I told myself I wasn't going to weigh in until school starts so I can give the phen a chance to kick in. I stuck with that, so I don't have an official weigh-in for this week. Hopefully next week I will see a motivating loss.
Day 2 on phen went well. I did notice that I got warm quicker when I was doing any form of physical activity (walking, biking, moving stuff around in DS's room). It was sort of like what I imagine a hot flash to be, but not really all that uncomfortable. And even then, they weren't a regular thing, so it was bearable. I have been awake since 3:30 a.m., but I attribute that to lesson plans floating around in my head rather than the phen.
So I realized why my hubbie can maintain his weight even without exercising and not really watching what he eats (although he is eating far less than he did before we started this 7 weeks ago...) while I seem to gain weigh just thinking about food. He has more muscle than I do. We all know that muscle helps us burn fat, so he must be burning fat without exerting any effort. That being said, I think I'm going to start incorporating an upper body strength training routine into my workouts. Since I ride the bike for 45 minutes on most days, I don't think I need lower body strength training. But I can do upper body 2-3 times a week, right? Anyone have a good upper body strength training routine that will only take about 15 minutes? Let me know...
Forgive me if I butchered the Spanish language with my title.
I survived my first day on phen. I was going to the bathroom a lot (thus my title...) and had a little dry mouth which forced me to drink a lot of water (which is a good thing!), but other than that, all went well. I noticed my energy level was up, but not Tasmanian Devil high, so at least I didn't freak anyone out. I fell right to sleep, too, so that was good. I was nervous that it would affect my sleep and I love to sleep too much to mess with that! I think I'm going to do a "4 weeks on, 2 weeks off" schedule, so my body doesn't become so used to the phen it stops being effective. Also, I don't want to become addicted to it and use it even when I don't need it. That being said, the 100 tablets that came in my prescription should take me to mid-December before I have to order more. We'll see where I am at that point and I'll decide then if I'm going to continue with it or not.
After all was said and done yesterday, I ate 1120 calories, burned 1056 calories on the exercise bike (I rode 16.46 miles in 45 minutes! WOW!), definitely drank my water requirement, and got a lot accomplished (grocery shopping, cleaned out DS's room, laundry, postcards to my students, etc.). A great day back on the wagon!
Thanks to all of you who have posted positive messages to me about this. It's so great having a supportive network that will look out for me and help me accomplish my goals. I know I definitely would not have stuck with this for so long if it weren't for all of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
So, I weighed myself to get an idea of my starting point. 295.2! Why is it so incredibly hard for me to lose weight, but so easy for me to gain it??? OK, so I haven't exercised in 3 days, I haven't been watching my calorie intake, and I haven't been drinking the water I should be. But would it be so hard to maintain or even just a couple pounds? I mean, I've gained 5 1/2 pounds in less than a week!
Well, I started phen today, so we'll see if that helps. I will definitely get exercise in today, I have already planned my calorie intake, and I will chug water and nothing else. I will not weigh myself until the first day of school (Monday, August 7th) and I will keep my goal weight of 285. I will go grocery shopping today and make healthy choices. Diligence will become my middle name!
My phen order came today. I think I'm going to wait until Saturday to start, though, because I have (more) training tomorrow and don't know how my body will react to the pills. I figured I could introduce them over the weekend, in case I had some sort of reaction. That'll give me just over a week before school starts to get used to them. I'm trying not to put too much emphasis on the pills' abilities, but I really hope they work for me. I know they aren't a magic bullet, and I will have do most of the work, but I really hope they take the edge off my cravings and poor food choices. I have been eating like crap for the past 2 days because of training and not being able to plan healthy lunches. I know I could pack a lunch and eat something from home, but part of this training is to get to know my co-workers, so it would be weird if I just went off by myself. And I don't have the strength of character to take out my own food at a restaurant and eat what I brought. So, lunch has sucked. Dinner also becomes a no-go, since I am so tired by the time I get home (it's been really hard to get back into the swing of things!!!) and I haven't been grocery shopping recently. So, basically breakfast is really the only meal where I have a shot. And today I woke up late, so I grabbed something from McDonald's. But did I grab a fruit parfait and an orange juice? Of course not!
Tomorrow my training is at my school, so I will bring a lunch and keep it in my workroom fridge. I can escape with the excuse of wanting to work in my room and just hole up for an hour. I have plenty to do in my classroom, anyway. I just know that I am probably undoing any weight loss I've accomplished so far, so this has to stop. I now know that I need to plan every calorie that goes into my mouth BEFORE I eat. I am not at a point yet where I can be trusted to make good choices when left to my own devices. So, I hope the phen will at least help me not want to eat ALL of the unhealthy food I choose, if I am in that situation.
I am not even going to get on the scale until the first day of school (August 7th! Whose brilliant idea was it to cram sweaty kid bodies into classrooms in the heat of Arizona summer???). I'm going to keep my goal of 285, so we'll see.
I also need to get off the soda and get back into drinking water. I have realized over the last 2 days that soda is a trigger "food" for me. Even though it is diet soda, it puts a sweet taste in my mouth that makes me want sweet foods. I also associate soda with fast food, so I crave that too. I guess if nothing else, I am learning a lot about myself these last 2 days. I am learning I am still a work in progress and the rules that apply to my thin coworkers do not apply to me. I can no longer eat and not think about it. I have to consciously make choices that will not undo my efforts. I realize that I am like an addict who is trying to maintain sobriety - I can't resent others because I can't do something... I just have to make the choices that will help me stay on track. It HAS to be a conscious choice. It HAS to stay at the forefront of my mind. If not, I will slip and sink back into destructive habits. I have to tread water everyday, for possibly the rest of my life, if I am to survive my cravings and destructive habits. I am worth that much.
So, I ordered phentermine after all. The web site that SwimKatt uses finally had it in stock and I should get my order tomorrow. I wasn't sure if I would get it at all, given my previous attempts, so I didn't mention it until I was sure. I felt a little sneaky - like I was hiding something from you all. I know that some of you have concerns and are skeptical of pills. Others are all for phentermine and sing its praises. I can see both sides of the argument. That being said, I will form my own opinion. I just know that once school gets started and my days are sometimes so busy I forget to use the bathroom (teachers - you know how that goes!), I'm going to need help with losing weight and becoming healthy. Considering I am still morbidly obese (I am not even reflected on a BMI chart on another site where I post my stats), just losing weight alone will be an improvement. So, I am hoping that phen takes food from the forefront of my mind and will help give me energy to exercise when I come home after a day when it seems my students are ganging up to drive me to an early grave. Once I figure out how to balance it all, I will probably stop the phen, but for now I need the help.
Yesterday was another busy day. In fact, I brought things home with me to prep for my classroom. I got so busy with all of that I forgot to exercise. Really! I had every intention of riding my bike for 45 minutes, but time got away from me and I didn't get done until almost 11 pm. No way was I jumping on the bike then! And I ate on the run (aka eating like crap!) Today I have training, so I won't be in my classroom. Hopefully I will have some energy left over so I can get that bike ride in. And I have to make better food choices today. Balance! I need balance!!
I'm going to have a busy day today. Hopefully my eating will go well, and I need to make sure that I get enough water in. Yesterday was my rest day so I need to make sure I exercise this evening. Today is just about making the right choices while getting into the swing of a work routine. It sure is a lot easier to focus on weight loss and making healthy choices when you have free time. Now it's a matter of planning and getting into a schedule. Here goes...
I guess this is what I get for eating way too much at Sonic!
from last week: 0.6 pounds gained
altogether: -13.4 pounds
So, I am definitely prone to eating when I am emotional. I guess I need to work on that. Things I should have done instead:
went for a walk
rode my bike
called a friend
blogged
colored
crafted
napped
read a book
*sigh* I guess I'm still battling the demons that brought me here in the first place. I'll do better this week, I swear. That being said, I changed my goal: 285 before school starts in 2 weeks. Wish me luck!
Little Dog finally went home. His "dad" came to get him. He and I are not really friends, and I really don't know anything about him. But when this whole thing happened, my friend handed me off to him and I've been dealing with him ever since. It kinda pissed me off, since it was already an awkward situation, and now we get thrown together. Anyway, he came to get the dog today and I was explaining all the medications and the doctor's instructions to him. I told him (again) how sorry I was that all of this happened and to just call if he had any questions about anything. As he was leaving, he says, "Well, thanks anyway." What does that mean??? I say that when someone can't do what I need them to do. Like when you need a baby sitter and she is booked the same night you need her for, you say "Thanks anyway." That's what he said to me! Like, you f***ed up taking care of our dog, but thanks anyway. I am so irritated, I just want to shove food into my face. I guess I can kiss my friendship with my friend good-bye. That makes me a little sad, but right now I'm too pissed to care. Does anyone have any Rice Krispie treats?
You know when you ask kids why they did something they know they are not supposed to do, they answer you with the shy "I don't know..."? Well, that's me today. Why did I weigh myself? "I don't know..." I liked what I saw (288.6) but there was absolutely no reason for me to do it. I could have waited until tomorrow like I said I would. I could have survived one day not knowing what the numbers had in store for me. But I did it anyway. "I don't know..."
I worked in my classroom yesterday and forgot to plan lunch. Hubbie went to McDonald's and got me a cheeseburger Happy Meal (far departure from what I used to eat there - Double Quarter Pounder meal, Super Sized! UGH!). Well, I haven't eaten fast food in I don't even know how long, and let's just say my body was not happy with the sudden addition of it back into my system. I felt gross for the rest of the afternoon and had to make a run for the bathroom more than once (TMI, I know...). Nothing like aversion therapy to help you realize that fast food is not what God intended for you to be putting in your body. And to think, I used to eat that stuff EVERYDAY! Ewww! Lesson learned!
The 3rd (and final) attempt at getting phentermine has also failed. I had to submit my doc's info, which I did, and they said it wasn't legitimate information (which it is). [Almost Me Again - I know you're right! Thanks for your comment!] So, there must be a reason for not having it and I won't push it anymore. I'll just have to develop super will-power and keep on keepin' on. Super Powers, activate! Shape of...a thin chick! (too bad that won't work!)
I weighed again this morning. I didn't expect to see anything I liked, since we ate out last night and I discovered that Rice Krispie Treats only have 90 calories so I had to eat 4 of them just to be sure. I didn't exercise, either (more on that in a minute). At least I'm not back in the 290s, and it was confirmation that I cannot afford to backslide, even a little, until I am healthier. And I knew I would open a Pandora's box if I weighed myself yesterday, but I did it anyway and I was right. I need to get back out of the weighing daily habit - it's not good for my mind!
So, the exercise thing. I took the Real Age test and it turns out I am 3.3 years YOUNGER than my chronological age, based on my lifestyle, medical history, etc. Woo hoo! Here's the kicker - according to them, I AM EXERCISING TOO MUCH!!! That is hilarious to me! I put in that I exercise 45-60 minutes six days a week (which is true for the last few weeks) and it told me that I am not giving my body enough time to oxidate and that is aging my muscles. What???? I thought, in order to lose weight and maintain health, you should exercise 60 minutes a day, most days of the week. It just goes to show you how much conflicting information there is out there. You just have to find what works for you and stick with it. So for me, for now:
Water, water, water! As much hydration as I can get!
