Information.

So reading though this whole page of mine I realized I didnt quite explain EVERYTHING .... so Im going to recap for you all.

To start, I have ALWAYS considered myself to be "overweight", even at my smallest (130). I come from a very heavy family....OTHER than my sisters (2 biological sisters, 1 of which has a different Dad than myself and my middle sister).

I dont want to get into detail about EVERYONE else, just my background.

I think my weight problem started when I was LITTLE. I got repremanded for leaving spaghetti on my plate and was forced to finish up my meal. I think it was one of those things where the adults thought I was messing around, but obviously I was serious because I have that event clearly in my brain of that exact moment where my Grandmother made me sit down and finish.

My whole life I felt bad if I left food on my plate because "there are starving children all around the world". Im not saying that it was my Grandma's FAULT ... but it should have been explained to me that I didnt ALWAYS have to eat ALL that was on my PLATE.

I struggled with my weight since I can remember. I was never made fun of in school, that I can remember....but there were a lot of people in the family that made fun of me A LOT. My sistes used to poke fun, my mom (quite a bit) and my uncle used to tell me that "if I didnt be careful I would end up just like my Aunt Rosie (she weighed about 400 lbs) and my Grandmother (she probably weighed 300-350). It was hurtful, so I did my BEST not to be "overweight".

I wasnt always overweight, but I always had bad self-esteem on the issue, afterall, I was the "fat" sister. My sisters never have seen more than 170 pounds in their lives. Now, that is not their AVERAGE....but they have never walked a moment in my shoes. My oldest sister's largest was about 150, her average being 115-120. My middle sister's biggest was 170 and she was about 10 months pregnant...NOT pregnant, Im going to say 135, her average being 112. So in the scheme of things, they know what it is to be UNCOMFORTABLE in their own skin....but never to my extreme.

I was chubby when I entered highschool. I was 160 pounds my freshman year. I didnt get made fun of but thats when the boys started to notice....and I surely started to notice THEM! I was always interested in "school politics" so I wanted to run for Sophomore Board President....and I did, but I needed confidence. I did the Atkins diet that summer and dropped to my smallest....130 pounds, I was a size 5/7. It was a bit too small for me, so I shot up to 145...which was my happiest. I met my highschool sweetheart and HAPPILY went up to 150-155 and stayed there for a while. I went back and forth between 145 and 155 from then on, graduating at 150.

When I graduated I was 4 months pregnant with my son. I was 18 years old and thought I could do what I wanted with no repurcussions. I gained about 48-50 pounds with that pregnancy. I remember the pictures after having him, but I was too devistated about accepting the fact that I was one of SO many women that got stretch marks. It was hard for me to accept, and I never paid much attention to my weight, but the pictures weren't that bad. My face was still fairly thin and I still looked HAPPY, I had my son, loved him, hated the stretch marks.

Had I just cracked down then, the next 4-6 years wouldnt have been too rough. It was then that I started really downing myself because I believed all everyone told me about being fat, and turning into my aunts, uncles and grandparents! I WAS fat. After I had my son, I opted for the DEPO shot due to being SO afraid to get pregnant again! WORST DECISION EVER. The nurses tell you its only responsible for about 10 pound gain....I DO not believe it and NEVER will. I put on about 40-50 pounds within MONTHS. NOT PRETTY! I jumped from ABOUT 190 to 230-240. I was so depressed by then all I did was eat. I was OUT OF CONTROL!

I knew I was fat, I cared but I had a man that LOVED me exactly how I was, a son that didntknow what "fat" was and I wasnt ever aroud my parents to make me feel bad about it. No one wanted to say anything about it because I was SO sensitive to the issue, and to be honest, I dont think it would have done any good. I would have got defensive and ate myself BIGGER, probably to DEATH.

God had his eye on me. It was ABOUT 240-245 that I felt enough was enough! I joined a gym.....did NOT fix my eating. I lost 15 pounds that year. I was SO happy. It wasnt enough to stay motivated. There was a girl at my gym that was a personal trainer. She was on the thicker side, not so skinny she made me wanna barf....she came up to me and told me what an inspiration I was to EVERYONE at that gym, to keep it up! It was later in the week that she recommended I join Weight Watchers. It took me a while, but I listened to her and it was the best decision I ever made, thanks to the encouragement of her. (I later named my daughter after her, not because we were close, but because she CHANGED my life!)

I joined Weight Watchers in the end of April of 2006. I weighed in at 236 pounds. I went with a friend that later quit but still I pressed on and worked hard. By February of 2007 I was 186 pounds. It was then that I found out I was pregnant with my second baby (I was 24). It was so hard to do anything right. The fatigue set in and everything that was healthy for me came up with the morning (or ANYTIME) sickness. It was hard. I did manage to gain 38 pounds though.

After I had her I just procrastinated in losing the weight. I didnt want to join Weight Watchers again because that would mean I would have to be held accountable for what went in my mouth! Sooooo my BEST friend finally went with me and my husband also. I weighed in, this time (April 11th) at 219 pounds. WAY over what I THOUGHT I was! But I took the first step....I JOINED and WEIGHED IN. I was AWARE now!

My daughter just turned a year old on the 17th....and I am PROUD to say, I weighed myself (it differs a bit from the scale at WW) today and it said ..... 188, which is what I was PRE-SOPHIA! I am happy....and I shall continue!

To all those that have lost and gained and WAY gained and WAY lost and maybe gained a bit more...KEEP ON! You encourage SO many people.....dont worry about HOW LONG, just worry about DOING IT!

10-8-08 Weigh-In

I lost 1.4 pounds today. I am feeling ok about it. Last week was amazing...I lost 5.6, but that was water weight Im sure of it.

I havent been exercising because of this cough. Its an excuse and I really need to rid myself of it and get back on my exercise pattern. I need that hour a day for myself....not only to maintain healthy loving but mentally, its such a break mentally. I can see my tummy not being as firm as I want it, even though it will never be what I'd LIKE, it can be a lot better than it is now.

Im feeling good but Im trying not to be too hard on myself when it comes to all f this. I still feel confident about my Christmas goal of 188 or lower .... so Im encouraged, motivated and happy ... just gotta work on this getting back into the swing of things with my exercise. I'd like to start jogging, give myself a bit of a challenge (a BIG challenge!).

That's it for now ... will take an "after" progress shot soon!

Staying On Track!

So its been quite a while for me! Since I started back @ WW in April/May I have lost 23 pounds! I am 8.6 pounds away from my PRE-SOPHIA weight! That means overall I will be 47 pounds away from my goal! I am curious to see what I am going to look like @ 141. It will be interesting to see!

I am happy to announce that I am confident that I will be at my pre-Sophia weight by the "planned" time of Christmas. Im excited about that. I guess I didnt realize just how small 188 was for me. Being WELL over 220 pounds for the last 5 years, it just blows my mind that I'll be there again and hopefully will have learned the lesson for GOOD that I have to consciously continually eat healthy! I do go out and enjoy some "splurging" from time to time but making a habit of it is completely out of the question for me!

I do notice though, that I am quite hard on myself. I want to look in the mirror and see THEO for 196.6....NOT, THEO for 236. Its frustrating because I feel like I am equally as hard on myself NOW as I was THEN. I just worry that 141 isnt going to be "good enough" for me....and I want it to be. The dream of being THIN again (for me, anyway) is amazing and it feels SO close to being in sight for me....it feels amazing. I just really have to work off this disorder of what I THINK I look like and what I REALLY look like!

I do have to admit though, that it felt SO wonderful to get BACK into my 14's. My "skinny" (again, FOR ME) jeans. I was so anxious to get into them after Sophia - and my eating was horrible and I got further and further away from that dream .... and now that I am in them, no amount of Taco Bell or McDonalds can bring me back to the dreaded 18s that I was or the 16s I squeezed into because I THOUGHT I was! LOL!

Anyway, I want to encourage all of the people who run across this blog....you can do it! If you are so frustrated with yourself ... and the sadness is there - depression - just do something! STOP crying about it (BEEN THERE!) and get your butt up and go for a walk! Is it horrible that your sister can eat and eat and eat and not gain a POUND? That your "BFF" has 3 kids and not ONE stretch mark? That your new friend has rock hard arms and is a mom of 2! UGH, I KNOW! But God made you JUST the way he wanted you to be, and if you want to change the way you look ----- you CAN, have faith that you WILL! If you need an ear, email me. MaydenAmerika@aol.com

Slow but Steady

Ive had my days ... but all in all - I am on a slow but steady loss ... Ive gained twice and that drove me  nuts .... being so hard on myself but I am doing well. Ive decided to take Green Tea to see if there is a difference. They say its so good for you - so Im going to give it a shot ... even if it doesnt help with the weight-loss; its good for your system ... we'll see ... I am getting closer and closer; week after week to my Christmas 2008 goal! :)

Feelin' Pretty Good

So  --- into week two and I have lost 3.5 pounds. I am happy about that. Im feeling motivated. I am not excited about starting at the gym ----- but that's ok....I'll get back into the swing of things and again, start to enjoy things. I did very well this week - again, pleased with the results.........and super excited for the future.

After My Baby

Ok so its AFTER my daughter and Ive decided that I need to do what I need to do to get to my goal. I am motivated, loved, pretty and did I mention MOTIVATED?

I am weighing in more than I thought I was...but that's ok because I am doing the proper things in order to attain my goal. I was SO close weighing in at 188 before ---- but now ... I have a ways to go. I will get there. My goal is 140 ..... but I AM curious to see what I'd look like at a low BMI and that is at 113....maybe 130 is good for me, and REALISTIC.

So with Sophia I gained 38 pounds...not too bad but since I had her I havent been able to control my eating due to breast feeding. I didn't know how to eat healthy and still give her the ability to nurse. I am 6 months in and I feel that she is good. I am still nursing (not as frequently) but I do feel that its overdue for me to DO something about my WEIGHT. It's time I am happy with how I look again. Selfish? Yes, most definitely, but I did both - I nursed and I will continue but its my turn to lose the weight I want to and get to where I want to!

Enjoy the ride ----- I know I will!

GEEZE!!!

Ok, so enough with the dilly-dally! I am gettin' down to business!!! I am on vacation in NY right now and well....last week I gained a pound ... but this week - I lost 3!!!!!!!!! I am so getting back on track once I get back to WPB. I am cracking down. I am not doing so bad now but not what I WANT to be doing -- so back to business. I didnt blow it for the holidays but I really want to be where I want to be rather quickly! Pray for me! :)

OOPS!!!

Well, I missed my weigh-in this week. I weigh-in on Saturday AM. This passed saturday they had a party for the WW crew...they rescheduled it for that friday @ 6:30 pm....I wasnt feeling too well on that friday so I layed down and slept through my meeting! :( So I am not sure what I am going to do... :( Anywho...I have a new before and after pic ... go take a look!

~T.

I must be...

doing SOMETHING right! I am PROUD to announce ... by motivation of Anne .... that I am NOW a part of the "100 club" AKA One-derland!!!!! I am just sooooo proud of myself! I finally hit 198 pounds! I just feel so great. I feel like this is just the little kick that I needed to make me feel like I *AM* on the right track. Thank you to everyone for making me feel like I *CAN* do it! :)

Love to you all!

Theo

Good So Far...

Well the week has been good to me so far. Hopefully it will reflect in the scale! UGH! Anywho...my personal week has been so -so .... my mom had a rough week. Fell a few times...so its been tough. We have been trying to just keep things together. But my eating is better so we shall see...