Facing the Music

Today I went back to my meeting.  I didn't make it last week, which was the first week in September, so I was required to weigh in today.  I was dreading the weigh in.  I have been binge eating for basically two weeks straight.  My psychological issues have been getting me down.  I have been stressed out and very emotional.  And I am PMS.  But the folks on the WW online message boards convinced me to just go to the meeting, weigh in, and move on with life.  Get it over with.  Face the music. 

So I did.  I was up 2.2lbs.  Not nearly as much as I thought I would be.  I learned a very important lesson though: I can not place so much importance on what the scale says.  If I need my meeting, I should go to the meeting instead of avoiding it because I don't want to weigh in.  I need to focus on my health, not on the number on the scale.  What I did to myself to make sure that that number was not too high was NOT healthy.  I need to learn to focus on doing the program, accepting the occasional slip up, and moving on.  I do not feel good about what I just put myself - and my body - through.  This became evident this morning at the gym.  I tried to do my usual hour long work out on the elliptical right after my meeting.  I got on the elliptical and my legs were feeling achey and tired, even just 2 minutes into it.  And I wasn't even going my normal pace.  I started to feel dizzy - probably as a result of the binge/purge with laxatives lately, the lack of sleep last night due to anxiety over weigh in this morning, AND on top of all of that, I took (for the first time ever) some Pamprin (PMS relief medicine) this morning because (a) it reduces bloat and (b) it is a diuretic.  I felt woozy all morning from the medicine but I THOUGHT I was feeling better enough by the time I got to the gym. 

I really wanted to get a good work out in because I can not make it to the gym tomorrow, but I realized that it was not worth it to injure myself or make myself sick.  I had to focus on my health, not on how much food I would or would not be able to eat if I did not get my usual work out in.  I also cannot focus on taking off the 2.2lbs.  My weight is fine right now.  I can focus on maintaining and being healthy.  So I got off the elliptical after just 45 min.  Hopefully this is the first step in the right direction.