i am doing great... but i have noticed a lot of changes occuring w/in and around me. people are really starting to notice the weight loss and i am realizing that i am treated differently slimmer. i get direct eye contact, people want to stay engaged w/ conversion longer w/ me, they dont mind to reach out and touch or hug me upon greetings or departings. this is all so emotional for me. b/c y mind although knows i'm slimmer still doesn't want anyone in it person space and certainly not touching it! and when i think about it, it makes me angry. i am still the same person if anything i have w/drawn a little b/c i don't want to be the center of attention. its really making waves at work w/ my co-workers b/c then they see this all going on and get asked, "so when are you going to have gastric bypass since the doc did it and so did emma?" i see the looks on their faces and it does make me feel bad. i have one person who once was a close friend who has distanced herself from me and has been chating behind my back thanks to another co-worker i am hear exactly what shes saying. her big complaint is i've changed so much, but the one telling said she and the others dont agree that they dont see any personality changes except being a little more involved w/ my job and less chatting time but thats not a bad thing. i will feel like someone is watching me and i'll turn and there will be the neg co-worker looking at me and she has this look on her face... its hard to explain like she hates me for doing something terrible to her but all i do is smile at her or ask her if she needs any help w/ anything or if everything is ok and she'll snap, "i'm fine!!" it does make me mad. it makes me mad that to some people losing weight makes me a better person when i am the same person!!! i see now what the books were saying about psychological issues after surgery. all i know all i can do it continue to be myself and not forget what it was like weighting 248 pounds and how i was treated and how i am treated now and wade through the people who are true of heart and loved me/liked me at 248 or 181 or slimmer! well i hope everyone is getting along good.... =) now i'm off to check on you guys!!
two weeks ago i went to dinner w/ my daughter and saw a movie. i had been feeling stressed w/ life and feeling really homesick.
at dinner i ordered steak, a baked potato, and broccoli. i've ordered this many times before and always taking half home for the next day. but something was different. i really wanted to eat my food. everything smelled so good, looked so good... i wanted to eat it all! every bit and lick the plate. for the first time since my surgery i felt angry i couldn't have it all and didn't care i could enjoy it again tomorrow. i tried to eat it all... keep telling myself i need the protein of the steak and the broccoli was nice and green full of iron and tried hard to get at least half that potato down and then it happened. i got the worse stomach pains and sick feeling. the out come was a blessed trip to the bathroom and the release of what could be compared to a can of pop that was shaken up. who ever said that experience wasn't that bad and wasn't sour is crazy! i will never allow that to happen again.
wow, what demons came to visit at my door. stressing eat hit home once again and proved to win. its been two weeks but i am very aware of my psycological state of mind and making sure i don't relapse to my old ways of dealing w/ it...over eating. so far so good.
i am still losing slow and sure. my body is changing its shape again. my face looks different to me and i feel great full of engery! minus my episode two weeks ago things are still moving right along. i hope everyone else is doing great too!!!!
Yes i'm still alive and kicking!!!.... things are still going awesome!! slow and steady wins the race and that's the God's honest truth! although i have tipped the scale in the last month i am wearing a size 11 which is now getting baggy in the butt and a size medium shirt!!! my once XL-2XL work scrubs have been traded in for medium/smalls!! my co-workers protested my wearing the bigger ones in fear i'd lose my pants one day...lol but my work week is only 4 days and that's what i have 4 days worth of scrubs. i didn't want to buy any more than i have too until i am done for sure.
i had a doctors visit on decemeber 21 where he told me that i was doing an awesome job. i expressed my concern w/ not dropping big numbers still and he explained to me i'm already past my 50% loss mark and that things will slow from here and my body is going to see more changes. he said this was a benefit b/c of the skin issue and looking right now i'm not going to have too much of a concern.
guys this surgery has changed my life!! i haven't been blogging b/c i have been "LIVING" really honest to goodness living. i feel awesome and i feel like i look awesome and i carry that every where i go inside and out!! not having to worry about what the scale said and how i'm gonna lose it has really freed up my life. i knew i was holding back w/ pounds of excuses why not but never really knew the actual prison i built for myself until now. i just thank God for this blessing and i pray that everyone of you find the success and regain their life back to feel as free and as awesome as i do.
if anyone ever needs to talk about having weight loss surgery or just needs some support the easiest way to contract me is at my other e-mail address, HoneyLov13@aol.com in the subject heading put "extrapounds" hope to hear from you and hope your all having an awesome day!!!! =)
i'm sick w/ a cold that my wonderful little guy passed on to me last week but the highlite of this weekend will be.....drum roll please!!!!!
i weighed in at "199" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) i can not express my excitement!!!
my size 14 misses are bagging out in the butt area already. i'm sit an apple shape so my belly is still fitting comfortable in the waste line but it feels great. i am going home to NY for thanksgiving and for the first time in a long time i won't be hiding out from friends (which i didn't realize i had done before until now).
i hope everyone is doing great!! and feeling great like i am even w/ a cold i still feel wonderful! =)
i am so excited!!! =) i have been under the weather w/ a cold but i still feel fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!
i've noticed here lately my portion sizes a getting a little smaller. not b/c i'm trying to cut back or b/c i'm getting too full its more like i just "done" so i've been making sure i at least hit some where between 60-80 grams of protein trying very hard to reach that 80 grams.
its weird how my body still is changing so much. my work scrubs are falling off my body. i have a ton of 2X and 1X warm up scrub jackets and scrub pants in very good condition if anyone might be interested in making an offer for a few or the lot.... i need to raise a little money for smaller clothes...lol or i guess i'll have to try e-bay. you can e-mail me at talk to everyone soon!! and i pray everyone is doing great and happy!! =)
if anyone is interested you can e-mail me at HoneyLov13@aol.com to see pictures of what i have.
i went to walmart to look for a bug making machine for my son. strolling around the store i glanced at the clothes which i hate shopping for but since my WLS i get colder easier so i was just checking things out. i came across some jeans that have the button pockets on the back like my 21 year old daughter wears. i have loved how they looked all comfee and nice. so curiosity got the best of me.... i grabbed a 18 and a 16 "misses" and kinda laughed to myself b/c i was wearing a 16 "womans" which was baggie but fits my apple belly shape comfortable. so off i go to the dreaded dressing room. i dopped my pants and pondered a moment... do i try the 18's or just jump into the 16's and face a tight reality....."go for it".....OMG!!!!!
OMG!!!!! they were too big in the crotch area so i dropped, pulled up my own and off i went in search for the next size down!!!!!
i only brought back a 14 misses....a "14 misses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"....lol (thats a size 22/20 womens to a 14 misses in less that three months!!! my surgery/re-birth was august 28)
they fit great and will last a while longer as i down size b/c its that great jean material. so here i am. i'm changing my hair color and gonna go meet my husband for lunch... God this feels so good. i feel so good about my self....=)
Thank you God for all you have Blessed me w/ and this wonderful out come from WLS which isn't over yet! =) love you guys!!!!
i'm doing good but forever working on getting my protein... its a full time job and usual not much room want for anything else.
i like to have my coffee and i love starbuck's mochas now what i'm gonna tell you isn't even close to that but i tell myself it is and it works....lol
i use the cheap walmart chocolate protein and add a scoop w/ a splenda mocha pack...and wooo-la... 26 grams of protein, 2 carbs... and something that is in the mocha family...lol
the other thing is i found these protein bars at walmart that have 20 grams of protein. peanut butter and a chocolate fudge. both are pretty good. what i do thought which seems to make it taste a little better (its all mental sometimes) is i cut the bar into little chuncks and put them in a snack baggie and so i use it as a snack. so when the baggie is done i have another 20 grams of protein effortlessly. plus, the mental thing. i eat a few mid-morning and then after lunch or dinner as my snack. it meets the need of something sweet.
i still don't get hungry but i get a feeling its weird but its like my body says. "hello" you forgot to feed me again!!! that kinda things but theres no hunger pains or rumbles. and if i were to ignore that feeling it just goes as fast as it comes it doesn't linger then about hours later i might cme back and to my shock i did for get to eat. its the craziest thing....me missing a meal...lol
now that i'm losing it shows. my cloths are baggy and my face has really thinned out. i've noticed men straight out looking at me, checking me out...me!! its weird and kinda uncomfortable b/c its been so long. don't get me wrong men have flirted w/ me but only after they took the time to get past my tick popping shape and got to know me inside. but yeah right there in front of my husband some will even smile and do that head nod thing...huh?? its all weird to me in the fact that i think my being over weight gave my husband marital security. while he was a good husband he did lack in the romance department and i only chalked that up to the years married, work, or lack of time. well let me tell you the man holds my hand, watches my every move... i thinks funny. before when i was on the phone he'd never ask who i was talking to and now he does as well as when i was on the computer he'll come in and sit w/ me or stand behind me to see what i'm doing. i think hes feeling insecure and i did read where this becomes and issue for some men whos wives have gastric bypass but i never thought it would be us. i have never given him a reason before and while he told me i was beautiful i don't think he thought anyone else did which leads to my weird feelings about everything. yeah its funny he'd worry about something he doesn't have too and then i feel kinda disappointed that he has found security in my unhealthiness. i'm not gonna stop feeling good about me and i'm not gonna hide from the world. i've wasted already too many years hiding out b/c i was so over weight. so i'm just gonna keep on keepin on being me. he should be secure in the fact that i love him and we have a great relationship but i don't want a jealous husband i want a proud that she's mine husband. i've tried to bring up the topic but hes not ready to talk about this i think hes kinda shocked too that hes feeling insecure. b/c what does it say about us really if hes insecure and worried....hmmmm that's food for thought. i know i haven't changed any. but what happens when i start buying cloths to fit. how bad is this gonna get w/ him before he'll admit hes acting different? and i plan on having a tummy tuck if i need one and figured to have my breasts touched up too as well. that's a long way off but what then? these are things i choose for myself to make me feel good about me. i've told him my plans and his only concern was for my back problems...i laughed b/c i wasn't looking for watermelons...just get back some of my youthfulness ...lol after 3 kids and w/ the weight loss i didn't realize before how much of my boobs were fat vs. breast tissue. but like i said that's a ways off and maybe the end won't be as bad as i think it might be. its in God's hands and he never leads me wrong! hope everyone is doing great!
i signed on today to find about 15 e-mails from my extrapounds blog???? they were comments going way back before my surgery up to more recent posts.
so i am sorry if i didn't respond to some questions. i hope no one thought i was being a snob. i have never had that happen on here before but i guess when it comes to online networks anything is possible.
so thank you to everyone who has commented on my blog i really appreciate your support!
things are still moving a long. my energy level is through the roof and my desired foods are becoming healthier w/out thought. its like my body is in the driver's seat telling my mind what i need instead of my mind driving and saying lets hit another fast food & high sugar drive through!! seriously its the wildest thing...lol
lately i have been adding a scoop of cheap vanilla supp. from walmart mixed in w/ reg. hot chocolate... talk about yummy....!!!!! and its warm and tastes pretty dog gone good if i say so myself...hehe just be sure to check the carb. count. some of the brands are higher than others. i also use water instead of milk and a little less to make it a little thicker.
ok...i talked myself right into it... i'm off to make me a protein hot chocolate right now!!!...lol
i hope everyone is doing great and has an awesome weekend!!
i just updated my graph today and can't believe how fast its moving...=) i think i'm in shock...lol
i'm doing great, feeling awesome and really enjoying all the energy i have. my work scrubs are already falling off of me... thought that would never happen...=)
i love having the protion control part of me...it takes all the battle out of over eating. i have not over done it once!!! when i feel full i stop. i give it away or box it up... food is finally truly not an issue. especially since i've been blessed w/ the ability to to eat a wide range of different foods but in smaller portions. before if it tasted good i ate it all and it stayed on my mind until the rest of it was eaten by "me".
i truly hope everyone else it doing awsome too! =)
