ok, here i am and hoping this will be the time...I am writing
this first one to myself so when the temptation comes to eat bad i will
read this and stay away from the bad stuff. It is a true letter to
myself about what life is like at 352 pounds!
Look at yourself...31 and can't move off the couch :( you have no
energy for anything and feel worthless and alone. You don't visit anyone
anymore and don't want anyone to see what you look like now and hide
away...avoiding everything from b-days to shopping. You don't have the
energy to play with your 2 wonderful kids and want to so badly, so you
do things like going to the movies and play places for them but so you
can sit. You are depressed alot because of what you have let happen to
yourself and embarrassed for your hubby and kids. you have no friends and
family here and are very lonely but won't go out to make friends
because you are embarrassed of yourself.
When you do go out you are self conscious and don't enjoy yourself
because people are looking at you and you know what they are thinking.
You won't go to alot of places because you are afraid you won't fit in
the seats so avoid it in everyway. you have missed out on so many things
with your family because of this :(
You are embarassed when grocery shopping because people will see what
is in your cart even if it is healthy you are thinking they think she
must be trying to loose weight and laughing to themselves :(
Clothes is a huge problem...nothing fits you right and is not even
what you would really want to wear but there is no other choices. THere
is only one store you can shop at for clothes :(
Do you remember how you felt when your son said "you are really fat
mom" and now your daughter has said much the same thing a couple years
later. There is no feeling in the world more painful than your kids
telling you how fat you are and why are you not like their friends moms.
Kids are honest and don't think when they speak and had no idea how it
was going to hurt you to hear that...
you never feel good or look good. your feet hurt the minute you get
up and your face is so red from a skin problem that could be helped if
you ate better and lost weight but yet you seem to keep doing what is
destroying you and you can't understand it. You are tired all the time
and it is a chore to do dishes & clean the house everyday.
You want to lose weight, be healthy and able to do so many things but just give up, cry about it and eat the pain away.
You are killing yourself and this has to stop now!
Why live with all this pain and hurt for the rest of your life...you are still young...but for how long?
oh well it's a start!
