An Epiphany

September 22nd will be my 1 year quit smoking anniversary.  I still get cravings though. I understand the urge when I'm stressed. Yet, I still get the cravings in the morning. Usually just after I've  poured my coffee and am heading in here to the computer. 

I just came in from doing yardwork. I forgot to eat before I went out there. So, needless to say by the time I finished I was starving. I made a quick breakfast and set it on the table. I went to first go throw some laundry in before I ate. BANG!!! It hit me. Another damn craving to smoke. Seemingly outta nowhere. It's not as if I used to smoke while doing laundry. EVER in my life never.

They say people gain weight when they quit smoking because they confuse the nicotine craving with hunger. Well, MAYBE it's actually not so true?  When I smoked it was ALWAYS go to kitchen and start coffee pot then go smoke while waiting, then get cofffee and smoke some more. Yummy. (Yuk!!) Forget food. I was good with coffee and smoking for a good 5 hours minimum. LOL then I'd wonder why 15 minutes after ate I would need a nap!!  Duh. Breakfast rules. Though I stil have to force myself very often only because I simply forget. For years I didn't eat until 1pm minimum.

What I'm thinking is that maybe smoking trains your body to smoke when what it really wants is food? Maybe smokers confuse hunger for nicotine cravings?????? Nicotine gives a quick adrenaline boost. Food takes much longer than just inhaling speed. So, actually maybe when we quit smoking our constant hunger is just our hormonal system readjusting to not having the chemical boost??? Or something like that?

I mean, just because I quit smoking I didn't start eating properly (i.e. breakfast). So from early on my body would be like feed me feed me feed me NOW DAMNIT yet I didn't eat because I didn't want to gain weight. LMAO. By 6pm I was downing hostess cupcakes like they were M&Ms! Sugar = energy - kinda sorta. Quick energy my body would need because I was starving it.

The next morning I'd start over. OK you messed up last night but today's a new day. Starve yourself again. OMG wow I was insane!

Anyway, SouthBeach is working for me.  I'm averaging 1.7 a week. I'll take that!!!  I'm less than 10lbs from where I started when I quit smoking.

I'm still actually doing Phase 1 though I do eat fruit now and again. I've had bread cumbs twice. I don't miss the bread or potatoes. I do miss pasta but I can only have the whole wheat which I can't stand so I don't. Oh yeah and I miss hostess cupcakes and donuts and Twix lol.

I looked at myself naked in the mirror this morning and didn't hate myself. I almost have a womanly shape. Imagine that? I'm even starting to like my face again - I don't cringe when I look in the mirror.  Two  months ago I couldn't see anything but slovenly and ugly. I thought I'd be hating myself for the rest of my life.