I have to say I am pleased with this week's result's, even though TOM showed up unexpectedly early yesterday. Here we go:
Weigh in this morning: 262.4 pounds
pounds lost from last week: 1.4 pounds
Yeehaw! It sure is nice to see a downward slope again! I have been getting in exercise for the last few days and man! I sure can I tell I hadn't done it in a while! My hips were hurting for a couple days over the weekend, but they are getting used to me moving again. Phew! Hopefully I'll continue to see progress again - I'm on the edge and I don't want to get discouraged again.
I really want to break in to the 250s before my mom comes to visit. Think I can lose 100 pounds in 4 weeks? Yeah, yeah... I should set realistic goals. So, 4 1/2 weeks until January 1st when I see my mom again for the first time in 7 1/2 months. My mini-goal is to lose 9.2 pounds to be at a weight of 253.2 for her visit. That will be exactly 50 pounds lost since I saw her last. I know I've got to move it, move it and be really in control over these next few weeks, but I know I can do it. Like I said - I'm back, baby!
I posted for "Week 49 and counting" and even got some comments on it. I changed my page's look, too. My sister can vouch for me because she read it as soon as I posted. BUT...
now it's gone. Weird. Well, if you are keeping track, I gained 0.2 pounds last week. BUT...
I'm back, baby! I have been feeling motivated since Thanksgiving when I finally had a chance to relax and put my priorities in order. Such a sense of relief. In the mysteriously disappearing post, I mentioned starting a tradition of Thanksgiving Resolutions, rather than New Year's Resolutions. I like the idea of making a resolution when you are in a genuine mindset of being thankful and appreciative for what you have and reflective for what you can do better. So, that being said, I made a Thanksgiving Resolution or two (or three, four...)
If I do not have a meeting after school, I will leave everyday at 3:30. I realized after watching "Click" over the weekend that in 10 years my current students won't even rememeber my name, but I will still be Mom to Jason. I can't afford to blow THAT life away! Not everything has to be looked at / graded / assessed / perfect.
I can realistically manage to eek out 4 days a week in which I exercise. Obviously I can find time during the 2 weekend days and certainly I can find 2 more days during the week to move my body. Especially if I stick to Resolution #1.
I will grocery shop every weekend so I have food on hand during the week. If there is food at the house, there will be no excuse for grabbing and going when it comes to food. My life is not so busy that I can't stop into a grocery store!
I will cut out the soda. Even though it is diet, it still makes me overeat and eat the wrong things. It's a trigger for me. I am aware of this and I still make the bad decision to pour it down my throat. So only water and Crystal Light from now on.
It feels good to have my motivation back! It feels good to WANT it again! I have the fire again! Burn, baby, burn!
I really need to get motivated to exercise. I just can't seem to muster up the energy, though. And I can't even tell you the last time I actually prepared a dinner. This is definitely NOT the way to create and healthy lifestyle change and teach my son how to live right. Man, oh man! I need to become Nike - "Just do it!" Whether I want to or not, no matter how late I get in a workout, I just need to get on my bike or go for a walk. No excuses, no complaints, no guilt, no exhaustion. It MUST become a priority! Why do I put myself on the back burner? That has to stop RIGHT NOW!
Those of you who have kids, is there ever a time when you just look at your kids and think "If you weren't my kid, I'm not so sure I would even like you." I love my son, don't get me wrong!!! Please don't post hateful comments, because I would give up my life for his if I had to without even thinking about it. But lately, I just look at him and think that I am raising him with some very annoying personality traits. Sometimes I think he will end up being one of those students teachers can't stand. I am worried that he will end up being one of those "over-the-top" people that you can only take in small doses. Picture Jim Carrey, Jack Black, Chris Farley - over the top, trying too hard to get a laugh, just too much! That's how I feel about my son right now.
I blame myself, of course. He is my only child and we never thought we would have any kids at all, so he is spoiled. I'll admit it. Not spoiled as in bratty (he has manners and is well-behaved), but he does get 99% of the things he wants. He obviously gets a lot of our attention. But I think that is coming back to bite me in the butt. He talks EXCESSIVELY, is always trying to do or say things to get attention, and expects the world to revolve around him. Granted, he is only 6, so he genuinely DOES think the world revolves around him, but it's getting very annoying lately. At school, he is in time-out everyday for talking when his teacher has the red light on. It's like he thinks the rules don't apply to him. I've created a monster!
I would love to try to tame the beast before it's too late, but I can't think of a gentle way to do it. I realize that part of it may just be his personality and I should just accept him for who he is. But can I still shape his personality? Can I get him to curb the CONSTANT talking? (When I say CONSTANT, I mean it. There is never a time when he is awake and quiet. Even when he is eating, he is still humming or making some kind of noise.) Can I get him to stop expecting the world to stop for him? Can I get him to stop wanting so much attention? Can I get him to understand that his actions affect other people? Or is he still too young for that? I don't want to "break" him, but man this needs to change!
Not bad, right? Diet and exercised have been pretty non-exisitant lately, though, so it could have been better. I really want to make those things a priority again, but I just don't have it in me. I know the energy it will give me will be great, but I don't have the energy to get the energy. Anyone else have that problem?
I feel incredibly spread thin right now. I am either Mom, Honey, or Mrs. D. When do I ever get a chance to be Lisa? When do I ever get a chance to just hear silence? Why does everything have to become a major decision that can only be decided if there is a debate? UGH! Calgon, take me away!
I am debating joining a gym, just so I can go and be that weird, rude girl who never talks to anyone at the gym. But it costs more than I am willing to pay considering I know I won't be consistent. I don't want to be social - I want to have 30 minutes to myself where I don't have to interact with ANYONE. So, why do I feel obligated to talk and be nice? Why do I feel guilty when I want to be selfish? Why do women have so many issues about people-pleasing?
Almost imeediately after I posted that I was still debating whether or not to start taking phen again, I decided to go ahead and do it. I figured what better day to start than on the 1st of the month and on the 1st day of my one year countdown. Interestingly, I have not felt any of the initial side effects that I did when I first started taking it back in July or when I would start each "4-weeks-on" part of my on/off cycle. So, I'm not even sure it's working. I weighed myself this morning and I have lost a little over a pound, but I don't think that's something I can or should give the phen credit for. After all, TOM showed up on Wednesday, so water weight will leave before it does.
Anyway, taking the phen again is a concious choice that I am making as an adult. I am aware of what it could or couldn't do for me/to me. I get enough lectures from people I know personally about enough other things in my life, so please don't waste your time or mine if you are going to say anything negative about my decision. Positive support, as always, is welcomed and encouraged, but negativity is not helpful for anyone. Thanks.
I also decided to join the Deal Partners on Shelly's blog. I need all the motivation I can get at this point. I want it... I know I should lose more weight and take better care of myself. For some reason, though, it's just not as easy lately as it was . Is it because the weather is getting colder (I live in Arizona, so I know cold is relative!)? Is it the holidays triggering our inner instinct to hunker down and conserve energy? I don't know, but the modern-ness in me needs to rise up and overcome the cavewoman in me. So, I'm hoping that the Deal Partners can help. We report in on December 1st, so I'll let you know how I do. Of course, you'll probably know before December 1st, but OFFICIAL results will be posted then.
OK - today is exactly 52 weeks until my 35th birthday. Here's the "starting" point:
weigh-in: 264.8 (not bad! That's what I weighed a few days ago and TOM showed up this morning)
monthly goal: lose 8.2 pounds to be 256.6 by December 1st
Reward if I make it: a pedicure with my new favorite pedicurist(?) at the day spa I went to before
I am seriously debating with myself about whether or not I should start taking phen again. Now that my weight is starting to normalize and I am maintaining without really trying, I think the phen could work again. I know I don't want to go through a depressed binge state again, though. HOWEVER, am I willing to put up with a depressed binge state every few MONTHS on phen versus every few WEEKS while not on it? That was my pattern before I started taking it, so it may just be worth it. Again, I'm still debating. I'll let you know...
Anyway, I'm back on the wagon today. It may be a bumpy ride, but it's better than sitting in the dust trail in it's wake. Scoot over, y'all! I'm here for the long haul!
I added new pics to my gallery - My new "before" is from my class photo in late February. I was about 300 pounds. My "current" is from my class photo in late September. I was 266.4, which is exactly what I weigh today. The first thing I noticed was that I am starting to get my neck back. The second thing I noticed was how much my face has changed. I guess 35 pounds really does make a difference! Wow - these pics sure are motivating!
This week should be my official weigh-in for week 20.
If you are keeping track, I gained another 2.6 pounds this week, for a total gain of 8 pounds in 2 weeks. I have not taken phen in 10 days, and it looks as if the weight gain is starting to slow itself down. My total loss is 36.8 pounds since June 8th.
My 34th birthday is on Tuesday, so I will have 52 weeks to get to my goal by my 35th birthday. That being said, I have decided to change my goal weight. Instead of shooting for 160, I will shoot for 168. That is just barely into the healthy BMI range, and since health and normal body weight is what I want, I will be able to say that I am there. Once I get there, I can see where I want to go from there.
Starting Wednesday (Nov 1st) I will do a 52-week countdown, so Wednesday will become my official weigh-in day. I might even try to only record weight once a month. Notice I said "record." Let's be honest, I'll actually weigh myself more than that!
So, since I have 98.4 pounds to lose in 52 weeks, I'm going to round that up to 100 pounds. I need to lose an average of 1.92 pounds a week. That's an average of 8.3 pounds a month. Some months will be more and some will be less, obviously. Here's the breakdown:
November weight loss goal: 8.2 pounds
December weight loss goal: 8.5 pounds
January weight loss goal: 8.5 pounds
February weight loss goal: 7.6 pounds
March weight loss goal: 8.5 pounds
April weight loss goal: 8.2 pounds
May weight loss goal: 8.5 pounds
June weight loss goal: 8.2 pounds
July weight loss goal: 8.5 pounds
August weight loss goal: 8.5 pounds
September weight loss goal: 8.2 pounds
October weight loss goal: 8.5 pounds
Broken down like that, it looks pretty daunting. *sigh* But I know that I am a deadline driven person. If I just leave it open and up in the air, it won't get done. So, I'm taking it one month at a time. Starting Wednesday, November 1st, let the games begin...again.
So, 4 1/2 weeks until January 1st when I see my mom again for the first time in 7 1/2 months. My mini-goal is to lose 9.2 pounds to be at a weight of 253.2 for her visit. That will be exactly 50 pounds lost since I saw her last. I know I've got to move it, move it and be really in control over these next few weeks, but I know I can do it. Like I said - I'm back, baby! 