I suck at writing things down!

I am still here, still on the ever-dreaded diet trail. I have not been going very strong, or even consistently, but I am still trying! I think the more I stick to writing everthing down, the more I will stick to eating right and exercising daily. So, my new goal is to actually consistently write down everything that's going on for the next five days, and then the following seven, and so on and so forth. If I can keep to that goal it will be my first mini-(non weight related)success towards the big success of losing 110lbs!

Down to 252.4lbs!

Woohoo! Finally down a few ounces! This is the beginning of so much more...

Guess who's back, back again?

"There is no try, there is only DO!" - Yoda

I am waking up. Committing. No turning back.

Read on for the words that motivated me. Words can say so much, describe so much, push me so much. Hopefully this is the final push I needed.....

TWITCHING

Twitching with Twight

BY MARK TWIGHT

Tell the truth. First, to yourself. Say it until it hurts. Learn the reality of your own selfishness. Quit living for other people at the expense of your own self, you're not really alive. You live in the land of denial - and they say the view is pretty a long as you remain asleep.

Well it's time to WAKE THE FUCK UP!

So do it. Wake up. When you drink the coffee tomorrow, take it black and notice it. Feel the caffeine surge through you. Don't take it for granted. Use it for something.

... Punish your body to perfect your soul. Kick the habit of being nice to everyone you meet. Do they deserve it? Say "no" more often.

... show, don't tell. Don't react to the itch with a scratch. Instead, learn it. Honor the necessity of both the itch and the scratch. But a haircut and a new soundtrack do not a modern man make. As long as you have a safety net you act without commitment. You'll go back to your old habits once you meet a little resistance. You need the samurai's desperateness and his insanity.

Burn the bridge. Nuke the foundation. Back yourself up against a wall. Have an opinion one way or the other, get off the fence and rip it up. Cut yourself off so there is no going back. Once you're committed the truth will come out. You ask about security? What you need is uncertainty. What you need is confusion; something that forces you to reinvent yourself, a whip to drive you harder.

"I never try anything - I just do it. Want to try me?" White Zombie, "Thunder Kiss"

In Dune, Frank Herbert called it "the attitude of the knife, cut off what's incomplete and say now it has finished, for it has ended there. So finish it, and walk away, forward. Only acts undertaken with commitment have meaning. Only your best effort matters. Life is a Meritocracy, with death as the auditor. Inconsistency, incompetence and lies are all cut short by that final word. Death will change you if you can't change yourself.

Absentee blogger... Happy Chinese New Year (of the rat)!!

I totally suck at this blogging thing. Can you guess why? When I'm not blogging it usually means I'm not eating healthy and dieting and so I don't have anything to blog about. Bad Bad Bad.

I am, however, happy to announce that I am back on track and have been eating my JC foods and very much look forward to continuing to do so without cheating! I am also planning on catching up with all my online friends tomorrow, so I can see how you've been doing since I've been yo-yo-ing all over the place right here.

Back up to 253 lbs!

On Sunday I made a decision to go back and renew my Jenny Craig membership. I just can't seem to survive on "real" food. I am giving up to easily and giving in to all the crap that  made me fat in the first place. Too much fast food. Too many snacks. I really have a bad habit of eating terrible things and it's so bad for me and I can't seem to break it. Maybe I need hypnotherapy? In all seriousness I think I need to start attending Overeaters Anonymous. I really do feel like I have an addiciton to food. But I am terrified of attending OA meetings, and with the amount of work piled up on my plate (right next to the fast food :( ) I can't seem to manage the time to make it to a meeting.

I think maybe if I start with something pretty strictly structured and premade as the Jenny Craig meals, I might be able to get back on track, eating less and healthier, before I attempt to go at it alone, without the help of premade meals. Also, I like this idea because it means I can still follow Weight Watchers, and count my points, even while eating Jenny Craig premade food.

On the bright side, at least I haven't stopped going to the gym! I actually started a running program on Sunday! I have never sweat so much in my life! I am very excited about being able to run 3 miles by the end of the 8 weeks. In fact, since I had already been going to the gym a couple of times a week, I didn't have to start the running program on Week 1, more like Week 2 or 3, because I had the endurance and stregth to keep going. This means I am that much closer to 3 miles! =)

250 lbs!!!

Down 7.4 lbs!! I'm so excited. :) I've been missing around here lately, but I will definitely write more next week. I have a whole new schedule I am so excited about! There's something about making lists and crossing things off of them that makes me so determined to follow through and get things done. I am going away for the weekend on February 22, until then my goal is to lose at least 2.5-3lbs a week for the next 4 weeks. That will get me down to 238lbs by the time I am ready to leave for the weekend away.   !!!

Everything that was old is new again

I am inspired.

I am excited.

I am scared.

I am happy.

I am ready.

Everything changes now.

I can't wait... to feel healthy... to feel lighter... to meet the thinner me... to love the thinner me... to shop in my own closet... to buy clothes in regular sizes! ...and to feel good (in general and about myself) because I know I look good!

257.4lbs to 254.2lbs

Weighed in at my Weight Watchers meeting Friday night at 6pm.

I lost 3.2lbs!!

I started strong this week, then faltered because I cheated (already!), but tried to get back on track by the end of the week. I'm so glad to see I still lost! Yay!

All over again

Thank you all SO much for the encouraging words. It really helps to read about people out there going through the same things I am going through and succeeding in something I want so very badly to succeed at as well.

I have decided to take it easy today and reassess my plan. I think I may have crossed the healthy planning threshold-- into overplanning.

I am going to a WW meeting Friday night to get weighed again and for the encouraging talk. I will start the Special K 2 weeks Saturday morning so I have an accurate starting weight. I know now that I need to eat more than I was allowing myself. The diet requires one sensible meal I had reduced to a salad with fat free dressing. That is not the right way to do it. I will eat something with protein and carbs in addition to the salad. Also, I will bring my gym clothes with me every day and go to the gym for at least 1 hour, but I won't decide what I'm doing until I get there. If I'm not going to have too much variety in what I eat for the next couple of weeks, at least I can vary how I exercise! On that front, I am going to the gym today and also swimming tonight. Even if my eating habits falter from time to time, I will at least keep exercising through it all.

I think I need to start going to Overeaters Anonymous meetings?

not again!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, again. I cheated AGAIN. When is this going to STOP???? I'm only on day 3, DAY THREE of the Special K thing and already I cheated. How am I ever going to make progress towards 100lbs lost if I can't keep my mouth shut when its supposed to be?!?! I can dish out the advice, no problem, but can't manage to stick to it myself. :( Ok, I'm starting over. Tomorrow. I am starting from Day 1 of the Special K challenge, AGAIN. No more falling, no more faltering, no more CHEATING!