losing but cheating

Hurray lost 1 1/2 pounds despite some lapses in concentration. Did really well the first half of the week and then was given some fine swiss chocolate by a child in my class - yes of course I should've shared it/ given it away  but  this simp;y is not yet part of mentality yet - yep I scoffed the lot - at least 1200 calories just in that one bar and then of course that was followed by a few other slp ups -  we all know that one slip up does not a diet break  and yet somehow it seems an excuse for going down the greedy road again - anyone know why that is?

finish worke quals food

why is it that when you finish work for the day this triggers a need for food??

Day three and still going fairly well altho will have to re-arrange dinner to allow for what I ate at the end of work ( sandwich)

HURRAY First day first succcess

For the first time in months i have managed to complete day one of a diet without any falling off the wagon. Now I need to think of non- food reward to keep me going.

Why can't I do what is good for me ?

 well here it is again - day one of the diet.  Its not the first day one I've had its not even the the first day one I've had this week. I had one yesterday and the day before- but each time my pea brain failed to say no - no to the coffeed and walnut cake - no to the packet of crisps. its not that it didn't bother to think about it - it did - it really did. It had a thought and then said naaah - not today.

When I was young i was much slimmer ( weren't we all??) Bang in the middle of normal range.  I saw myself as slender but others didn't... they saw me as overweight.

I blame big boobs - big boobs have many advantages but they never make mr you look slim.  (You can also knock yourself ourt if you try running but thats another story!)  I also had wide shoulders and "child bearing hips"  I would have been great in a crisis. i would've been the one surviving the shipwreck, seeing out the famine, crossing antartica to rescue the stranded party, repopulating the world after nuclear war.... the trouble is there was never any call for a body which would survive in a famine.

Anway onwards and upwards.  In my late twenties I started putting on weight. It ties in with the moment I realised my life didn't seem to be working out quite the way I thought it would. At first it was just half a stone in a couple of years and then it was half a stone every couple of years.  And finally I wa fat.

Not that i see myself as fat - but others do - even people who i think of as fat see me as fat - which i still think is outrageous!

over the years i have managed to lose weight and ifelt great- lots of compliments and best of all the feeling of virtuousness - yes I can control my eating I am like normal people.  But each time I have put it back on.

The latest attempt was slimming world - a really easy diet - no fads, plenty of food - great. - Although the bottom line is I knew exactly what I should eat - I just didn't do it

And why?  Well I eat when Im sad, bored, bad day at work, tired worried.  I eat to celebrate, to welcome home loved ones, to warm up. And then I just eat and I don't know why.

What are the problem areas - well I appear to be addicted to bread. I also like chocolate and coffee and walnut cake. I like healthy food I really do but its never the first choice - its the choice I make if Im in control.  I don't know why its never the first choice I don't know why its not good enough on its own.

Its a shame I don't think of lettuce as a treat food. 

The good news is I eat very healthily. But ...... I also eat loads of rubbish as well.

The good news is I do quite alot of exercise  But...... I also slob on the sofa watching incredibly boring t.v. thinking I could be doing something else and then thinking - you know what I can't be bothered!

So here it is back on day one of diet and exercise.  the first target is to get through one day without cheating

Wish me luck