03/22/2010 06:53
A week later, a pound or so lower.
(Should have been posted on Saturday...)
This is slow, but it's steady, and that's all I can ask. Today I weighed in at much more than I'd like to have seen, but after a week of really not paying much attention to journaling or eating more than once a day, I'm just pleased to have lost anything at all. Weight (complete w/ very puffy hands, feet & face -- edema is back) was 171.4, which is down 1.6 from last week.
It's very late & I'm really hyped up on Health Care, so I'll try to check in on everyone tomorrow. Get your good healing sleep. I'm going to try to do the same.
Be well -- Ella
03/14/2010 11:39
It's Sunday and I'm overweight!
(Overweight instead of obese -- this is pretty rocking every time I notice it on the horrid thing that looks like the terror threat level chart on my homepage here.)
Beyond the weekend being GONE with barely a single productive thing being done, I weighed on the proper day this week, and despite a visit from TOM (the only "man" who visits, sadly, despite my improving bod...) that started late last night (how weird is that?,) I weighed a wee bit less again this week. 173 even. I'm glad it's an even number for once.
Anyway, since I forgot to celebrate being "overweight" instead of obese, I've decided to note all the things that I realize changing, despite still not being able to see any difference in my body.
In no particular order, except as they pop into my brain:
- I don't need a "bath sheet" to wrap around myself when getting out of the shower, and a towel now does actually cover all the important bits.
- I'm wearing a sweat shirt that I nearly gave away last year b/c it fit "like a sausage suit" (meaning, I could barely breathe after stuffing myself into it like a casing.) It's plenty big, and I'm sure normal people would tell me it's too big & not flattering, but it's Sunday at 6 AM, so I'm over that for right now.
- My feet are smaller! Seriously, my shoes are all getting way too big. I'm sure this is about my BP getting lower and the edema improving and just not being as fat as I was, but I'm gonna have to either buy REALLY thick socks, or.... FORCE myself to go shoe shopping. Darn!
- My engagement ring from decades ago when I was very tiny not only fits, but it's slipping around my finger and only being held on my my wedding band. (I really need to stop wearing these things. It's not shocking that no men are interested b/c it's hard to tell I'm a widow when I keep wearing my wedding rings, but I can't bring myself to take them off... that's for therapy, though, not here.)
- Despite it being the first practice of the season yesterday, I could row without my arms being impeded by my boobs and stomach. That was pretty nifty, actually. I also need to downsize a cup size, I think, and probably need another fitting, but I'll weight a bit for that.
- Oh! And people keep saying, "You look great." Oddly, not a single one of them can tell I'm losing weight, or WHY I look "different" or "better" or "healthy" etc. I like "great" the best.
- Food tastes better to me lately. And I'm able to do this food plan thing without thinking about it constantly on some days. I'm refusing to obsess. It's getting easier my a smidgen. I try to just make sure I've had enough protein and am at least near my calorie goal (big FAIL yesterday, when all I ate after weighing was a yogurt and some flax seed, but I've been really fighting off a cold for days now, so I'll blame it on that. I mostly wanted to just sleep.)
- I danced and danced and danced the other day without having to stop b/c I was out of breath (which is really horrible and I never want that to happen again whilst dancing or having sex. If nothing else, being in shape makes it less embarrassing to do both things.)
So, I'm not in shape
yet, but I'm moving in the right direction. All I can do is continue to move in the right direction. If I'm 45 when I get to a place that's OK with me, then so be it. I will not stop b/c my body doesn't do what I want fast enough, especially when there are days when I simply do NOT help it much. And it's a hell of a lot better to be in a better place three years from now than it is to give up and die because of obesity-related illness.
If nothing else, I want to look good at my funeral -- I want people do say "Damn, what a shame such a gorgeous creature had to die" and not "Damn! She got FAT!"
Good reasons to go eat a proper breakfast, take my walk & not commit suicide too, I suppose -- ciao & be good to yourselves - Ella
03/07/2010 02:33
Measurements/weight
I've lost nearly 10 inches off my waist since 2008 -- and if you go back to when I started EP, maybe more, not sure.
I would be if my body tracker worked, but it doesn't -- even as a gold member.
Anyway. My waist is now down to under 40 inches. Even with thin pants on -- YAY!
I need to get my waist-to-hip ratio better, so off to do more cardio & I'll add the real measurements as well as the weigh-in results tomorrow.
Weight 174.8. Couple lbs down this "short" week. I have decided that weighing on Saturday is better for the program I use, but I'm not sure if it's better for me. So it'll be Monday or Saturday. One of the days of the week, at least...
Be well -- have an on-plan day - Ella
03/05/2010 17:53
Waistlines, spare tires, new clothes and POOP!
Don't worry. I'll warn you when the poop is coming...
I really hate measuring myself because I'm sure I'm doing it wrong. Firstly, doesn't anyone but me notice that fat people (and fat people who have lost weight) have an extra area between waist and hips, sometimes known as a spare tire often ending up looking like a massive bunch of spare skin and always measuring differently. In any event, I'll measure better tomorrow before eating a massive breakfast and drinking three cups of coffee & 32oz of water.
I need an extra area, and thankfully -- at least last time I added my measurements here -- this is the only place that doesn't demand I ignore my spare tire/top hips. What I suspect are my real hips also have my butt behind them. Do I include that? If not, where do I add my butt?
The whole thing is ridiculous, since it doesn't matter. I just want to look good. I have PTSD, and this makes my stress level always about a zillion times "normal." People without PTSD have described to me what it feels like to almost be in a car accident: that's how I feel all the time. It's why I can't sleep (zero hours last night again, and I'm supposed to fly to LA today, but I'm thinking no.) Anyway, since we've all been working on losing weight, I'd bet we've all read how cortisole fires and causes belly fat. It's not helping my measurements, and the only way to get rid of this is lose all my weight then keep doing cardio...forever, I suppose. As I type this, I'm sitting on my exercise ball. I read it's better than regular sitting, and if I could stop bouncing myself off, I'd be fine.
Despite the tummy fat, I got some new normally sized jeans, two pairs actually, a pair of leggings and on a whim, I bought myself a dress without trying it on. I knew I wouldn't be happy with the way I looked, and I'm pretty sure it'll fit eventually, so if it doesn't fit now, I'll save it for goal -- or on the way to goal. Two more massive bags of almost-new clothes go to the homeless. I am glad actually, since I know larger sizes are always needed, but it isn't a good thing that a few of these things I've never worn (because my mother will NOT stop buying me clothes,) and many that have only been worn once or twice. TONS of ugly ugly ugly pants and my way-to-huge-to-wear jeans I've been wearing (and holding up) for a while now. I'll keep the next pair down though, since they've been good to me, and it's not inconceivable that I'll need them again someday, but I certainly hope they will go away and the ones I just bought will become the "just in case" pair.
OK, here comes a discussion of poop, or lack thereof:
I tend not to do that much -- the pooping thing, and I know it's because my body is in starvation mode and normally I don't eat, but this happens every time I start to eat too: I simply do not shit!
I am getting tons of fiber, and I've tried all the extra fiber powders etc in the past. They don't help, and I'm pretty sure they actually made it worse. I'm trying to make sure I get good fats and real grains (this morning I had a huge breakfast that included a bit of avocado as an appetizer & kashi, so I'm getting OK with the breakfast bit, and so long as it's something I don't hate to eat, I'm OK.) I already need to burn more than 3000 calories a day if I'm to eat 2200 and still lose a pound a week. If some of it doesn't go away naturally, I'm screwed, and I don't want to have a more distended abdomen either. I was thinking of just using regular colonic irrigation. I'm drinking tons of water, and I don't know what else to do, but I'm gonna keep an eye on this situation, because I don't want to notice a month from now that I've not pooped.
And with that, I need to get a move on. This weekend is cooking/cleaning and perhaps a bit of going dancing (both cardio AND fun.)
Be well -- Ella
03/04/2010 06:59
Having trouble eating enough
I'm doing what both my doctor and the Biggest Loser trainer lady suggest, and I'm supposed to be eating 2000-2200 calories per day. That's tough, actually, unless you start early.
What that means is that I must get my sleep act together. It's nearly 1 AM, it's too hot in my condo, and I'm not in bed yet, but I do feel slightly tired, so after I note that I have been journaling every single bite I eat, cooking & grocery shopping (as well as learning some new recipes,) I'm off to bed. I'll come back when it's truly 4 March in my little head and share a bit more.
This is good, I suppose, but my tummy is just sticking straight out I'm so full all of the time.
Oddly, I'm incredibly thirsty too, but I can't seem to drink more than 6 8oz glasses of water per day. I do think a lot of this has to do with me not being regular about sleep.
I got a few dumb things taken care of today, no time for errands tomorrow or Friday, so maybe over the weekend I'll have time to clean up the house. I think if my house is in order, my food is planned and I'm sleeping, I would see a massive change pretty soon, so that's what I'll do.
Night all -- Ella
03/01/2010 20:21
Mon, 1 March: Time to suck up my commitment phobia & start.
It's Monday. It's the first of a month. It's a sign, I've decided. So today I will take some measurements, already "officially" weighed in & I'm tracking food & H2O today. I've decided I'm breaking with form and not measuring. I think that too much emphasis is part of what drives me to just stop trying. I just finished some light exercise, having my snack & checking in here. Night is no longer a big "binge" time for me, so long as I don't allow myself to order out. This is why having food in the house is rather critical. I'll do a proper shopping tomorrow with a list and everything. Meanwhile, I'm off to work more. And I'm gonna make some doctors appts for stuff i never do (ie, mammograms.) Feeling sort of down and also sort of like this is a low point from which I will go up. I feel more invested in myself than I have in a few years. That can't be a bad thing. I also have no delusions that getting these pounds off will be easy. In fact, I'm gonna do "metabolism rehab" for a month before I actively try to lose: eat a proper amount of calories daily, without fail -- never less, for a month. Move my fat ass more often and hopefully I can turn this into a real march toward loss. I'd like to see me at goal weight for my 43rd birthday. This past birthday was really horrid, and I don't want to feel like that again ever. I'm taking back my birthday and holidays. Part of what I need to take away from them is the food issues. Yeah. I'm starting with baby steps, but I'm gonna keep walking right over to the new goal weight of 135, which may be a few lbs too small, but that can be redone at any time. For now, it's a good goal. And I'm pleased I didn't gain back all that weight I took off a few years ago. For those of you who eat far too little or have done the yo-yo thing for most of your life, I found a nice (if very basic) article on making your metabolism "wake up." I'll post that next.
Be talking to you daily -- Ella
PS: On her site, she answers a question about getting rid of stretch marks. We all know they don't go away, and she's very honest about that. Instead she reframes them as a badge of honor -- they are a reminder of when she was unhealthy and not taking care of herself. I like that idea quite a bit. Sort of like scars that remind you that things weren't always rosy. Nice.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: I've tried every diet under
the sun in my life, and I'm really afraid I've ruined my metabolism. I
seem to gain weight no matter what I eat now! Is there any way to fix
this?
A:
This
is such a good question — I'm so glad you asked! Many people suffer
from the backlash that can result from years of yo-yo diets. What
happens is this: When people let their calorie levels drop too low,
their body's survival mechanism kicks in, lowering their metabolic set
point (or basal metabolic rate). When they go off that crash diet and
begin to eat normally again, they gain back any weight lost — plus. And
what follows that? Yup, another crash diet.
The cycle is
often very frustrating, but it CAN be reversed with time, consistency,
and patience. What you'll need to do is the exact opposite of what we
call shocking the metabolism; you have to allow your body time to adapt
to a new metabolic set point — by being consistent, you'll force your
body to adapt.
Okay, here's the game plan: First, set your
daily caloric intake at 12 calories per pound of body weight. (For
example, my weight is 117; 117 x 12 = 1,404 calories a day.) Then stick
like glue to that calorie allowance for at least one to two months,
depending on your metabolism. This will allow your body time to
readjust your metabolic set point accordingly.
Now, here's
the other part of the equation: The absolute best way to pump up your
metabolism is to EXERCISE. You'll be burning calories not only during
your workout but also up to 48 hours after — all the while increasing
lean muscle tissue, which speeds the metabolism over the long term. Aim
for five hours of exercise a week if possible, but no fewer than three
hours a week.
Get more fitness tips from Jillian Michaels.
Last Updated: 11/16/2009
Often called "TV’s toughest fitness trainer," Jillian Michaels has appeared on the U.S. and Australian versions of
The Biggest Loser.
Jillian is also the author of three books,
Master Your Metabolism,
Winning by Losing and
Making the Cut, and the creator of the online weight-loss program
www.jillianmichaels.com.
Copyright © 2010 Everyday Health, Inc.
02/27/2010 11:05
I'm back, dunno how committed, but I'm trying everything to change my life, and this is a MAJOR point for me.
In the next few days I'll update this site. I'm no longer attending WW regularly -- I didn't seem to lose weight & what I needed seemed to run contrary to what they wanted me to do after the initial months-year.
I'll come back & I'll peek around to see who all is still here.
So far this looks like the place I need to be anyway -- I'm SO glad to have relocated extrapounds. It makes paying a ton of money to get this old computer working again totally worth it!
Be well -- Ella
01/24/2007 09:35
Ramblings
I've been living an INSANE life lately. If everything can go wrong @ once, it has. Everything from attempted car-jacking (I'm fine & still have the car -- that's what I get for buying a cheap old but very cute roadster,) to a foot injury that makes it impossible to walk if I try to run, which I stupidly did earlier in the week & I'm still limping. I have no idea if I have money b/c I refuse to look at my account. Loaned a friend $100, but I won't see it again, so I should say "gave a friend $100" & wish I could redo that since I think I need that cash. The cats are fighting, my heat in the condo is wacky & oh, I need car repairs...
There's more, but that's boring.
At the moment I'm struggling again w/ the binge eating. I've not purged, but I will admit to it being on my mind. The answer is not to binge in the first place, so I MUST get a grip on my emotions & stop stuffing my neediness w/ food. I think it's officially time to start meeting men again.
Anyone ever done online match-making things? I know one has & she met her wonderful hubby that way. She's my idol in this dept. At nearly 40, I just don't know other ways to meet men, honestly! I'm certainly not going to hang out in bars, and the ones in which I work seem full of young partiers rather than mature men.
I seriously should go just try e-Harmony. I need to get a good picture though. Hmm. I'm scheming. Maybe my sister can whiten my teeth through photoshop or something 
(But seriously, I really need an extreme dental make-over. Wish I could sue the makers of Tetracycline that made my teeth nearly GRAY as a child.)
Well, I lost 1.4 this week, so I'm grateful. 3 of 7 bad days make it rather miraculous, but I needed to see a loss twice in a row, and now I have. Maybe that will help me outta my tailspin. That & I got two new cookbooks (like I actually use them, but I take the basic idea & fit the recipe to my taste/nutritional needs.)
Found an AWESOME recipe for "fake udon" on the vegan site I visit. Gonna try that tonight if I get to the grocery (which I must.)
And finally...What's your favorite brand of calcium-fortified soy milk? I need a good one -- oh, and fat-free as well. I'm having trouble finding calcium & fat free in soy...
Well, another random list -- Any tips on the e-meeting thing MUCH appreciated.
Hugs, Ella
01/17/2007 13:40
In need of pix!
I removed the 10% pic from my front page b/c I weighed 209 when that was taken. It wasn't a good representation of me on that day, and it really doesn't show me now, so it's in the photo section, despite how bad it is.
INSTEAD, I've put in the PRESIDENTIAL CHAMPIONS SILVER MEDAL that I finally earned yesterday. Now another BIGGER step in Going for the Gold! It's impossible to earn more than 750 pts/day on their program & I always take one day a week off (except I do log my pedometer steps every day.) However, this one is going to be a long time coming. I'm already at work on it though, but I'll be happy & VERY pleased to say:
I'm A PRESIDENTIAL CHAMPION SILVER MEDAL WINNER!
Wahoo!
I WILL check in on everyone soon, but today ain't the day. Prolly tomorrow since I think I have a very slim day in terms of things needing to get done or work to do. Hugs to all, Ella
01/16/2007 11:29
ELLA IS BACK!
Quick post:
EVERYONE LOOK OVER THERE ------------------>
(At the little weight graph.)
I've LOST the weight I put on plus some more & here's the "announcement" I posted on WW boards today:
I recently had a "meltdown" & questioned whether I could do this at all (EP: See YESTERDAY's post.)
111 lbs is a LOT to lose, it's hard, I can't...-- you've heard it or thought it.
Turns out, I can do this (which I knew.)
This has been my smallest month of loss EVER during this journey, but my biggest learning, understanding, listening to my body/heart/soul, and I'll take the smaller loss ANY day if it helps me stay the course.
To think -- two weeks ago I questioned giving up is weird, but I remember it. I would've considered this whole month a "bust/waste" in the past, but this has been my most IMPORTANT month yet.
HANG IN THERE. Stay the course. Meet the forks in the road head-on (this week's WW topic which I could've used LAST week,) accept, make a choice, plan an action & implement it. All stuff I "know" but I had to "know know" -- get it?
I'm nearly grateful for the meltdown. While it wasn't fun, I feel deeper within in my journey. So horray for a horridly emotional month where I lost 5 instead of 10 lbs. Horray for slips & huge gains. Horray for everything that made this hard, b/c it taught me I'm a fighter when I really want something & that there is ALWAYS a way w/ WW.
Sorry so long, but I'm just overwhelmed (& proud of me) -- Ella
