I'm gonna be a beauty

Muffin Top(ple) Monday

Wednesday, December 3, 2008 23:04:16

Yea yea I know it's Tuesday, but I wasn't feeling well yesterday and spent most of the day with my head under the covers so I'm playing catch up.

So I did great with the walking thing for 2 whole days. Then I woke up late one day and didn't have time to exercise before work and that's all she wrote.

It's amazing to me how easy it is to get OUT of shape and how incredibly little motivation or effort it takes, but how extremely difficult and time consuming it is to get IN shape. Personally I think it should be the other way around. Being in shape should just be the way of things, and you'd have to work really hard at getting fat and lazy. Once upon a time I could jog a mile with relative ease. And by relative ease I mean being slightly winded at the end but not doubled over gasping for breath, which is how you'd have found me after this morning's workout.

I got up at 6am and did day 1 of the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels.

Jillian Michaels, winning trainer on NBC's The Biggest Loser, helps you lose big – up to 20 pounds in 30 days! Her 30 Day Shred DVD includes three 20-minute circuit-training workouts that burn mega calories and build strong, lean muscle. Each level contains a 20-minute workout based on Jillian's exclusive 3-2-1 Strength/Cardio/Ab training circuit: 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of ab work. There's also a brief warm-up session and a cool down stretch. Follow Jillian's program for 30 days and you will see amazing results!

You can buy this DVD on her website for $10 or if you have Comcast, you can get it for free on OnDemand. I have Comcast. Yay Me.

I need to lose a lot of weight. Any toned muscle I once had has long since turned to flab so I figured just walking in place, however energetic the walking, probably wasn't going to get me the results I wanted. At least not in this decade.

So I decided to turn it up. The intensity of my work out that is. When I starting typing that sentence I was originally typing 'turn up the..' but couldn't figure out how to finish it. Changing the wording of the sentence didn't stop one of the cheesiest 80's songs of all time from popping into my head.

"Pump up the volume, pump up the volume, pump up the volume.

Dance! Dance!"

Sorry, I had to share the torture.

Moving on.

So I thought the 10 minute mile I did last week was a decent work out. It got my heart rate up, accelerated my breathing and I broke a little sweat doing it. Psh!

Half way through Jillian's 20min shred I was gasping for breath and holding on to whatever hope I could find that my arms wouldn't disconnect from my body, fall off and flop on the floor. Ole Girl Kicked. My. Ass.

After finishing the workout and peeling myself off the floor, I managed to roll up my yoga mat and drag my butt to the shower. Barely. I may or may not have fully bathed. I couldn't keep my eyes open and it took every bit of concentration I had to try and return my breathing to normal so I know I got wet and I know I got soapy but that's about all I recall of this morning's shower.

I knew I was out of shape, but damn. If the workout I got this morning is even half the crap she puts those tubbies through on The Biggest Loser no wonder they're dropping 10-15 pounds a week!

Her claim is you can lose up to 20lbs in 30 days by doing this workout program. I don't know much my arms weigh, but I imagine them falling off would be close to, if not a few pounds more than 20, so this video just might live up to it's promise.

The good news is - in spite of the piece of cake I had at my niece's birthday party slash Easter egg hunt and the brownie I had at Matthew's mom's Sunday evening, my scale says I've dropped just under 4lbs since Friday. And that was BEFORE I let Jillian beat me like Mommie Dearest. I'm going to do my best not to weigh again until Friday, but I imagine if I can keep up with the 30 Day Shred I'll have dropped a few pounds by then. Or at least an appendage.

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Beautiful You...

Thursday, December 4, 2008 00:07:21

"Honey there is nothing sexy about my rolls."

Let me clear up any possible confusion, that statement has nothing to do with bread.

Matthew is often telling me how sexy he thinks I am. How much he loves 'all of me', just the way I am.

I am often contradicting him, telling him he's crazy, that there is just nothing even remotely attractive about fat.

There's this song I've been hearing on the radio lately that I love. I know all the words, I sing along and dance in the car when it comes on, but for some reason until this morning I apparently haven't really been hearing it.

If you've been around my blog the last few days then you know that I've joined up with a group of fellow bloggers/tweeters in a friendly competition to lose our muffin tops.

What is a muffin top?

That thing hanging out between the bottom of her shirt and the top of her pants.

Maybe it's the new found determination to get back into shape and improve my health, maybe it's that I have a wonderful man at home who never fails to make me feel loved, or maybe it was just the right time for the lyrics of that particular song to click into place but whatever it was, it got me thinking.

Who was it that made me feel less than beautiful because I have a little extra to love? Ok so I have a lot extra. But so what. Right?

I had to do a little digging and if you're one of those people (like me) who cringe at the site of a little cellulite you may want to prepare yourself, but I finally found some pictures that show just how far we've come - or fallen - in the idea of what is and isn't beautiful.

Here are 3 paintings from the Renaissance period, I believe.

The Three Graces
Charites, known in Greek mythology as The Three Graces, goddesses of such things as charm, beauty, and creativity.

These women were considered beautiful. Heck the first painting reflects women who were thought to be goddesses. Goddesses of charm, beauty and creativity! They are NOT stick thin size 6 women. Hell they're not even size 8 women. More likely they were closer to a 14-16. They have tummies, and thick thighs. They have curves and shape. And they were beautiful. They were art!

So what happened? When did we, society start thinking that 'thin was in'? And when did we, women start believing that rubbish?

I'm the first to say that I don't find fat attractive. Seeing myself naked is enough to threaten my lunch to return from whence it came. Yet my boyfriend finds me beautiful. He enjoys my naked body, rolls and all. Just last night I was in the kitchen cooking and he came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist and told me how awesome I was, while rubbing up and down on my tummy.

I'm not, nor have I ever been attracted to heavier guys, even though I'm far from small myself. My ex-fiance gained a good bit of weight after we'd been together a while and seeing his body go from relatively fit to flabby completely turned me off.

Why?

Was it that seeing his flab reminded me of my own? Was it that I'd been conditioned to buy into the crap that in order to be attractive, sexy, handsome, you have to be a certain size or shape?

I've never been "thin", have honestly never wanted to be. I'm perfectly ok, happy even being a thick chic. But there's 'thick' and then there's 'fat'. And fat is where I feel I am now. Fat is what makes me want to turn out the lights when the clothes come off and the lovin' comes on. Fat is what makes me stand in front of my closet dreading having to find something that camouflages my 'muffin top' and back fat.

But to the man who loves me - I am perfect just the way I am. I am beautiful.

That's where the song ties into all this. It talks about a little girl, and then a young woman who've bought into the crap the media feeds us that we have to look a certain way to be beautiful, then the chorus says "There can never be a more beautiful you... You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do. So there could never be a more beautiful you."

So I'm issuing a challenge, and it's one I'm going to take myself. Tonight when you get home, or tomorrow when you get up - get undressed and stand in front of a mirror. Oh Shut up, it will not crack, break or shatter. And yes you DO have one big enough. But look at yourself. Look at yourself in the way that someone who loves you does. See what they see.

I'm not in the best shape I've ever been in and my need to lose weight is more based on health issues than worrying about my appearance, but I'm just as guilty of looking in the mirror and feeling ugly because my body doesn't look how I'd like it to. But in spite of my extra jiggle and the rolls that have nothing to do with dinner er ok, mostly to do with dinner, but you know where I was trying to go with that - for those who are like ummm huh?

Get it - rolls...dinner..
Dinner rolls

ok where were we?

Right, naked. Naked and beautiful. Because no matter what size you are, how much cellulite you have, if you've been guilty of stuffing your extra top stomach into your pants so you look like you have some sort of a waist line You ARE BEAUTIFUL.

God created you for a specific purpose. You have a reason for being on this earth, a place that no one else can fill. So if you need to drop a few pounds to feel better about yourself, or get in better health that's one thing, but if you're starving yourself and dragging ass at the gym every morning because you think losing a bit of fluff around the middle will make you 'prettier' then give yourself a swift kick in the ass sister. Drag yourself to a mirror and say these words...

I AM BEAUTIFUL. JUST AS I AM.

NOW BELIEVE IT.

Because it's true

More Beautiful You

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

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Day One..

Thursday, December 4, 2008 00:06:22

Operation Muffin Top(ple)

5:45am the alarm goes off

I hit snooze

5:54am the alarm goes off

I hit snooze again

Rinse and repeat

At 6:15am I finally drag my butt out of bed and shuffle into the living room, wiping sleep from my eyes.

Grabbing the remote I click the OnDemand button and scroll down the menu until I get to the exercise and fitness channel. For the next ten minutes Leslie Sansone and I exuberantly, ok she exuberantly, stomped out one mile in my living room. The guys and gals on the video had a variety of weights to increase the intensity of the 'workout'. Anything from free weights, waist bands, elastic string looking things to weighted balls. I had oranges.

For weights, I held the oranges for my weights.

Surprisingly enough, you can build up a decent sweat in ten minutes. It's not like you just stand there and walk in one place. You do knee lifts, kick backs and side steps. Not to mention ol' girl is trucking it. This ain't no leisurely stroll around the neighborhood type walk. Throw in lifting your arms in every direction (with my orange weights) and you get a decent little work out.

Once upon a time I could jog a mile without being winded. Those days are long gone, so I'm starting slow, building up my endurance again so I don't burn out and give up. I figure I'll do the walk for a week, then try to move on to the one mile jog. I know that seems like a lofty aspiration but jogging in place (sort of) has to be a little easier than running around the block. Here's hoping anyway. But if not, I can always slow it down to a brisk walk until I catch my breath, or the swelling goes down in my eyes from beating my face in with my boobs. Which ever comes first.

Healthy eating is another part of this quest, but I'm sure I've bored you enough with my workout recap so I'll save the food stuff for later.

I have to say, as much as I resisted getting up early, after doing my little exercise this morning I felt really good. I also felt proud, after months of doing nothing but whining about how fat my ass is getting it feels really awesome to be doing something about it.

I also have to give a HUGE thank you to my honey Matthew FKA The Editor. He is and has been an incredible support, lifting me up and encouraging me to get active and take the right steps to get healthy.

Soon we'll be busting out that 15 Minute Hell video together like it's a walk in the park.

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Operation Muffin Top(ple)

Thursday, December 4, 2008 00:06:17

In December of last year I blogged briefly about getting back in the swing of working out and eating healthy. I talked about how I wasn't going to make a new year's 'resolution' to get in shape, but instead a New Life Resolution, changes to my life that would help me get back into the shape of my mid-twenties or just more healthy than I currently was (am).

It's the beginning of April and I'm embarrassed to admit that I've failed miserably. I worked out ehh twice. Once with Matthew and once by myself. After several years being carbonated beverage free, I've picked up drinking pop again (soda or coke for your southerners), and have gone from eating fast food once or twice a month to once a week. At least.

Add that to one of the many lovely side effects of Loestrin that my gyno put me on for PCOS and instead of losing weight, I've gained 20lbs. Add those 20 to the 70 I already needed to lose and you have one fat ass Crazy Cat Lady.

Well thank God for blogging, because two fabulous ladies who's blogs I adore have issued a challenge and I'm signing up!

Catherinette and KiKi have put out the word that dunlap disease is simply not acceptable this summer. If you don't know what dunlap disease is, it's when your belly 'dun lapped' over the top of your pants.

Example:

Now to me, this chic is relatively small, her pants are just way to damn tight creating what is also known as the 'Muffin Top'.

I've never been a small girl. I've always been fairly 'thick', but still very fit. I played sports for most of my youth and was very athletic. I've gained and lost a considerable amount of weight (60lbs give or take) twice since the age of 24. I'm back at the gained part of that cycle and I'm not happy.

Here is me in 2003

I don't think I'm being conceited when I say I looked damn good.

Here is me with my sister, b-i-l, and cousin at a concert last August.

I have surpassed the muffin top, and have moved on to the King Cake.

People, I have become a beast. And it is simply NOT acceptable anymore. So I've had Matthew dig up some Tae-Bo torrents and Billy Blanks is now on my computer ready to punch, kick and jab my ass back into some semblance of shape, other than round. But I've realized I can't do it alone. I simply do not have the discipline to drag my butt out of bed at 5:30am to exercise before getting ready for work, and I've tried working out when I get home in the evenings and it is just not for me. I'm tired after working all day. I want to curl up on the couch with my honey and watch tv, not wiggle my jiggle.

Here's where my blog/twitter pals come into play.

This is the welcome e-mail I received after expressing my interest in joining Operation Muffin Top(ple)

Good morning, fellow fatties. You have all expressed interest in participating in Operation Muffin Top(ple)! Kiki and I are delighted to announce that it is in fact in full swing. You can read more about the logistics by going reading the post on The Catherinette Chronicles or I'm Not Kidding.

Remember, this is all in the spirit of fun, and in hopes that we all shed those extra pounds that make us look more like Star Jones' before pics than the after ones.

Here's the skinny on how this is going to go down (twss).

Send the following to muffin.top@gmail.com :

A brief explanation of what you hope to accomplish, gain from this. Example: "I want to lose my fat muffin top so I can parade my slim ass in front of the bar where my ex-boyfriend hangs out and make him feel like an ass for being...well...an ass."

Your favorite recipe for those of us that are trying to lose some weight. Think cocktail recipe. Think cheese. Think chocolate. Recipes will be posted weekly on Monday's.

This part is optional...Submit a funny before pic to muffin.top@gmail.com or send it to 555-555-1234(that's my cell). The pic will NOT be posted. It doesn't have to be a full body shot. It can just be your muffin top, a saddle bag, your chubby fist throwing out those peeps, whatever.

Preferred method of communication: Kiki and I will be sending you "motivational" messages throughout the duration. Let us know if you want those in a text or email.

An idea of what you'd like to contribute to the prize package. We're thinking it would be fun if everyone sent in a little something (cheap) to include in the grand prize. We're thinking peeps, cheetos, something fun, whatever. You tell us.

Our hope is to have a Magical Muffin Giveaway on June 21st. We'll be looking for you to send in after pics along with what you gained (which will hopefully not be more weight) during the experience. Extra points for snarkiness.

If you have any questions, feel free to let us know!!

Let's do this, bitches!

Catherinette

These heifers aren't playing around. I've yet to get my honey to take a full length pic of me to send in, but plan on sobbing my way through that particular joy tonight. I've edited the phone number in the e-mail for privacy but left the Muffin Top(ple) group e-mail in case you want to sign up. The more fatties who sign up, the better the prize! Oh yea and the more support we can be to each other. The real prize will be getting in shape of course, for me anyway. Some of these gals will actually be strutting their stuff in a bikini by summer.

Bitches.

I'm too late to banish the belly rolls in time for my vacation to Puerto Vallarta (in 21 days!!!), so I'm shooting for my birthday instead. June is when the winner will be announced for Operation Muffin Top(ple), but I have a feeling I've got a lot more dunlap to delete than some of the other ladies, so I plan to keep on going until I reach my goal.

If you've been wanting to shake your shimmy and the shimmy be the only thing shaking but just haven't found the motivation to get off the couch then join us and make the only rolls on the beach this summer belong to someone else!

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Back on track

Wednesday, December 5, 2007 21:00:09

Well I went back to the gym today for the first time in almost 2 months. Having pneumonia really got me off track with everything. I wasn't working out and wasn't really watching what I ate, but thankfully it didn't do any damage on the scale. I actually lost a few pounds but that was short lived lol

So I hit the gym this morning and geez... it takes no time at all to get back out of shape! After about 20 minutes on the elliptical I felt like I was going to vomit! It's amazing how hard you have to work to get in shape but how little you have to do to get back out of shape!

But I'm motivated, I've got a new blast of inspiration and determination so 5 days a week at the gym it is. I don't mind really. I always feel better when I work out and I have tons more energy, plus I usually sleep better when I'm exercising regularly.

That's about it for now, hopefully now that I'm back on track with working out, watching what I eat and hopefully, finally got my thyroid medicine at the level it should be the weight will start coming off!

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Being sick of being sick

Wednesday, December 5, 2007 23:00:14

So I've been really slacking on this site for the past week or so. I'm not to blame though honest. I've have pneumonia. Having never had pneumonia before (and never ever ever wanting to get it again!) I can tell you I had no idea how bad it could kick your butt.

I'd been having a pretty productive cough for about 2 weeks before I finally decided that it wasn't just a bug and went to the doctor. Then I had a reaction to the meds they put me on which made me violently ill. I couldn't even hold down water. It was horrible. Everything that touched my stomach came up. It felt like someone was taking a piece of jagged glass and scraping it across the inside of my stomach. OY!

So my cousin (who's also my roommate) called the doc and they called me in a new script and although it's not as strong as the first one and seems to be taking longer it appears to be doing the job. I'm slowly feeling better bit by bit but am still super week and tire easily.

On a positive note though I've lost 4lbs! Who needs diet and exercise when you can get pneumonia! I'm totally being sarcarstic. Pneumonia is some serious stuff and if you have a cough that's bringing up anything other than completely clear mucus then I urge you to go to the doc NOW and not wait.

So now I'm eager to see if the few lbs I lost while being sick stay off or not. After now being able to keep anything down I'm trying to start slowing with eating and hopefully I'll be able to keep up the new pattern and keep shedding lbs.

Oh! On another note. I recenly blogged about my OB/GYN putting me on Metformin for PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). It's supposed to help regulate my sugar and as a result help me lose weight and start ovulating again.

Well everything I read about it said diahrea was one of the most common side effects. I should have known that my body wouldn't conform to the standard. Nope, it ended up having the complete and extreme opposite effect on me. I know you guys probably don't want to hear about my uhh bathroom habits but where else can I write about this stuff.

So I've always been very very regular. If I eat, I poo. Usually 2-3 times a day. After having been on Metformin for 2 weeks I hadn't been able to go to the bathroom for 3 count them THREE whole days. For someone who's as regular as I am that's torture. It's also not very comfortable. Add that to pneumonia and you can figure out I've had a pretty pewpy (pardon the pun) last few weeks.

So I stopped taking the Metformin on Saturday and I've slowly been able to start having BM's again. Small and still difficult but baby steps!

I'm not scheduled to see my doc again until July but since I stopped the med I may call to see if I can't get in an earlier appointment.

Oh another -nother note. He also put me on Medroxyprogesterone to force me to ovulate and have a period. I've not had a mense since December of last year. Well I finished the last doce of that on Monday and no visit from aunt Flo. If anyone's taken this before and has any idea who long it should take to work I'd love to hear from you.

And I apologize for grossing you out with details of my bodily function. You've been troopers!

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If at first you don't succeed

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 22:07:18

Kick yourself in the butt and do better next time!

So this last week was a total bust. I felt like poo all week so I didn't go to the gym or watch what I ate, which only resulted in making me feel more like poo.

New update: I went to the OBGYN today and had another discussion about PCOS and how the related insulin resistance effects my body and my ability to gain and inability to lose weight.

I've been put on Metformin, which is typically a medication prescriped to patients with type 2 diabetes to help control high blood sugar. I'm not diabetic but because of the PCOS my body acts like it is. It's a very strange situation.

Anyway the doc said this will help with regulating my blood sugar and.. and this is the part that makes me uber happy, it should help me lose weight! Losing weight will help regulate my thyroid, which will help me begin ovulating again, (I haven't had a visit from Aunt Flo since December!) which will help me conceive! Happy Happy Joy Joy to all of the above.

I have to go back in 2 months to see how I'm doing with the new meds and hopefully I'll have some noticable weight loss to show as well!

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Getting it in gear

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 22:00:10

So I went to the doctor yesterday to get results from my routing thyroid check. I'm supposed to go every 6 to 8 weeks to get blood work done to make sure my thyroid levels are where they are supposed to be. I'm not sure if I mentioned it on a previous post, but in case you haven't figured it out lol I have hypothyroid. I also have PCOS so gaining weight is as easy for me as a horse taking a smelly shit. Sorry for the bad analogy but you get the idea.

For the past few months I've stayed within a 4lb loss/gain. I'll just float up and down those same four pounds never going lower or higher.

So at the doctor yesterday the lab results showed that my thyroid levels were low again, which means my meds get upped again. This will be the 4th time since I was diagnosed that the dosage of synthroid I take has been raised. That also means it is the 4th time my body has stopped responding to the meds and I've gotten to experience all the wonderful symptoms of hypothyroid. Fatigue, weight gain, depression etc. and so aon. Hopefully this time it will stick for a while and I can get back to feeling normal.

I've missed the gym both days this week and I hate it. I've just been so exhausted in the morning that even with the extra 45 minutes of sleep I get not going to the gym, it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed.

I'm going walking today after work though and I always feel better after. My cousin and I had started walking 3 miles every day after work a few weeks ago. We didn't set out to walk 3 miles, we just sort of wandered all over downtown Mobile and then mapped it when we got home. She had pneumonia though last week so we didnt' walk all week. I know, I know, I could have walked by myself but it's just not as fun alone.

So I met with my nutritionist again after my regular doctor appointment yesterday and learned a little more about what PCOS does to my body in relation to what I eat and where it ends up (on my waist!). In order to lose weight, and we're talking 1/2 a pound a week if I'm lucky, I have to take in absolutely no more than 150 grams of carbs a day. That sounds like a lot until you actually start reading labels and measuring portions. Carbs turn to sugar and PCOS makes my body insulin resistant so it goes straight to fat.

The whole concept of being "like" a diebetic but not "being" diabetic is strange to me, but I'm serious about getting this extra weight back off once and for all so I just have to suck it up, buckle down, get out my handy measuring cup and scale and get serious!

Here's hoping this week was better than last!

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Pizza is not my friend

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 23:05:10

Get the door.. it's Dominos.

So evidently pizza is not my friend. I mean it's relatively good for you (in moderation) hmm ok wait maybe I just solved the problem.

I can eat anything on the planet and weigh the same or less in the morning as I did the day before. Except Pizza.

If I eat pizza for dinner, whether it's 1 slice or ahem 3, I'm guaranteed to gain 3-5lbs overnight. I'm not much of a bread or pasta eater so I'm assuming it's all that soft thick warm crust that adheres itself to my insides (and thighs) like glue. I guess it's a good thing I don't eat pizza all that often.

Yesterday was a pretty not so great food day all around. The company I work for holds training classes for the software we sell and when we have a class my boss buys the class (and the office) breakfast. It's a 3 day class. I have super yummy delicious (I'm only being slightly sarcastic) Quakers weightsmart oatmeal in the cabinet and yet I inexplicably hear the words "McSkillet Burrito - no salsa" come out of my mouth when he asks if I want anything from McDonalds. Psh the salsa is probably the only thing in the McSkillet that's even remotely good for me. Eggs, potatos & cheese wrapped up in a warm flour tortilla or oatmeal. Cmon could you say no?!?

But I ate oatmeal today and am drinking my hot cup of green tea so I'm off to a good start. Today is the last day of the class though and well, he buys lunch on the last day. Hopefully he'll go to Bambino's, this little Italian place. They have an awesome shrimp salad which I can order and not feel guilty!

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Here we go...

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 23:03:18

Well I've delayed documenting this online for as long as I can. I have a regular blog at Musings of a "Crazy Cat Lady" where I've talked briefly about my struggles with losing and gaining weight partially thanks to hypothyroidsm. The other thanks goes to well genetics and being an emotional eater and just plain lazy.

I also have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) which contributes to weight gain. It also means it will be very difficult for me to ever have children. Having children or at least one child is more important to me than air.

So I've finally decided to suck it up, admit it's going to be a long hard sometimes discouraging road, get my butt off the couch and to the gym, start taking the extra time to measure my food ugh and do what it takes to make getting pregnant more of a possibility.

So here's my journey. Wish me luck!

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