Return to Sender.

This just in…..Damn….gonna have to come up with plan B I guess….

(Form letter # 63b)

 Dear   ­­­­­   Mrs.Brat____,

Thank you for your recent LETTER.  We here at the Hershey’s Company are always happy to hear from our customers as it gives us more insight into how we can better serve our customers.

Unfortunately, I will be unable to fulfill your request of :

• (#6) discontinuing distribution of our velvet chocolaty, goodness items to your area for the next 90 days_at this time.

   

due to the fact that:

• (#13) our delivery trucks will need to make the trip anyway to drop off shipments of our other delightful products such as Twizzlers ©  and Good and Plenty ©.

But I would like you to know:

• (82d)  that I, personally was moved by your generous offer to show me your naughty bits and would like to leave that avenue open for the future.

I am sorry that I cannot comply with your request at this time but I truly value your patronage. Please accept this case of Hersheys Chocolate Kisses© free of charge as my gift to you and as a token of my appreciation.  Thank you for your continued loyalty and support.  I hope to hear from you again in the future.

Hugs and Hershey kisses,©

Mr. Hershey    

IN MEMORY OF

160

 May he rest in Peace. 

  (sometimes we all just need a gentle PUSH to get the message.)   

   158.5

 YES!  

an open letter to 160

Dear 160,

I have a big favor to ask of you, little buddy.  You and I have become quite tight recently  and I have to say that at first, I loved just hanging out with you…you were always there in a comforting sort of way…you filled the vacancy that 161 and 162 left when they so quickly up and vanished (never to be heard from again).   NEVER once did I feel Alone.Empty.Small. 

But just recently I have noticed that I am starting to feel suffocated by you. You see, I long to spend time alone, without you and it seems I just can’t shake you…you are always THERE, in my thoughts, at the scale,  on my hips.…(we won’t even begin to mention how you are always trying to encourage your friends to join us…but that’s another story and… another letter, probably)  anyway…it’s time.  I need a break from you.

You have probably noticed that I have been ordering a little less at meal times and choosing foods that you specifically don’t care for all in hopes that you will get the hint and move along. But it appears that you are just that “dense.” 

So here it is, pal..…let me spell it out for you!  1—6—0 ,  How would you feel about letting go of your grasp?  Moving along?   taking one for the team?

I think you’ve held tight to this spot long enough and quite frankly, it is time to let 159 step up to the plate so we can see what he’s got to offer. It’s time for you to pack your bags and be gone.  I’m sorry to do this to you..I enjoyed our time together and will always think of you fondly… and remember…it’s not you. it’s me.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Brat

what I know now

Weight loss has made me smarter in many areas of my life (which is comforting to know because it tells me that my 41.2 lb loss so far to date has been a result of in fact, real fat and not any significant decrease in my remaining brain cells.  But along with being knowledgeable about how to drop a lb or two, you pick up other tips that you probably never figured you’d need to know such as:

• How to choose foods that fuel me for longer periods of time
• how many calories there are in just about every item on the Carl’s Jr. Menu (although for the life of me I can’t remember your phone number to return your call…except your’s mom)   
• the Weight Watcher Points value of basically every food item in my house right now (and I haven’t followed ww’rs for 2 years)
• exactly how far I have to walk to earn a Starbucks Vanilla nonfat decaf latte (2 miles, 31 minutes)
• How to become masterful with photoshop..(shaving off lbs is a breeze in the editing mode)
• How to shop for clothing brands that support the use of  VANITY SIZING (oh. and Spandex!)
• That it is in my best interest to NOT have peanut butter in my house.
• To consider switching from rock,paper,scissors to a coin toss when it comes determining who has to clean our garage tomorrow. (damn you scissors!)
• More about my hypothalamus gland then I ever wanted to know (especially since I didn’t know it even existed)
• And finally that sometimes I think it may be easier to gain 3 inches in height than it will be to lose these last 10 lbs.

~Sigh~

missing posts

so apparently the good folks at msn.com really don't want me to be part of the whole EP experience, seeing as they have been diverting all of my mail to places somewhere unknown...

so let me just say...if in fact you have tried to contact me via EP  ..I didn't get it...if you posted to my blog I wasn't ignoring you...I just wasn't notified.. so hopefully, I will come back and scan thru your responses and try to reply...

and I think I have managed to work around the system and hopefully will be getting my messages from now on otherwise you may soon have  to find me at  msnhatesEP@msn.com 

~sigh~

what's in your wallet?

Okay…so I am sitting here thinking what useless stuff can I bore you with today? And I’m torn… 

I’m at a bit of a crossroads here and not sure which direction to go today.  I mean it’s tempting to stick with the typical drivel that I generally bore you with and this banter ordinarily seems to suffice just fine.  (I mean who else can write an entire blog on things I didn’t do yesterday and get away with it?)   This place is already deluged with numerous

 Inspirational    Losers who have managed to beat the odds and get to goals set well below anything I picture for myself (even in my dreams) and EP has only room enough for one literary poetic   genius here so I guess I will have to stick with what I do best….making lists… 

So today I thought I would wind down from the norm and come up with something useful. Handy. Inspiring. Of Value..(um…at least to me). And…so … in keeping with EP’s current practice of placing meaningful ads on this site, I thought I’d do the same (sort of a public service for all,  pro bono of course.) So here is My top 10 list of:

Shit I would read on the Company Dime (if I was employed)

1. For hangin' with my homies
2. it all adds up
3. cuz size matters
4. walking the walk —set to satellite and zoom in
5. details please
6. in case #1 isn’t enough
7. To keep in the know
8. To figure out your longevity and whether you should be invited to my 103rd birthday bash
9. Before I waste another penny on crap I won’t use
10. and of course here and there just to see what I’m missing 

So the question is …. 

…What’s in YOUR favorites?

An Open Letter to the Good Folks at Hersheys

Dear Mr.Hershey

I know you are a busy man but I was wondering if I might suggest a profitable business proposal that may help both of us.  

  I have a bit of a problem that I desperately need YOUR help with.  You see,  starting tomorrow I intend to make concentrated effort to restrict some of my dietary indiscretions that have previously impacted my physical stature.  

  For the most part, I try to eat healthy, well rounded meals that fall well within the food pyramid and your products tend to fill most of  these boxes in nicely (ie.  Chocolate is derived from cacao bean and we all know beans are vegetables.  2ndly sugar comes from cane or beets ..again plants, therego veggies… sometimes you even slide in delightful nuts or crunchy bits in your bars which cover the fats and carbs boxes.  And…ultimately one can not succumb to one of your delightful chocolaty goodness bars without the benefit of a tall glass of milk-àdairy….so as you can see …a pretty healthy product. 

 (I have even tried fine-tuning my personal diet plan to include consuming one of your products before each meal with the intention of curbing my appetite.  Yet, still no progress.)  

 Here is where you come in.  I was wondering if for the next…say….90 days you wouldn’t mind discontinuing the distribution of your products to the West Coast? (specifically the LA, Orange County region.)  I find that maybe if my local Vons, Ralphs and various convenience stores stopped stocking your product, I might not choose to feast on them quite so often.  

I assure you, I have given this a lot of thought, weighed the benefits and even done some basic cost analysis to evaluate the potential profits for both of us…so this truly is a win-win situation.  How so you ask?   Well…it’s like this…you see I live

 ßway over here on the west coastß          

   àand you are way over there in Hershey Pa-à    

 Think of the money you will save in distribution?  Your trucks will no longer have to drive all across the US just to deliver chocolaty goodness  to this area … gas, time, tires, =   $$$$$   also, since I am not going to be eating it anyway…the manufacturing savings will be huge as well....(you may even choose to lay off a couple of folks and take advantage of additional savings, but I for one am not encouraging this.)  Of course there is that little matter of St. Valentines Day approaching so I realize this might impact your final decision, however let me just add that under the circumstances should you comply willingly, I might even consider showing you my naughty bits.   

 Anyway…thank you for your time, I am sure you, being the astute business man that you are, will recognize the cost savings to yourself as well as the benefits to your bottom line. (and I for one hope to recognize the cost savings to my  pocketbook along with the benefits to my bottom). 

 Sincerely,

Mrs.Brat 

 p.s.  I have a ton of  additional tips that I would love to share with you should this partnership continue to flourish between the two of us.

The truth hurts

So I have been floating around on a bit of a plateau lately…which doesn’t concern me really, I was ready for a short break.  In fact, I scheduled it.  After dropping 15lbs in Nov and Dec I wanted to just post a maintain in January and start it up again. Later. After the Holidays. Which is Now.February.   

I know I have good qualities and attributes (although according to Mr. brat cooking isn’t one of em) so dieting shouldn’t have to consume me in an all or nothing fashion but it does..and quite frankly right now.. I am just not at all happy with my refection in the mirror these days. (Even though there are times I am able to convince myself that YES, I am “ALL THAT” but alas, the snooze button eventually gets pummeled and I am faced with the cold harsh reality of morning sunlight. 

So this Monday, will be forever known as  “Motivation Monday”, where I will once again steamroll ahead (or downward more specifically) to cast aside some additional unwanted lbs. and in so doing, hopefully a size (or two).  This I know will make me feel better about the process and my journey.  

Monday morning out come the colored pencils, charts, graphs, spreadsheets, schematics, forecasts, time lines, projections and who knows maybe I’ll even throw in a power point presentation….all this to assist me in getting closer to goal (yes, I am a bit of a visual geek and a numbers whore).  

But today I thought I’d take an inventory of the parts that need to be addressed and could probably stand for a bit of fine-tuning.  So behold, my list of : 

 Body parts that refuse to LIE: 

1.  My double chin…yep…still there (although the 3rd one’s gone now.
2. My hypothathalmus gland (unless of course I drug it first)
3. My swollen and cranky knee that cringes every time it hears the word “exercise”
4. My disproportionately skinny ankles (…why can’t ankles be the criteria for which all women are judged for their hotness?)  
5. Hips (cuz according to Shakira, they just don’t!)
6. My Tummy in yoga pants. damn you pudge! One Day…..!
7. My Taste buds…(why can’t brussel sprouts be a suitable replacement for chocolate? )
8. My Poker face (or lack there of?) while holding aces over eights.  
9. My hair (mrs.scissorshand and helga will both need to be summoned soon to counteract the effects of regrowth issues)  ...And finally,
10. Those 15lbs that are currently in abstentia… that refuse to be enough to warrant an emergency fashion shopping spree this weekend and are too numerous to effectively convey anything other than closet “gang attire” for 50 year olds. Seriously…   

Totally Useless

Stealing from miss ronda and smokin hot shelley  (who probably stole from others) to give to brat. 

Totally Useless stuff about me cuz I love lists   (dang…that makes it 101 things)  

1. # of husbands at the present time
2. # of step-adults (mr.brat’s kids)
3. # of  brothers I have
4. (growing up they needed a shortstop, so I was a pretty good infielder)
5. # of grandkids I have
6. I love taking cruises
7. my parents are both alive today
8. my grandparents lived to well into their 90’s
9. I eat cereal every morning for breakfast
10. I love all fruit
11. except mangos
12. I am very competitive
13. I adore photo shop
14. I love graphs and charts
15. I have 34 first cousins (all in California)
16. people sometimes find me somewhat sarcastic
17. # of candles on my next anniversary cake
18. I love all games 
19. I generally win
20. # of pounds I would like to lose
21. important decisions are settled via the rock, paper, scissors system
22. I always pick scissors
23. everyone knows this about me
24. I think I may change to rock to shake things up a bit
25. I don’t order hamburgers at fast-food places
26. I don’t order salads there either
27. I love ff mocha lattes.
28. # of years on my last job
29. I have many friends
30. I can’t keep secrets
31. my many friends know this already
32. I spend far too much time on the computer .
33. I suffer from EDD…similar to ADD except with exercise
34. I never graduated college
35. yet made more money than most of my friends that did.
36. I exercise 5 days a week (usually)
37. I love going out to eat
38. my dog is spoiled rotten
39. my pedometer rarely hits the 10,000 number
40. unless I don't clear it between days
41. I don’t sleep in pj’s
42. or anything else for that matter
43. I am pretty sure no one is reading this right now.
44. I am easily amused so I figured I’d finish it anyway
45. I hate most green vegetables
46. I am slow to return videos that I rent or borrow
47. I like shopping
48. but  love shopping when I weigh less
49. I am a bargain hunter
50. I don’t use coupons at the grocery store
51. # of candles on my next birthday cake
52. I drink too much diet coke
53. I love all sweets
54. I wish I didn’t
55. I weighed 154 when I graduated grammer school, HS and got married
56. I wish I weighed 154 today
57. I have blonde hair
58. (that I pay for)
59. I have not called Helga to reschedule my next wax
60. but I will…(I think I may volunteer for a root canal first though)
61. I have yet to find a 2059 day planner
62. or select the location spot for my 103rd birthday party
63. or finalize the guest list
64. I have however, selected the font for the invitations  ALGERIAN  (do you like it?)
65. I live walking distance to the beach
66. I excel at TiVo
67. I like writing blog letters to my body parts
68. I could easily give up wine for chocolate
69. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to give up both
70. I’m thinking that if you haven’t lost interest yet and are still reading this now, you are probably a very boring person with nothing better to do.
71. Mr.Brat loves Angel games
72. We share season tickets with a large group
73. Our seats are great! and I generally go with him but really would prefer to be at the movies.
74. I am very independent.
75. We have season tickets to the Theatre.
76. I enjoy babysitting for my 3yr granddaughter
77. followed by a large glass of grandma juice afterward.
78. I hate cooking
79. it is my opinion that one needs only own two appliances in their  kitchen
80. a microwave
81. and a phone for take out.
82. Mr.Brat has been very understanding with my kitchen shortcomings
83. he says I have “other attributes”
84. I rarely get sick
85. I used to wear glasses but had lasik eye surgery
86. I have never had a black eye
87. I do not work for a living
88. I love not working but miss paydays
89. My house is always clean
90. at least downstairs
91. friends make fun of me because of my clean house
92. I am good with money. sometimes.
93. I don’t buy lotto tickets
94. I rarely make coffee at home
95. I prefer cake over ice cream
96. but given the choice, I would choose both
97. this list was easier to write than I thought it would be
98. who knew I  could share so much useless information in  just 21 minutes
99. it would have been quicker but I had to stop to pee.
100. it probably would have been more interesting but I rushed thru it because I bore easily.  

10 dirty little weight loss secrets

That just aren’t workin for me…and probably need to be addressed.

VERYSOON:

Db’s disclaimer ---à don’t try any of these at home… 

1. Not counting Calories. Or Points. or Fat . or Exercise. (or miniature snickers bars)
2. Consuming  85% of my daily calorie allotment between the hours of 6:15 pm and 7:15pm.
3. Considering it  “a fast” when no calories are consumed between the hours of  11pm and 8 am, and rewarding myself for this achievement.
4. Excluding all vegetables from my diet that contain more than 7 letters in their title.  Or are Green…… Or Orange…..
5. watching exercise videos while eating lunch on the couch .(And considering it my  exercise for the day.)
6. Apples dipped in chocolate ..
7. Bananas dipped in chocolate
8. Chocolate.
9. Treating myself  to lunch immediately following my Aerobics class (and complaining thru lunch about how challenging class was today) 
10. And finally….Exercising minimal self control over my eating habits for the day probably shouldn’t be counted as exercise after all.  ~sigh~