Un Supersize me

So while I was blogstalking around here…I came across this post that was discussing the mixed messages we receive while dieting…how we the consumers are faced with so few completely healthy options that involve drive up windows..…(okay as I am typing this I realize there are sooo many things wrong with that statement…ie…

• Yes, I know fast food places are getting healthier selections every day and I truly explore those options …but when I do…would it be too much to ask that you make available  a healthy ff alternative to add to my salad?
• yes, I probably could have planned better so I had healthy choices at home that would suffice instead ….….
• and…If in fact, it is necessary to order fast food,  what the hell am I doing going thru the drive thru anyway? …I could certainly benefit from walking  the 30 steps from my car to their arches.
• if I  am willing to make that walk anyway…why not just pop into that grocery store in the same center and buy the orange and yogurt?

Ah. I but I digress….      

Obviously society has convinced us the bigger is better, but is it?…so the fact that I am quite lazy and am suffering from a bit of blogapathy these days, I thought I might blogbezzle?  (blogknap?) this topic and run with it…(well.on paper. No activity points earned here, no calories burned).    

So here is a list of items that are better off 

NOT  SuperSized…  

1. French Fries
2. Big Mac’s
3. Jeans
4. My MasterCard statement
5. my thighs
6. Mice (yes, I know “big mice” are more than likely really rats)
7. Kbb’s obsession with cookies
8. egos (not to mention comb overs)
9. hangovers
10. this guy although in this line of work there is something to be said for certain enhanced body parts
11. And my obsession for all things chocolate     ~sigh~ 

brat

phoning it in...

Tap.tap.tap.tap….delete.delete.delete.delete…nah…can’t write THAT…

Tap.tap.tap.tap….delete.delete.delete.delete   nope…not THAT either! …crap…ummmmmmmmmm????

< stares blankly at monitor>

ummmm uh…I. Got. Nothing. 

Nothing remotely blogworthy today!

a bad case of  BLOGSTIPATION  if you will,  and it’s not like it’s really my fault …you see… now all of a sudden I have a little more to consider before I type…I can no longer just blast out the kinda crap I used to and assume no one will bother to read it....nor can I use my real life as blog  fodder because  YOU ALL KNOW ME NOW.

and …you’ve already heard me ramble on and on about my scale, so I won’t even go there …(but I would like to add here.…I was feeling it AGAIN  yesterday!!!).

There really is no reason to talk about my culinary indiscretions here either, because …..again…. I GET IT!

I guess I could share with you that I exercised for 4 hours straight yesterday… (ah. but only in my mind…so that probably will leave you a little less than impressed too)…

So basically…I got nothing..  I’m just kinda phoning it in today…

Maybe tomorrow…we’ll see…

Brat…

 But, here’s a HOT Tip to GIRL NEXT DOOR .….If price has anything to do with quality, then THIS SHOULD BE THE BEST CONTRAPTION  ever  for solving your little critter problem…Let me know if you have any luck…because I’m not sold on it just yet…perhaps mine isn’t set up correctly…cuz so far my furry friend has totally evaded capture…and quite frankly I am more than a little tired of pulling that catapulting man back out of  the bathtub every fiteen minutes or so..…

Cyberspace Vs. Reality

So I had a bunch of “real life pals” show up here at extrapounds.com and they all decided this is an ultra cool place to hang out. Together. Again. As. A. Group.  and as luck would have it… ...they too have joined … and while I am sooooooooooo tickled to see them here that I could just pee myself, I do have a couple of areas of concern that I feel I must address here, now… in my formerly very private, obscure blog…LIKE:

1. I am no longer living in relative anonymity here at extrapounds.com (cuz these folks know me and know where I live)
2. I will no longer be able to talk freely about them or use them as blog fodder here anymore (cuz these folks know me and know where I live)
3. I will no longer be able to lie about my imaginary McMansion located behind the Orange Curtain (cuz these folks know me and know where I live)
4. I will no longer be able to exaggerate in my blog about my very special life (cuz these folks know me and will call me on my bullshit)
5. or my “true” scale weight and not the number that I weigh in my mind (cuz these folks know me and know what I look like)
6. The Pictures I post here will have to actually be of “me” and not just some very cute girl that agreed to let me put her pic here for the small pittance we agreed upon. (cuz these folks have pictures of me and know how to post ‘em)
7. I can no longer describe Mr.Brat as somewhat of a cross between Mathew McConaughey and Jon Stewart (cuz these folks know him and know what he looks like)
8. I will have to remember the stories I shared with all my cyberfriends  about my “very special life” and pray they never hook up with my actual “reality friends” (cuz my cyberfriends only think they know me based on the make believe tales I shared with them about my very special life)
9. I will no longer be able to share with you about my summer house in the Hamptons or my ski villa in the French alps…(cuz these folks know me and I never chose to share with them about these homes, cuz I didn’t think they would behave appropriately if I invited them there…however all my cyberfriends are welcome to join me.)
10. but I do know, that I am pleased as punch that they are here…cuz I think maybe it will get me back on track! (cuz these folks know me and want me to be skinny  too). 

Okay…so this wasn’t the post I was gonna go with…I was gonna go back to addressing my birthday party issue…but I figure that can wait a couple of days…there is still plenty of time,  yannnno?

10 things that I didn't get around to doing yesterday

1. I did not blog yesterday…  
2. or read any of your blogs..
3. or hunt down new potential friends at EP.com so that I could add you to my  own “friends list” in hopes that you would then reciprocate by  adding  “me to yours” and then  I could shamelessly sit back and watch as my RSS and site meter explode exponentially during the next few days.  
4. I did not stop eating at 7:30pm last night even though I told myself I would.  
5. or 8pm even
6. I did not share with calorie king.com all the m and m’s I actually ate at bunko last night after 7:30pm. 
7. Or the wine I drank. 
8. or the Hershey’s kisses that happened past my mouth.  
9. Nor did I purchase a new day planner cuz according to THIS LONGEVITY TEST  I am going to live to be 103 years old so I will be in need of a new one that will get me thru until 2059 (and I couldn’t find one I liked in burgundy.)
10. And finally ….I did not make up my 103rd birthday invitation list for this big event cuz I wanted to :    

•  make sure you wanted to be included
• know your future address so I can send the invite.
• make sure the two of us are still speaking at that time 
• verify that you too will be alive in April of 2059 before I waste the stamp. 

But in the event you do want to be included please feel free to join me 

On April 1st 2059… 

Save the Date! 

location TBD… 

dress:Casual—with sensible shoes please 

Menu Choices—all soft foods… 

Gifts mandatory!!! 

Rsvp asap

It's not me it's You.

Remember when I went to visit my doctor and ended up writing that    LETTER TO YOU   because things just weren’t working out between the two of us?  

Well the time has finally come when my doctor thinks that “we” should give “us” another try.Again.Together.…Now.

Oh sure, not a day goes by that images of you haven’t come crashing back in my mind,  but really not in a good way…not in the way you had hoped. Not because I wanted you back…You see, I actually liked it around here without you…without your constant nagging or need to always be the center of attention…you see without you around I was peaceful…calm …happy……I had a Plan!    

I guess what I am trying to tell you is that-- I.Am.Over.You.

If it were up to me, I would cut you out of my life forever because the two of us, in my opinion,  just.don’t.work.! …I think we both just want different things. And those dreams are miles apart from each other’s! ~sigh~  

Painful for you to hear this,  I know…but that said, a deal is a deal and I intend to hold up my end of the bargain.  This trial separation was to run for 60 days and after that we were to reunite for a month and then re-group and evaluate our feelings for each other after that…  

Here we are, just 8 days back together and you have gone back to your old sloppy ways…Do you not remember how it was before??? things were supposed to change this time around, you were supposed to be more considerate of my goals, dreams, ambitions, needs..

But I can already tell…you are selfish and relentless.   

So here it is..we tried…I intend to fulfill my end of the bargain but I am planning another trial separation in just 3 weeks…21 more days together and then I will be free from you again for the following 60 days…I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this and are willing to mend your ways…cuz now I know..

No pain no gain

“Excuse me to you have any openings? ” I ask the girl lounging in the spa mani-pedi  chair reading her Vietnamese newspaper.  “ I’m in need of a wax <bikini> and I was passing by and thought I’d pop in and see if you could fit  me in”.    

Normally I would  have this done at my regular salon…but due to the Holidays and my manicurist’s  pre-scheduled visit to her homeland, my trips there this past month have not included this feature…needless to say, I was a bit overdue…    

Now considering my free afternoon and an upcoming weekend away to warmer climate I figured I should get this knocked out. Now.Today.   “Helen”  pops up from her comfy recliner  and eagerly (maybe too much so) admits she was available “follow me , please”.  I follow her to a relatively comfortable and sanitary looking room where she proceeds to introduce herself as Helen—although in the next few minutes I would quickly grow to refer to her as Helga— a much more suitable of a name for her…   

“take off pants, hop on table”…she ordered…Now I must say, this isn’t one of my favorite primping tasks and I often delay this service a week or two (okay three to five) weeks longer than I should, but I do eventually get there and on fairly regular basis so basically I know the routine…   

“you want all gone?”….

um…”no thanks”. (I generally prefer to leave a small  (ahhhh)   landing strip, so to speak, it is just much easier to maintain this way for me. )

“you can leave a little”     Like I said, I’m not a big fan of the whole  “strip, grip and rip” process but a girl’s gotta do what a girls gotta do…and so up on the table I hop…

Well it starts off normal enough but pretty soon Helga becomes a tad more overly aggressive than any of the aestheticians I have ever had the pleasure of visiting before.  Pretty soon, I come to realize that Helga has discover whole areas and levels of pain to inflict on one that I didn’t even know was humanly possible with this procedure. 

“Sweet Jesus!” <RIP> “are we almost finished here yet?” <RIP>…I cry…hoping my tears will somehow dissuade her from further persecution. <RIP>  “No, “soon”,  she replies..  <RIP>….   

After many more torturous minutes of this Helga (the hedgetrimmer) lays down her wax and with a twinkle in her eyes says “have fun tonight!”…”Tonight?”  uh…”no one’s going anywhere near me there tonight”  I mumble as I feebly limp off the table…<sigh> “maybe tomorrow, we''ll see..”….  

So what’s this got to do with weight loss you ask?  Well probably nothing …except I have noticed that the more weight I lose, the more waxing, shaving, plucking and primping I find needs to occur on a more regular basis… 

Addendum

To be added to my preceding post of New Years resolutions listed ¯ 

In the spirit of honesty and forthcomingness, I shall admit my current weight as witnessed on the scale this very cold Friday morning 1/5/07 … 

To be that of   ….163.5      ~sigh~ 

I would furthermore like to fess up that my weight subsequently portrayed as 162  ( over thereà )

is but a distant memory.

From long, long ago.

Sometime last year in fact…. ( 12/25/06)    ~sigh~

Honestly, I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing my promising graph take a detour.

In. The. Wrong. Direction.

Like it has.  

There it’s out.…I’ve done it!   

I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders by opening up and coming clean to all of you….

and….

I’m thinking….

maybe ...

I should  go hop back  on that  scale to see

if in fact,

that huge weight on my shoulders,

just happened to be the equivalent of 1.5lbs….  

Which would mean…

I would weigh 162  

so I could  re-edit my weight back

and delete this post…. 

And no one would be the wiser….  

New Years Resolutions for 2007

My New Years Resolutions…

um…proposals…

um…items worth considering.

1.  I will practice writing “2007” today, so that by March I will no longer have cross outs on all my checks.
2. I will NOT cancel my gym membership.  I may, in fact, even investigate additional options.
3. I will load my ipod with lots of cool work-out music and will shamelessly steal playlists from anyone willing to share…(suggestions?)
4. This year,  at some point I will wash/hose off my exercise mat and free it from the years of sweat that has accumulated and compacted into it’s foam pores.
5. I will not cuss at my aerobics instructors even when she insists on “just 8 more”. (even under my breath)
6. I will attempt to keep my email in-box to a more manageable level and try to function without the need to use the scroll bar to navigate thru it.
7. I intend to have all single digit sizes hanging in my closet.  Excluding L’s. I hope.
8. I will weigh and measure my food before consuming it.  More.
9. I will discontinue all produce science experiments in my fridge.
10. I will continue to sacrifice the consummation of brussel sprouts for the entire year.  (I gave these up for Lent when I was 9 and it worked out so well, I haven’t gone back to them yet.) 
11. I will not ask my houseguests to “smell my dogs feet” to see if they agree, they smell like Fritos. They. Do. So! ( I read this somewhere and it's true...check for yourselves)
12.  I will go the entire year….um month of January, without saying, “yes please, Supersized”.
13. and most importantly, I will NOT say “all in” even if I am holding pocket aces before the flop.  Ever. Again.

seriously....

2007--10 Things I have no intention of missing

1. Those size 14 pants that I was starting to fill out again.
2. My back fat …that icky stuff that was hanging out/over/under my bra that prohibited me from wearing any kind of form fitting shirt.
3. My double chin (it’s still there…but it certainly has shrunk)
4. My disproportionate Ab Flab…(again…shrinking.)
5. My waist fat (back view again, here)…you know those creases of fat that gives the “double waist” look?
6. The overhang from my size D’s (I refuse to try DD’s)
7. Witnessing the number 179 on the scale. Ever.Again.
8. Nbc’s '06 fall lineup  ~sigh~
9. 3 different stacks in my closet, each containing a plethora of capris, skorts, jeans, and slacks.  Each.Stack.A.Different.Size!
10. Not being able to use the “HEAT” setting on my dryer due to possible shrinkage.
11. The whole Britney and KFed drama!
12. And finally…my butt!

Yes, I realize I should probably have tied #2, #5 and #12 together into one “back view” bullet 

 which,  would then leave me with 10. 

Just.Like.I.promised.                

sooooo…. 

Consider.

It.

Done.

~~brat~~

My Miscellaneous Measurement Missive:

Quick notes about my Personal Paradoxal Perception of my Pending Proportions ( aka body image)….

Remember when, I took a break from the hectic holiday happenings in the haberdasheries at the mall and decided that my own current wardrobe needed some much overdue up-dating?  (okay…my thesaurus was just sitting there, dust all over it,  begging me to break open it’s binding)  anyway…I ventured into the fitting room armed with that hot pair of jeans in a size 8 for myself.   and, even though I could squeeze into them at the time, I thought I should delay their purchase until

a)      my other Holiday Gift Giving list was completed,

b)      I had lost a couple more lbs. ensuring their proper fit,  and

c)      most importantly, my checking account had a few more discretionary funds back into it after bleeding it dry.   

Well I opted for

d)      none of the above…what I actually ended up doing was obsessing over these jeans and how hot I looked in them,  and how handy they would come in over the next few days …and….proceeded to jet  back to the mall to try them on again. Three.Days.Later! 

(“yeah, I can afford them, I can scrape up the money…” I justified….) So into the dressing room I head again, armed with the same size 10’s and 8’s (just in case and to feed my ego)…then, quickly headed to the cash register…Before.I.Change.My.Mind. so yeah…I own them, I’ve worn them, I looked hot in them, and yes…I’ve worn the 8’s as well….OUTSIDE EVEN!…(gotta luv vanity sizing!)  

but that's not all:

On Christmas morning, amongst the heaps of festively ripped open packages, clothes, ipods, socks, pj’s…was a present that my DH had selected specifically for me…yes, my very own husband took the time to shop for me to find just the perfect gift that he knew would look good on me and make me happy…and what treasure did he select for me, you ask?  

A beautifully wrapped box, complete with tissue, name tag and expensive (albeit store-bought) bow…from Sports Authority…inside…a beautiful, lavender, female cut, fleece material jacket (for walking) complete with tags intact and a 4” long sticker attached to the front that read:

Small

Small

Small

Small

Small

Um…honey?  Have you seen me?  A.SMALL?…now XL, I can make work, L-pleases me…M- if they are cut generously..but S?  um…not gonna happen…his response…bless his soul…was, “but I held it up and it looked like it would fit you, besides the next size up looked SO LARGE!…um…yeah, thanks!  (cuz, those larger ones?  yeah…..they’re the ones that fit)…~sigh~…but on closer inspection, it appears that he wasn’t that far off…in fact, the small,small, small, small sticker was mismarked and it truly was a medium and guess what?  It FIT!…A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

Seriously…