You know how they say that doctors make the worst patients? That can't possibly be true, because I am not a doctor, and I know for a fact that I am the worst patient. I HATE being sick!!!! I hate that it puts me behind schedule, and I hate that the world doesn't stop to cater to me (because it truly is Lisa's World and everyone else is just here for my benefit, right?). I hate feeling not 100%. I have spent a lot of time in hospitals during my life for legitimate reasons - being laid out because of a cold just pisses me off. Why does my body have to act so dramatic? I mean, it's just a bug - get over it!
I'm sick. Did I mention that I hate being sick?
If I didn't have parent/teacher conferences this week, I would take a day off to rest and recouperate. But since I can't take a day off, I know I will only get sicker. Just in time for Fall Break next week. Great timing, huh?
I just wish I could unscrew my head and leave it at home until it clears up. My ears are clogged, my throat is scratchy, and I have been sneezing all day. I wish I could blame allergies, but considering I don't have allergies, I guess I have to chalk this one up to a good old-fashioned cold. Damn students! Bringing all kinds of yuck to school, just so Mom and Dad don't have to miss work. And it's just like kennel cough - it just keeps circulating! Ugh!
Needless to say, I am not motivated to exercise. All I want to do is eat comfort food and sleep. I don't know why I want to eat comfort food, since I can't really taste it, but just knowing it's there makes me feel better in my own sick little way (no pun intended). I'm going to give myself a break this week, not beat myself up when I see a gain on Saturday for my weigh-in (when, not if, because I'm sure I'll gain from not exercising), and tell myself that I still have a week until my goal date.
Oh yeah, did I mention TOM is here, too? As if I'm not drained enough...
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I promise to be happier in my next post. Thanks for bearing with me these last couple times.
And I'm wearng a big, giant Pity Hat! If you don't want to hear about it, now's your chance to leave...................
For some reason, I am feeling really depressed today. Not just today, for the last few days.
Financially, I feel desperate. Hubbie still cannot find a decent job, and no one is really offering any. He did get a job with the city where we live, but it is only part-time and doesn't pay very well. I know, I know - something is better than nothing. But that job deosn't even start for another week and a half. So, I ordered info about starting an at-home business. I know it probably won't turn out, but I'm desperate.
Speaking of hubbie, I feel as if he isn't really doing much even though he isn't working. He doesn't plan dinners, and there are a million things around the house he could be doing. Why do I have to kick him in the ass to get anything done???
Then I think about the house and wonder if it's even worth it to do anything around it anyway, when all I want to do is move. I can't stand Arizona! I have lived here for 10 years (because the Air Force sent us here) and now that hubbie is retired, I want to leave. The problem with growing up in the military and being married to the military is that I have no roots. So where the hell would I go? For some reason North Carolina seems so incredibly appealing, but how do I get there from here when I don't know a soul there? And it costs money to move anyway, which again, we don't have. The Air Force will pay for us to move until June 30, but how do you job hunt and house hunt in a place you aren't familiar with? It's different when the military moves you, because they provide all that stuff for you.
All day long I have been wanting to cry/eat/cry/eat/cry/eat. I hate feeling this out of control! I hate feeling that I can't do what I want to do in my own life! I hate that my husband says he is supportive, but his actions say otherwise. I hate that money has to be an issue. I hate that I'm living somewhere I can't stand and I can't seem to get out of here. I feel like I am in prison. But it's worse than prison, because at least most prisoners have a release date. I'm just stuck in a never-ending struggle.
*sigh* Thanks for listening. Please feel free to share any and all advice about home-business opportunities I could do in my (incredibly small amount of) spare time or moving to a new place despite not having any contacts there. I need an escape!
I can't believe I've been doing this for 16 weeks! Here is this week's update:
this week: -2.2 pounds
Altogether: -39 pounds
To tell you the truth, I'm surprised that my weight loss is as big as it is this week. I only exercised once, last night, and I had fast food for dinner twice. Yuck, BTW! But it was a stressful week, with meetings and getting ready for parent conferences. Next week will be even worse, since that is when parent conferences actually are. I want to make my goal a week early, though, so I can give myself my reward next weekend. I can lose 2.2 pounds this week, right? I think I'll schedule an appointment for my mani, pedi, and haircut to motivate me. I'll still use whatever my weight is on October 16th as my starting point for Goal #2, though. That way I can be lower than I anticipated by January when I start Goal #3 and see my mom since I've started losing weight.
Today is the start of my "one week off" in my phen plan. And TOM is due this week. Yikes! I hope I can handle this - stress, TOM, no phen. I guess this will be a time to see what I'm made of, eh?
On a professional note, I had my first official observation with my principal this past week. I conferenced with her about it yesterday and left her office feeling really good about myself. She said she was thrilled that she hired me and really praised my classroom management and questioning styles. It was a nice stroke to my self-esteem. It's always nice to hear that you are doing a great job.
OK, all, I'm off to a Saturday training session (grumble, grumble...). I'll check on all my loser friends later!
I got my first compliment on my weight loss today! A co-worker said that my pants (which were a size 22, BTW..., not the 24s that I was wearing just last week!) made me look thin and asked if I had lost weight. When I told her 17 pounds since school started and almost 38 altogether, she was shocked. School has only been in session for 6 1/2 weeks, so she was really impressed. Finally, someone is starting to notice! That sure helps get me motivated!
Speaking of being motivated, I haven't worked out at all this week. *sigh* I have had late evenings at school for the last 2 nights, so when I get home I just want to stop moving. Somehow I managed to lose another 1.2 pounds though, because the scale said 265.2 this morning (I know, I know - no exercise AND I weighed myself... bad Lisa!). It must be because I have been going, going, going and have not been eating more like I usually do when I'm stressed. Thank goodness for the phen!
The Biggest Loser is on tonight, though, so that will get me on the bike. I made it a goal to be as consistent with my weight loss as they are with theirs. I know I won't see the huge numbers that they are seeing (one guy lost TWENTY POUNDS in one week!!!!!), but as long as I am losing too, I'll be happy.
Can you tell I'm happy?? Are you ready for this week's results? Here we go:
This week: -4.0 pounds
Altogether: 36.8 pounds
Did you see that? FOUR POUNDS!!!!!! And I'm out of the "morbidly obese" BMI category. And I'm over 1/4 of the way to my ultimate goal weight. Hee hee... I'm so proud of myself!
So, goals for this week:
Water, water, water! At least 85 oz. daily. I have to make myself drink 2 bottles of water (16.9oz. each) before lunch, 1 before the end of school, 1 with dinner, and 1 after dinner.
Exercise! I obviously kicked butt this week - all because I kept to my assigned days' schedule (yes - the mind won and I did get all 6 of my sessions in and all 3 of my upper body workouts in - yay me!). So this week, I will exercise for 45 minutes each on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I will do upper body on Monday, Thursday, and Sunday.
I will still limit my calories to less than 1400, but I will also eat fruit at least once a day. I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables, and I know I need to, so this is a step in the right direction.
...Almost gone! Today I am officially retiring to the "Never to be worn again" donation pile my first pair of size 24 pants. I have been hiking them up all day and I AM THRILLED!!!!! It is so wonderful to actually wear clothes that are too big, rather than try to squeeze myself into clothes that are too small and very uncomfortable.
I have kept my promise to myself and exercised Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I will ride the bike for 45 minutes tonight while I am being motivated by the season premiere of "The Biggest Loser." So, tomorrow night and Friday night are the last 2 exercise sessions before I (hopefully) see a loss on the scale. I also did my upper body workout Saturday and last night, so the one I do on Friday should also help the numbers on the scale.
I really hope I see progress. I don't want to be at a plateau. My mentality is not quite ready to slow down yet, so I don't want my body to make a decision without consulting my mind first. They need to decide together! I'll let you know who wins out...
So, you know how in all those fitness and shape magazines, the advice is always to schedule in time to exercise? Really schedule it in - write it down and treat it like an appointment. Well, who knew? It works!!
When I listed my weekly goals yesterday, one of them was to exercise 6x this week for 45 minutes each time. Then I went back and actually assigned days to it, not just "whenever." I did that because I know myself well enough to know that I would have blown it off and not accomplished the goal of 6 times.
Well, I was SOOOOOO tempted to be lazy yesterday evening. I mean, with only a 1/2 pound loss, I was feeling a little frustrated and the old Lisa was starting to make a cameo. BUT... since I wrote it down and promised myself I would exercise and do upper body yesterday, I actually did it! I feel really good about that.
So, I have made the realization that not only do I need to plan out my calories, I need to assign specific days of the week for exercise. If I leave it up in the air, I will be too tempted to "just wait until tomorrow." I guess I need the structure - eat this at this time, drink this much water before this time, exercise this day. It definitely helps decrease the Brain Drain of having to make too many decisions after a hard day of work.
Structure and organization help me feel better. Can you tell I grew up in the military?
Pppppllllllllltttttttt!!!!!!!!! My scale is being mean to me! I knew it was going to be a small loss this week, but jeez - can't it cut me a little slack??
this week: -0.6 pound
Altogether: -32.8 pounds
I just need to focus on the "altogether" number rather than the "this week" number. I really just need to focus on the fact that I have thrown away my highest size and I can cross my legs without getting a hernia. Why am I so obsessed with the number??
Goals for this week:
Drink so much water that I float (at least 85oz. a day)
NOT weigh myself until next Saturday (I have to overcome the number obsession)
Plan my daily calorie intake BEFORE I eat
Exercise 6x this week for 45 minutes each time, whether I want to or not (Sat, Sun, Mon, Wed, Thurs, Fri)
Do upper body strength training 3x this week, whether I want to or not (Sat, Tues, Fri)
I want to not only be in the 260s next week (and FINALLY out of the morbidly obese BMI category), but I want to be at the "1/4 of my weight to lose is gone" mark. So, my mini-mini-goal for this week is to be at 267.4 by next Saturday. That's 3 pounds this week. It's a big goal for one week, but it's possible if I'm really focused and really work hard . I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!!!
I have been stuck all week. My official weigh-in is tomorrow, but this morning, the scale said I have only lost 0.4 pound. I have been about that all week. It's about time for it - I usually stop losing weight after 3-4 months of consistent losing. BUT that is also about the same time that I give up. I get the mentality that all my work isn't working, so why bother. I mean, eating and being lazy is much easier to maintain. *sigh* I am trying to keep things in perspective, because I have made tremendous progress in the last 3 1/2 months, but I can't help but feel frustrated. I don't want my body to be comfortable at 270 pounds! 270 pounds is not where I need to be! I still have such a long way to go, though, so that is what is daunting. I will try to keep up my efforts for the next 2 weeks (when I stop taking phen again for my 1 week off) and hopefully see some progress by then.
What I promise to do to bust through this and keep on keepin' on:
Water, water, water! I know I have not had near as much as I need
Exercise for 45 minutes at least 5 days a week (I have exercised about 3 times this week, but the majority of those were only for 30 minutes)
Track calories again - I have gotten out of that habit, but I think I have been keeping my intake within a reasonable range. Maybe I'm wrong, though, and need a wake-up call.
Plan, plan, plan! It seems like I have stopped that, so dinner is on the fly most nights. "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!"
We'll see how my official weigh-in goes... Think I can lose 2 pounds today? I'm not expecting any miracles.
It seems we are all fighting with the Weight Gods. Miss Ronda just lost a close family friend, ashleyb is struggling with side effects of medication, Jen is struggling with stress and motivation, Knitter's Butt is missing and I fear has given up on us (come back, Knitter - I miss you!!!), magical3 and Fluffy No More are just now feeling better, and shellyh is struggling with back pain. I am struggling with trying to remember why losing weight is so important when eating is so much more fun (and easier!). We all want to be here and make the changes we know will make us feel better. We all started this journey with the best of intentions. But somehow, Life always has a way of getting in the way of our best-laid plans. I am trying to work my way through it all and envision the other side. The grass certainly isn't green over here, so it absolutely HAS to be greener over there. But how do you stay focused when the Weight Gods are conspiring against you?
For me, it is support and celebrating non-scale victories. My hubbie is proud of my progress and it turns out my mom actually DOES read this blog. She has been positive and supportive, too. And of course all of you here at Extrapounds! Today I realized that I could cross my legs without having to grab my pant leg and pull my leg onto the other one. Today I still had enough energy after work to NOT take a nap and ride my exercise bike for 45 minutes. Today I managed to pull myself out of bed and do push-ups (against a wall, but still...), butt lifts, and crunches before I got ready for work. These, for me, are defintely not things tied to the number on the scale. These are things I have EARNED. These are my victories. My hope is that you can all be victorious over your Weight God battles.
A co-worker said that my pants (which were a size 22, BTW..., not the 24s that I was wearing just last week!) made me look thin and asked if I had lost weight. When I told her 17 pounds since school started and almost 38 altogether, she was shocked. School has only been in session for 6 1/2 weeks, so she was really impressed. Finally, someone is starting to notice! That sure helps get me motivated!
Pppppllllllllltttttttt!!!!!!!!! My scale is being mean to me! I knew it was going to be a small loss this week, but jeez - can't it cut me a little slack??
. I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!!! 