Abandonment

I always heard other lifetime members complain that there is not enough support for them at Weight Watchers.  Now I know first hand what they are talking about.  I feel abandoned.  Even the leader, who used to be so helpful, and told me she would "always be there" for me, has given me the cold shoulder. 

I am in crisis right now.  Since I became lifetime two weeks ago, I have been sliding.  I had an unexpected gain when I weighed in the first week after making lifetime and that gain threw me for a loop.  I lost all my motivation.  Now I am up about 4 lbs from my lifetime weight.  This trend is scaring me.  I want to put an end to it but I am just not motivated. 

In a way, I understand.  By the time a member reaches this stage, they should know how to do it on their own.  They should know that if they ever need support or help they can go to a meeting and get that help from the other members in the group.  But it is so much harder for us (LT members).  Those other folks are still trying to lose weight.  They are working toward a goal.  We have reached our goal.  What is supposed to keep us going when there is nothing to look forward to but a life of counting points and worrying about food everyday? 

I feel as though my world is coming apart around me.  I just started a second job.  I am tired.  I get stressed out just thinking about the fact that I have to work a 14 hour day today between the two jobs.  I get depressed thinking about all the missed opportunities that lay ahead of me - fun events that I will not be able to participate in because I will be working. 

This program used to be the one thing that I felt I had control over.  Then it failed me.  That gain stole away any morsel of confidence I might have had.  And the downward spiral began.  So I turned to the leader for help, as I have been doing for so long now.  And the response I got was "you know the program - just do the program as designed and developed."  Ok, that is true, but how do I get the motivation back to do the program when I feel that my support system is gone??  Do I go to my meeting and tell the members there that their role model - their star - has fallen?  What will that do to them? 

So I guess I am alone.  As I was in the beginning of this journey.  To find my own way back onto that path.......wish me luck.