I'm returning to the Weight Watchers plan this time around (because it seemed to be working the last time I had some success), and the first three days have been interesting to say the least. Just the simple act of tracking the points and monitoring what goes into my body has been illuminating. I get 29 points each day, and the first two days, I was blowing through those pretty quickly, especially from late afternoon into evening, where I'd finish the day having consumed around 40 points. Yesterday, I was really mindful about what I was eating, and at 10pm, I still had 4.5 points left. So, I guess I know it can be done, I just need to be conscientious about it and figure out what are the "filling foods" for me.

Beyond that, I worked out yesterday using the Biggest Loser Cardio Max DVD, and I'm definitely feeling it today. It was a fun workout, though (to the extent that working out can be considered "fun" -- I'm not entirely sold on that!). I may try another DVD this evening or just go for a walk.

Tomorrow marks my return to school. It's a teacher workday, which I'm thankful for, but it will be a challenge to keep on track. It's always so much easier for me on the days when I'm off to squeeze in exercise and make healthy choices. In some ways, school is the bane of my existence healthwise. I have to get up so early in the morning, and I'm not a morning person. In theory, I'd like to workout before school because I'm so exhausted at the end of the day, but I struggle with the snooze button, so that historically hasn't happened. I have a weird lunch time (10:50am!), and the teacher's lounge is a hotbed of unhealthy diversions. Last year, I avoided eating in the lounge just so I wouldn't be tempted, but it's hard for me to do that socially. The people on my grade level team eat in there, and I look forward to having a half hour to decompress and chat. I just need to do it without the treats. Hopefully, I can spend today mapping out my meals and snacks for the week so I can keep that all under control. I know I'll do better as long as I'm organized.

The weight loss extravaganza continues, and I'm trying to be a bit more reflective about my mistakes this time around so that I can actually learn from them and try harder next time rather than wallow in misery that I failed somehow. It's the start of day #3, and here's what I've learned in the last couple days:

1. I may have to reconsider my relationship with coffee. This one makes me a bit sad, but looking over my food log and how I spent my Weight Watchers points yesterday makes this one seem like an issue. I became a hardcore coffee drinker shortly after I started teaching. I have students in my classroom by 7:30am each morning, and I like having coffee to give myself a caffeine injection. Unfortunately, I don't really like coffee--I like the fat free flavored creamers that go in the coffee, and I like them in large quantities. Yesterday, I decided that coffee tastes tolerable to me with 3 Tbsp of that stuff, which is 1.5 points. I suppose that's reasonable once a day, but when I go back in the afternoon to make another pot of coffee to have while I curl up with a book, it's just not worth it. I burnt 4.5 points on coffee yesterday, and that seems like a huge waste for liquid calories. 

(Note: I'm drinking coffee as I write this. *sigh* I'm not entirely ready for the breakup yet...babysteps...but I'm not going to make another pot of coffee today. This is it...)

2. The second helping of dinner is never as satisfying as the first. We cooked one of my favorite meals last night -- Teriyaki pork with pineapple and red onions over rice. One serving of it was 9 points, and it was delicious. I went back and helped myself to more, and afterwards, I felt like crap. I was too full, and I felt guilty for overeating and wasting all those points. I would have been much better off having a zero point soup as a side or waiting a couple hours and having a small dessert.   

3. Water with slices of orange in it tastes way better to me than plain water or even water with lemon. I haven't had any problem drinking 64+ oz. each day, and I've averaged less than one can of Diet Coke these last couple days (an accomplishment given that I was drinking at least 3 cans/day before). 

Overall, I feel like I'm on the right track still. I'm definitely being more aware of what I'm putting in my body, and even if I make mistakes, I'm not beating myself up for them as much as I would have in the past. I can't let my perfectionism hold me back from accomplishing this goal. It's just too important to me.

 2009. Crap.

When I started this decade, I committed to improving my health and losing weight, and while I've been up and down within a 30 lb. yo-yo, I haven't made the lasting changes I'd intended. Improvements, yes, but real weight loss, no. My all-time high was 232, and my low in the last 5 years was 199. Currently, I'm at 214.4 lbs. I would like to lose at least 50 lbs this year, and I finally feel committed to doing that. I know what I need to do, and I have strong motivation to do it.

Some basic info about me: I am 30 and happily married to my soul mate -- a brilliant and loving third-year law student who has been with me for 11 years. I teach 5th grade in a low-income public school, and I'm an aspiring writer. I've had some academic work published, but my true love is writing fiction. I have a dog named Franklin Delano Roosepuppy and no children (yet). 

When it comes to weight loss, I struggle with a few different things: first, I have a lot of stress that I don't handle very productively. I tend to eat out a lot -- sit down meals at restaurants (I hate fast food) -- because I'm often too tired or disorganized to cook. Second, I struggle with exercise. I usually enjoy it once I get started, but it's too easy for me to be too tired, too busy, or frankly, too pathetic and lame to get it done. I am the queen of excuses. Third, I'm bad with portion control. I'll prepare a healthy dinner that's 300 calories per serving, and then I'll eat several servings. 

This year, I need to change all of those things. I want to be a healthier, happier person who is able to fit into the clothes I like and do the things I want without struggling with energy or feeling limited by my size. I let my weight hold me back from a lot of things, and that's exhausting. I know that I won't be perfect this year -- setbacks will happen every once in a while, and I need to accept that and move on to make better choices next time rather than abandoning my diet and exercise plan altogether. I need to start attending Weight Watchers meetings again because that was working (it was how I got down to 199), and I need to recognize that I can be proud of simply making an effort. I didn't gain all of this weight in one day, and I'm not going to lose it that way either. If I can lose a pound a week (and I expect I'll lose more than that, especially at first) than I can absolutely reach my goal in 2009. It's all about babysteps.

This blog will track my transformation this year. The ups, the downs, the victories, and the setbacks. I'm going to lose weight before the end of this decade, and I'm excited about that prospect in a really big way.