAN HAVE THOSE AND THEN SOME OFF IN A FEW DAYS!! DONT GIVE UP!! IF ANYTHING JUST DONT GIVE UP ON YOU!!! YOU ARE LOVED AND NEEDED!! THATS WHAT GETS ME THROUGH EVERY DAY!! NO MATTER HOW THE KIDS GET THEY WILL ALWAYS NEED ME!!! AND I PLAN ON BEING HERE FOR A LONG TIME!!! YOU ARE THE PRIORITY NOW!! YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU NOW!! YOU DID SUCH AN AWESOME JOB WITH YOUR KIDS THAT THEY ARE DOING GREAT ON THEIR OWN!! NOW DO THAT AWESOME JOB ON YOURSELF TOO!! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT AND SO DO YOU!! LOOK AT YOUR KIDS AND THINK ABOUT HOW WONDERFUL YOU HAVE DONE WITH THEM AND THEN TURN ALL THAT ENERGY ON YOURSELF!! IM HERE IF YOU NEED ME!! EVEN IF I DONT BLOG I CHECK ON EVERYONE AT LEAST ONCE A DAY!!! LOTSA LUV 2 YA!!!
07/20/2006 10:14
How are you?
I was thinking about you today and wondering how you are doing. How are things? We miss you here in Blogland. Post soon!
