I am so completely back-on-track, even *I* can't believe it!
I went to meet my personal trainer and have my "body composition" done. (Basically, they use calipers and skin folds to tell you how fat you really are.) I was praying for a number less than 40%. Lo and behold, people, when she did all her little calculations, I was 31% body fat! I could not believe it!
What this means is that my bones, muscles, organs, etc. weigh 125 pounds without adding any fat into the equation. My goal of 135 is completely unrealistic. So I'm aiming at 150 pounds instead. I'll see how that feels and maybe take it as low as 145, but probably not lower. So I have kind of mixed feelings about it - on one hand, I'm much closer to an ideal weight than I thought. On the other hand, I feel kind of like a beefalo!
So pressing ahead. I'm down to 178.8 pounds (from a high of about 184). I'm reading the Eat More/Lose More thread on the Less To Lose Weight Watchers board every day and they keep me inspired when I start to doubt myself. This truly feels like a lifestyle and not a "diet". And instead of feeling upset that I gained this weight back and have it to lose again, I just tell myself, "This is the last time you will ever, ever have to lose this weight." And that makes it feel more like a celebration rather than some arduous time line that has to be endured.
I hope things are going well for everyone! I'll check back in next week!
So I spent some time this week reading through some of the posts on the community boards at the Weight Watchers website. Lo and behold, on the "Less To Lose" board, I found a recurring thread called "Eat More/Lose More".
The folks on this thread encourage participants to eat every point available to them - that too many WW participants try to get by with as few points as possible, ultimately making their weight loss unsustainable or unable to lose the weight at all.
Hello? I felt like someone was speaking my language and validating what I've always felt was true (before I started listening to the "voices" telling me that I was doing the program "wrong"). I can remember reading through those message boards early on in my WW experience and thinking that the people participating were being so mean to themselves and being afraid of food. I, in the meantime, was feeling pretty happy, exercising a lot and losing a bunch of weight. When I started doing the program as I was "told" to do it, I started struggling and ultimately gained every pound back.
I felt like it was a real sanity check to come across this particular thread. I haven't started participating on it yet, but probably will this coming week. Look for me - my WW screen name, like here, is "ChubScout". I'm feeling much more solid about my approach - and finding a group of like-minded souls makes me feel even more that I have found what will work for me.
I am writing today to announce that I, Chubscout, have finally gotten through an entire week of Weight Watchers ON PLAN!!! Woo hoo!!!! I wasn't sure I'd ever see that again, the way things have been going!
Realizing what I've been struggling with, getting it down in this blog and recognizing that what works for me isn't necessarily what works for the average WW person was a huge breakthrough for me. I followed my three tenets this week and did very, very well. I only had one white knuckle day - and that was on Monday (first day back at work after getting back on plan). I had to really hang on early in the day, because my knee jerk reaction to work stress is to eat. A lot. All at one time. But I held on and talked myself through and came out the other side of it unscathed.
The scale is finally starting to drop, too. I weighed myself yesterday and was at 181.4. Hopefully, I'll be on the other side of 180 here before too long. And my clothes seem to be fitting better, too - which may be a figment of my imagination, but still feels good.
Here's a post I wrote earlier today on a WW board and wanted to post here as well:
I finally realized last night that I've been going about this all wrong mentally. I've been thinking about WW as a "diet" rather than as a "lifestyle". What's interesting about this is that if you had ASKED me what I thought, I would have said "lifestyle" and thought I believed it. But actions speak louder than words - diets and I don't agree. Lifestyles and I do.
When I first started WW back in May '05, I weighed pretty much what I weigh now. I lost almost 30 pounds, then listened to all the voices telling me that I wasn't doing the program right. When I started doing the program *right*, it seemed too hard. Over time, I have gained back the weight that I've lost.
So I've realized - why the heck would I listen to these voices when what I was doing was working, was enjoyable and was sustainable? Who says I have to be on the fasttrack of losing weight? Who says I can't take my sweet time getting to goal? I'd rather lose slower and get there than be back at the starting line (as I am now) because I was trying too hard and got discouraged. Who ultimately says how I do it? I do.
So, notes to self: 1. I do not do well with time-related weight goals. That kind of pressure tends to send me off the deep end. I'll get there when I get there. 2. I do not do well with counting only "intentional exercise" as APs. I wear a pedometer, which calculates the calories I earn throughout the day. I will add these to my AP totals. It encourages me to move more throughout the day and gives me a little cushion so I don't feel like I don't have enough food (another recipe for disaster). 3. I will eat 5 structured meals a day - it discourages the unconscious nibbling and lets me know that I always have another meal coming shortly. For me, that's very reassuring and ultimately sustainable.
It may take me some time to get where I'm going - but if I stick with my three tenets, I know I'll get there.
Feeling Selfish And Realizing That's What It Takes
Yup. Feeling selfish. I realize that, if I'm going to be successful in any long-term (heck, even short-term) way in this quest for weight loss, I'm going to have to put myself first.
Ahead of family and work. Ahead of every other obligation that I have. Because I have finally figured out that if I don't take care of myself, no one else is going to do it. If I've been waiting for my white knight, I've finally found it - it's been inside of me all along. I just have to be willing to get up on that horse and ride.
It really doesn't take much - setting limits and boundaries isn't that tough to do, I just have to be willing to do it.
I read the most motivational post on a WW board today and thought it would be great to share here. I find myself expecting to not do well on a diet and...surprise, surprise...I end up not doing well. Hmmmm.......
Anyway, here's the post:
"I see a lot of people come here, get frustrated, and wander off.
Either they were desperately grabbing at any easy solution, like drugs, surgery, or stapling, or they don't feel the boards are supportive enough, or they get discouraged along the path and give up.
I have come to the conclusion that many, if not most, people are willing to give WW a chance to fail, but not a chance to succeed. By this, they feel they will not be successful, and half-allow the program to prove them right before giving up.
What one needs, then, is to give the program a chance to succeed. It is scary, because no one can do it but you. However, it is simple enough, and will allow you to meet your goals if you trust in it. You cannot look to others to drag you through it (and as such, the support you find on this board should not determine whether you succeed or fail).
I feel that support is very important, but the final choice to succeed or not rests upon you alone. It's scary, but freeing at the same time.
It's not just the message boards that deter people who are waiting to fail. Changes in schedule, stress, celebrations, holidays, weekends, evenings, vending machines...
If you expect to fail, these things seem designed to prove your inadequacy. "
The italics are mine, for passages I thought particularly significant to my own experience. I need to work on not expecting to fail, to not allowing curve balls to be an excuse to fail and to start acting on my own behalf at all times. I'm SO glad I came across this post - it was definitely the right read at the right time!
I went into work this morning and get nailed with some really bad news regarding the business. The owners are all stressed out and now *I* am stressed out. This is one of those days where I could seriously entertain the thought of a binge.
However, I recognize that it ultimately hurts only me. How is stuffing myself going to make the situation better? It won't. It WILL temporarily distract me from the crisis at hand, because I can feel terrible about myself rather than the situation. I can focus on feeling out of control about food rather than out of control about what may or may not happen with this business.
I have to accept that I am not one of the owners, my decision-making ability is limited and, ultimately, it's a job and nothing more. It is not my health, it is not my family, it is not my life. I can do the best I can to support the owners and then recognize the point at which my responsibility drops off. Eating more than my body needs won't help me with any of that.
Thanks for listening! I feel better having written this out!
I am here to confess to you that I have been a baaaaaaaad girl. I spent the weekend in Las Vegas (first time I've been there - very cool place) and spent my time engaging in ~ ahem ~ "non-diet-oriented eating". (Translation - oink! oink! oink!)
What's worse is that I started that kind of eating before I even GOT to Vegas - just the idea of being off my diet for a weekend seemed to affect the entire week beforehand. So I weighed myself this morning and it wasn't pretty.
I realize that it's probably not a "real" weight - I probably had all kinds of sodium over the weekend and am retaining water, blah, blah, blah. So I'm not going to get bummed out over it. I'm going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I'm not changing my goal time frame - it will give me an extra incentive to get my rear to the gym and do what it takes to hit the goal.
Hope everyone else is having a great week! I intend to!
I weighed in this morning and lost 3.2 pounds this week (even after a bad, bad Monday)! Woo hoo! It's just proof to me that if I work the plan, the plan will work for me!
What an exciting and positive way to start the week! I hope all of you are experiencing the same. Let's go out there and kick some weight loss butt!
I got the greatest idea from one of my friend's blogs and I'm shamelessly stealing it and incorporating it into my own.
It's setting mini-goals and rewards for each mini-goal. I think this is terrific and much more exciting than "Oh, look - I lost five pounds. Yay, me." MUCH more exciting to think, "Yeah, baby! I lost five pounds! I get to buy that [insert here] that I've been wanting!" See what I mean?
Sooooo.......here is my list of mini-goals:
Goal #1 - To hit 175. Reward #1 - To take myself to a chick flick at a movie theater. Potentially with another chick. But definitely something I would never watch with DH. (His oeuvre of choice is mobster movies - no thank you.)
Goal #2 - To hit 170. Reward #2 - To buy a piece of jewelry that I really like.
Goal #3 - To hit 165. Reward #3 - Take a day off of work and spend it doing whatever I like. Sleep in, putz around the house, whatever. (This is big for me because my job can be REALLY stressful and demanding.)
Goal #4 - To hit 160. Reward #4 - Get a massage. A professional massage. Ahhhh......
Goal #5 - To hit 155. Reward #5 - Buy a sweater that I love (and believe me, I already know which one I'll buy! )
So that's 20 pounds worth of goals. That should help keep me motivated! I weigh in tomorrow - I'm eager to see how I've done, because this is the first week in a very long time where I've actually stuck to the plan (with the exception of Monday - before the "fat mom" comment was uttered). Eating with awareness is still working really well - I'm eating less and feeling satisfied with what I'm eating and haven't felt like I don't have enough food, a feeling which is sure to trigger a binge. So all good things happening right now! I feel better than I've felt in a long time.
I wasn't sure I'd ever see that again, the way things have been going!
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