Bailout
To: Department of Health and Human Services
Dear Surgeon General,
It has come to my attention that over 62% of adults in the US (ages 25-64) are considered to be obese, or to be more specific 161,072,330 by US census statistics. This has been a “growing” problem (hee, hee get it?…) in America over the past decades and you yourself have actually had to declare a “War on Obesity”. Since I am not a big fan of any type of war, I have given this a lot of thought on the matter (okay at least the last hour or so when I realized that I needed a blog entry today) and I believe I could have a solution to get us out of this war successfully and with a swift “exit strategy”.
Since bailouts seem to be all the rage today, I would like to stick with this focus and offer my own viable approach to ending this war once and for all.
Say for example you were to collect, say, 800,000,000,000 (why be outdone by the treasury department?) of the unused calories that are just floating around in the air by those that can be identified as “small framed”, “tiny” and “sizes 0-6’s” and were to bundle them up and distribute them to “WE” the over endowed? hell Ashley, Marykate and Calista can supply a whole bunch of these alone, imagine if all of Hollywood were to donate theirs?That way, if those of us that actually enjoy eating something more tasty than cardboard were to over-indulge on occasion we could just utilize the spare calories issued to us from the bailout.
So say for instance, that I would like to lose 25 lbs by my birthday. That means that my portion of the bailout would amount to 87,500 calories. (hardly a dent in that 800,000,000,000 you have currently on hand.) With these numbers you would be able to bailout an estimated 9,142,857 folks across the nation.
But the good news is, it doesn’t end there. Once those 9 million folks are at their proper weight, they too could donate their extra calories back, whereby creating a windfall of enormous fashion that can be distributed across the rest of the nation…hell, maybe the world…(you might even be granted the Nobel Peace Prize for your efforts in saving lives here).
And the best part is, this proposal won’t cost taxpayers a cent!!! It is free for the taking…(although, come to think of it…we probably won’t even need that proposed $700,000,0000 treasury bailout when you figure all of these skinny folks are going to need new size appropriate clothing..thereby spending their hard earned dollars on a new wardrobe and thereby strengthening the economy…and the good news here is, unlike the treasury bailout “We will actually have something tangible to show for our money”.)
Just a thought,
Brat
(I really should consider a job in politics. Washington could use someone with my sharp skills.)