I am currently on the fence, searching for some plan that will not empty my pockets but that will work.
NutriSystem was far too expensive, even though it worked like nothing I have ever tried before.
I know I have to do something and I wanted to thank all of you that emailed me orposted responses to my blog. I am happy to know someof you worried about me.
You should worry too, I am hopeless. -sighs-
It is so damned hard. Next year my mother in law and her husband are coming for an extended visit. I do not want to look like the stay puff marshmallow man/woman. I realize now that I avoid looking at myself in the mirror or if I do look, I do not make eye contact.
Pathetic no? I think so. Hubby is willing to do anything but damn it is so easy to eat badly. Any advice or support is welcome.
I feel so badly for letting myself down again. I thought I had it licked this time.
I am ashamed of myself, no willpower no nothing but failure. I am really good at that.
I have once again fallen from grace. HARD. Thursday and Friday were nothing but terrible. I am ashamed and frustrated. I will not be weighing in this morning. I am officially back OP starting this morning with breakfast. I want to be OP for the next week before I weigh in again on next monday.
I can do this, I just really need to apply myself and be smart. Stop being so freaking stupid!
Oh yeah something else I noticed this morning in the tub. My knees are all bruised with little tiny bruises. And they hurt like crazy. Lately all my joints have been screaming at me. No doubt my body telling me that it can't handle the weight anymore.
I am so desperate. I have no idea what to do anymore. I am sorry for being a downer this morning. I promise to myself that I will begin working out lightly (well as much as my fat body can take) as soon as possible and I will go back OP immediately.
You all are an inspiration to me. I have to lose this weight. My father died from obesity. I just can't go down that way you know. How embarrassing would that be not to mention stupid. I mean it is something we are supposed to be able to control.
Control is something I know jack shit about though.
I have to go and eat my breakfast bar. Talk to you all later.
i am alive and kicking. Thanks for the concern Mom. I have just been trying to concentrate on trying to stay positive and whatnot. More yet to come from me, maybe not till this weekend though.
I just walked into work to find that one of the staff never showed so I guess I will be pulling double duty.
Not fun.
Staying as positive as I can and making the best decisions I can, Wallflower.
I had to make decision tonight that I am not too keen on. I will have faith inmyself and I know I will have the support of my husband and you all.
I called Nutrisystem and cancelled any further orders of food from them. Money is the issue. We are just not really capable to be throwing that much money at this food every month. Not with our other obligations.
I will continue with the water drinking and what exercise I can do and that will get better over time. I will continue to make the best decisions I can regarding anything I will consume.
You know this may mean me asking you all for ideas on what I can eat. I figure I have a pretty good idea of how to carry my days on, just like I have been since I started NS. I will just be doing it without their food, it can be done I assume, right?
I am needing some advice here guys. Maybe even a few votes of confidence.
It seems to be a daily struggle. I cannot seem to get my 64 ounces in ever! Once in a blue moon, maybe. it is so hard for me to drink it. it is not like I am filling up on other beverages either. I don't drink anything else either. I do have occassionally a coffee from starbucks but that in no way makes me not want water.
I guess the deal is, I never feel thirsty. How wierd is that. Any ideas on how I can get my 64 oz of waterin each day. Today, I only drank 1, 16.9 oz bottle. That's it! And i am not thirsty. I have even tried using the Crystal Light mixes that are only 5 calories per mix. They are ok but then I get bored.
I had a planned off day today and honestly I did not do too badly at all. I induldged in eggs and bacon and toast for breaskfast and a small roast beef sandwich with water at lunch and for dinner I will have a chucken breast with some veggies and mashed potatoes.
Not too bad, I could have run down to taco bell or something but honestly, I just don't have the stomach nor the desire for that kind of food anymore.
Well, love you all and thanks for all the great support I get from you all. You are the best!
This last week has taken so long. I am so glad it is finally friday. I don't even care that tomorrow is weigh in (yeah right). I just want the weekend to finally be here and to finally just chill out.
I am eating a tiny bit of check mix Bold. It is not a healthy choice. I needed something salty though. Not an excuse. I own my discrepencies. It is all good. I am not stressingoout about it.
Hope everyone else's Friday is going just peachy keen. It just seems like today will never end. Then once the weekend gets here it will FLY bye! You just watch and see!
Well, I haven't posted in a few days. Been wondering/worrying about weigh in tomorrow. It is all consuming these days, those numbers and which direction they are moving. After my set back last week, I can't help but worry. Never dd I think that the scales would move in the wrong direction. This past week I have really concentrated on eating only on plan and I have done a good job of that. I can't imagine that I haven't lost. We will see.
Hot Mom posted a few days ago about anxiety and I have also been thinking about that as well. I have so many things I am anxious about. Crowds mainly. And what I mean by crowds is more than three people. Sad I know.
Delving into why I am as anxious as I am was a tough one. I mean I feel extremely underclass in so many ways. intelligence, wits, fashion for sure, being overweight, and not too much of a looker doesn't help either. My husband bless his heart loves me no matter what but when I can't see myself as he does it makes all his assurances nothing more than lip service basically.
I have gone through alot of things in my life, which I may delve into another day, not today. My point is that I think that all these 'things' have added up to make a huge black hole of a person you see before you. Now I am in no way a huge black hole as far as attitude is considered. I do have my moments though. I think everyone does have that side that they hide fromt he rest of the world. Some are just better at it than others.
I read on CNN a few weeks ago about a child in London I believe that is hugely overweight for his age. He was a child under ten and weighed well over 200 pounds if memory serves correctly. The debate that this news site was posing was if you thought it was child abuse to allow your child to become what this child had become. In my honest opinion, yes, it is child abuse. It is up to the parents to teach their child good eating habits and by doign that you must practice good eating habits in front of them consistently. Teach them about portion sizes and nutrition. If you do this from the beginning it is not a huge deal. For instance, if you never give your kid sugar, they won't miss it. If you see that your child is gaining more weight than they should be proactive about the changes that need to take place in order to get that child back on track for a healthier life down the road. I so entirely wish my parents had done that for me. They in no way allowed me to eat loadds of sugar or sodas. To this day, I am not too keen on sugar or sweets. I simply do not like them. It was all the other foods that got me, when they allowed me to eat plate after plate of pancakes on sunday morning, and seconds or thirds on meals. This was grossly negligent on their part. They should have pulled the reins in cause I was not aware of the damage that I was causing myself at the time. Had I known I would never have ended up being the weight I am today. it taught me poor eating habits, habits that are as of today abolished forever. I cannot continue in this manner and I have taken a stand against my own poor judgement.
Were my parents still alive I would implore of them why they allowed it. I have no idea what answer I would get back from them. My mother had four children. Every single one of them has in some form an eating disorder. In all our cases, we are overweight and constantly having to battle the deep seeded urge to overeat. Now tell me it wasn't taught to us. It is just a problem that perpetuates more problems and continues on down through the generations. It is an epidemic.
It is my life now and I will guide myself to greater things. If I ever do have children, you better bet your butt that they will be taught better eatting habits than I was.
I better stop now. This got really long and was a bit rambling. Hope it give you food for thought.
