06/04/2009 23:03
downward I go
I am continuing to lose. I am down to 180.6. I reached 10 percent with WW online.
I really feel great. I've been on this journey for 33 years. Up, down a couple of times, but consistently overweight. What is different this time? It's my attitude. My desire to treat myself well. And as I treat myself well, my body treats me with perks. Being able to walk faster. Enjoying my food. I cannot believe how much I am enjoying fruits, vegetables, almonds, grilled chicken, fish. My former diet really sounds disgusting to me. All that fat and sugar racing through my veins slowing me down and messing me up physically and mentally. I feel more alert now. More alive. More Me.
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (3)
Top
05/22/2009 18:14
Feeling good about yourself-A talk with my weight loss coach "ME"
WC:
Yesterday you said that you feel crappy about yourself when you are off program. Do your also feel that way when on program?
Nancy:
You know, yes I do. Usually when I am not doing the things that I think I should be, like always cooking dinner for the family, having a messy home or not being able to make all of our financial obligations.
WC:
Do you think your expectations of yourself are too high?
Nancy:
I think one of my main problems is that I have the tendency to think of things in a black and white kind of way. Either good or bad. It is hard for me to be ok with just mediocre. I'm not sure if it is that my expectations of myself are too high, but more that I am not ok with average.
WC:
Wow Nancy, did you hear yourself? You said you are not ok with average. Do you consider yourself an average person?
Nancy: Yea, whoa. So if I am not ok with average I am not ok with me? Hmmm. But deep down I am ok with me, with who I am.
WC:
You understand that it is typical for those who were raised as a child of an alcoholic and those who are survivor's of childhood abuse many times have a problem with perfectionism. Do you recognize that in yourself?
Nancy: Absolutely. And you know, I think it is because of control. I've never thought of this before. But it is control that I really want, and somehow I feel like if my house is cleaned and organized, if finances are in order, if I reach and manintain my goal weight, if I am physically fit I am in control. Maybe that I have power?
WC: As a child did you have any control or power?
Nancy: No. I was helpless. Then when I got older, I think I began to have control over my body. I wanted to make sure that my body was not sexually attractive. So I ate. Eating gave me control over me. Then later, Once I was out of the abusive home I began for the first time to really want to be thin. To look good like my friends. To get asked on dates. So I became bulimic for awhile. I would binge and throwup. I became thin. I again felt in control. Like I had power.
WC: Are you still bulimic? Do you still throwup?
Nancy: No, and that is one thing I am proud of. One day I promised to myself and to God that I would never make myself throw up again. From that day forward I never did.
WC: Nancy, you do need to be proud of this. Has anyone ever told you that before?
Nancy: no, I've only shared my bulimia with a few people. I know formyself that I am proud that I am not bulimic.
WC: did you feel like you were in control once you stopped?
Nancy: yes and no. Yes I knew I stopped. But yet I was still faced with emotional eating. I still craved to eat lots. I found comfort in food, and with that comfort I felt like I was giving up control. Yes it felt good, but I knew it was bad for me.
WC: do you realize that people who are abused frequently seek after relationships that are abusive.
Nancy: again, I've never thought of that before. I chose to overeat, I choose to have this relationship with food for the last almost 30 years now. I chose to be in an abusive relationship with myself. I chose to abuse myself. Wow.
WC: So in choosing this were you in control? Did you have power?
Nancy: No, The exact opposite. So really it is the same coming back to having a messy house or crappy finances. Some of it is circumstance, but a huge part of it is me. I need to own up to that.
WC: Do you still think it is because of black and white thinking?
Nancy: Maybe so in a way. I think the heart of the matter is that deep deep down I still feel like that little girl. That this is who I am, that i do not deserve better. That I do not deserve to reach and maintain my goal weight. That I do not deserve to have a clean and orderly house, that I do not deserve to be on top of finances.
WC: Nancy, You have done an amazing job today thinking about these tough issues. I want you to think today about the reasons why you do deserve it. Why you are worth it.
Nancy: TY, See you tomorrow.
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (5)
Top
05/22/2009 02:06
A good day
A good day overall. I stayed within my points, and drank lots of water. I need to tackle the clutter in my home also, that seems a little overwhelming. So I am so grateful that I making good progress with my health goals.
Nancy
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (1)
Top
05/21/2009 18:18
Bingeing-A talk with me and My Weight Loss Coach-
Bingeing
WLC: Nancy, This has been a life long struggle for you. You've lost and regained and lost and regained over and over. You have made the determination that this time is it. You have decided that this time you will reach your fitness goals and this time you will maintain.
Nancy: Absolutely. This is it. I am ready.
WLC: We need to talk a minute about Bingeing
Nancy: You are right. It is a topic that I need to think about because whenever I would "go off program" I would not just eat something off program, but instead binge. Eat and Eat and Eat.
WLC: Why do you think you do that? What causes you to eat and eat and eat?
Nancy:
First of all I think that if I eat things high in sugar then I tend to crave more sugary fatty things.
Second, when I go off program I start feeling really crappy about myself. I start feeling like a failure. Going off program reminds me of all the other times I have failed, both in the weight loss arena or other areas that I don't feel good about myself.
Third I get into the mindset that oh well I blew it...I might as well eat what I want because I'm going to have to start over anyway
Eating lots tastes good, so it gives me this temporary high
Having a full tummy feels good, having too much feels gross, but being full feels good. On the other hand, it does feel good to have an empty tummy, like when I first wake up in the morning.
I think too that I tend to binge if I am feeling deprived. Like if I feel like I haven't had what I want for a long time or that I haven't received the recognition that I deserved.
WC: Wow Nancy, those are amazing answers. Very honest. So lets look at your answers for a minute.
Sugar. So you know that eating something high in sugar will set you up for craving more sugary items. Probably the best plan is to only eat sugar in small amounts. When you are faced with high sugar choices you will need to really do some self talk, "if you eat this, you will be faced with some pretty heavy cravings....are you willing to face those cravings? Is eating this really worth the cravings that will follow?
Feeling crappy when off program. You need to feel better about yourself. Start noticing the good in you on a daily basis. The whole you, not just the fat you. You need to realize that yes, you may have failed other times. But in reality it is one big journey. In stead of remembering all the times you have failed before, look at it as all the times you started again. That perserverance, that determination to reach your goals!
With time you will learn that eating something off program is not being off program. In fact you never really eat something "off program" You are simply choosing more calories than what you had planned. You can learn that you didn't blow it, but instead it was just one choice. Blowing it would mean giving up all together.
Yes, eating lots does give you a temporary high. You know that high will follow feeling really crappy physically. But lets focus on other temporary highs you can have. Exercise, eating healthy foods. Sex. Pampering time. You really need to make a list of these items.
Yes, having a full tummy can feel good. This same feeling can be achieved by eating the right things. Eating fiber. Fruits Vegetables. Eating good fat items like salmon and almonds.
Big reason. Deprivation. First of you have already and you will begin enjoying healthy foods more. It is important to slow down and enjoy food. Taste the flavors and textures. Take notes about what you really like and why. Start creating memories of eating and loving the healthy foods. The other part you mentioned lack of recognition. It is up to you to recognize yourself for your accomplishments. Set up rewards for goals...both weight loss and life goals.
Nancy: Wow, Thank you. A lot to think about. One thing I used to do is buy me a small $5 bouquet of flowers each time I had a "good week" That way I could see my reward all week long, and the weeks that I was off I kept an empty vase on the table as a reminder of wanting the flowers again.
Lots of good thoughts today. I am feeling good. I am now 188, a huge improvement from 212. But most importantly I feel good. I feel good about me and I feel empowered.
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (0)
Top
05/21/2009 17:13
update
I made my 5% on WW. I'm focusing on the % more so than the lbs. but it is fun to see progress. nancy
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (0)
Top
05/19/2009 02:52
food diary
POINTS® Tracker entries
Monday, May 18, 2009
Morning
yogurt -w/brandbuds and flax seed meal
4
Subtotal
4
Midday
1/2 serving(s) salmon 7 oz
2.5
mushrooms and green peppers grilled in pam - Quick-added food
0
Subtotal
2.5
Evening
2 medium orange(s)
1.5
8 oz cooked fillet of sole
5.5
0 point salad
0
Subtotal
7
Anytime
23 nut(s) almonds
4
2 slice(s) reduced-calorie bread
1
2 tbsp reduced-fat peanut butter
4.5
1 tbsp honey
1
Subtotal
10.5
Food POINTS values total used
24
Food POINTS values remaining
0
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (0)
Top
05/18/2009 21:38
Planning-from my own weight loss coach-me
Planning in absolutely essential for my journey. Since I have lost this weight several times before
I feel kind of like I am my own weight loss coach. As my own coach what do I have to say to you about planning?
What do you need to do Dietlimeade?
Plan out your menus for the week...yes I know it is hard, a pain in the rear to actually sit down and plan, count points, etc...but it is essential.Go to the store and purchase everything for the next weekPrepare any foods that can be prepared ahead of timeLabel foods so that family will not eat on accidentYou gotta plan your exercise.\ for the week..what do you want to do? When? for how long?Come back and report here with 1-5
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (1)
Top
05/18/2009 18:29
Where I am now
It has taken me my entire life to be ready to lose and maintain my goal weight. I understand that now. I have been in the darkest area of depression that a person can be. The dark place where you wonder if there is a way out. I had to do the work to pull myself out of that dark hole before I could be ready to lose these extra pounds.
It took years, my whole life to realize that the reason I needed to be fat was because I felt it kept me safe. Safe from trauma. Safe from being sexually abused. I didn't want to face those memories. But I had to. I had to in order to move on. I had to in order to be healthy.
The last few months I have felt ready to move forward. I began weighing 212 pounds. I weighed once then not again until recently when I began WW online. I began at 201. The scale is not my friend. I do not like the wow I lost x amount of pounds, or I gained x amount. So I've decided not to get on the scale more than I have to. I want to notice the changes in the way I look in the mirror.
This is my journey. Join me if you like. Dietlimeade
Posted By: dietlimeade
Add Comment |
Comments (2)
Top
