I just wanted to add a final note about my Weight Watchers experience. I hope that those of you who are just beginning your journey, or experiencing a rollercoaster ride right now, will be able to look back at my journey and learn from it.
As with every journey, you will need to pack your luggage before you can begin.The most important piece of luggage you will need is a good attitude.You have to go into this knowing that once you take that first step, there is no going back.Every aspect of your life is about to change.You have to be ready for and embrace those changes.They will come slowly, one at time, which is good because you will need time to adjust to your new life.But just know that in the end all those changes will feel right and good.
The next bag we need to pack is our work ethic.Once you have decided to make this change, you have to be ready to work for it.You can not assume that it will just happen.The results will not just come to you; they will not be given to you as a gift.You have to earn it.I earned mine by never missing a Weight Watchers meeting, by making changes when I needed to, by making sacrifices when I needed to, and by setting goals for myself and never giving up on those goals.Once I started this journey, there was no way I was settling for anything less than complete success and quitting was never an option.
There were bumps in my road.I did not have a smooth trip.But I made adjustments as I needed to.I increased my level of exercise.I made adjustments in how I used my points allowance.I treated my body as a science experiment and changed the ingredients as necessary to come up with a formula that my body would react to.
For the past year and three months, molding myself into the new person I wanted to be has been my top priority.Nothing was more important to me.Anything that might interfere with accomplishment of my goals had to be avoided.And I definitely had to work hard at it.I had to constantly think about the consequences of everything I even thought about doing.Yes, it was exhausting and frustrating at times but in the end the feeling of accomplishment and victory makes all the hard work worth it.I am a completely different person than I was prior to February 12, 2005.And I love the new me!
At weigh in today I was .4 away from goal. So they told me to go to the bathroom, take off my watch and try again. And...that was it!
The meeting today was great. The leader made a huge production of my accomplishment and the receptionists even all said a little something about me. I felt like the guest of honor at a special ceremony. I never really understood how highly they all think of me until today...
I feel so appreciated. I feel important. And I feel like a new person!
Did I mention that my Mom was there - crying the whole time, of course! I brought a scrapbook that I made showing my weight loss progress. My Mom told me that as she watched the scrapbook being passed around the room, and saw everyone's reactions to it, it made her cry. And it makes me tear up to see how proud my Mom is.
What a tough week - I worked for every ounce of that last loss - harder than I have ever worked before. But it feels good to know that hard work does pay off in the end. I feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment about the whole WW journey.
In summary: 1 year, 3 months and 1 day: 89.4 pounds lost.
If the gym scale is right today, it is not looking good for reaching my goal tomorrow. If this is true, I am going to be inconsolable tomorrow. I won't cry; I will just be extremely angry. I will retreat into myself and will beat myself up mentally. Nothing anyone says at my WW meeting will mean anything to me. As good-intentioned and wonderful as those people are, they will not understand that their support and words of encouragement will not help me. I need to work through it by myself.
It sounds stupid and immature but this is how I have always been. I am generally a very competitive, determined person. When I want something and I put a lot of effort into it and I don't get it, there is no comforting me. My senior year in high school, my volleyball team was phenomenal. We were SO good but we were always 2nd place. We played the first place team - a team that had been undefeated for three years already - in the county championship game. I wanted to beat that team SO badly. We all did. But for some reason I made it a personal thing. I took the responsibility on my shoulders. When we lost, I felt a wave of grief pass over me. I dropped to the floor, mentally and physically exhausted. I cried. I mentally tormented myself. It was so immature but I had no control over my emotions at that time.
I am so worried about tomorrow's weigh in. I have had a great week. I have followed the Weight Watchers program probably more closely than ever before. I have made great, healthy choices. There is no reason that the result should be anything other than perfect...but when I weighed myself at the gym today, it was not nearly what it needs to be tomorrow. It makes no sense. But I am not going to let it throw me. I am going to have another by-the-books day, I am going to the gym again tonight, and I will just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings...
This week it is all about attitude and frame of mind. I have set myself up for success. I am happy with the food I have at my disposal this week. I am geared up and ready to get some good gym time in. And I am happy with my state of mind and attitude. Instead of feeling stressed about the pressure of having to lose 1.6 to reach my goal by Saturday I am feeling confident that I am going to make the best possible choices this week. That way, if I don't reach goal by Saturday it will be because my body wasn't ready or it just wasn't my time and NOT because I did anything wrong. I know I want this and I will do whatever it takes to make it happen - the rest is out of my hands...
THIS IS IT! One week to go until my goal date and I have 1.6 lbs to lose... I am going to be a mess this week! I am going to work as hard as I can, be as careful as possible about measuring portions and counting points and HOPE FOR THE BEST! I realize that sometimes our bodies just do what they want so even if I don't hit my goal weight by next Sat. I will hopefully still be able to feel good about being good to myself this week...
Maybe I should stop weighing myself at the gym every morning. It sure can set my mood for the day... On Tuesday I was depressed all day because I was up 2 lbs. Then yesterday I was down 3 from Tuesday. Today It's back up 1-2 lbs. But looking at that scale today and knowing that I have to weigh in either today at lunch or tomorrow at lunch really motivated me for my work out...
I was on the elliptical this morning and I kept thinking about what the scale said. If I am really up 1lb this week then I have to lose 3lbs next week to make goal on May 13. I could do it, but it would be tough. So I used that to motivate me. I was watching the clock on the elliptical and I knew I wanted to go for 45 min. but I started to get bored and then I got lazy and thought "maybe just 30 min. is enough." Then I thought about my goal date and I told myself "I WANT THIS" and I kept going. I got a great, 45 min. work out in. But the whole time I had to keep looking at the clock and repeating to myself...only 10 more minutes...I want this...only 5 more minutes...I can do it...I really, really want this...
I'm feeling a little down today. I have been really tired the past couple of days. I think a big part of it is my body still recovering from the 5K. I did the math and I figure I averaged over 4.4mph walking which is way faster than I ever do on the treadmill. I am actually still a little sore!
But I am also bored I think. Going through another "sick of my life" phase. And that makes me depressed. This morning when I weighed myself at the gym I was up 2 lbs. I know I can take that off by the end of the week but I also want to stay on track to get to goal by Sat. May 13. It is going to be a difficult week for me. I will be staying at my Mom's house, which is in the middle of freaking nowhere, starting tomorrow. So my gym schedule will change. It will be more difficult for me to get there and I will be extremely tired because I will have to get up early, take care of her pugs, go to work, come home and take care of the pugs again then go BACK out to go to the gym. Plus my sister wants to do dinner together on Thursday and I am supposed to go out to eat with friends on Friday. So I am very nervous about my weigh in this week already. It doesn't help that someone brought cookies to the office yesterday and I have this complete inability to resist cookies...
I really really want this. I want to hit goal ON MAY 13. But when I am tired and depressed and hating life it is so hard to be motivated and worry about what I'm eating. Plus I am getting sick of eating the same stuff. I know that I am up 2 right now because I have been eating too many carbs and not enough fruits and veggies but I do not like a lot of veggies and there is only so much salad a person can eat. Plus I am completely broke so I have to make do with what I have in my house - which unfortunately is mostly pasta, rice, soup, etc.
So, I need all my supporters out there to wish me luck - I have to find SOMETHING that will motivate me to get through the rest of this week...
I have mentioned more than once in my blog that I attend Weight Watchers meetings on Saturday mornings at 9 a.m. Let me explain why that information is so important...
I recently realized that I am an atheist. While I was very active in my church growing up, I never really enjoyed the actual church services and it took me FOREVER to get through the "confirmation class." I liked the social aspect of the church, but not the actual theology I guess. I now realize that the reason I never enjoyed it is because I didn't believe in it. Those of you who know me know that I am a scientist. I have a degree in environmental studies, I am good with numbers, and I have always had a fascination with nature and the sciences. That is just how my mind works. I think that someone who is truly scientifically/mathematically oriented tends to think more in terms of logic and to me there is no logic to religion. HOWEVER I DO believe in fate and I think it was FATE that brought me to that meeting...
I have always been a loner. I have never had any really close friends. Casual friends have come in and out of my life but even today, while I have more close friendships than ever before, there is no one who I would call a "best friend." So I am always looking for a place where I belong. Where I fit in. Where I feel normal. I found it in this meeting. These people - the members and the leader - are the most amazing people I have ever met. We all care so much about each other even though we hardly know each other. When we leave that meeting we are all living very different lives and may never interact with each other in any way but in that 30-45 minutes every week we are like a family.
I never make an effort to reach out to others and form friendships - guess I have been hurt too many times or I just don't know how to form relationships with people. But so many of the people there have reached out to me - to comfort me when I looked upset, to congratulate me, to get my advice on how they can be successful. Just a couple of weeks ago one of the members started to get into her car then stopped and came over to my car to talk to me because she thought I had looked upset. I can't tell you how wonderful it makes me feel to know that these people - who are essentially strangers - care about me - and each other - so much...
I really don't know if I would have ever been able to accomplish what I have today if I had not found the place where I truly belong...
41:34 for #1770!!!!! I am so excited that I just finished the 5K walk in 41 minutes! Unbelievable. I had such a great time and now I am totally hooked - when's the next race?!?!
Two of my friends participated in the race with me - one of them ran and the other walked with me. There were people all along the route cheering us on. It was a wonderful feeling. A real high.
Well, my strategy of setting a goal date to reach my goal worked. I was down 3lbs at weigh in today. Only two more to goal! I set my goal date for May 13 because that is Mother's Day weekend. My Mom has been my biggest supporter throughout this whole journey and we are actually spending that whole weekend together so I thought it would be great if I brought her to the meeting that day and she could share in the celebration when I announce that I am at goal. This puts a little pressure on me to reach goal on that specific date but I know I can do it. I just hope it doesn't happen too soon - Mom is away next week so I have to NOT lose the two lbs this week.
This week for the first time I really started to be happy with how I look now. I know it sounds crazy - how could I not notice or not be happy with being 87 lbs lighter? But I still didn't feel like I was where I wanted to be. I was still seeing flaws when I looked in the mirror and I didn't think I looked like a good reflection of someone who has been successful on the WW program. But one day this week before I got in the shower I looked in the mirror and the "flab" around my stomach and waist didn't look that bad and I figured if I get better about doing crunches everyday that will go away in no time. I do look like someone who is a healthy, normal weight and I finally am happy...
