I just want to say goodbye to you all.  I am deleting my account with extrapounds, as i am just not able to continue.  I will pray for all of you and i wish you all the best.  Thank you all for your support and all the kind words.  God bless you all.................................

Aftear taking a break from EP - well, it wasn't a break, it was more like a minor break down- i have decided that it is now or never.  I have been having some health problems and i'm afraid that if i don't lose this weight, it will kill me -- at first, i thought that i didn't care, but i do! I am really not ready to give up!!  So, if it's alright with all of you, i would like to come back to EP! I don't want to be a quitter, and i don't want to die because i am to weak to fight--i want to win and lose this damn weight!! I want to grow old with my family, i want my husband to want me like he used to, and i NEED to do it for me.........Can i come back?

 As you already know, it has been quite a while since i have posted-- i think that you are all amazing people, and it has been a blessing to have had the chance to meet you.  I just don't have the strength to keep on trying and then failing! Not just with my weight, but with everything.  I don't have the courage that you all seem to have, and i'm afraid that if i continue with EP, you all wil see that.  I wish you all the very best of luck in your journeys, and i will keep each and every one of you who has supported me in my prayers and thoughts.  I will even check in from time to time if i can to see how you all are--maybe i will even get the strength to come back.  God bless & take care......    :)

It has been awhile since i've been here, and i would love to say that i have been doing all i should be, but the truth is, i have been slacking!!  I am not proud of that, and although i have so many crappy things going on right now, i still have only myself to blame. I am in a slump, and i just can't seem to drag my fat ass out of it!! There is not one thing in my life right now that is going right--i live in a house with 5 other people, and i have never felt more alone!! I just keep saying that i need to keep it together, but i'm not even sure if i want to anymore! All my friends say that i need to talk about it--how can i talk to them when i am so sure that no one would get it.  How can i look at my happily married friends and confess to them that my husband hasn't been intimate with me in almost three years? ( yes, it reallly HAS been that long) How can i tell them that the only reason he stays with me is because he thinks it's his duty to take care of me--how can i tell anyone that i am screaming inside for just a lttle affection from him!!!  OMG--i just told all of you, and i know the smart thing would be to delete this whole post!! But i don't want to--i needed to say it, and i am sorry that it had to be here, and i hope i haven't offended anyone, and i thank you for letting me get that off my chest!!  And i wouldn't blame any of you if you stop reading my posts.  I know we should all be talking about our weight and the struggles we face because of it--but i'm afraid that if i don't deal with all the other stuff too, then i will never have the strength to continue my weight loss!  I don't even know if that makes any sense...... I'm so sorry!!! I am just two days away from my fifteenth wedding anniversary~~i guess that explains it.......

I just knew it would happen--i stopped taking my phen and i gained a pound!!!Damn it....i just stood over the stupid scale and looked down (of course all i could see was my fat tummy, so i had to "really" look to see the scale) and i could almost swear that it was laughing at me! I never should have stopped the phen--i was just so afraid to use it with the fentanyl patch--i mean, it's bad enough that i'm overweight, i didn't want a heart attack to go with it!! I'm starting the phen again--i took one this morning, and i'm still alive so i guess it's ok. right?  I just don't get it though, I am watching what i eat and doing all the things i can, so what is going to happen when the Dr. takes me off the phen-she said i could only take it for two months--am i just going to put the weight back on? I could not handle that!  Maybe i should buy some online, but i don't know if it's the same, and i can't afford to buy it if it's not!! UGH>>>What to do.....Maybe it's time to look into one of those surgical procedures..........with my health, i bet there isn't a Dr. anywhere that would do it!! I need to do this, not the phen, not the Dr.s, but ME.............God, give me strength..................

I just want to let everyone know that i am still alive (sorry). Things have been so crazy in my life lately, and i haven't had a chance to keep up with everything.  I have been thinking about you all.  I hope all is well... I went back to the Dr. last week--he is fairly new to me as i lost my regular physician in November--he was killed in an accident--I live in a small town and he was my Dr. for years, i think most of the town went to him.  He was one of the good guys--the patient always came first with him and you just knew that he cared!! Anyway, this new Dr. i am seeing put me on stronger pain meds-which i really needed-but i have had a heck of a time trying to get used to it.  He put me on the Fentanyl patch(if anyone knows about it, i would love to hear any info) in addition to my meds for my fibro, and i have been doing alot of research on it, so now i am paranoid! I have decided to stop the phentermine for now-just until i get used to the other.  I will probably gain back all my weight, but for now, i will risk it.  It would be so nice to be able to function without all the pain--at this point that's all they can do. I've also been having hot flashes and tests revealed that i am post menopausal-WTF!! I had to have a hysterectomy about eight years ago, but they left my ovaries so i wouldn't go through menopause so soon--my ovaries have failed!! Go figure...On top of that, I had to finally accept the fact that i will not be going back to work-that has been hard for me--i feel so worthless now!! The good news is that my disability went through, so that will help so much.  When i read all the other blogs, and they talk about work i get so jealous--i never in a million years thought i would miss it as much as i do--and i'm always thinking that people will think less of me because of it.  Please don't-- i really didn't choose this and i don't want any of you to think that.  On that note, i am going to get my pj's on, grab my book(i live to read) and head upstairs for the night.  Good night guys--take care....and i am sorry for all this damn whining--i think i finally got it out of my system, so please don't give up on me .........

I went to the Dr. this morning for my follow-up, and my girlfriend is the nurse there so there is no hiding anything from her--after arguing with her about getting on the scale (i am so afraid of those damn scales) i reluctantly got on and to my surprise, i have now lost a total of 14lbs.!!! I am so freaken happy~ even more so when i actually picked up 14lbs in weights and really felt how heavy it is--it surprises me that my body carried it!  God, i can't wait to meet my goal--i am finally beginning to think that i can do it!  My family is really starting to support me--that helps so much.. Maybe there is hope for me yet!!! The only thing that is good about being this heavy is that for the first time ever i actually have boobs!! I never had them before i put on weight-- i was an A cup, and even then i had room!! Now that i have them, i wish there was a way i could lose all the weight but still keep the "girls", but i bet they will be the first to go...traitors.....I don't suppose anyone knows a way i can keep them??lol