Just when I thought I was getting better, my stomach decides to start to hurt again. I've been having re-occuring stomach problems off and on for the past couple of years. Sometimes the pain is dull and other times it can be a very sharp pain. It is usually induced by either stress or eating way too much food (like really greasy fried food or too much red meat). This time around it just happened out of nowhere while I was sitting at my desk looking on the Internet. Maybe it happened because I hadn't had anything since I had a late breakfast earlier and hadn't eaten anything since. I don't know. This is not my stomach's typical MO.
I have always thought I have a stress ulcer because of what I endured at my old job and my aunt and my friend passing away in the same year. The one time I decided to actually go to a doctor for it, I waited over an hour for her to see me for 5 minutes and say that I just had acid reflux. That is the reason why I don't like to go to the doctor! :0[ Now I am fortunate to have my mom's doctor, and she will call her tomorrow morning to schedule me an appointment while I take a test. Hopefully she can squeeze me in the afternoon like she did when I pulled my calf muscle.
I'm hoping to get to the bottom of this once and for all. It's a pain I really hate having because I keel over and am unable to do anything. It can be pretty debilitating. I just want some kind of medicine to stop the pain when it happens. I am not one to be in line to take medicine when I start to not feel well. It's my stubborn, hard-headed nature that I inherited from my dad that gets the best of me from time to time. I only take medicine when I really need to. Maybe it's time to change some of my ways...
My calf is starting to feel better. I can actually walk a little more normal than I did during the week. Its still sore when I bend my leg but anything is better than what I've been feeling before.
My cold is also starting to finally go away. I still have a bad cough and phlegm but my nose has finally stopped running. I'm still tired and am trying to catch up on sleep. It was so beautiful outside today but sleep was on my mind instead.
I'm hoping to be able to take my pups for a walk again very soon. Maybe in the next couple of days. The weather has been really nice the last couple of days, and it is supposed to be nice next week too.
I feel much more ready to work on losing weight than I have been in awhile. I guess with my birthday coming up in 2 1/2 months, I want to show myself that I can do it! There's no time like the present righ? :0) I'm going to take a picture of a dress that I want to wear for my birthday. Its a little tight when I try it on right now but I hope to fit in it by the time my special day comes around. ;0) A nice goal to achieve huh?
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I'll catch up with everyone tomorrow. Take care, and enjoy yourselves! :0)
I'm at work today. *sigh* Don't really want to be here but I don't have anymore sick time unfortunately. My leg still hurts especially if I keep it in one position too long. I don't feel as sick but still have this nasty cough. I can hear the phlegm in my chest when I cough (sorry, I know that was a TMI right there). I'm just trying to get through the day. I still can't walk very well, and only walk to the other side of the office if I really need to. Walking hurts so much I even drove to work today (there goes $18.50 out of my pocket...). Tomorrow I'm thinking about taking BART into the city but I'll drive to a station closer than where I usually go just so there is more trains for me to catch (the train only comes to my normal station every 15 minutes). I walk so slow right now I would most likely miss my train if I took it from my normal station. I can't run or walk fast for the life of me!
I'm not looking forward to the wonderful crowd of people as I limp my way to the escalator. Stairs is totally out of the question although I would have to take the stairs down in the afternoon since the escalator only goes up. YUM! So not looking forward to it! NOT! lol I just want to be at home lying in bed all nice and toasty in my flannel pjs and my fleece blanket. *sigh* Wishful thinking. I wish I could take a nap right now. It's gray outside, and there's a possible chance for thunder and showers this afternoon. I'm about to put on my fleece sweater since it's so cold in the office so I just wanted to stop by and say hi. I hope everyone is having a great day considering it's Monday... It's always hard to go back to work when you don't even want to be there in the first place...
Now I can add sick to my collection of ailments this week. I've been fighting off a cough all week and now I can add sore throat and runny nose to that repertoire. When it rains it just seems to pour. lol At least I can say my sore calf is getting better. It does still hurt when I walk especially the wrong way but it's not as swollen as yesterday. I took today off too so I could rest some more which seems to have worked. The only problem I have now is that I've been eating more since I've stayed home. My inability to walk correctly hasn't seemed to stop my appetite. Go figure right? lol
[I tried writing this blog last night on my Sidekick, but it didn't post of course. Go figure right? Totally sucks! :0( ]
I won't be able to exercise or walk very far for the next couple of weeks. :0( Unfortunately, I pulled my right calf muscle yesterday. I was trying to run down the escalator to catch my BART train after I got off work early. As I hit the bottom of the escalator and ran towards the door, the door started to close so I tried stopping myself since I knew I wouldn't be able to squeeze through the door. In my haste, I ended up putting all of my weight on my rright foot to stop me from hitting the door and felt a rush of pain on my calf and heard like a pop too.
I initially injured my calf muscle last week while cleaning up an accident one of my pups made on the floor. I accidentally stepped on a part that was still a little wet and ended up slipping partially (luckily I didn't fall or do the complete splits) and hurt my calf muscle. It was finally getting better over the weekend, but I slightly injured it again while stepping up to the sidewalk while I was walking near my work on Monday. Insult to injury right?
So now here I am at home and resting my leg. I should be lying on my bed right now icing my calf and take the medicine I got from my doctor yesterday evening. I was fortunate to get to see her yesterday at such short notice. She said that I just strained my calf. If I get any bruising on my leg then I probably tore my muscle. I hope that isn't the case. I'm very thankful that I didn't also sprain my ankle and/or popped my acchilles tendon. I've been walking so gimpy since the incident. My mom even bought me a cane this morning since I was struggling to walk yesterday.
I'm so mad at myself. I should know better after years of spraining my ankles. I also feel bad because I was going to walk my pups when I got home yesterday since it wasn't as hot as its been the last couple of days. Now I just have to take it easy and literally take it one step at a time (pun intended lol). At least since I'm home today, I can catch up on everyone's blogs. I don't really get a chance to otherwise during the week since my Sidekick has such a small screen and I can't really go on the internet while I'm at work.
Here's to wishing for a speedy recovery and healing of my calf :0)
I had a dream with my ex-boyfriend in it last night. I tend to have a re-occurring dream with him in it at least once every couple of weeks. This has been going on for probably over a year now. Its not that I want him back in my life. When we were together, it was pretty tumultuous. I thought he was the one at the time, and maybe if we were older when we got together, it might have worked. I do not wish to be with him now. That chapter in my life is closed now yet I have never had complete closure with him when we broke up. In a way, I do wish we could at least talk once more just to have that closure. I thought we could at least be friends after being together 4 years, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be in the end.
I do think when I have these dreams with my ex it is my subconscious telling me that I miss being in a relationship. I don’t miss him per say, but I do miss the motions of being in a relationship. The companionship, the affection, the attention, the closeness, the love that is felt, the fun, the good times, things that you can do with a significant other that isn’t the same with anyone else. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in a real relationship. I don’t really put myself out there because I don’t like the way I look or feel right now. I want to be comfortable in my skin and be at that point where I know I can make myself happy without anyone else’s influence before I could think of being in a relationship again. I also have so much going on in my life right now with my sister being sick and going through other family matters that I don’t think I have time to worry about making someone else happy too.
I do wish I was with someone at times because it is hard to be so strong for everyone. I want someone to be strong for me and comfort me when I need it. I can’t rely on my sister or my mom because they are going through their own inner turmoil. It is very hard to stay so strong all the time. It can be a burden and a weight on my shoulders. Too much expectations from everyone if you ask me. People are so used to me always being there for them that they don’t seem to realize they take me for granted and take advantage of what I always offer. It is very daunting and that’s why I’m trying to be more selfish and put ME first.
That is main reason why I don’t want to be in a relationship at this moment in time. I want to find myself and make myself happy before even thinking of having to make someone new happy. I have a long way to go, but I do hope I will find that special someone one day and be happy not only with myself but with my life in general.
I know I've written down these goals before, but I want to succeed with these goals first before moving forward towards other goals. I just have to take it one day at a time... :0)
I got a big reality check this morning that made me realize that I need to fully let go of the past and live in the now. I've held on to it for far too long, and I'm essentially over it all. I need to live in the moment and take care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm not getting any younger that's for sure!
Today will be the first step in that direction. My life is a mess and full of clutter and stress right now, but there is no time like the present to reorganize everything and my way of life. How else am I going to completely happy with myself and my life? I finally get it now and am ready to really begin my journey and rediscovery of myself. Here's to a work-in-progress to my new self! :0)
Tom decided to finally pay me a visit today. It decides to come and go as it pleases. I didn't get it in September but I did in August. Ever since my aunt passed away in 2004 I've been having issues with Tom. I think it is because of stress and my weight. I don't mind if it doesn't come honestly but I know I should get it. When I haven't gotten it in a couple of months, I do get a little worried. I know I need to make an appointment to visit the gyno so I can finally regulate it. With everything that has gone on in my life this year, I'm not surprised Tom has been doing as it pleased. I'm hoping once I lose more weight Tom will be a little more normal. Time to deal with all the typical symptoms like tender breasts, bloating, and being extra tired. *sigh*
Don't worry! I'm not going MIA. I actually wrote a blog on Thursday while I was at work but EP logged me out when I tried to save it. I normally copy and paste my blogs on a word document since I know this tends to happen when I take too long to write a blog but I was on my Sidekick at the time. It was a good blog too! :0(
Anyways, I've been busy this week and actually forgot to write in EP because of it! One of my co-workers retired and we had a nice luncheon for him. It was bittersweet. He was there for 37 years. I'm happy he is retiring but sad that he won't be there to make me laugh every day. :0( Sucks, but what can I do right?
Yesterday I went to another going away get-together for my friend and co-worker whose last day is on Monday. I'm losing 2 co-workers in less than a week! DANG! I saw one of my friends who I used to work with there. It was so much fun! :0) I'm hoping to be one of the next to leave. I need a new job. Too much drama going on at work. I'm tired of it. It's not a healthy atmosphere that's for sure!
My dad is in town for the next couple of weeks. He came by to start packing his stuff. (Long story which I will tell maybe tomorrow.) I haven't seen him since June actually. I do miss him very much and wish he lived closer (he now lives in San Diego). My sister and I are going out to dinner with him in a couple of hours. We're also going to have dinner with him tomorrow too. :0) Have a little bonding session I guess lol.
Otherwise, I'm just tired. I only worked 3 days during the week and having to come back to work sucked of course. I'm in the process of looking for another job. I am taking a written test for a city job I've applied for (I currently work for the State of CA). I do hope I get the job although it is not for the State. It does pay much more and is much closer to home. I do like working in the city but the commute does suck sometimes. I'm kind of over it already. I need something new to do since I've been bored at the job I'm currently at. Change is definitely good! :0)
I was taking pictures with my friends yesterday, and as I looked at them, I realize now how much I want to lose weight. I used to look good or at least decent in pictures. Now I can see how fat I really am! It disgusts me! :0( I was looking at some video that was taken at my co-worker's retirement luncheon, and I looked huge! I was so embarassed that people see me this way every day. Seeing these is starting to really motivate me to lose weight. I can't keep looking this way that's for sure! It's unhealthy and flat out nasty in my opinion.
I know I sound harsh about myself, but I've really come to that point in my life where I'm sick of the way I look. I know now is the time to really make a difference! Time to really get the ball rolling!
