Reflection on this week's meeting
It's 5 a.m. Sunday and I have to leave in 15 min. to get to my second job, but I wanted to get a few thoughts for this next blog entry down - then I will add to it later...
"The past is the past and I am a new person now."
That is what I wanted to say to the woman in my Weight Watchers meeting yesterday who said that she still sees herself as a bigger person, a person who will always struggle with weight, even though she is now thin and a lifetime member of Weight Watchers.
But I didn't speak up because I was sort of lost in my own reflections. It was my first meeting back in a month. I did my monthly weigh in and was actually down 2.8 lbs for a total now of 101.8.
I missed my group a lot while I was gone and it was great to see them all. But I am glad that I had that time "off" because in that time I feel that I was able to step back, reflect on my situation in life, re-evaluate my goals, and re-focus.
As I was sitting in that room, I loved being with my group again but at the same time I felt apart from them. As though in the time I was gone I have matured and grown so much that I am no longer the person I was when I was last there.
I don't really know how to explain the feeling I had but I felt like I had become enlightened in the time I was gone and I have not quite figured out how to share that new knowledge with them.
More to come...
The meeting was about the stages WW members go through - changing your environment, adopting healthy behaviors, maintaining beliefs that will help you stick to the program, knowing that you have the capability to make the right choices for yourself, and changing your identity to that of a healthy, happy and active person. Identity is at the core of the circle that represents these different elements because it is the most important aspect. If you do not believe you deserve to be healthy, happy and active - if you do not believe that you are who you have become, you will not maintain your new self. But for me, it was never about identity. I never believed I was an overweight person. Even when I gained 80 lbs in college and the 5 years thereafter, I never realized exactly HOW big I had gotten until I saw myself in pictures. Then my sister got engaged and I realized that there would be wedding pictures and I did not want to look like THAT in the wedding pictures.
I had the identity of an average person. For me, it was not about identity - it was all about the behaviors. I always did whatever I wanted. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and how much I wanted. I never cared about the consequences on my health and weight. I was not that overweight as a child, even though I exercised these behaviors, because I was more active then. When I got to college, my activity level dropped - then completely vanished. But my unhealthy behaviors did not stop - and in fact got worse. That is when the pounds came pouring on. Now, when I see those behaviors creeping back - and believe me, they still do, I am able to catch myself or let myself indulge but only to a point. Because I have learned that the feeling of knowing that I made the more responsible, healthy choice will make me feel much better.