Responsibility
A great Weight Watchers leader taught me an important lesson and today that lesson saved me...it was about responsibility. She said that we all wish we could be kids forever because we didn't have all the responsibilities we have as adults. But we can't be kids forever. So, as adults, we have to be responsible - whether we like it or not.
It all started on Thursday. Something about the WW meeting I attended Wednesday night and the way my points were working out for Thursday and Friday really bothered me. I started to wonder if I really wanted to spend the rest of my life doing this - worrying about and concentrating on what I was going to eat, if I got enough exercise, and how all of that would affect my weight. Why couldn't I be like the "naturally thin" person who just does whatever comes naturally to them? Why did I have to work so hard just to get through the day? Does my weight really matter that much? Is the end result worth the hassle of constantly going back to the beginning - cleaning my "environment" and working my way through the various stages time and again?
Then last night I had a bit of a meltdown and I really just thought I was going to throw in the towel. My friends invited me to dinner and I knew I had to weigh in today but I wanted to go to dinner anyway. So I decided that I would eat a salad before I went, then at dinner I would just have one beer and a bowl of soup. But when I go out, I like to go all out. I like to enjoy myself. How could I enjoy myself if I felt like I was depriving myself? A bowl of soup and one beer? Come on! That is not fun! So I thought maybe I don't want to do this anymore. Is it really worth it? I did this program because I didn't want to feel deprived and on WW you can technically have anything you want. I was so depressed but I knew - from weighing myself at the gym - that I was already up a little this week and I didn't want to lose any of my new "extra" points if I showed a big gain at weigh in. So, I went and had the soup and beer. I wasn't that hungry so the soup was plenty and it was very good. But I was stressed out because the soup had a little bit of sausage in it and I was worried that the sodium would make me show a gain. I used to go out and have a burger, fries, several beers and sometimes even dessert and not feel guilty - now I am worried about a little sausage in a small bowl of soup? This is not fair! Meanwhile, the guys at the table next to us are enjoying an appetizer sampler and my friend is sitting across from me devouring a huge plate of onion rings! Why can't I do that anymore??? What if I didn't have to get on that scale the next day? What decision would I have made?
And today the answer came to me...
This morning on the news there was a story about Britney Spears and how everyone may be unfairly judging her for almost dropping her baby and for having the car seat facing the wrong way. The woman was saying that because Britney is a celebrity and is in the public eye she is more prone to close scrutiny. Every mother goes through stages of learning how to be a good mother and every parent makes stupid mistakes - that is how they learn to parent. But celebrities seem to be held to a higher standard because of their celebrity status.
Then today I arrived a little late to my WW meeting and a woman who I recently befriended did not see me come in and she started telling the group about a conversation that I had with her the other day and how I was trying to help her. Then, later in the day, I was walking out of the nail salon and another woman from my WW group saw me and called me over to talk. This woman was so frustrated last week that tears were literally streaming down her face. But today she was congratulating me on reaching goal, telling me I look great, and telling me that she lost 4 lbs this week. I think she wanted my encouragement and advice so I talked to her for a little bit.
I realized that while I am not a "celebrity" in the true sense of the word, I have, through my success, become a role model to the people in my WW group. I now have a responsibility to that group. They are counting on me to show them the way.
I also have a responsibility to myself. I made a decision to change my life. I have a responsibility to myself to stick to that decision.
I also realized that my "I don't want to say no to myself" attitude is not a responsible, adult attitude. By not depriving myself of anything, I have gotten myself into severe financial trouble and it is also how I got to be 200 lbs. When I decided to change my life, I became a more responsible person. I need to be responsible for my actions. I can no longer act now and pay later. By just having the soup last night, I possibly avoided a big gain that I would have had to spend the week working off. This is my new life and I must accept it and be happy with it.