Oops, I did it again...

I weighed myself this morning, even though I said I wouldn't.  I wanted to see if a day without phen would have made me blow up like a balloon.  Guess what??  I'm still deflating!  Somehow, the scale shows another 1.2 pounds gone from yesterday.  I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I slept A LOT, and therefore did not eat very much.  I am trying to catch up on all the sleep I've missed the past week, and I am also fighting the beginnings of a cold.  In the past, I would have eaten my "weigh" through the day, just to stay awake and get things done.  But since I am learning to take care of myself, I decided a day of rest was what I needed more.  I'm glad I am finally listening to myself.  While the cold is still coming, I feel much more rested and much less stressed.  Today I feel as though emotional eating is a habit I have kicked and am feeling very strong.  Go me! 

How did that happen???

It has been 4 weeks since I started phen, so today is the day that I start the "2 weeks off" part of my rotation.  I weighed myself this morning to get an idea of where I am and what I need to be in 2 weeks.  My only goal for when I am not taking phen is to simply maintain. 

BUT...  the scale shows a 2.8 pound loss!!!!!  How the H - E - double hockey sticks did that happen??  I have not exercised at all this week (although I plan to today and tomorrow) and I have not planned out any of my calories.  I have 2 waffles in the morning on the way to work (190 calories) and a smaller version of what I had for dinner the night before for lunch.  I have had meetings after meetings every night this past week, so dinner was on the run.  Granted, I haven't been eating near as much as I would have 4 months ago, and I was taking the phen every morning, but 2.8 pounds????  I just don't see how that is possible.  I'll take it, though, and try to maintain it for the next 2 weeks.  Wish me luck with my binging and controlling my cravings, as Labor Day cookouts and TOM are in that timeframe.  Phen definitely helps me the most in that area of my life. 

I don't think I will weigh myself until September 9th, when I start the "4 weeks on" part of my rotation again.  I know I will not make much progress without the phen, so I don't want to set myself up for disappointment.  I have lost almost 20 pounds in the last 4 weeks on phen (WOW that's a lot in one month!), so I know there is no way I will lose almost 10 in 2 weeks without it.  Logic should win, but when it comes to the Weight War, logic isn't really a big player.  Keep my head on, girls, if I get discouraged that I "only" maintained these next 2 weeks.  After all, I'll need to maintain a weight loss for far longer than I'll need to lose weight, right?

Have a great weekend, everyone!  Stay slim!   

7 year olds

Ahh, my lovely and adoring students...  the things that come out of their mouths never cease to amaze me.  Today, I was having some of them share something about the book they were reading independently.  One of my students shared with my class about a fat lady in the book that she was reading who dropped something, but was too fat to bend over and pick it up.  Her exact words?  "There was this fat lady - not as fat as you Mrs. DeBord, but fat so she couldn't pick it up."    Uhhh...thanks.  And the thing is, all of the students looked at me after she said that with shocked looks on their faces.  Like, oooohhh, I want to see if Mrs. DeBord gets mad because she said that.  When do kids start making such observations about people?  And obviously they feel that being fat is taboo, or they wouldn't have looked so shocked.  But I am fat - I can't deny that.  Clothes don't hide how big I am and losing 25 pound hasn't made a noticable difference.    In her defense, she wasn't malicious, she was just stating a fact.  But for the record, my class knows I can bend over because we do stretching exercises between subjects to transition their brains and one of those stretches is to touch your toes.  It was just a really humbling experience to have one of my students point it out like that.   

Maybe I look fatter than usual to her, since I haven't been doing well on the weight loss this week.    Even being on phen, I have gained.  I haven't recorded it here, but I am up about 2 pounds this week so far.  I haven't exercised and haven't planned out my calories at all.  Every night this week, I have had one meeting or another to attend, and lunch is usually leftovers.  Dinners don't get made or planned, since hubbie fell of his wagon and is now steering mine.  I know I need to take control of the reigns, but I am just too tired to do it most nights.   They say that Americans are the fattest nation on Earth.  They also say that Americans take the least amount of vacation time.  I think there is a corrolation - we work too much to take care of ourselves.  That is how I am feeling, at least.  I feel like I am at work all day, exhausting myself.  When I come home, I just want to get off my feet and relax.  The last thing I want to do is move more.  I know I need to, though.  I know I have a LONG way to go before I can safely say that my students won't picture me in a book with a fat lady in it.  But shouldn't thinking about exercise count for some calories?  In a perfect world...   

Official Weigh-in - Week 10

I don't know how this happened, considering I only exercised twice and made really bad food choices, but I'll take it!

since last week:   -1 pound

altogether:    -25 pounds!  Yeah!

So, I made the quarter-century mark!  Yahoo! 

I went closet shopping yesterday and didn't really find much.  I got rid of my size 26s, but what I found can't really be worn to work.  The last time I was a size 24, I was still a student, so it's all casual clothing.  And trying on all my old clothes reminds me that I still have a LONG way to go before I match the image I have of myself in my mind.  So, this week, I will buckle down and plan out my meals again.  My downfall is not planning dinner and then grabbing something unhealthy because I am hungry.  And I will exercise at least 5 days this week, even if I am exhausted when I get home.  I have to become healthier for m yself and for my family.  Carrying around this much weight is "not OK!" (I say that to my students and son whenever they make a bad choice - I should practice what I preach!)  So, I am going to renew the determination this week!

Speaking of my son, hubbie and I carried out a "shock and awe campaign" this weekend.  We did not let him get away with ANYTHING!  The slightest infraction was handled much more severly than usual.  DH and I decided that since he is an only child, he tends to view adults as equals, since we talk to him as if he were older than 5.  So, as a result, he thinks that adults are not necessarily ones to dictate to him how he should behave.  Well, DH and I set him straight this weekend.  We'll see how school goes this week.  I also realized that Jason has "the three Bs" - he is a Boy, he's Bright, and he's Bored at school.  These things make for a rough time for him when he is expected to just sit and color.  He is only 5 but he is already reading and can even do simple multiplication.  So, he is definitely not being challenged in Kindergarten.  BUT as a teacher, I will not let him get away with having the rules bent just for him.  He needs to learn appropriate behavior in school, regardless of what the teacher wants him to do.  THEN the teacher can give him things to do that will match his skill level.  Again, we'll see how school goes this week.  I will definitely keep you all posted!

OK, lovelies, have a great day!  Stay slim! 

Hasta la vista, size 26!

I think I have offically undergrown my size 26 pants.  I had on a pair of denim crop pants (size 26) today and found myself constantly having to pull them up.  WAY up!  Other pants that size have also begun to become very loose, and old 24s are feeling just right now.  So, to celebrate, I think I will go closet shopping tomorrow morning and see what I can find.  I'll probably also donate my 26s - I don't want them hanging around for too long.  They have become the unwanted houseguest who I thought would never leave, but now that they finally have, I want to change my locks to make sure they can't come back.  Whew - massive run-on sentence!  But you know what I mean!

I also managed to get in an hour on my bike this evening.  With all of the stress of my week (see previous 2 posts), it felt really good to just move and turn off my brain.  23.09 miles, 1300 calories burned!  Yeah! 

I watched "Crash" while I was exercising.  If you have never seen it, please try to.  It is a very powerful movie that made me feel every emotion within 2 hours.  Ultimately, it made me feel very sad for our country, that we can let something as random as skin color affect how we feel about people.  Why?  Are other countries this way?  I hope there will come a point in our country's existence when skin is just skin.  Anyway, "Crash" is definitely a must-see!  But be warned, it'll make you think - it's not a veg-out-and-stuff-your-face-with-popcorn kind of movie.

OK, all!  Here's to negatives on your scale and out of your life!

Thank you all so much!

Thanks for all the advice I got about my son's school "issues."  Unfortuantely, it has escalated and he spent time in the principal's office today for fighting.  He challenged another kid to a wrestling match on the playground and it escalated to a full fight (as much as 5-year-olds can truly "fight.").  So, not even 2 weeks into his academic career, my son has a rap sheet.   

AND in a totally unrelated incident, his teacher moved him away from his group to the...cue ominous music...desk by the teacher's desk.  We all know what that means - problem child headquarters.  I do not, in any way, blame his teacher.  I know that Jason has totally brought the move on himself.  I have talked with him, both sternly and compassionately.  DH has talked with him, both sternly and compassionately.  Teacher has talked with him, both sternly and compassionately.  We have rewarded positive behavior and addressed negative behavior.  *sigh*  It's just not getting through.

So, tonight he spent 1 1/2 hours writing letters to 1) the boy he fought with (in Jason's defense, that boy also won a trip to the principal's office), 2) his teacher, and 3) the principal.  He apologized to all of them for his various offenses.  He is also grounded from TV, computer games, Playstation, and the pool through the weekend.  All this on top of the principal taking away recess from him for the rest of the week (so, 1 day).  It's no wonder we get old - our children drive us to the grave! 

Needless to say, exercise has become a low priority this week.  I haven't exercised at all.  I haven't been eating a lot, but what I do eat is not quality.  I haven't weighed myself this week for those exact reasons.  I just hope I can get in some exercise over the weekend and get back into the habit of eating better so the scale at least doesn't show a gain.  I'll be happy with a holding pattern at this point.

I hope everyone else is having a better week than me!  I'm off to check on all of you! 

OK, Moms...I need advice!

My son started Kindergarten last week, and DH and I have been having "issues" with him nearly everyday since then.  Last Thursday, he had to be separated from his table because he was talking so much he was distracting the others from doing their work - he also was not doing his work.  So the teacher put him at a table by himself to work and he decides to do a puzzle instead.  Then he told his class that the school custodian was his uncle (which is not true) and that he had a real sister who Mom and Dad just put under his bed and forgot about (which is obviously not true).  Friday, he told his teacher that he wears Mommy's panties sometimes (again, OBVIOUSLY not true) and that we have a cabin up in Prescott where we are going to spend every weekend (again, not true).  Yesterday, he got separated again because he told one of his classmates that he stinks and asked him if he took a shower. 

I have to say, I am very frustrated with this behavior!  He is not a bad kid, he is very smart for his age, and he has never had a problem adjusting to other new situations.  He has been to preschool since he was 2, so it's not like he isn't socialized (I sound like I am describing a puppy, huh?).  While he was prone to small little fibs to see if he could get away with stuff (taknig 2 cookies instead of 1, "I don't know why the cat yelled," etc.), he has never been prone to telling such outrageous stories.  I knew that talking would get him in trouble, since he is a TALKER, but once he is alone, he tends to refocus.  He is not usually as bold as to just do his own thing if he is in time-out, so it shocked me that he started playing with a puzzle after the teacher told him to get to work.  And he is not a mean child, so I was even more upset by his comment to his classmate yesterday.  Being a teacher at the same school, I don't want Jason to get a reputation for being a problem. And I have to admit, I'm concerned that his behavior will end up reflecting on me - you know, if she can't even control her own child, what must her class be like? 

Those of you who have had kids in Kindergarten already, is this normal?  How should I handle it so I can curb the behavior?  This is very frustrating for DH and me, and I don't want his teacher to think that we aren't doing anything about his behavior.  We have talked to Jason about acceptable behavior in Kindergarten and have restricted him from TV on the days when he has had timeouts and lied at school.  While those talks and restrictions seem to work, it's like he completely forgets the next day as soon as he gets to class.  *sigh*  Any advice, mommies???

Official weigh-in - week 9

Wow!  I can't believe I've stuck with this for 9 weeks!  And still seeing such great results!  Here's this week's progress report:

this week:   - 3.4 pounds!

altogether:     - 24 pounds!

Another great week will put me over the quarter century mark - yippee!  Sad thing is, I still won't even be a quarter of the way to my goal weight.  That will come between 35 and 36 pounds lost.  Give me another month and I'll be there!  As my ticker reflects, slow and steady wins the race.  Although, it looks like I am prone to occassional bursts of speed, eh?  I hope I don't burn out!

Have a great day everybody!  Stay slim!

Buff Blonde

I changed my avatar from the lizard to the kick-ass buff blonde that's there now.  I love her!  She's motivating me.  While I may not be a buff blonde yet, I feel like I have made huge strides towards becoming one. 

This phen is really helping me a lot - it has really curbed my cravings and helped me feel satisfied with eating less.  I haven't binged in 2 weeks.  I am still the one that has to find the time and energy to exercise, I am still the one that has to make good food choices, I am still the one who has to drive by the fast-food drive-thrus and walk past the candy aisle without giving in to temptation, I am still the one who has to talk the little devil on my shoulder into leaving me alone, but the phen gives me the edge I need to actually do those things.  It has been 2 weeks since I started the phen and so far I am really happy with it.  I have not had any negative side effects other than the dry mouth and the light sweats when I first started taking it.  It seems I am losing weight consistently, so it has not lost its effectiveness yet, which is good.  2 more weeks and I will go off it for a couple of weeks to let my body adjust.  But so far, so good!

There's not much going on this weekend.  I tried to avoid going in to my classroom, but I found myself there this morning for about an hour.  *sigh*  Balance between work and home is what I need more than anything else at this point.  I am doing well with the lifestyle change as far as health for my body - now I need to find a blog site for lifestyle changes for my mental health.  "Hello, my name is Lisa and I am a workaholic."  Does anyone have any balance I could borrow?    

I'm not morbid

I weighed 280.0 this morning.  Another pound gone.  9 more pounds to go until I am no longer "morbidly obese." 

Don't you hate that term?  It's such a slap in the face.  Yes, I am huge.  Yes, I realize that is affects my body negatively to carry around so much weight.  Yes, I realize I am more at risk for certain diseases because of my weight.  But "morbid?"  Really?

According to my dictionary, "morbid" means an unhealthy mental state.  My mental state is forgetful at times, but certainly not unhealthy.  Another definition for "morbid" is gross or grisly.  I can look pretty scary in the mornings, but gross?  Grisly?  I think not. 

So, as if we aren't mortified enough to be as large as we are, doctors have to label us as mentally unhealthy or gross?  Gimme a break! 

OK, way down on the list of definitions, "morbid" means something medical about diseases, which I guess can also be gross or grisly, but why kick a dog when she's down?  Couldn't they have picked another word? 

Well, it doesn't matter, since in a few weeks I won't be morbid anymore.  Or mentally unhealthy.  Or gross.  Or grisly.

Stay beautiful everbody!  And stay away from mentally unhealthy, gross, and grisly people...oops, I mean fat people!  ;-)