sucking it up
Brat: So I’ve been thinking of changing things up around here this year
Stomach: <low moan>
Brat: honestly, just a small modification really, you’ll hardly notice…
Stomach: <deeper gurgle>
Brat: Seriously…I was thinking you might actually enjoy the variation a bit…
Stomach <louder grumble, followed by a sharp pain to the rib area>
Brat: Don’t think of it that way…It’s not like I don’t appreciate all you have put up with these last 6 months…you’ve been a rock star…the way you handled pretty much anything I threw at you…Hell…if I’d entered you in a local pie eating contest over the holidays, you would have left the others in the dust..um …whipped cream…Let’s face it… you coulda won a freakin gold medal at the Olympics if this was in fact one of the events… …but here’s the thing…the Holidays are over and you are starting to look a little worse for wear lately…I hate to say this but you are looking very pudgy and bloated….Spilling over the top of the largest pair of jeans in our closet just isn’t working for us and lately you seem to have this permanent imprint just below our belly button that reads “s-n-a-e-J”. There is no nice way to say this but this is so NOT a good look on us! and …don’t take this wrong, but short of a moo-moo I am not sure there could be a good look on us right now…
Stomach: <very loud snarl of protest followed by an intense bellyache>
Brat: Hey! …Lighten up here! I’m not talking about going under the knife or anything…I was just thinking it might be helpful if I started throwing back a couple of vegetables and maybe a salad here and there. Oh, and don’t go getting your hopes up that you can pull a fast one on me to get me to throw in the towel ..cuz here’s the thing…I have Tums and I know how to use them. Sure, I know, your panties are all in a bunch right now…but that is exactly why I am doing this…nothing fits anymore. I hate to seem rigid and unyielding and I know this is making you uncomfortable…but so are those jeans… I need you to tighten your belt and buckle down here and deal with it…this is the way it’s gonna be so suck it up.
Seriously,
brat