Today I have my doctors appointment to talk to her about my weight and possibly taking Phentermine!! I'm SO neverous, but really excited at the same time! YAY! So... about my weekend: WELL! I have to say.. .Usually weekend are a complete disaster for me, but... this weekend wasnt!!!!!!!! No, it wasnt perfect, but it wasnt even close to disaster. WOO HOO!!!! I spent the weekend at my sisters house, which is the WORST place for me to be during my weight loss journey because we both love to eat. But, I was firm and said that I was going to follow my meal plan. I wasnt able to stay on the meal plan to a T, but I made a modified version of it, and I am so proud. Also, last night my boyfriend and I went to 7-11 because we both felt like a "treat".... I was wondering around the store looking at the back of packages, and it scared me away from everything!!! I ended up leaving with a Diet Snapple, and I couldnt be more proud. I wanted that huge chocolate chip cookie sandwich, but I really felt like it wasnt worth it. And I'm glad I didnt, because weigh in this morning I had gained .4 pounds. Imagine if I had an extra 400 calories from the ice cream sandwich.... TOM is right around the corner, and I'm not looking forward to this week, but I know that I'm going to stay right on track!!!! Hope everyone had a great weekend!!!!
Well, I'm happy to say that even with my slip up last night, I still weighed in at the exact ounce this morning. I don't want to get my hopes up because it still might show for tomorrows weigh in, but I drank SO much water last night and did the most excruciating work out (or at least i thought so). Last night while working out, I've never felt so motivated. And I actually. *GASP* enjoyed working out. I NEVER thought I'd say that. All the sudden I WANTED to join the gym. All the sudden I wanted to get out and walk. I REALLY love this meal plan thing. It's really working for me. I know that it's not a life plan because... face it. You cant eat off a set menu for your entire life, but I think what I'll do is go on the meal plan every few weeks. And instead of doing the WW Core, I think I'll start counting my calories. I hate measuring, and I hate documenting what I eat, but it has to be done... Happy Friday to everyone!!!!
So I've been going PERFECTLY on my meal plan... until..... tonight. On Thursdays, I go out to dinner with my dad and his girlfriend. It's something that we do every week, and it's a really nice time to just catch up. I love going out with them, but I was just hoping that this Thursday would pass by without going to dinner with them so I could have my dinner. But nope, I got a call from my dad this afternoon, and of course I'm not going to say no. So we go to a Mexican place and they bring out a huge basket of chips. Luckily my dads girlfriend is on a diet too, so we both only had a few chips. I ordered a tostada and only ate about half of it. I had a few bites of the deadly shell too. I'm so bummed that I went off my meal plan. I know that I cant ALWAYS follow my meal plan, but I really wanted to stick on it 100% this week. I even spent all of last night slowly roasting the chicken for tonights dinner. Now it's in the fridge and I don't know what to do with it! Do I have it for tomorrow's dinner? Or do I toss it because I should just move on?? Oi... Oh well, I think I'll do my workout and not take another BITE of ANYTHING for tonight. I'll also drink loads of water before I go to bed... Oh, Since I've been drinking so much water, I sort of feel bloated... And I dont know if this has anything to do with drinking a lot of water, but today I went to the bathroom 3 times (not just to pee, sorry if that's too much information). Usually I go once a day if I'm lucky... What's up with all of these changes??
So It's day 2 of following the meal plan, and so far it hasn't been bad at all! Last night I had a salad for dinner which I wasnt too thrilled about. I basically just picked the garbanzo beans and feta cheese out and left the rest. According to the calculations, I only consumed 1,100 calories. It was under the goal that they had set for me, but I didn't have a dinner roll or crutons so that eliminated some calories. Today I had spicy eggplant dip, brown rice, and crackers. I was supposed to have beans as well, but didnt feel quite up to it. I had a couple of extra crackers instead. I know, I should have had the beans, but oh well! The eggplant "dip" was so good though! I followed the recipe that they gave me and it was totally different then what I'm used to. Topped on crackers was YUMMY. I weighed myself this morning to find that I'm almost 2 pounds down from yesterday! That's just crazy. Who knows what the reason for that is, but I'll take it! If anything, it makes me happier and want to work harder! Last night I did my Core workout again my stomach and arms are sooo sore. I love it though. I'll be doing it again tonight! Good luck to everyone! :D
Well, yesterday I signed up for an account on SparkPeople.com and I decided that I'm going to follow their suggested meal plan for this week. I love Weight Watchers Core program, but I have to be honest, and I dont commit myself to it 100%. It's so easy to cheat. Even though we get 28 flex points a week, I never track them, so I'm sure that I'm eating well over 28 points. So last night my boyfriend and I did some major grocery shopping. This morning, I ate the suggested meal and I was FULL! I thought that I was going to be so hungry on it, but nope! I had cantaloupe, cheerios, milk, AND a half of a small bagel. I never eat that much breakfast! Usually only a couple hard boiled eggs or some turkey bacon. So I told my boyfriend that I HAVE to stick with this for the rest of the week at least to see how I like it. And that I CANNOT cheat, or go out for food or anything. I'm going to take it in baby steps and tell myself that I WILL NOT FALL OFF OF THE PROGRAM FOR THIS WEEK. Also, I did my work out last night and now I am SOO sore. I love this Core work out program. REALLY gets me to use muscles that I never knew existed! Tonight I'm going try and double my reps. :) PS. I "gained" .2 lbs since yesterday. I've never weighed myself daily, so is it normal to go up and down?
So I've decided that I'm going to weigh myself every day and graph it every day. I think it will hold me more accountable then once a week. That way if I'm heavier one day, I'll know that I have to work extra hard. Yesterday I made a food journal and printed out the pages and put it in a binder. This will help me keep to eating Core only foods. And track my flex points. I was supposed to do my Core workout last night with my stability ball, but last night my sister and her fiance came over and in the middle of dinner, we got a call saying that her fiances dad just had a heart attack. Needless to say, we went straight to the hospital and sat around until midnight. Thank goodness he's ok and it wasnt a heart attack, but it was something with one of his arteries. He's going to be fine, thank God. :) So yeah, because of that, I didnt get home until 1am and didnt feel like working out at that point. Tonight though. Come hell or high water, I WILL BE WORKING OUT. Have a lovely day everyone! :)
Thank you EVERYONE that commented on my last entry. It meant SO much that so many people cared enough to take some time to write to me. I feel a lot better, and in some strange way, I'm almost thankful that the jerk said something. No getting around the fact that it sucks to have to be told and that it still hurts to be told... but it REALLY opens my eyes. This sounds so weird, (and hopefully I dont sound full of myself) but I'm used to people telling me that I'm beautiful... my boyfriend, parents, friends... even strangers will come up to me and say something. It's odd, considereing that I'm so big... but anyways, I think I've sort of thought of myself as a pretty fat girl. And I suppose that I still think of myself like that... which is good, because if I didnt, I think that would reflect bad body image... Anyways, moving on. I think the fact that someone actually came out and said something about my weight made me refocus. I've wanted to lose the weight for myself because I hate being this way, but now that I know that other people see me as large too (not that it was hard) it just makes me realize that it's serious now. And it's not just me thinking that I'm fat/big boned/curvy... it's that I AM fat. So here we go again. It's Monday, and a fresh start. I WILL lose weight this week.
So yesterday I spend the majority of the day in tears. Let me explain the story.... My boyfriend and I went to test drive a car because I am looking at buying a new car. When we got out of his car, I told him that I didnt know exactly what to say to the salesman, and he replied with "I'll take care of this" So... we go in and we get the "typical car salesman" It was awful. He was rude, and pushy, and bothered me beyond so bad. Also, my boyfriend totally left me to fend for myself and even though he said that he would take care of answering all the questions, I was the one left being pushed around by this jerk. So... we leave the car dealership and I tell my boyfriend how upset I was because he told me that he was going to take care of things, and instead, he stood around why this guy was talking down to me and being rude. It really bothered me, because if anyone should have stood up for me, it should have been my boyfriend! And all he did was stand behind me and listen to the jerk tell me that basically, I dont know what I'm doing, and the car that I'm currently trying to sell is not worth anything, and yadda yadda. So needless to say, my boyfriend totally feels bad and apologizes and I TOTALLY should have just left it there. Instead, I got more upset at it, and thought of other times when he didnt stand up for me, and started saying that I stand up for him all of the time, and how hurt I was that he doesnt do the same. BAD MISTAKE. He then proceeded to tell me that he DOES stick up for me, even when I'm not around. That AUTOMATICALLY made me worry. So I ask him what he meant by that, and he said nothing. And I knew exactly what he meant, so I asked him that he just told me. He said that it wasnt important and he didnt want to hurt my feelings, but he wanted me to know that he does stick up for me. And so I continued to pester him and he finally told me that a guy that he works with mentioned something about me being big. I couldnt contain myself. I started bawling. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried so hard that I almost threw up. I know, i know... my boyfriend probably shouldnt have ever said anything, but we can't really take that back now.... I just kept crying and crying and thinking that now I was known as FAT. Not just his girlfriend, his FAT girlfriend. I feel like I've finally become what I've been most scared of. I feel like now when I walk into a room, people notice the FAT person, not the person, not the girl. Every single day of my life, I look in the mirror and I dread going outside. I really do. I put on 16 different shirts, trying to disguise my huge roll, trying to hide my "front butt". I think about my weight ALL DAY EVERY DAY. When I sit down at work, when I'm driving in the car, when I pass a window with a relfection... I mean, it's never not on my mind. What this person said broke my heart. I KNOW that i'm fat. I dont need to be reminded by some stranger. I struggle with it EVERY DAY. I dont need others making fun of me. What he said made me want to never put another morsel into my mouth. It still makes me so sad to think that someone feels like it's ok to make fun of someone because of their weight.... Ahh, so I dont know where I'm going with this. After I stopped crying yesterday, I put my walking shoes on and walked .5 miles down to the library. Checked out 3 weight loss books, and walked .5 back. I'm so hurt, and feel like I've hit rock bottom. By no means am I giving up. If anything, this whole situation (as much as it sucked) has motivated me to get my fat ass into gear and drop this weight. I made a doctors appointment for next week to talk about going on Phentermine and I have tons of healthy food in my house, so there is NO excuse. I missed weigh in yesterday, and I weighed in today right after lunch. Not happy with the number, so I wont graph it. I'm going to drink tons of water today and weigh myself tomorrow. I'm going to do this. I refuse to be the butt of someones joke....... :(
So this weekend was bad. Why are weekends such a downfall for me? Why can't I just have ONE weekend where I dont feel so guilty on Mondays?? Saturday wasnt TOO bad, but could have been better. Then on Sunday I could not stop eating. Granted, most of which I ate was Core, but still. I know I had way too many calories. I just got off TOM, so maybe that has something to it. I'm frustrated right now. On Sunday I must have tried on 80 different outfits and I felt horrible in all of them. It's weird, it's not that I hated them because they felt tight, it's because they felt different. I think my body is changing. I'm losing inches in a few places, and it feels weird. I know that I havent lost enough to really make a difference, but I can tell that something is different. It's hard to explain. I'm just kind of upset at everything. Clothes, food, my lack of willpower... I need to step it up, and I feel like I keep saying that every time I write here, but I have to take this seriously. I made a doctors appointment for July 16th to discuss going on Phentermine. We'll see what she says. Maybe it's not for me. Maybe it will help motivate me to stay on track. As for my walks... that has disapeared since it's been over 100 here. EW. I cant do it. I have to figure something else out.
