I'm doing this for ME...

I have started and stopped then started and stopped again and again on EP. What makes this time any different than the tries before you ask? I really want to do something about my body now. Looking back on my previous entries to my weight log, I was in the 270s for far too long. The only reason I actually am in the 260s (even if it's 269.3 right now) is from my trip to the Philippines in February. I got sick on like my 5th or 6th day there and couldn't really eat much after that for the rest of the trip (and I was there for 3 weeks). Once I returned from the PI, I still couldn't eat big meals or a lot of food at once. Who loses weight while on vacation?!? I expected to gain weight while I was there actually. In the end, I lost almost 10lbs when I came back (considering I weighed upwards toward 278 before I left). I have been back home for over a month now and I still haven't gone back up to the 270s (thankfully). I have gone as far down as 266 during the month I've been back and have pretty much been consistently in the 260s during that time.

I look at pictures from the trip, and it makes me cringe. About 90% of the pics I took in the PI are soooo very unflattering. Pictures are worth a thousand words, and I don't like what those words are telling me unfortunately. I have become less and less photogenic (considering how very photogenic I used to be), and I can't take it anymore. I know what I need to do to lose weight, and it's definitely time for me to do something about it. These pics will be a constant reminder of what I don't want to look like anymore. I don't normally care what other people think of me but I've become so self-conscious of the way I look and how my clothes look on me that I've become tired of the constant judgment I see in people I don't know. They don't have to say a word, I can see it in their eyes. They always say not to judge a book by its cover, but people still do it.

I'm not doing this for other people's approval. I'm doing this for my own approval of myself. I know it's not healthy for me to continue on being this weight. I feel aches and pains in places where I'm worried I might have arthritis down the line from prior injuries I've had in the past. I want to live a long and healthy life. This is the first step to achieving a healthier life for me. I just need to make the necessary lifestyle changes that will help me lose weight and help me feel better physically and mentally. I know I can do this!

A secondary motivating factor to all this is the fact that my sister is planning to get married sometime next year. I will be her maid of honor, and I really don't want to look this way for her wedding. I don't want my fat self immortalized in wedding pictures for everyone to see forever and ever. I have enough pictures of myself looking like this. I want to be proud of myself and what I accomplish by the time my sister's wedding comes around. I want to feel good in my own skin again and be finally happy with what I see in the mirror.

I know losing all this weight can't be done overnight. It will take a lot of work on my part to get where I want to be and make my goals a reality not a distant fantasy. There is so much I have to do in my life to set me in the right direction towards a healthier and happier life all around including dealing with work, making my home life and my surroundings better, and finally getting a love life again among many other things. I will not make anymore excuses for myself. I will try to start living my life with no regrets and just take it one day at a time.

I won't guarantee that I will be on EP all the time and write a blog every day. It really doesn't matter to me if no one reads my blogs or comments on my posts. This journal is actually just for me at the end of the day to check on my progress, to understand my own struggles and issues for everything, and give me a place to vent when I have no one to vent to. I am doing this for ME and no one else!