I don't know about other parts of the world, but here in Hellby, it has been H-O-T the last week or so.....like, suck the life out of you hot. Miserable hot. Feel your face melting off hot.....
Mark loves the hot weather, but he's used to it. Working at the DC unloading with no air for six years has gotten him used to it....not me. I'm a fan of climate control...so we're out driving and I'm begging him to roll the windows up and turn on the A/C, and he can't understand why....that's when I explained the FGI to him....Fat Girl Index.
The Fat Girl Index is a lot like the heat index, except it's only relevant if you're a size 14 or above. To figure out the FGI, you must know the current temperature. Then, you take your current pants size, divide it by 2, then add that to the temp. For example:
Yesterday it was 98. I wear a size 20. 20/2=10. 98+10=108....so to me, yesterday's temp was 108!!
Alternately, skinny people can use it in the winter, only they get to subtract their whole size to show us how cold they are....this is known as the SBI (figure that one out ).
I love how folks on this forum have named their inner brat. In my case, it's my inner evil twin, but she's the same annoying b***h! After long hours of contemplation, I have finally named her.
My evil twin's name is Kimberly.
There's a story behind the name. When I was in kindergarten, there was a girl in my class named Kimberly (no last name in case she ever read this....sorry Kim!). Evidently our families were friends long before that, because there are pictures of her at my first birthday party....but I digress.
In my class, we had tickets that were pulled if we were bad. If you had at least 4 tickets by Friday afternoon, you got a special treat while everyone else had rest time. I had been almost a model student that week, and still had 4 tickets left. My teacher, Mrs. James (who was also my brother's kindergarten teacher, and years later the teacher my mother was an assistant for) needed to do some quick paperwork and let Kimberly sit in front of the class and monitor, telling her she could pull a ticket for anyone that was talking...Now, Kimberly and I both like Joseph, who was and still is the cutest little thing...so we were not friends. I coughed, and Kimberly pulled my ticket!!!! I was so upset! I tried to explain to Mrs. James, but she was having none of that.....I watched heartbroken as my friends filed outside while I lay on my rest mat....only to see that they had GIANT freezy pops (you know, those colored water popsicles in the plastic tubes).........I will never forget that, and didn't like Kimberly through 13 years of school because of it.
The story does have a happy ending. I told my Mom this story, who told it to Mrs. James (now Audrey, since she's a family friend)....poor Audrey felt so bad that she gave me an entire box of freezy pops for my high school graduation. We still laugh about.
So Kimberly, you can have your stupid freezy pops. They're full of sugar and make you fat!
I'm ashamed. It's been over a week since I've posted! Life decided to make its presence known...it needs to factor in my blogging schedule next time! So, let's see what all has happened....
1) Finals! I finished up with my finals for summer term on Saturday, and grades are supposed to be posted today. I'm confident of an A in both Computer Concepts (Word, PP and Excel class) and my Communications course. As far as Marketing II goes, I'm hoping for a C...ugh, I hate marketing. It's always been my least favorite aspect of the curriculum. I'm just not a good liar, so advertising is out for me.
2) Bad news on the interview front...I was supposed to have my second interview with HIS today, but Roxanne called last night and said the hospital canceled the contract , which means no job for Courtney. On the bright side, the hospital was VERY impressed with my resume and asked to keep it, and HIS said the first opening they have they're going to call me....unfortunately, the opening will be in either Florida or New York state, and I'm not sure I'm ready for a move like that....but I had the job. I've cried and contemplated consulting Ben and Jerry on the subject, but settled for cuddle time with Crunch the Cat and the Rusty Dog and sugar free popsicles instead.
3) Good news on the Disney front! I got an email offering a free upgrade to one of the nicest resorts on the property! The big-little brother and I are going at the end of September, and are now staying at Saratoga Springs! I fully intend to utilize the spa.
4) Uncle TOM was almost 10 days late, which scared the bejeebus out of me. Took a pregnancy test last night, came up negative, and then that jerk Uncle TOM shows up this morning. I'm actually glad to see him, though.
Get ye behind me, Satan! You and your devilishly delicious concoction called pizza!!
The craving for pizza hit me late Sunday night. It didn't just hit me; it bulldozed me and paved over me, leaving my crushed body claw my way out of the asphalt....MUST. HAVE. PIZZA.
So, rather than suffer (which I should have), I researched all the different pizza places in the area, trying to find something that I could work with. I finally settled on a Veggie Lover's personal pan from Pizza Hut. 550 calories, 22 grams of protein which equals 462 true calories. I was careful during the day in order to make sure I didn't go over budget. The pizza itself was very good, and I enjoyed spending time outside the house with Mark. I thought I was pretty sly, figuring out how to incorporate PIZZA into my plan....
WRONG. So, so, wrong!!!
I have been miserable all day long!! I've been craving everything you could possibly think of, and some things you may not (at one point I think I wanted to eat DIRT). I've also been very sluggish and tired, even with an entire phen pill and B12. I've eaten more or less constantly all day, though I've stayed well within budget (thank God for sugar free popsicles), but I hate this. Maybe it's not from the pizza, but I can't help but think all the grease in that pie has set me way back.It makes me mad at myself, because I thought I was so great for not having any cravings at all.....devil pizza.
But tomorrow's another day. I've resisted drowning myself in chocolate frosting and deep fried anything, and will feel better tomorrow. Now it's off to grilled pollock and couscous....and maybe another popsicle.
Distraction. Is anyone else ex....oh look, a bunny!!
I've been on phentermine and HCG shots for a week today. According to Wii Fit, I've lost 2 lbs. Not the dramatic 10 lb weight loss I was hoping for (and that I'm beginning to think a lot of folks have lied about), but it's something. I'm just glad I managed a loss while still going to Grayson's wedding (no booze, no cake for me! I'll admit, I felt superior to everyone because of my willpower, haha!) and brunch at Mark's parents' yesterday. His mom's breakfast casserole is SOOOOOOOOO good, but I only ate a 2x1 inch piece so she wouldn't be offended....I wanted to eat the whole 9x13 dish! I realized at that moment the difference between real hunger and head hunger. Yay for discoveries!!
And none of that is what I intended to blog about, which perfectly proves my point. I don't know if it's just a qurky personality trait gone awry or if it's the phen, but I am CONSTANTLY distracted these days. For example: I started cracking the daily egg whites and decided to try and jazz them up a bit. As I'm pulling salsa and cottage cheese from the fridge, I realize what a mess it is and start cleaning it out. While cleaning it out, I realize that I'm doing it again (the distraction thing) and think "Hmm, wonder if anyone else does this? I'll blog about it," go get the computer, put it on the kitchen counter and start writing...
Ok, eggs are finished.
This is making me batty. It's become a regular thing. I eventually get around to doing everything I need to do, but in pieces. I've NEVER been that way before. I've always been a start to finish, hardest thing first kind of gal.
Once upon a time I lost 50 lbs...which I promptly gained back. These days I'm wearing about a 22 in most things. It used to bother me to the point that I would cut the tags
out of my clothes, just to avoid seeing those numbers. Like many other
things as of late, this is something I've accepted and
embraced...mostly because I'm discovering the whole 'beauty on the
inside' cliche might just be true. I have so many things going on in my
mind...things that inspire me, and are inspiring others. When the sun
sets, those are the things people will remember.
However, I openly admit as much as the next quasi-professional blogger
that appearances do matter. It isn't about the size you are; it's about
how you dress the canvas. In fact, there are written laws to govern
dressing for ladies of size...I present to you, the Fat-girl Code of Conduct (FCC...get it?).
FCC GUIDELINE 1: The fact that 1 1/2 inseam shorts come in your size does not mean you should wear them.
Let's do a little interactive experiment. Close your laptop, stand up,
and place the top of it at your natural waist, where your shorts would
fall. Wow, that's short, huh? Now, take your 1 1/2 inseam Old Navy
Madras and lay them across the top of your laptop. Well I'll be Jackie
Chan, there are the same length. Guess what? Everything you could see
when you held up the laptop? Yeah, we see that in your shorts. Folks,
it's like the speed limit....65 is the highest you're allowed to go,
but you can go 60 if you want....Please, go 60.
FCC GUIDELINE 2: It's called a button-up because it's supposed to button up.
The camisole is indeed a girl's best friend. I'm fond of them under v
neck sweaters (because otherwise my currently expunged record for
public indecency would be back on file). I am not, however, a fan of
the 'three buttons on the bottom actually done so you can look at my
Cherokee by Target brand lace turquoise cami' look. (DISCLAIMER: I have
zero problem with buying clothes at Target. Do it often. I'm also a
proud thrift store frequent shopper) If they won't button, you
shouldn't wear it. You wouldn't wear shoes that refused to fit your
feet, would you? Think of your tatas as feet.
Speaking of shoes.....
FCC GUIDELINE 3: Just say NO to Old Navy flip flops...and Crocs
This is also a good guide for our skinny sisters. Ladies, shoes are
intended to protect one's feet from the harsh elements of the ground.
Your super fabulous bargain of getting 43 pairs of neon colored flip
flops for $11.28 is doing nothing more than making you look as if
you're wearing Play-Dough on your feet...go barefoot! You'll get just
as much protection, and it's good for your spinal column.
Now to Crocs...many of you have known me for quite some time, and know
my, um, eclectic sense of style. I own more pairs of Crocs than should
legally be allowed. I love them. I truly, deeply love them...oh, how it
pains me to say this.....CROCS LOOK STUPID!!!! You are a woman! You are
not a duck....please don't allow your feet to look like duck feet any
longer.....every time you wear your Crocs, Jesus kills a duck. Please,
think of the ducklings......
Excuse me. I need a moment to mourn.............ok, finished. Now, for the final guideline.
FCC GUIDELINE 4: The previous three guidelines are crap. You're
not beautiful because of what you wear. You're beautiful because of WHO
YOU ARE.
Screw society and their standards (see: Unconventional Oven). You are
you, and you are the most fantastic version of you that ever existed.
Embrace it. Love it. And paint your canvas the way that makes you happy.
I've often wondered why others are able to see the beauty in us that we are unable to see in ourselves (believe it or not, that didn't come from a fortune cookie. I thought of it in the shower. It's where I do my best thinking). When I look in the mirror, I see UGH! ACK! EWWW! OH GAH! But there have been countless times where people have said to me, "Courtney, you are just beautiful." I actually had a lady come up to me in Applebee's while out with some friends and apologize for staring at me (I hadn't noticed), and said that I just have a look she couldn't take her eyes off of, and that I was beautiful.
Sign me up for whatever she was taking, doc!
Seriously, though, very few of us can see what others see. The ones of us that can are usually so vain that they see BEYOND (ie: a lot more that really isn't there) what others see. The fact of the matter is, it's there. Deep down, it's there.
Tonight I'm going to a wedding (not my own, thank God!), where I'll be meeting some important people for the first time; Mark's brother, his wife, and their son. This will also be the first time I've spent more than a drive to the airport's length of time with his mom and dad. Mark means the world to me...he's my rock. With all the things that have happened in the last year, I would have been lost without him. Oh, and all the aunts and uncles and cousins and everyone will be there, too. So, it's very important that I impress these people. My first instinct has been to cower and panic because I'm afriad everyone will say "Oh wow, Mark's girlfriend is a cow...." And I'm sure some will.
But tonight, I'm not going to cower. I'm going to try and see myself as others see me. I'm going to be the beautiful, caring, and really damn funny person others know me to be. I'm not going to hide behind clothes and makeup and glitter and jazz. I'm just going to be me.
That simple thought in the shower will fortify me and carry me through.
I bought EA Sports Active for the Wii on Tuesday night and absolutely love it. Even the annoying computer generated trainer makes me smile. One of the best parts of the program is the cardio dancing.
In case you can't tell by my pictures, I'm white. Very, very white. So white they had to come up with a new race besides Caucasian to call me. Despite the fact that I started as a music major in college (and played trombone), I have no rhythm when it comes to anything other than Saint Saens or Wagner. So here I am, doing my Travolta moves with the arrows, feeling all good about myself (it's kind of like Dance Dance Revolution for your arms), when up pops a big circle: "Wave the Lasso!" I start flailing my arms around until it gets back to my arrows. At the end of the set, I realize I'm 5 points short...oh well, must have moved too soon a couple of times. On to the next set.
Next set is more of the same, only this time the break is "Drive the School Bus." So I drove, looking more like I was on Karate Kid than driving a bus. End of set, still 5 points short....that's when I realized I am officialy the ONLY white person that cannot do white people dance moves. The points I was missing were on the special sections!
Last set.....up, down, right, right, left......CHURN THE BUTTER!!! Well, let me tell you, I churned butter like it had never been churned....that mess was smooooooooooooooth as silk.........
On my way to an interview in about an hour. I've been out of work since 5/20, and am SOOOOOOOO ready to get back to it. This job is the one that I really wanted when I first moved here, but I had already taken the job in Gastonia when they called me.
I'm not exactly praying that I get it, but that I don't make a fool of myself, and that God's will is done fully.
So, if you think about it, send some good vibes my way about 10:30!!!
If you want me to start going to the gym and stop being a health burden on society, don't you think you should make some gym shorts to fit my fat a$$ to start with?
Sincerely, Courtney and her fat a$$
Ack! Just got home from Hell () Mart. I did find new resistance bands for $9.77 - pack of three in different strengths- which made the trip almost worth it. Going to Walmart in Hellby (aka Shelby) is never completely worth it. For one, we're always the last to get new products...stupid, because we're home to a Distribution Center! (Mark works there, so I can't hate Walmart too much. They sign his paycheck) Also, it's always, always, always, jammed with people. But I digress...
Finding the bands gave me a boost and an idea to bug some new gym shorts. My old ones have been around since college, and are pretty worse for the wear. So off I trot to Women's Clothing...BIG MISTAKE. There are no big girl shorts, meaning none is a size bigger than 14/16...at the moment, I'm a pretty solid 20/22. I did find a couple of pair XXL/20, but GAH! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY that can wear a size 20 should be wearing those things in public! It's criminally indecent!!! (Yep, I bought them. For $7 I will use them as goal shorts) There is a Fat Girl Code of Conduct when it comes to dress!! LOL!
Regardless, I find it interesting that society harps on us to lose weight, but can't accomodate something as simple as a pair of shorts to help reach the goal.
). 
, which means no job for Courtney. On the bright side, the hospital was VERY impressed with my resume and asked to keep it, and HIS said the first opening they have they're going to call me....unfortunately, the opening will be in either Florida or New York state, and I'm not sure I'm ready for a move like that....but I had the job. I've cried and contemplated consulting Ben and Jerry on the subject, but settled for cuddle time with Crunch the Cat and the Rusty Dog and sugar free popsicles instead. 
) Mart. I did find new resistance bands for $9.77 - pack of three in different strengths- which made the trip almost worth it. Going to Walmart in Hellby (aka Shelby) is never completely worth it. For one, we're always the last to get new products...stupid, because we're home to a Distribution Center! (Mark works there, so I can't hate Walmart too much. They sign his paycheck) Also, it's always, always, always, jammed with people. But I digress...