Back From Fat

My personal journey to get healthy again

My Profile

  • Name: dreamwalker
  • City: Atlanta
  • Region: Georgia
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 170.2cm
Start weight: 261.00lb
Current weight: 249.00lb
Goal weight: 145.00lb
Lost to date: 12.00lb
Remaining: 104.00lb

My Calendar

18
December '14
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My Photos

Before After

My friends list

Sinus Infection -- Workouts on Hold

So, I somewhat got derailed this week.  I have a major sinus infection and had to get on antibiotics to get rid of it.  Needless to say, my workout schedule went on hold.  Hopefully I can pick back up where I left off next week and get back to feeling decent.

Workout Day #1 -- With a Raging Cold

So far, I think I'm really going to enjoy this new workout routine.  There's enough of a dance aspect to be interesting and I got pretty sweaty during the 30 mins.  It's the first dvd I've seen in quite a while (and I have a lot of them) that is neither too long nor too boring.  The only major problem today was my major headcold.  Between the sneezing and coughing, it's a good thing I was in my own living room.  Still though, I felt moderately jazzed afterwards and am even looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.  That's always a good sign.  :o)

Hip Hop Abs Anyone?

I'm very excited -- I just ordered Hip Hop Abs from Beachbody.com.  Has anybody used this before?  What intrigued me is the fact that I don't have to get on my back on the floor.  With 3 bad discs, I really can't be doing regular crunches.  I'm hoping this will help me get my motivation to exercise back.  I used to be so incredibly active -- like 10 years ago.  What happened to all that energy?!

Barriers to Success

I've had a lot of time to think about what it is that is keeping me from losing the weight.  I've tried every program out there, it seems.  Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, eDiets, HCG shots, 6 Week Body Makeover....you name it, I've spent the $$$ on it.  If I had lost a pound for every dollar I've spent, I could've lost the weight 3x's over.  However, even if I got temporary success, I always ended back up where I started -- or worse.  So, obviously, the common denominator is ME.  It's not alwasys the easiest thing to be introspective and really try to figure out why I can't change my "wicked ways".  But, I have discovered a few things...and now I am working on changing my mindset, as well as my bad habits.
 
My biggest problem, BAR NONE, is emotional eating.  I know I'm not alone in that.  I use food to self-medicate.  I used to think that wasn't such a bad thing.  I mean, I have a younger brother who used to do drugs and alcohol to self-medicate and there was NO WAY I came even close to his self-destruction....right?  Now, I'm not so sure.  See, he got help through rehab and is now doing great.  Whereas, I'm still stuck in my self-inflicted cycle of frustration and pain.  From my point of view, there are more counseling resources available for other addictions, like drugs, alcohol, gambling, smoking, etc.  For overweight people, all I see are diet and fitness programs, without a whole lot fo emphasis on the mental part.  Basically, we're told that it is a matter of will-power and choice and if we can't lose it, it's because we're weak.  Well, I know I'm not weak.  I've survived losing my first husband to cancer at the age of 31 with a 2 year old running around.  I've struggled as a single mom, trying to balance toddler and career by myself, for the better part of 5 years.  And now, I've remarried and taken on 2 more children full-time (no ex involvement), one of which is special needs.  I am NOT a weak person.  However, when the stress gets to be a little much, I do find myself reaching for that bag of cookies hidden in the back of the pantry...
 
I have made some positive changes so far -- I don't drink much soda at all anymore.  Not even diet.  And I try not to keep anything sweet in the house -- like cookies or cake.  Thankfully, I am deathly allergic to chocolate, so I can keep a few goodies around for the kids that I won't touch.  (Trips to the ER are not my idea of fun...)  Beyond that, I am looking for different coping mechanisms to employ when things with the stepdaughter get tough -- which is daily.  Fortunately/unfortunately, I no longer work and am the stay-at-home mom.  That's great for the kids and helps my husband tremendously...but the major drawback is I can no longer get out of the house as much as I used to.  And most of my outlets are gone because of the kids' needs.  I do try to take a 30 min walk daily, just to make sure I get outside in the fresh air and take a little time for me.  But it's not always easy.

Starting the Journey

So, I'm not sure how all this will go, but I've decided that I no longer have a decent quality of life because my size is literally holding me back.  I have 3 herniated discs in my back, all the result of carrying too much weight on my frame.  I live in a constant state of frustration -- whether from the pain in my back and leg, the shame of not being able to fit into my clothes, or the sadness that I can't keep up with my kids.  I'm way too young -- and way too smart -- to be living like this.  So now it's time to take charge and move forward.  I'm in the process of acknowledging my barriers to success and working on removing them.  This blog will be very candid and sincere.  I don't plan on holding anything back.  Currently, I don't have that many people that I can be completely open with, so I am opting to share with you all instead, somewhat under the cover of anonymity.  Read on if you dare...click away if you don't.  Regardless, it won't stop me from posting. 

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