well, this weekend wasnt too bad honestly. i probably had more carbs than i should have at my mom's with the mash potatoes and the gravy, then had a piece of cake. BUT i didnt go back for seconds :). and i didnt eat til i felt like a stuffed turkey.

Also ive been working out every other day for i think nearly a week now! This morning i woke up at 10 am (which is sleeping in compared to working 7 am BLEEEEEHH) thank god i changed my schedule. anyways...got up 10 am, got dressed, went down to the fitness center and walked on the treadmill for about 30 minutes. i keep using the weightloss program cuz it keeps doing incline, no incline, incline etc. I got back , made my oatmeal had my v-8 and took a shower. i can already feel my calves have more tone to them! i love it! I love how much a difference working out can make in just a week. my size 16 pants are fitting...almost comfortably again,  but i can breathe a bit easier in them.

I keep looking at myself in the mirror and smiling instead of frowning. i need to appreciate that woman i see smiling at me more! she is one sexy lady hehe.

Robert and i got in a bit of a fight this weekend, on saturday night. It was pretty stupid, but my feelings were valid...he just took it the wrong way and ...well said something very hurtful. we made up quickly soon after but i still felt pretty hurt. luckily i didnt take it out on my pantry. i think sometimes fights like that are necessary...i felt a bit closer to him on sunday, and more appreciative. anyways, im about to take him to the eye doctor, so i shall sign off.  im gonna do that visualization thing i saw on rasberrycordial's blog in a bit.  later

So... earlier this week, my weight went up a few more pounds. i freaked...but im sure it was directly related to eating wayyy too late and going to bed soon afterwards. yesterday was a pretty darn good day though. i didnt get to working out cuz my friend barbara was down (her mom is going to have back surgery so she is worried about her) and so we went shopping. i got 2 new bags, super cheap on clearance. by cheap means i spent less than ten on the 2. i did have a frappacino... green tea. and it was yummy. that and a having a few pieces of bread were my indiscrections yesterday. but once in a while a frapp is great. especially a green tea one. i went food shopping with robert afterwards and i got oatmeal, small lil 1 serving low sodium can's of v-8 and these cool lil starkist lunch packs. its like tuna, reduced fat mayo and 6 crackers...i had one yesterday and liked it and being on a budget they were super cheap. so those are my lunches. i also bought a bag of apples, and then dinner stuff chicken, and veggies. i make some rice or couscous with dinner, but im gonna make LESS of it so i dont have as much. overall yesterday wasnt bad and i think i did pretty good.

just being nosey, i got on my scale today. I had lost about 1.5 lbs. granted thats out of what i gained this week, so it was sorta like 1 step forward 2 steps back, 1 step foward....but its movement in the way i want :).

also yesterday i decided im giving myself 2years to get down to my goal. that seems like forever...but doing the math. if i lost an average of 1-2 lbs per week it would be roughly a year and a half. thats about 5 lbs a month...which i dont think is too ballsy and is doable. so my goal is 5 lbs a month...for now :) if i do more...fabulous.. im not aiming low...im just trying to be realistic...and as with all great things...they take time.

well this is the fabulously gorgeous newlywed that is lookin hot, signing off :P  (there is a good affirmation rasberry ! haha)

which btw that reminds me, that paul mckenna guy was saying...we put ourselves through more abuse than anyone...we wouldnt take someone calling us a "fat cow", but we will look in the mirror and call ourselves one...

that, if anything else, spoke to me. no more calling myself fat or anything else negative. i need to follow my husband's direction. (he is always like, who's my sexy girl?! ) lol.

I dont know if anyone watched this guy on "I want to make you thin". but i only got to see the first episode at my aunts.

I really like what he said about how to lose weight. he treats it more like a disorder (which over eating and binge eating and emotional eating...alll is) rather than u just need to train your self to eat  healthy. for some of us it is NOT that simple.

I am still trying to pick healthier choices but ones i still enjoy, but im trying to follow what he says as i need to not eat something just cuz im craving it, or cuz im upset or stressed.

so im reading stuff on his site, and going to watch the vids on his site (some are free) tonight. i like one thing it says that " every day do at least 1 thing to put you closer to your goal"

good news! yesterday a friend and  i got to leave work early and we went to the fitness center and worked out for an hour. 30 mins on the treadmill and 30 doing weight training. today im going to do 30 mins on the treadmill and then 30 on the elliptical and give my arms a break from weight training. will probably do some crunches as well.

just thought i would share about paul mckenna. its worth at least reading some of what he has to say honestly.  and hey if its free why not

I Can Make You Thin

some linky love for u guys.

and guess what. today im a beautiful happy newlywed who is getting in great shape :). and today is friday no more work til monday at 3 PM ! WOOOHOO

So does anyone else feel like there is this voice in their head that randomly likes to say, "you won't ever look like that". You know at times when that tiny blonde just walks by. *sigh*.

Maybe yeah...it is a small self esteem issue. I wont lie. It is hard to envision me...thin..or even that close to it. granted i did great and dropped 50 and looked awesome..but i didnt stay that way..and i didnt go lower.

I did...ok..yesterday. i could have done better though. i tried to eat a lil before i left work so i didnt pig out when i got to my moms...but i still did a lil bit. mainly a carb pig out..like bread with peanut butter... if i really wanted some i could of had a little until my tummy felt not hungry.

then i ate late as well, with robert.

Once the schedule change hits next week, im going to cook before we even leave for work and take it with. we dont go to work til 3 so its totally doable. then when i get home i can always have a small snack since i doubt ill be going right to bed. That and working out...is a MUST...i have to...and there is nothing else to it.

I don't feel like being sad about this or apathetic and just agreeing with that voice. i know i can do it...its just a long road.

as one of my fave songs says

"I finally found what im lookin for, though the road's still long and the lights still far"

as with everything in my life, its sorta at that point. well my marriage isnt. We are happy with each other, but as far as building a life together, we still got a ways. we both want to go back to school which will take a couple years at the very least. slowly our apartment is looking like our own place. we are saving up for a car for him as well.

I havent done super today, but its still only 11 am, not even...i can still make something of today...get in a good workout...do something with my husband...

I CAN DO THIS...AND I WILL.

I saw something great on rasberrycordials page. every time she posts she puts that she is going to be a slim fit bride, or something to that affect.

positive thinking is a great tool and i think i need to use it a bit more...so here is my affirmations for the day.

-I am the beautiful wife, of a wonderful loving man who thinks I'm the sexiest thing since sliced bread.

-Soon enough, i will be phsyically fit and healthy.

-I am going to be an aunt for the 5th time next month!  (adding in my newly acquired ones  as well since i got married)

I hope the rest of you have a wonderful day, and make something out of it...dont waste it cuz ..well u never know. remember the things that are wonderful in you life right now

-

so i stuck to my goals...mostly haha..

i did work out. 30 minutes on the treadmill ,and 30 mins of circuit training. made dinner, didnt over eat, though i still could have probably left a bit more over. only bad thing i did was have a piece of cookie cake. but eh... the rest was good so i wont beat myself up over a cookie. besides with robert trying to lose he probably wont be buying a cookie cake anytime soon. hehe. thats all.,.thought i would update. i didnt get to do crunches this morning as i had hoped thanks to not sleeping well and waking up late, but im going to plan to tonight, after my sisters lamaze class. :) thurs i plan to go to the gym at some point, and see if i can get robert to join me.

cannot wait til my schedule change on monday. i will be working nights again...and being able to workout in the morning..or heck...even at like 1pm and still have time to get ready for work. woohoo!

So the wedding has come and gone, I am now Mrs. Robert Howell (officially and all that jazz). I am still not at my goal weight. In fact i gained what i had lost back a lil bit before the wedding and on the honeymoon as well as during our period of moving into our new place.

Robert has gained a bit too. We both are looking to lose weight, though he really doesnt need to lose too much, and loses it quickly (men suck! lol).

We moved into a new apartment approximately 3 weeks ago and i canceled my gym membership since they have a very decent fitness center at my complex.

I know writing in here before, I held myself more accountable then saying when i get home that i will go work out. Instead i end up going home, eating...too much...and napping. Partly to blame is the horrible schedule differences between robert and i and the dillemma of having to share the same car. I go in 7 am, he drops me off, goes back home, then comes back at 1 and i leave @ 3 then return to get him at 11pm. if im lucky i average 5 hours of sleep per night...so needless to say this helps making me exhausted just about daily.

We talked with our boss and hopefully starting monday will be on the same schedule, working nights which is fine with me. I did better working out before work and then going in and feeling more energized anyways.

Well thats what is going on with me basically. Today my goal is to

- go home, change, and go work out....then worry about dinner and cleaning and more unpacking.

- dont overeat tonight. listen to my tummy..when its says full (not stuffed!)  STOP!

I'll be sure to come back with further reports on a much more regular basis...i got so caught up in wedding planning before... eh well at least all the planning stressing and saving  for the big day is all over. it was worth it though!

ha...i reached a mini goal. i made it into the 180's by today. i made this goal last week :) hehe.

ohh and i finished designing our wedding program. yay for double productiveness

so last week i had a great loss of 5 lbs! my only issue is with me forgetting to have my last medifast meal the last 3 days!. yep yep i just forget, so today my goal is not to forget and that goes for the rest of the week until next tuesday.

not much else to report really. just kinda sayin im still here and still working on my weightloss goals :). im feeling much better being back on medifast, thats for sure.

im already down 1.6...though im not recording anything until my official weigh in on monday. but YAY for tiny victories. and i know this will stay off and KEEP going down. because ive done this before...:)

I have a job interview today at ULTA and im excited. I need a second job.... hm and judging by the time its time for my second shake today.

mmm oatmeal :) 

Im doing my best to go without coffee. but its hardddd . i only have one cup though and rarely ever have soda except maybe one on the weekend so i suppose it isnt horrible.

i think im going to go get a coffee too now. heh

alright...got coffee...

anyways...im rambling... see ya later

i had measured myself last night and i just input the measurements...omg freakout...badness :(

biceps 1 in

forearm 2 in

chest 2in

waist 6in

hips 5

thighs 5

calves 2

i forgot to measure my neck, i might do that today...

but yucka... and yay for getting back on my diet....man... thats definitely an eye opener...