scale is not working

Well, after having a lot of trouble logging into extrPounds.com again, now I also realize that my scale is really not working well. I'm trying hard not to get discourage with myself!  From one day to another, the scale will show me a gain of like 4-5 lbs.  Someone had mentioned in one of my blogs that it is impossible to gain that many pounds from one day to another.  So, I'm deciding to log in only the weight I have officially had at the doctors office or on the scale at my work. They look more efficient.  Maybe this would encourage me a little more to keep on going!!! And then I had to reset my goal because I wanted to be weighing 141 lbs on 9/14/08 but that didn't work either.  This all sucks!  But I need to start having a positive attitude!!! AND NOW!!!

URGH!!!

This has been so frustrating--trying to log in after this update to this website.

stressed and no will power

I thought I was going to maintain myself while my dad was going through his bypass but I just started eating everything in sight.  I don't know why my hope to lose weight and will to keep strong just flew out the door during this time of surgery and waiting while he was in ICU.  I was nervous and I was scared.   My boyfriend came into town on Monday morning and he got to see my dad right before surgery and he was there trying to make my dad laugh about life a little and trying to make him feel better as if there was really no worry because everything was going to turn out fine.  I'm glad he was there with me and I'm glad all my siblings were there, too. 

It was so nervewrecking, I ate breakfast tacos for breakfast and I ate a lemon chicken plate at a chinese restaurant.  And while waiting, I ate cheetos, chips and chocolates.  Nothing I ate today was healthy and good for me!  I don't know what came over me!  I guess I'm an emotional eater, and I don't think that is good for me at all, either.  I need to have more control of myself but this emotion I had while waiting to see how my dad did during surgery was really strong, so strong I felt weak in my heart and my legs felt shaky and jittery.  Well, the worst was over, my dad came out strong and he is doing so much better.  I took him for his 1st follow up and his blood pressure was perfect and his stitching on his chest was healing beautifully, his blood sugar is steady and he is not having any complications right now, either.  I thank the Lord for listening to everyones prayers for my dad! 

Now I need to get back in  line.  For the sake of my life, health, love and family.

open heart surgery

Well, after being sick for about a whole month, my dad was finally diagnosed with Coronary Heart Disease.  Doctors kept telling him before that it was just stress. They were so wrong. Well, finally this doctor took a different approach to the problem. And even then, they thought it wasn't too serious until they decided to do the Stent on him and guess what?  His arteries were too clogged (90%) to clear the problem with this procedure.  Go figure.  Anyways, now he has to have open heart surgery.  He is scared as hell.  And me and my other 3 siblings are scared to death, too.  The thought of them opening up his chest, just makes him feel like life is gonna be over for him.  I don't blame him being scared but we just try and convince him that this surgery will give him another opportunity to live life to its fullest.  I personally don't know very many people that have had this surgery done, but I'm just trying to stay as positive as I can be with him.  That everything is going to be okay and that we need to have this great faith in God that life is going to be better for him afterwards, too. 

My siblings and I were talking about things the other day and life just started to become more frightening.  We were talking about my dads parents, our grandparents and they both have passed away having heart attacks.  What?  And now my dad is having complications with the heart.  And to top it off, he also has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. And the frightening thing is that my siblings and I haven't been as healthy as we should be either. I have always been concerned about my weight but my weight is like a yo-yo, I've been up and down, up and down. Its crazy, but back in March, I had finally decided to make an important decision of my life.  I decided to take charge of my life and wanted to do this for the rest of my life, not just up to a certain point and let go again because we all know where that leads us, back to weight we initially started with.  

And as far as my siblings, I have a younger sister. She's 32 years old, about 5 feet tall and weighs about 265 lbs (maybe even more, but she won't say).  Well, that is more than what I started with and I even advised her to go to the same doctor I was going to but I guess she feels, she is doing fine.  I worry about her and I also, worry about her daughter.  Her daughter is about 4 feet and 4 inches tall, in the 4th grade and already weighs about 141 lbs.  (Thats my weight goal!).  They don't eat healthy and they don't do much exercise.  What kind of life do they think they're going to be living 10 years from now.  

And then I have 2 brothers, one older 39 years old and the other 35 yrs old.  And they love to drink and smoke alot.  Every weekend.  And let me tell you, they don't eat healthy either.  They complain that they feel tired and without energy most of the time.  

I am happy that at 37 yrs old, I am atleast trying to get to a healthy weight and I am trying to learn how to eat better in the process but I am frightened for my family.  I wish I could help them but I guess they feel they are fine and that they are too young to be thinking about how serious this could be!!!    

CLOTHES STILL DON'T FIT RIGHT

This morning I woke up excited and looked forward to going to a JCPenney sale they were having for early birds from 7am to 1pm.  And what ends up happening?  A big disappointment.  I was looking forward to buying me some new clothes for work because all my clothes are fitting me bigger and looser. Let me tell you, every nice looking blouse I saw had the sleeves short and made my arms look even bigger.  Its almost like I am deformed.  Yeah, I am losing weight but the arms are still staying ugly with that stubborn flab.  The problem I am having is that the more I lose weight, there is this certain part of the arms that hang that make me very self concious of them.  I desperately need help in finding out how to work that certain part of the arm.  This was so frustrating that I ended up not buying anything but a damn bra and a bath rug.   

I'm not going to reach my goal!! :(

My goal was to weigh 141 lbs by September 14th and I don't think its going to happen!   My doctor didn't set a time for me to reach that goal but I did and I guess I was being "a little" unrealistic when I set a goal for myself to want to lose 60 lbs in 6 months!  Especially now that I feel I am going through a plateau   .  It has been hard for me lately, and even though I am taking Phentermine, I feel my body is not getting the full effects of it anymore like at the beginning.  And now my doctor is giving me those Vitamin B12 shots and they help a little but not too much.  

Well, I guess that as long as I am not gaining, I think I am doing okay, I guess!  I read on someones blog that it is actually better when you lose weight slower instead of at a fast rate.  I guess, but it sure does feel better when you see the scale moving downward at a constant rate.  Anyways, like that old song says, "Don't worry, be happy!"   Maybe I should set a goal like to lose 20 lbs from now until Halloween!  20 lbs in 14 wks? Does this sound reasonable?  Remember, I am going through a plateau, I can't seem to be moving from this weight-161 lbs.  Please advise!

Yeehah!

In case somebody does not know what yeehah means, its just an expression I say when I am feeling happy!   I had an emotional roller coaster all week long but it is finally coming to an end.  TOM probably had something to do with it but hey, I prefer TOM than no TOM at all at this point in my life.  Yesterday I had lunch with my dad.  He is doing alot better, I am so relieved!  I had myself a lemon peppered fish, with side spinach and green beens.  It was delicious!    And last night, I got on the treadmill for about an hour and I was sweating up a storm, it felt good! I didn't feel so bloated anymore and maybe thats why I felt a great sense of accomplishment, like things were moving along, (litteraly). lol

Well, this morning, I felt awesome.  I didn't have that feeling of being so fat and ugly anymore (even though I am still big).  I got up and got ready to go to church and my spirits were just lifted even higher.   I truly believe that it was my faith and power of prayer that helped me survive this week.  I know it may not have seemed to be a big deal what I went through this week but I am just not used to so much drama in my life.  I know life comes with trials and tribulations but sometimes I feel like I am not knowing how to handle certain things in my life, especially when the body is reacting a certain way, too.  Well, anyways.  Its all good now!   Yeehah!

I hope ya'll have an awesome day!  Take care!

What to do?

Last night, I really couldn't sleep!  About 1:45am, I woke up and I called my bf (whom is out of town).  On Monday, we had a huge fight and he had left to work w/o even saying good-bye! I hate for him to leave like this because then I worry he will not focus on driving safe or on his job which is very dangerous if you are not fully aware and concentrating on the job.  Well, I had finally heard from him on Wed and he was doing fine but as far as our issue (the reason for our fight), we didn't even discuss that and I really didn't want to talk about it, either because I didn't want to stress him out while he was out of town. But I just couldn't stop thinking about it last night.  He had sent me a text about 10:40pm saying he missed me.  Well, didn't know what to respond, so I just text him back saying that I missed him too but that we need to not forget that we cannot pretend Monday did not happen at all and that there was still much to talk about.  Well, I guess, he wanted to talk about my text and the issue and I ignored his phone call.  I really didn't want to talk about it till he came home but I guess he felt he was ready to talk.  Anyways, well, this did bother me and about 1:45am, I ended up calling him.  Don't really know why?  Do ya'll think TOM makes us a little crazy sometimes?  Anwyays, so I called him and we did talk about our issue and he finally said the words I was longing for!  He finally said, "I apologize!"  Yes, that is what I wanted to hear to feel better.  But then he wanted me to realize my wrong doing!  And yes, I did snap and approach him inappropriately about an issue and I guess, I just need to learn how to communicate w/o being so blunt and ugly about an issue! All week long, I had been feeling bloated and then Fri when TOM came, I felt a little bit better (especially knowing my dad was getting better and the issue between bf and I was talked about and settled) but I still felt my stomach big and hard.  Don't know what it is but this morning, I still don't feel 100% great.  Its kind of hard to describe, almost like I feel full and at the same time, I feel like butterfies in my stomach (like a nervous, anxious feeling) and then the cramping! Ugh!  Any suggestions!   

UNstaBle WeeK :(

My week has been crazy!    First of all, on Sunday my dad called me telling me he was feeling very sick and I was worried about him because when he called me, my dad was crying of pain. Listening to my dad's pain, being a strong, tough man, just broke my heart.   I had decided to call in to work to go and see my dad on Monday.  Well, then my bf and I had a fight before he left out of town on Monday morning. I hate fighting with him but he just doesn't understand me sometimes.  Well, then on Monday night, while I was here at home, miserable about my dad and then about my bf, I realized that I hadn't taken my birth control pill since Thursday morning.  What was I thinking?  Oh, my goodness, I was freaking out.   Oh, my goodness, what would I do if I'd come out pg!!!  I'm over here trying to lose weight at 37 yrs old and then I'd gain it all back coming out pg and at this age?!?!?  Well, all this just stressed me out.  I had to wait for TOM in order to start taking another pack of pills all over again.  (Tues 4:30am 30 min treadmill;  7:00pm 30 min Hip Hop Abs video)  Still hadn't heard from the bf, which just makes me more anxious and all and still no TOM!!!    On Wednesday, my dad was feeling better, which was great news and then finally, about 2:30pm the bf called, and I felt even better, hearing from him and knowing he was doing okay out there on the rig.  (Wed 7:30pm 45 min Turbo Jam video)  Although, I was trying my best keeping on track w/ the exercise and eating and all, I felt fat, big and bloated.  Wasn't sure what was really going on with my body but it didn't feel good.  On Thursday, I weighed myself -164 lbs and I felt like I weighed 200 lbs.  (Thurs 8:00pm 1 hr on treadmill) Ugh!  I still felt ugly and big!  On Friday morning, TOM finally showed up, YES, YES, YES!  And somehow I felt lighter.  And I weighed myself in the morning, and sure enough, DOWN 2 LBS!    What?  Like I said, crazy! 

Help!

First thing I did this morning was of course, go potty and then get completely naked (like that helps, right?) to get on the scale. No excuses of any kind, I needed to find out exactly how much damage was done yesterday cheating yesterday at Schlitterbahn.   Oh, my goodness, a gain of 5 lbs.!!!  What was going on?  Is this freakin scale broken or what?    This is just crazy!  Okay, I just wanted to blame something and not blame myself but it was me!!! It was bad enough that I hadn't lost anything because of not taking Phentermine and now I have gained and not a couple of pounds but 5 lbs.  Am I going backwards again. About 2 yrs ago, I had lost 35 lbs (from 200-165) and then as soon as I stopped trying so hard, I eventually gained it all back.  And now on March of this year, I started again weighing at 201 lbs and it seems like if I cheat for one whole day, I would gain it all back eventually again. I am failing and losing at this battle with my weight!!!