i guess before someone reads this and thinks i'm just an insane eater i want to let you all know that i don't eat alot of sweets, fast food, nor do i eat constantly.
i don't know what's going on. i'm a mess. i feel so alone and like the fattest blob ever. i have now exceeded the fattest i've ever been by 15 lbs. 2 years ago i was down to a size 4 and now i'm a 13.
i think i know why i'm gaining so much weight; it must be because of my inactivity. i use to work at a retail store where i was constantly moving around. now, i have a fluffy desk job where i sit for 9 hours a day.
i'm not surrounded by heavy people so it's hard to find someone to take a walk with me on breaks or even go to th gym with me.
so.. i've decided that tomorrow, January 9th, i am getting back my membership at the YMCA, i'm going to work my ass off and get back into shape. not because my 6 year old cousin calls me fat, but because every minute of my day revolves around how unhappy i am at being overweight.
i recently bought an ab lounger and i'm already feeling the burn. i'm going to keep up with it, because it's the most comfortable way i've found to do crunches and situps.
i wish i could fast forward to my future and see if i am successful at losing weight on my own. i called jenny craig today but the prices are just insane and i can't afford $450 for my first week of food and membership dues.
so i'm on my own again. i'm the fat one surrounded by skinny people. it's all up to me and i'm sick of letting myself down. i can't believe i've let myself get this far. it's time i REALLY REALLY do something about it. and you are all my witnesses here! i promise myself that this is something i can do for me, the greatest gift i can give myself.
i gained more weight in the last 2 months. pooey!!!! i gained like 6 lbs!!!!
so, i have a great neighbor friend, Lana. her and i are about the same height and weight and we both decided we are rediculous.
we tend to eat together alot; i usually cook, so i thought how great it would be if we did something together since we have similar goals. we are both horrible pill takers so we decided to split a bottle of alli.
i think lana has lost about 10 lbs in the last week or so, and i haven't seen a more than a lb or two trickle off. i have drastically cut back on what i've eaten. i've been eating low cal for about a week and so far so good. i'm pretty full afterwards and i'm not having any scary cravings. i have however had some pretty creepy side effects from alli. i won't gross anyone out but it really keeps me in check what i'm eating. it makes me not want to consume the waste i've been putting into my mouth.
i feel like my world us just setting me up for failure. everywhere i go there is temptation. so far i'm oblivious but who knows a couple weeks down the road. i'll do what i can to stay focus. =B
Let me start off by saying, in no way do I blame my bf for any of this. When I set guidelines for myself, I really need to take them serious, especially if I want to lose weight.
So, I usually work from 6am-3pm. I did so good. I ate a low carb burger, with salad, and diet coke. Not the greatest choice, but (!!!) I decided to do low carb just before my lunch break. So, I did good at work but when I got home my bf was excited to take me to his new favorite restaurant, Taste of Philly. I was thinking, "great! buns buns buns...." So I ate half my philly cheesesteak sandwich and saved the rest for later.
I know what alot of people are thinking... yeah, i could have gotten a salad or a fruit cup, or just ate the philly steak without the buns, but you guys should have seen how excited my bf was. I didn't want to be one of those party poopers who pick at their food. I was excited he was so excited. So without thinking twice I ate it, enjoyed it, and it was a great time.
BUT.... I do feel guilty for breaking my diet. I told him that I started a diet and as much as he loves me for who I am right now, I explained that I would be so much more THERE in this relationship if I had an ounce of confidence. He totally supports me, but in his guyish way, he said he hopes I don't lose my chubby cheeks, my squishy bottom, or my boobs. hehe. ;D
i'm at work and it finally hit me that i really need to get serious about my weight. i feel chunky, fat, gross, and blah. i felt like i was in a rut, so like a crazy person i dyed my hair 4 times last week. i finally realized it's not my hair that makes me so unhappy, it's my weight.
i've gone from a size 4 to a size 10/12. not cool.
i'm ready to get back down to a decent size. i feel like my life suffers. i'm not comfortable buying new clothes; nothing fits right. i feel like my relationship has suffered; my new bf has never seen me naked. and overall i find myself not wanting to do things that i would love to do because i'm self consious... like going to water world or swimming in general.
i opened a membership at the YMCA 2 months ago and have only gone once. i went lastweek, first time, and i felt sooo great. i've always enjoyed working out, but it takes me alot to actually get up and go.
i have no more excuses. it's time for a change. i think the best way for me to do this is to eat low-carb, and lots of cardio with some weight training.
