Finally Back On Track

It's amazing the difference a couple of days can make.  After my son announced that he didn't want a "fat mom", any bit of motivation I've been lacking came back full force.  I've been doing completely fine on Weight Watchers ever since. 

Of course, it may help that I got so stressed out last week that I came down with a case of the shingles (never had them before - don't care to have them again) and I think the medication I'm taking for them may have an appetite suppressant quality.  But I think the REAL difference is that I've been "eating with awareness" (a Geneen Roth tenet).  Meaning that, when I eat, I eat slowly, pay complete attention to the food and how it tastes, how it feels, how *I* feel.  I think if I keep combining eating with awareness with counting points, I'm going to do just fine!

I Don't Want A Fat Mom

Ouch - the words I have dreaded to hear and thought I probably would at some point.

My son came into my room this morning as I was finishing getting dressed (he's still young enough that this is not an issue, though now I'm starting to wonder ).  I was *attempting* to get my jeans on, so I'm sure I had major muffin top happening.  He looked at me and said, "Why are you still the same when you've been doing Weight Watchers?"  I asked him, "How do you mean - do you mean that I need to lose weight?"  And he said, "Yeah - maybe you should go to L.A. Weightloss".  (The kid is obviously watching too much t.v.) 

I said, "Would you be happier if I were smaller?"  He said, "Yes."  I said, "Why?"  And he said...."Because I don't want a fat mom." 

If that isn't motivation, I don't know what is. 

From Flirtation To Fullscale Affair

This is the third time I have attempted this entry, so we'll see how it goes. 

I'm ashamed to say that I have been fullscale bingeing for the last several days (since I last posted).    I have to shake myself out of this torpor I'm in, get back on track and motivated.  I hear that making a pledge or contract with yourself really helps, so I'm going to commit to myself and to you, right here and now, the following:

 "I, Chubscout, commit to following the WW plan as best I can, day to day and week to week.  I accept that I will not always be able to stay within points and that going over points is not, and never will be, justification for a binge.  I commit to not bingeing for the next month, to following my plan as faithfully as possible and to stay in touch with where I am emotionally.  I will turn to family and friends for support as needed and journal here when I have issues to work through.  I accept that abusing food is not, and never will be, a healthful coping strategy and I pledge to continue developing healthy ones."

 I'll be back tomorrow to update my goal to something realistic - hitting 175 in 25 days isn't and I'm not going to have something out there reminding me that "if only I hadn't", I might have hit it.  175 will come, just a little later than I originally intended.  See you tomorrow.

Flirtation With A Binge

Today is one of those days when I got up, weighed myself, was ticked off by the number (182.8) and have been flirting with the thought of a binge ever since.

This is a tried-and-true pattern of mine over many years.  This is my attempt to preempt that pattern and do something healthier.  A better coping mechanism, if you will. 

I start thinking, "I'll give myself just this one day.  I'll eat like a pig and then I'll start again tomorrow and I'll be reeeeaaaallllyyy good.   Yeah, yeah.  I'll start again tomorrow."  You fall into that pattern enough, and suddenly you've gone from a bottom weight of 155 back to your starting weight of 182.5 (when I started WW the FIRST time in May of '05).  The buck has got to stop here.  I have got to commit, because not committing only hurts me and keeps me lost in Diet Addiction Land. 

Okay.  I feel better.  Writing this out really helped.  Rome wasn't built in a day and I'm not going to see 155 again for a while.  But if I stay true to myself, at least I *will* see it again!

Scale Update - Whimper!

So I checked out my scale this morning - a whopping 182.4!!  Yowser!  More than three pounds heavier than the weight I THOUGHT I was at from that stinkin' piece of machinery formerly known as "my scale" that's going to find its way to Goodwill and plague someone else's life.

And I guess it could be said that perhaps my NEW scale is HEAVY.  As much as I would like to entertain that notion, I am recalled to a short time period ago when I was attending WW meetings and my scale was consistently three pounds lighter than the WW scale.  I brushed it off at the time to "water weight" since my meetings were around lunchtime and I had already eaten breakfast.  Well, my rose-colored glasses are off!  At least I'm getting a consistent reading, which is important to me.  Now I know where I am on the map and I can start heading south!  Woo hoo! 

Cripes - A Vent About My Scale

I'm really irritated!  Some time ago, I gave away my simple, yet highly accurate WW scale (made by Conair for WW) and substituted it with a fancy-schmancy, body fat % calculating, multi-user scale that has lots of bells and whistles, looks very, very cool and was quite expensive.

This lovely piece of machinery will not give me a consistent reading if I step on it more than once (yes, I realize it is compulsive to step on it more than once, but it's a years-long habit that ain't gonna change at this late date).  I cannot STAND  to have the weight number jump around - and it's not by a couple of ounces (which I could live with).  It will go up and down nearly a pound either way!  How do I have any sense of which number is the *right* number?

So it gets worse.  I had a rush of blood to the head after this morning's inconsistent reading and went to the drug store and invested in yet another tried-and-true, simple, accurate WW scale.  I put the scales side-by-side and the WW scale weighs me 3 pound heavier!  Yikes!  BUT...the reading never changed, no matter how many times I stepped on it!

So I'll update my starting weight tomorrow morning with whatever my *new* scale shows it to be and proceed from there!

ChubScout reporting for duty!

So I've been doing (and not doing) Weight Watchers for a while now.  I started in May of '05 and did really, really well until Labor Day weekend (of '05, not the one that just passed).  I've been struggling ever since.  So today I have recommitted myself and discovered this very cool website service.  I love the weight tracker!  My ultimate goal is to weigh 130 pounds (from a top weight of 230!  Yikes!).  So I'm about halfway there and determined to go the distance. 

My first "goal" is to hit 175.  I'm going to take it down in 5 pound increments.  That way the thought of 50 more pounds to lose won't seem so overwhelming.   I've given myself a solid month to do it, but hope it won't take that long to hit the first goal.