03/14/2010 11:39
It's Sunday and I'm overweight!
(Overweight instead of obese -- this is pretty rocking every time I notice it on the horrid thing that looks like the terror threat level chart on my homepage here.)
Beyond the weekend being GONE with barely a single productive thing being done, I weighed on the proper day this week, and despite a visit from TOM (the only "man" who visits, sadly, despite my improving bod...) that started late last night (how weird is that?,) I weighed a wee bit less again this week. 173 even. I'm glad it's an even number for once.
Anyway, since I forgot to celebrate being "overweight" instead of obese, I've decided to note all the things that I realize changing, despite still not being able to see any difference in my body.
In no particular order, except as they pop into my brain:
- I don't need a "bath sheet" to wrap around myself when getting out of the shower, and a towel now does actually cover all the important bits.
- I'm wearing a sweat shirt that I nearly gave away last year b/c it fit "like a sausage suit" (meaning, I could barely breathe after stuffing myself into it like a casing.) It's plenty big, and I'm sure normal people would tell me it's too big & not flattering, but it's Sunday at 6 AM, so I'm over that for right now.
- My feet are smaller! Seriously, my shoes are all getting way too big. I'm sure this is about my BP getting lower and the edema improving and just not being as fat as I was, but I'm gonna have to either buy REALLY thick socks, or.... FORCE myself to go shoe shopping. Darn!
- My engagement ring from decades ago when I was very tiny not only fits, but it's slipping around my finger and only being held on my my wedding band. (I really need to stop wearing these things. It's not shocking that no men are interested b/c it's hard to tell I'm a widow when I keep wearing my wedding rings, but I can't bring myself to take them off... that's for therapy, though, not here.)
- Despite it being the first practice of the season yesterday, I could row without my arms being impeded by my boobs and stomach. That was pretty nifty, actually. I also need to downsize a cup size, I think, and probably need another fitting, but I'll weight a bit for that.
- Oh! And people keep saying, "You look great." Oddly, not a single one of them can tell I'm losing weight, or WHY I look "different" or "better" or "healthy" etc. I like "great" the best.
- Food tastes better to me lately. And I'm able to do this food plan thing without thinking about it constantly on some days. I'm refusing to obsess. It's getting easier my a smidgen. I try to just make sure I've had enough protein and am at least near my calorie goal (big FAIL yesterday, when all I ate after weighing was a yogurt and some flax seed, but I've been really fighting off a cold for days now, so I'll blame it on that. I mostly wanted to just sleep.)
- I danced and danced and danced the other day without having to stop b/c I was out of breath (which is really horrible and I never want that to happen again whilst dancing or having sex. If nothing else, being in shape makes it less embarrassing to do both things.)
So, I'm not in shape yet, but I'm moving in the right direction. All I can do is continue to move in the right direction. If I'm 45 when I get to a place that's OK with me, then so be it. I will not stop b/c my body doesn't do what I want fast enough, especially when there are days when I simply do NOT help it much. And it's a hell of a lot better to be in a better place three years from now than it is to give up and die because of obesity-related illness.
If nothing else, I want to look good at my funeral -- I want people do say "Damn, what a shame such a gorgeous creature had to die" and not "Damn! She got FAT!"
Good reasons to go eat a proper breakfast, take my walk & not commit suicide too, I suppose -- ciao & be good to yourselves - Ella