WHY ME?!?!

So, I have been doing a lot of emotional binge eating lately.  Carbs especially have been a problem for me.  I find myself giving in to cravings - even when I am not hungry.  This was a battle that I fought - and thought I had gotten a handle on - very early in my WW journey.  One of the first things I taught myself to do was to say "no, you don't need that" when a craving came on.  For example, in my pre-WW days, if I was craving Reeses Peanut Butter cups or doritos, ice cream, whatever, I would just go to the nearest convenience store and buy whatever it was and eat it.  I realized very early on that this behavior was not going to be beneficial to my weight loss.  But I have back slided - big time - due to emotional/psychological issues.  One of those issues involves being stressed over finances.  For example, I am realizing that I really don't have any fall/winter clothes that still fit me that I can wear to work/going out.  So I need to buy some clothes.  I also need to get some work done on my car.  And I need to start thinking about paying for the hotel room for my sister's wedding - now only a month away.  Among other things.  But even with working two jobs I just do not have the money to do all these things. 

Anyway, what was basically a whole week of binge eating definitely made me feel (a) depressed; (b) guilty; and (c) angry with myself.  SO today, before I left for work (second job - Starbucks) I made myself journal what I had eaten today, knowing/hoping that when I saw that I was already over my points for the day, I would better be able to stay away from the pastries at Starbucks.  As I headed out for work I decided that today would be the first shift I worked at Starbucks that I did not eat any of the broken/discarded pastries - or any pieces of them I should say, since I don't eat a whole one, just the broken pieces.  I even wrote myself a note to that effect and put it in my pocket.

And I did not eat anything the whole shift.  But I brought some home for another day.  Probably a bad idea.  I will most likely throw those out.  I have to get them out of here.  Especially now that this new stress has entered my life... Here is what happened:

I go out to my car at 11:!5 pm after my shift and discover a nice dent by the driver's side front tire.  And a business card with a note from a police officer "Your vehicle has been involved in a hit and run.  I am investigating the accident.  If you have any questions, please call the number on the front."  Well, yes, officer, as a matter of fact I DO have some questions...such as what the H**L happened?!?!  My car was parked literally across the street from where I was working.  I almost could have seen it from Starbucks!!!!!  And what does "investigating the accident" mean?  Is there a chance that the responsible party will be found?  Were there witnesses?  There must have been - or there would be no note from the police.  For that I am thankful.  But in the end I still see myself having to come up with a $500 insurance deductible which, guess what, I CAN'T PAY!!!!!!!!  I really need this right now!!!!!!!!!!!  Those pastries are sounding very tempting right now but I decided to sit down and write this blog entry instead.  And I poured myself a tall drink.  Wouldn't you?!?!?  Now I am going to bed.  I hope this drink helps me to sleep through the night...