Real quick! Hellllllo Hump day! Woo! I was just looking at my main page, I have .8 lbs to lose until I'm in the normal weight category! Wooooah! I gatta get to class, but once I get there I'll write more! Goals Goals Goals! Oh and Summer adventure with Tara! I was write about that too! Woo!!!
Okay in class now, there was a class before this, so I really don't have much time to type anything.. buttt I'll finish later.
Goals for today...
1. Go to the gym after class, even though I have my period that's not gunna stop me!
2. Stay within my points so I can be happy come Friday for my weekly weigh in!
3. Eat no more cereal!
4. Stay motivated! Don't eat any chocolate, or just stick with my 60 cal pudding cups!
have a good day!
Okay, went to the gym! Check! I only had 5pts for lunch today and 6 for breakfast, so that was good... now to keep myself occupied so I don't eat... I think I might go paint the bathroom haha! Writing what my plans are for the day is helping me stay on track so much better! Thankkkk you EP! Woo!
So I painted the first coat in the bathroom. Ugh. I am sooo hungry. I just ate a fiber one bar and a pear... so thats 3 pts plus lunch was 5 plus breakfast was 6... 14 pts. so I have 10 for dinner. Which is good. I may even go to the gym again. BUT. That might be pushing it. I don't know what I would do besides cardio. I guess that's all I really would do. I'm not motivated enough to jog and I feel like I would get bored on any other equpiment today. AHH listen to me! I'm talking myself out of going to the gym for the second time today! NOoo!
I lifted plenty of weights earlier today with weirdo man that kept following me around, so at least I don't have to do that. But I SHOULD maybe do a little extra cardio because I only did a half hour when I went to the gym today...
Let's see... new goalss.. I need to be creative.. Maybe make something that's gunna keep me on track... hmm.
While I'm thinking about that, let me tell you what I was PLANNING on doing for Vin for Valentine's Day. I'm not so sure I'm going to. I counted how many days, on Feb 14th we would be together, and it would be 106. SO I was planning on getting balloons, renting a helium tank, and filling my house with 106 balloons and attched to each string would be a reason why I loved him. And then at the end he would find a gift bag, which he would find one of 8 puzzle pieces (he calls me his puzzle piece..) So I would have a clue in each gift bag as to where to find the next giftbag.. and so on until he found the whole puzzle, along with a few other little gifts... BUT I'm thinking maybe it's too much, maybe I should wait. I tried thinking up a 100 reasons why I love him. I actually cheated and looked up reasons online, and then I thought about Vin.. They just don't match up. I don't know? What does that mean? I don't love him. Probably not, it's only been a few months. And it hasn't exactly been paradise either. haha. Oh well, I guess I'll figure it out.
BUT! In bigger news!! Tara (Taralove) and myself have decided that we would meet up. She lives in Washington, and I live in Massachusetts! We decided that this summer we would meet up in Florida! A. Because we both always wanted to go. B. Because she is one of my biggest inspirations and weight loss supporters, so I'm dying to meet her! and C. Who wouldn't want to meet up in Florida? D. One more reason to kick our asses in gear and get ourselves beach ready!! Woo hooo!!!
So! My plan, it to lose at LEAST 25 more lbs. If I can, I don't know. The lowest I've ever weighed is 155, and I was working nights then, so I barely ate. I just slept, went to class, went to work.. We'll see if I can do it. If not I am VERY grateful for how far I've gotten so far, I won't take that for granted. I am doing well, when I want to. I hate that I KNOW how, I just need the WANT. I do WANT! And then I get into certain circumstances and I'm like... Oh God, I haven't had one of those in so long... Mmm. Cheese danish. God, see?!
Let's see, plan for dinner.. hmm. I have chicken. Maybe chicken with vegetables? Yea sounds good. lol I eat it all the time, but I'm not so sure I could get sick of it. I really don't think so.
It's 4:54, should I eat dinner.. then go to the gym later? Oh yea, good idea. maybe I'll go way later, at like 7:30. I'll get out of there at 8:30, then Ill take a shower, then come in my room and read! Perfect, then it'll be close to bedtime! Woo! Yea! Okay! 6 more days til fat book day... lets see what my last entry was... oh man.. not so great. jan 2nd weight- 171.6.. my goal was 160 by feb 2nd. lol. I doubt I'll be able to do that... maybe 168. 160 by my birthday! That sounds pretty sensible. I think I might post quotes for motivation in my room. Have a good night!! I might be back to stay on track! byeee
Well, I'm sitting in the computer lab. I should have done this before because for lunch I think I ate everything in site plus sum. Lately I've been on this crazy binge... I'll be doing well for a day then whammo the next day I'm bored and I don't know what to do with myself. THEN it's all down hill. What can I say? I wish I had some self control. I was so bored. Today I have 2 3hour breaks. With nothing to do since it's the first week of classes. We don't have any homework yet. Honestly I don't think I will get any. This typing class I have, I thought I would try out the program, but I guess I need the password from the Professor to get into it. THANK YOU. Yep I don't have that. So, I'm sitting here, on the computer trying to occupy myself.. hmm. Maybe I can find some good articles. I have T minus 2 hours and counting til BUSINESS LAW woooopie! lol... I'll report back!
Hey everyone! I decided to blog this AM, because I won't be home until 10pm or so. I have a 9-10:50 class, then a 2- 3:15 class, then a 6:30-9:30 class. Should be lots of fun!!! haha. I do love having homework. I don't know why. I always did, ever since I was little. So today!! My main goals are... eat well. I just had 2 packets of oatmeal- usually I have one, but sitting in class always makes me more hungry. lol. Then on Thursday I'll pack a lunch, but today I don't have time. I'll go to subway across the street and get a ham and turkey sub. Then maybe check the bookstore to see if my book came in. But other than that I might not have a lot of homework to do... SO. I'm planning on bringing my gym clothes, maybe squeeze in a little workout. I'm not sure though. I get stressed on time. Today is the only day that my schedule is whacky and I have class til late, so maybe I'll use today as an off day, and in future warm weather I'll go for a walk on my break if I don't have homework. Sounds like a plan!!
I texted Vin last night about 9 o clock or so, Usually he calls me or texts me right when he gets out of work. So I texted him just to make sure he was alright, he said yea just working a lot. Then I said I missed him, and he didn't reply. And he didn't send me a message this morning. SO. Whatever... I have other things to worry about. Ya know?
So that's my plan, now I wish I waited on buying stuff for Vin's Valentines present. Maybe I can bring it back.. He's so stressful. ugh. OKay gatta run to class. Bye!
I hate the winter... there I said it!! I hate Cape Cod winters. A. Everyone is gone, it's a ghost town, the same old people everyday. B. It's dreary cold, wet, rainy, and the cold goes right through you. C. When it's dark and cold all the time I I don't feel like exercising....
BUTTTT guess what! I went to the gym today. Yep, it felt good. I still feel down and depressed. But I think that might be because of other things. Who knows. I did well on my points today too. I had more motivation, but then again I was also out of the house most of the day. I think that's key. I need to stay away from the house. Like I said in the last blog... this place just depresses me. I need to get out of here. I start bartending school on saturday i think, or it starts feb 27th. Either way, I'm starting bartending school, which will keep me even more occupied. I guess with doing the school they also set you up with a job. Another depressing aspect of my life, I was all excited about the job I got at the gym, yep, they're only giving me 6 hours a week. So aggrivating! I need another job. Maybe if I work at a pub type place I could work Mon, Wed, Fri, Sats, and Sundays. I hope. Make some money and find an apartment FOR myself!!
Vin keeps talking about getting a place for me, him, and his friend Mike. That's super. I actually have money to do that right now and I'm gung ho about it... but 1. I don't know if moving in with Vin is a great idea, then I'll never be able to get away. 2. I know I'll end up paying for the rent for Vin and myself, and pay for groceries. Vin is so bad with money... another reason not to move in with him. Ughhh I don't know. It's just so many things.. I think I'm way too independent. I need to just go on my merry business and do my own thing. I care WAY too much about what people think about me. Oh well, another life lesson. On ward and upward! On the upside, I ate well today, went to the gym, and now I will have a relaxing afternoon reading a book. Sounds fabulous. ALSO I just told Vin that I wasn't going to stay at his house tonight, I was going to stay at mine, since I have class early. :) woo hoo!
Time to get re motivated!!! Woo Hoo! Vin and I have a competition. See who loses the most weight by March 4th ( my Bday). I thought I was in the lead, or at least winning, except for the past few days. I need to be organized. I need to write everything I eat down. I need to want it. I need the willpower. You know that feeling that you WANT to be thin, but you don't want to put in the effort to get there. I've been here so many times. I've gotten this far and then I'm like hey I don't feel like working for it anymore and this is when all the weight comes back. Maybe this is a turning point in my life. I understand that this is the part where the road diverges... why can't I just stay on one path all the way to the finish?! WHYYY?
I feel blah, down, and just not energized. I don't know if I'm coming down with something or it's due to the fact that I haven't exercised in 2 days. But even when I was exercising my energy was low. Maybe I need some Vitamin C.
I guess this is good that I stopped myself, instead of continuing down the wrong path for the next few months and gaining the weight back, I figured out what I'm doing wrong and stopped. And now that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, maybe there won't be any more hurdles for the rest of my journey. I need to understand that I can not buy certain food. I thought I could handle it being in my house... even "no pudge brownies" which I thought I could handle... Ummm. I ate the whole pan. Earlier today I ate 2 back to back weight watchers dinners... It's just unusual. I usually wil eat a weight watchers dinner and be satisfied. Maybe it's bored eating? This house stresses me out too. I don't feel like it's my home. It is for now, but my stuff is still in boxes, my clothes have no where to go because there isn't any closets. I just feel like the disorganization is getting to me and stressing me out.
Everything is in there designated place, that isnt the problem. The problem is... my room is a tiny little cubicle. I don't feel comfortable doing my work in there. I don't know. I love this house. It just stresses me because I don't belong here, or I feel like I don't belong here... not to mention the whole "dont bring bad food in the house thing" nana bought TWO 1lb bags of pisachio nuts... rediculous.
Ugh. Starting tomorrow I'm starting back on my hard core diet. I need a planner.. hmm. CRAP. OKay. Time to organize, destress, maybe take a nap!? First day of class tomorrow. Thank God! Wish me luck! Talk soon!
Hey everyone! I hope you're all doing well. Everything is okay with me. Vin and I are back together. Better than ever I guess you could say. It's so perfect :) He's even trying to do weightwatchers with me. Today I didn't do well. I've been feeling kind of strange... I don't know how to describe it. I'm not sure what's wrong. Just exhausted... Diet was doing well for a few days but the past couple it hasn't. I've eaten everything out of house and home! Ahh! I ate half a bag of pistachios!! Stupid! Oh well! You live and you learn I guess! I might get dressed and go out with Vin. It might be nice to get out of the house.. Yep!!
I'm in such a weird position in life. I hate it, I'll miss it when it's gone. But I hate it right now. I'm still in school. What am I going to school for? I have no idea. I have no money to support myself and be on my own because I'm in school. I work, but I don't make enough. I get upset and eat. That's what I do. I was down to 170, on the BRINK of breaking that barrier and I gained it back! UGH! I don't know if I want to be with Vin, since I've broken up with him he's done a complete transformation into this new person, sweet vin, the sweet vin I wanted him to be in the beginning. But my fear is that he's just being nice now to get me back and then he'll go back to his old self. My other fear, i guess I'm the only one that understands this, all my friends think I'm crazy even.... I LOVE doing things by myself. I love just waking up and leaving and driving states away, just to not know anyone. I live on Cape Cod. It's a small area. Everywhere I go, I recognize at least one person. Vin says "well why can't we take these trips together" no.. that's not the point. I don't plan them. I don't like planning. I just go. That's the best part about them. I have no idea where I'm going and no idea what I want to do. I just don't want to settle just yet. Now Vin is talking about how he wants to marry me. Honestly I do love new affectionate Vin... I'm not ready to be with someone for the rest of my life. I did want to... but right now I really just want to be able to do what I want and not be judged, or told I'm weird. I'm working on nana's house, fixing it up. I used to want to just lay in my bed and cuddle, but now I have things to do, things I want to get done. Me being indesicive just gets in the way of my eating habbits. I go out with my friend Grace when I'm mad at vin and say oh screw it, and I get what I really want on the menu. I even had chicken tenders the other day... WOAH.
I'm just confused. I don't know what I want. I don't want my emotions to control my eating. I don't want to keep adding on lbs. I need to end this crazy emotional rollercoaster, either I'm with Vin or I'm not and I need to move on. End of story. That's all I can say..
Soooo tomorrow I might start the Master Cleanse crazy scary diet. I'm not sure... it sounds pretty insane. Check it out. Master Cleanse.org. my friend did it and lost 27lbs... YEp... lol. Okay have a good one!
Hey everyone! I hope you're all doing well! I went to the gym today and had a great workout! Then I went to Walmart and bought some primer for the bathroom and put a first coat on. Then I got a call from the gym and they asked me to work tomorrow 6-12. I said okay. I love working and I love money lol. AND being at the gym motivates me and keeps me from eating. Two pluses! Haven't really heard from Vin today, but I have other things to keep me busy. So I guess that's good. I gatta run. Talk to you all soon!!
Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in the past few days. I'm fine, everything's fine! Vin and I are fine. He went out with his friends last night, I'm going out with my friends tonight.. I woke up with an incredible head cold on thursday, I took nyquil on thursday night, which made me a zombie and useless on friday, and today I'm stuffed up but I feel more energergized and haven't taken any cold medicine. I'll just suck it up and hope for the best. I even went to the gym this morning! I didn't go thursday or friday, but I figured I needed rest anyway. So. Yesterday I went 13 points over... and today I'm trying to stay within my points but tonight I'm hanging out with my crazy work friends. lol. Should be fun. We'll see how much I get done. I'm supposed to paint the bathroom today, that was my main goal! Wooo! Let's go get started!! ttys!
i want to blog. I want to spill my heart out. But I just can't right now. I guess I'm in shock. Vin broke up with me through txt message and said we were "great freinds" and he wanted to see where it went from there. SCREEEEEEW YOU. That's really all I have to say at the moment... with many many more profanities, but I'll refrain. BUT I guess the good news is, I weighed myself this am... 171 on my period. And I'm eating pretty well and going to the gym on a regular basis.. so screw you Vin, it's your loss. I'm sick of the heart ache and pain. Woo. Now I have work at 3, at the gym. :) Maybe I'll blog tomorrow when I feel like spilling my heart out. Weird, I thought him breaking up with me would make me depressed, but I guess it just makes me more motivated to prove him wrong. He told me this AM, when I could not get out of bed at 6am to work out with him, because I didn't go to bed until 1.. he told me that I was lazy. But then, I laughed about it. I thought he was joking. Guess not. But I got up at 8 and had coffee and was at the gym at 9.. so I don't see what the big deal is?! Idk... Whatever. Stupid boys. I gatta run.
