The Grind

Well, I have spent the past two hours (i.e. the first two hours at work) online - e-mailing, doing searches, reading blogs.  My inbox at work is empty but I do have a project I should/could be working on.  Just can't get motivated to do it.  It is a huge task and I am just sick of doing this kind of work.  I go through this all the time.  I get sick of it all.  The same shit, different day.  The daily grind.  I am not one to stick to a regular routine.  I do not have to do the same thing every day.  But even working in the same job for any length of time or living in the same place gets me down.  Maybe because I still have not found my "passion" - the one thing that makes me really happy - and I still have not found my dream home.  I just renewed my lease so I guess I am stuck here for another year but I realized that I think I get the "3 year itch" when it comes to where I live.  I lived in West Hartford for 3 years then moved here.  I have been here for 3 years and now I want to move again.  I have been in this profession for 2 years but every other job I had - even if I loved it at first - I got sick of.  I didn't want to face another day doing the same shit again. 

I also get that way about the Weight Watchers program.  Yesterday I realized that I was unconsciously making a stupid, "rookie" mistake.  I know this program.  I know what I am supposed to do.  But somehow I had convinced myself that I don't use enough skim milk in my tea for it to possibly count so I wasn't writing down the points for the milk.  I had the same philosophy with the Hershey's lite syrup that I would have with a cup of chocolate milk or poured on a Weight Watchers ice cream bar (yes, it is that time of the month).  I also realized that that glass of milk I was pouring was, in fact, a whole cup (probably more) of milk and that is a serving and a serving of skim milk is 2pts!   Why did I convince myself that the milk and the chocolate syrup didn't count?  Last night, luckily, I (a) ran out of Hershey's lite syrup (and will not be buying more) and (b) decided to look this stuff up in my WW materials! 

But, at the same time it got me down a little.  I was feeling GREAT about my new points allowance and how I was using the points this week.  I was feeling like I had plenty of points to live on and I COULD do this forever.  Now, I am depressed because if I want to have milk in my tea, it is going to cost me some points.  And I have to measure milk.  That is depressing too for some reason.  I measured out 1 cup of skim milk, put it in one of my plastic containers and it joined the many other plastic containers in my fridge with little pieces of masking tape with numbers (points) on them.  I brought that container of milk to work today (even though we have milk here) thinking that I will pour the milk into my tea and when all the milk in the container is gone, I will know I have used 2 pts.  So, what did I do today?  I had my tea without milk!  Haha.  I just can't imagine "losing" some of my points for something that I used to think was free.  This all just seems like such a hassle sometimes.  What has life come to when you are measuring out a cup of milk and worried about gaining weight if you don't measure it correctly and add up the points correctly?  How much longer can I do this?