I know it's stupid but...

If the gym scale is right today, it is not looking good for reaching my goal tomorrow.  If this is true, I am going to be inconsolable tomorrow.  I won't cry; I will just be extremely angry.  I will retreat into myself and will beat myself up mentally.  Nothing anyone says at my WW meeting will mean anything to me.  As good-intentioned and wonderful as those people are, they will not understand that their support and words of encouragement will not help me.  I need to work through it by myself. 

It sounds stupid and immature but this is how I have always been.  I am generally a very competitive, determined person.  When I want something and I put a lot of effort into it and I don't get it, there is no comforting me.  My senior year in high school, my volleyball team was phenomenal.  We were SO good but we were always 2nd place.  We played the first place team - a team that had been undefeated for three years already - in the county championship game.  I wanted to beat that team SO badly.  We all did.  But for some reason I made it a personal thing.  I took the responsibility on my shoulders.  When we lost, I felt a wave of grief pass over me.  I dropped to the floor, mentally and physically exhausted.  I cried.  I mentally tormented myself.  It was so immature but I had no control over my emotions at that time. 

I am so worried about tomorrow's weigh in.  I have had a great week.  I have followed the Weight Watchers program probably more closely than ever before.  I have made great, healthy choices.  There is no reason that the result should be anything other than perfect...but when I weighed myself at the gym today, it was not nearly what it needs to be tomorrow.  It makes no sense.  But I am not going to let it throw me.  I am going to have another by-the-books day, I am going to the gym again tonight, and I will just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings...