EDNOS...i hate you.

been having a problem with binging.have ballooned up almost 4 sizes since last year.

there's an eating disorders clinic in college....i may go there.get rid of the binging once and for all.

don't know my weight...

getting more obsessed.oh well.

had one meal today:
bit of corn, a small roast potato, some cauliflower and 1 spoon of cheese sauce and a stuffed pepper.250cals.my friend made it specially...i feel so full.i took a motillium to get my stomach back to empty ASAP, but i still feel full.

will weigh in tomorrow.

cigarettes and diet coke

todays intake has been acceptable:cereal and strawberries:125cals.

i have spent most of the day reading a kathy reichs novel and a book on ED's.

i got blisters on my hand from the 10 minutes spent trying to open a bottle of diet coke.

a pretty good day

cereal:125cals
ww soup:74cals
brown bread:70cals
light spread:15cals
strawberries:free
yoghurt:40cals
ryvita:84cals
salsa:negligble
TOTAL:408cals
BURNED:about 200

i guess i'm fasting...

new rule: no eating when the boy is home.he'll be home in an hour.

i just can't find a reason to eat.

so i suppose its just diet coke and tea today.

and so it begins...

...with an aching stomach and sweaty anxiety ridden hands, i start my challenge, my challenge to finally rid myself of all my flaws.

i'm making myself anew.failure really is not an option.

but now, to bed, to cuddle into my boy's arms and dream of bones.

stay strong.

to the motherfucking bones.

meh

i can't sleep.i went to bed at 2am, took a sleeping pill and tossed and turned til 7:30am when i came down here.

so far i had a glass of special k with slimline mik (30cals).i'm planning on some fruit (free) and an Ensure for dinner (250cals) making my daily total 280cals.

i have to go to the bank to beg for a student loan.hand out some CV's.then go home to my boy!i can't wait!i missed him so very much...

my dad (who's an alcoholic) came home drunk last night - a perfect reminder of why i hate living here.

a quick update

on my way out to the dr's so i'll post more later...

lost 2.8lbs, thank god!its small but its a start!

i'm fasting, 20hours in...

gotta go but *pwomise!* to update later!

*EDIT*

just got back from the doctors.i do indeed have a kidney infection, joy.at least the antibiotics don't have to be taken with food...

i'm now about 22hours into my fast.today i'm sticking to water and diet coke (with Bridget) but usually i allow low cal soup and some low fat yoghurt - i need the friendly bacteria.

i feel lovely and hungry - a growling stomach, kind of dizzy....wonderful.i forgot how good it feels!

i'm aiming to lose 0.6lbs today and be 128 exactly tomorrow.i'm hoping to be 125 by saturday.i WILL do it.

HW and triggered to fuck

dear god.i'm at my HW again.i started binging and am throughly disgusted at myself.i'm sick of EDNOS, i want ana back again, i want my best friend.

i'm going to start an email based weight loss challenge for the ED'd...is anyone interested in joining?

starting again...again...

major binge last night...feeling gross.

starting my fast until the end of april again.

today, a can of Ensure and some broth.thats it.