Although I do not consider myself a Catholic anymore, some habits die hard. So, for Lent, I found myself wondering what I would "give up." DH and I both decided to forego soda and sugary snacks. I only drink diet soda, but it is still such a trigger for me that I tend to binge on sugary snacks WHILE drinking diet soda. It's the sweet taste - I know that. And it's the intense sweet taste of the artificial sweetener that makes me want more of that intense sweet. So I try to find it in other places. Logically, it makes perfect sense to stop drinking soda and all that will go away.
Which brings me to Lent. For 40 days and 40 nights, DH and I are giving up soda and sugary snacks in the hope that this will reduce, if not eliminate, the cravings we both feel for sweet stuff. I just have to say that even after the headaches from withdrawal (caffiene and sugar) it is still so hard for me to resist sweet stuff. It's only been since Wednesday and right now I am this close to checking myself in next to Britney for some detox. THIS IS HARD!!!!!!!!! And of course it is Girl Scout cookie season...and of course I had ordered 5 boxes before Lent...and of course they came in on Friday...and of course they are teasing me from the kitchen because I haven't been to work since I got them to give them away. UGH!!!
BUT...the whole reason I haven't given in yet is the scale. Just since Wednesday, I have lost about 8 pounds. I have done nothing else to my diet or lifestyle other than eliminate soda and sweets. Bit that has forced my calorie consumption to go down, since I don't eat between meals and I don't eat them mindlessly anymore. Wow - 8 pounds! I'm beginning to suspect an allergy that is finally being treated. Don't the docs say that food allergies can be so subtle that only bloat is the symptom? Hmmm...
Anyway, I am trying to take it day by day, sometimes minute by minute, to make it through 40 days and 40 nights. 4 down, 36 to go. Tick, tock...
Wow! I have been really neglectful of my blog, my blog buddies, and most importantly myself these past few weeks! I weighed 270-something this morning - GACK!!! I can only blame so much on the fact that TOM showed up yesterday. The rest has been pure sloth and gluttony on my part. I'm sure I have been committing various other deadly sins, but none to the extreme of these two.
Needless to say, the scale was a wakeup call. I am no longer on a plateau. Moving in the wrong direction, yes, but no longer stagnate, either. So, I choose to look at this as a positive and say that my body is ready to change again. Maybe now I can get back on track and bust through the 257 barrier that I have been hitting since October.
Revvin' up to break the Pound Barrier! Zoom, Zoom!
As you can tell from my title, I have been scouring the diet books lately for any motivation in any shape it will come in. Here's what I have learned from the 3 that have hit a chord with me:
From the Ultimate New York Diet by David Kirsch -
stick to the 7 to 7 eating schedule. Don't eat before 7 am and don't eat after 7 pm.
limit carbs after 2 pm. That will give your body time to process them before it slows down for the night.
From the Sonoma Diet by Connie Guttersen -
whole foods, whole foods, whole foods! If it was made in a factory, it doesn't belong in your body.
fiber is your friend.
From the Best Life Diet by Bob Greene -
develop one habit at a time.
don't rush it
Of course, they all promote exercise and spending time with/for yourself daily. And please don't think that what I have shared here is the end all-be all of these plans. I just highlighted the points that meant something to me. There is MUCH more to each of these plans and they are each unique.
So, I am going to combine these three plans to create what's best for me. And isn't that what life is all about anyway? What is best for me? And i am learning, just like a child, that what is best for me isn't necessarily always what I want. What I want may not be good for me - and in fact the last month that has been the absolute truth. But I only get one body, so I should start treating it like a Lamborghini instead of a Yugo.
Here are the promises I am making to my body, to thank it for putting up with me for the last 34 years:
I promise to move you everyday. I know you get stiff and rusty if I don't let you move all your parts, so I promise to give you the opportunity EVERYDAY to wiggle and play.
I promise to give you the fuel you need, rather than the fuel I want. You are a beautiful machine who needs a certain type of fuel. I shouldn't be giving you deisel when you need premium unleaded.
I promise to hydrate you. Just like a real Lamborghini needs oil to stay running smooth, you need water to do the same. All of your belts and gears have worked so well for me, but that won't last if I don't keep you oiled up.
I promise not to top you up. I may try to squeeze every last drop of fuel into a Yugo, but a Lamborghini can only hold so much. If you are overly full, you will start to look unkempt and will not perform at your best. You deserve to NOT have food shoved down your throat, to just sit there and rot since you don't need it. Gross image, but true.
I have been entrusted with such an amazing gift. My body can create life, can regenerate, can house another human and can become brand spankin' new in 7 years. Who am I to abuse that? Whenever I borrow anything else, I always make sure to give it back in the same, if not better condition. How embarrassed will I be if I get to Heaven and have to expalin to God why His body looks this way? Wow - interesting thought.
Wow! I haven't been here in over a week. That NEVER happens! But truthfully, I've been feeling like an imposter lately. I just haven't been up to posting about my lack of progress and how frustrated I am and how I just want to quit. No one needs to hear that, right?
This is the cycle of my life and I blame my body for being a yo-yo dieter. I lose 40-ish pounds, plateau, get frustrated that my body is no longer cooperating and I am not making progress, and eat my weight back up again. Then I start to lose weight again, stop at 40-ish pounds, get frustrated at my lack of progress... I think I am at the "eat my weight back up again" stage. I haven't weighed myself in over 2 weeks (because why bother if I'm not going to see anything I like, right?) and I now I must be gaining like crazy again. I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that I am getting "fat" again (I say that like I was ever NOT fat...). My newly smaller fitting clothes are not so fitting anymore and I know these are both signs that I need to get back on the wagon.
But therein lies the problem. Mentally I am just not into doing the effort for no results. Sure, I'll lose this quick weight gain and then stall again at the 260-ish mark. What is so great about 260 that my body wants to hang out there? And why have I been there since October? Talk about an extended vacation! OK, body - MOVE ON!
So I am considering joining LA Weight Loss. I am in the researching phase right now, but I obviously need something different and with guidance. Being on my own just isn't working anymore. The only negative I have heard so far is that they try to get you to by a lot of their supplements and meal replacements and it can get pricey if you actually buy all the stuff they recommend. But I figure it can't be more than JC or Nutrisystem. And I'll have an actual body in front of me, helping me plan. Anyone ever done or heard of LA Weight Loss? Let me know your insights!
I'll try not to stay gone for so long this time, but unless I get my motivation back, I don't want to discourage all of you. Keep on keepin' on, y'all! Happy losing!
OK, I HAVE to bust through this plateau. If I have to weigh myself for another month and not see any downward movement, I'm going to freak out! So, here's what I'm planning on doing:
Tomorrow (Monday) DH is going to see a guy he interviewed with back in October. At the time, they said he was a strong candidate for the job, but then they put the job on hold. They are just now ready to have someone fill that position. They contacted DH this past week and asked him to come in on Monday to "take a tour of the plant and discuss opportunities." Sounds postive, right? So, we are both assuming he will get a job offer tomorrow (wish us luck!). Anyway, what does this have to do with me?
Well, if he gets this job, he will probably work from 6am to 2 pm daily. Meaning he has to be up and out of the house by 5:15am. Since I don't even have to get DS up for school until 6, that gives me 45 minutes in the morning to workout. So, back to my plan of attack...
I will do a Leslie Sansone DVD in the morning and still ride my stationary bike in the evening. I have about 8-10 Leslie Sansone DVDs that are about 30 minutes long (equivalent to walking 2 miles), so I can get a pretty good rotation going. I also have an old Tae Bo video tape that takes about 20 minutes. So that's a good morning workout. Then, I can still veg out on the bike in the evenings for 30 minutes. So, total for the day will be 50-60 minutes. I'll do that every weekday. On the weekends, I will exercise for 60 minutes on one of the days and take the other day off as my rest day.
So, since not only will I be increasing the amount of time I am exercising, I am also doing different exercises than I have been doing lately, I better see results! If I continue at the rate I'm going, I won't even lose the 5 pounds a month I want to. And I thought that was a LOW goal! *sigh* This has to work!
My mom is also trying the Sonoma Diet and is really excited about it. So maybe I'll check it out, too. I HAVE to get the family on board with eating better, but at this point it would be like pulling teeth. I need to ease them into it. Should I add healthier stuff first or eliminate junky stuff first? DS will be easy to cut off cold turkey, but DH is a different story altogether. I guess that will be a different plan of attack I'll need to think on for a while.
I have already done 30 minutes of Leslie Sansone this morning (Walk and Kick) so I'll jump on my bike this evening. I'll keep you posted on my results!
I am not prepared to exercise for an hour everyday to see the scale move down. It seems like that is what it is going to take, though. I know that there are many people out there who DO exercise for an hour or more on a regular basis (SwimKatt comes to mind) and I admire those people. I'm just not there yet. I am in a battle between my mind and the scale right now. My mind says, "Are you ready to commit to exercising an hour everyday? Do you really have the time? You barely have time to clean your house - when will you possibly fit in an hour everyday?" My scale says, "Oh how happy I am to be weighed down with less weight. When you exercise for an hour a day, you weigh less and that makes both of us VERY happy." And the scale is right. I AM very happy when I see a drop the day after I exercised for 60 minutes. But the day after I don't exercise for that long - even if I do it for only 30 - the scale goes back to the window it's been stuck in since October. I'm frustrated. I know that in order to bust through this plateau, I need to increase my exercise. But I'm just not there yet. Just like Forgiven waited until she was mentally ready to reduce her caloric intake on JC, I need to be mentally ready to undertake such a serious commitment. I want to be - again, I admire those of you out there who exercise for and hour or more a day. I just don't think that commitment is realistic in my life. 30 minutes? Sure. 60? Nu-uh. Not there yet. So, other than starving myself (and trust me, I do not have an anorexic bone in my body!), how can I get through this plateau? I don't want to resign myself to being 260 for the rest of my life, but since I've already lost 14% of my body weight, have I maxed out? Is that all I get? God, I hope not. I still have a long way to go.
I did it. I registered for my first 5K (as an adult). It's a walk and wheelchair roll that benefits an assistance dogs organization here in Arizona. It's 3 weeks from Saturday (January 27) and I have to say... I'M SO EXCITED!!!! I haven't walked in an organized walking event since I was in Germany doing a Volksmarch (high school - loooooooooooooooooong time ago!). And this will be the first for my son. I know he's only 6, but I think he can handle a 5K. We have the whole four hours to do it, so even if we have to stop and rest periodically, it'll be a good experience for him. There was also a list in the paper of upcoming walking/family friendly running events that I have starred. I could do 1-2 per month until April, when it starts to get unbearably hot here. But right now, I am focusing on getting through this first one. Did I mention I'm excited? I really can't wait! What a far cry from a year ago, when the thought of walking a 5K made me stroll, very slowly so as not to break a sweat, into the direction of the nearest refridgerator, taking breaks as needed so as not to pull any muscles. OK, I wasn't that bad, but seriously, I NEVER would have considered walking in an organized walking event. I mean, who has the self esteem to deal with all the LOOKS? Well...ME!! And what is more amazing to me is that I now know that not only do the LOOKS not matter, there probably aren't as many LOOKS as I thought there would be. I am so excited! hee hee! I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve!
My mom has been visiting this past week (that's why I haven't posted). We used to have such a volatile relationship, but we are aging quite nicely together. I like that she challenges me to look at things I usually don't take the time to look at. For example, she loves going to grocery stores. I must preface this by saying she is not, by any stretch of the imagination, heavy. Nor has she ever been. She just loves finding new things to try. So, while she was here, we went to a lot of different food stores - not just your typical grocery stores. She introduced me to things I never would have found on my own or never would have tried even if I had found them. Couscous, anyone? Really good! We found some quinoa, which I haven't made yet, but am excited to try (it's pronounced keen-wah, by the way. The guy at Trader Joe's had no idea what I was talking about when I asked if they had any kwin-oh-ah). She reintroduced me to butternut squash and I had asparagus for the first time in ages. The point being, it was actually fun for me to explore food. For a long time, it has been scary for me - will I trigger a binge if I just roam aimlessly around all that food? Will I go over budget on food I won't even eat anyway? Do I even have the time to grocery shop? It's like being an alcoholic in a liquer store. Well, the answers to those questions are - No, no, and yes. I love Sprouts. I like that it is smaller than your typical grocery store and almost all of the food is whole and natural. There aren't a lot of snacks and junk food to tempt me. And the prices are comparable to the typical grocery store. In fact, they had mangos on sale - 8 for $2.00!!! WOW! So, even though she left for home today, I hope I can keep my excitement about grocery shopping alive. I sure does feel good to know I'm giving my body the kind of fuel it needs. I am finally getting a sense of self-control!
It's back to school for me tomorrow - after a 2 week break, we'll see how soon my students can piss me off. I'll give them the benefit of a doubt and give them until after lunch. Wish me luck!
January 1st. A whole new year is ahead of me - one filled with new experiences, new possibilities, new people, new hope. And new resolutions. I only have a few, only one having to do with my weight.
Make my family and my time with them my first priority. Nothing else matters if they don't know they matter.
Get and stay organized in my home. I realized that I am organized everywhere else, but my house is always so cluttered and messy. Not anymore!
Finish 2007 smaller and lighter than I started it.
So, for that last one, here's my plan:
Since I am trying to get out of the "all-or-nothing" mindset, and I am beginning to realize that 10 pounds a month is very unrealistic for me, my only goal is to lose 5 pounds a month. Over the course of a year, that will add up to 60 pounds GONE! So, while 5 pounds a month is not a lot, 60 pounds is. It still won't get me to my ultimate goal weight, but I make my New Year's resolution.
That being said, I weighed myself today. For me and for the Deal Partners. I am proud to say I lost 43.6 pounds in 2006, all since June 8th. I only lost 1 pound in December (hey, at least I lost all that holiday bloat!) and am starting the New Year at 259.6. Let's just make that a nice round number and say 260. My goal for January is to lose 5 pounds, putting me at 255. Slow and steady, right? Slow and steady.
So, I was at Kohl's the other day and found a cute pair of jeans for 75% off. $13.70 for a pair of $44 jeans - I couldn't pass them up. Here's where the non-scale victory comes in:
For those of you who have ever shopped at Kohl's, I hope you will agree with me that their sizes are off. If one usually wears a 10, you are better off getting a 12 a Kohl's. They tend to run small, right? So, back to this cute pair of jeans. They are a size 22, which is my usual size everywhere but on the Planet Kohl's. I thought they were such a great deal that I would buy them anyway and hopefully fit into them in a few weeks. I have a thing about trying on clothes while actually at the store, so I bought them without trying them on (like they would fit anyway, right? Why set myself up, y'know?). Well, I get back home, in the comfort of my own bedroom and try them on. Again, Kohl's has weird sizes, so I really expected them to be small, even though they are the size I wear everywhere else (size 22). Guess what?! THEY FIT!!!! And they look good!!!! So, do you realize what this means? I am probably actually SMALLER than a size 22! Yee-haw! Look at me - almost to the teens! In reality I am probably between a size 20 and a size 22 (don't you hate that gray area when nothing fits either way?), but Kohl's has made me very happy. I am smaller than I thought I was!
Happy, happy! Joy, joy! (you get bonus points if you know where that phrase comes from. )
I also found a pair of workout pants in a size 2X. Can I just say - THEY ARE HUGE! For some reason, I thought they would be just right. But I had the realization after I tried them on that if I wear a size XXL in pajama bottoms, why would a 2X fit? Why are XXL and 2X NOT the same size? Weird. But again, Kohl's came through for me and I am a happy girl!
Happy day to you all! Start thinking about those resolutions - but don't forget to reflect on how far you've come too. That's just as important!
I am stealing (with permission) this idea from TxMommy.
10 Things I like about me (in no particular order):
1. I am fiercely loyal - if you're on my "List of Favorite People," you are there for life. The list isn't very long, but it's iron-clad.
2. my eyes - they are blue and can change shades depending on my mood. They are also one of the only physical features that were passed on to my son (the rest of him is all DH).
3. I am a damn good teacher. I have a passion for my students and feel that no one can teach them what they need to know as well as I can. (not very humble, I know, but it's how I feel)
4. I love to learn. I could spend hours researching a topic and I have such a useless fount of information just floating around in my head that I am a force to be reckoned with when playing Trival Pursuit. I feel the only reason you should stop learning is because you are dead.
5. I am generous. Sometimes I am generous to a fault, but it can never be said that I don't give of myself.
6. I am open-minded. I accept all walks of life, shades of skin, and tenets of faith. I think the world is a far more interesting place to live when you are open-minded, rather than just staring at the same 4 walls of your own little box of beliefs. Everybody has something to contribute to the world, if you give them the chance to do so.
7. I love animals. Especially mine!
8. I love words. I love to read them and write them. I love to say them and hear them. I love to know what they mean and how they can be used with other words. I love that I love words.
9. I am a homebody. I find the most comfort in my own home, with my own things, with my own family. I think that shows how comfortable you are with yourself if you are comfortable in the space you create. I guess I am pretty comfortable with myself.
10. I am not afraid to speak up for myself or for those that I care about. Life is too short to sit back and just "take it." I expect everyone to treat me with respect and dignity. "You teach people how to treat you." If you don't treat me with dignity and respect, I'll teach you (and again, refer to #3).
Thanks for the idea, TxMommy! This was very empowering!
And what is more amazing to me is that I now know that not only do the LOOKS not matter, there probably aren't as many LOOKS as I thought there would be. I am so excited! hee hee! I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve!