i think after i have a weeks worth of weight inputs into my wii, im going to put them into my weight box on here... it gives a daily take on things.. i have an OVERALL look at how im doing with jenny craig..  but id like to get a daily one as well... i think it will help me see where i am missing my water, having too much sodium and the graph will give me an overall look as well..as long as its a downward trend then im good.. if i have some days that go up, but not that many, i will know its waterweight and TOM.. things like that... ive got 3 days in the wii right now... ill refigure everything sometime next week i think...

Well, today i got on the eliptical machine and burned 500 calories at once.. im sure it was funny seeing me jiggle my way thinner, but i was so proud of myself for going for 50 minutes straight... tomorrow im adding another 5 minutes.. and then..... one hour here i come!!!

Id love to buy one of these machines, and i may during tax time. One of my favorite shows is house, and i have all the seasons on DVD... one episode runs about 45 minutes... i know i don't have a hard time finding time to watch 2 episodes a day, so while they are on, i will be on the elliptical.. well wheni get it lol.

Another bonus today, i learned i like diet pepsi.. i generally give up all soda when i decide to lose weight, and this time i had pretty much accepted the fact that a delicious pepsi was going to be like the occasional dessert.. ive never liked diet soda... so i haven't even tried them in years.. then, i tried diet pepsi.. and now i can still have some soda!!! GO ME!!! i won't go back to drinnking them all the time, i try to get in 100 oz of water a day, so i won't want one that often... im never thirsty drinking this much.. but saturday nights are my night to get online and get into dork mode to play world of warcraft.. and on those nights, my typical routine was to get the biggest soda i could, some kind of snack, and game away.. now, ill just omit the snack, enjoy my pepsi since its kind of like my little treat, and enjoy my evening!....without the food... also, carbination makes me not all that hungry anyway!

today, on my JC forums, a lady was having a difficult day.. I tried to give her some of the techniques i use to pull myself out of the dulldrums.. i don't know that it will help her, but i am thinking about her tonight.. when these ladies, who are amazingly supportive and just truly beautiful people, are having a bad day, i wish that is wasnt just an online meeting place for us... Id love to be able to meet up with any one of them, share some laughs and just give them a hug.. that is something that i truly enjoy, just helping someone smile, when they feel they can't... it warms my heart and does a lot of good for me..

worrying about others is usually the thing that will build up in me until i get to the point where im sad and mildly anxious all the time.. i don't even realize im doing it, till i call the person im worrying about and hear them giggle, or hear them tell me something good that has happened, and know that they are doing fine... then, its like a switch, my mood is immediatly lifted and on i go again...

well, my DF is putting the baby in bed.. and since she won't be climbing all over me, i think ill turn on my game... DF will turn his ps3 on and play some... aren't we so exciting!!! lol

Ahhh, the baby is in bed, i have in the movie GI jane.. may not be inspirational to losing weight, other then the fact that if i EVER get physically fit enough to do a one armed pushup, this would be the movie that would make me get there lol..

I found some bread that is 45 calories a slice and turkey that is 25 calories a slice.. i had the munchies today, so i had a turkey sandwich.. only 115 calories, and i made sure to work that off at the gym today.

I have know for quite some time that i am an emotional eater... but i found out something new today that i hadnt ever thought about.. I am also, an emotionless eater... when i am bored, look out fridge..

My fiance had so many things to do today, he was out of the house a lot... and i paced like a caged animal in and out of the kitchen..

I ended up making this big plate of sauteed zuchinni, squash, garlic and broccoli and ate that.. suprizingly, my 17 month old loved it!! she ate right along with me.

Im glad she enjoyed it so much, i know when i begin cookiing all my meals on my own, and not using jc foods, it will be hard to get my son to eat it.. he is so picky, and if it is good for you, he usually doesn't care for it.. must have been all the mcdonalds i ate while pregnant with him lol

so, to those of you who read this... when bored, what do you do? keep in mind, i do have a 17 month old that im not taking out in the cold to go on a walk.. i don't have excersize equipment here at the house and won't have the money to do so for a few months... I can't take a long bath or read a book cause im on constant baby duty... i did get down on the floor today and play with her a lot, spent a lot of time sitting making faces at eachother and teaching her the names of her body parts... and that did help some... but the idea of food was always in the back of my mind...

anyway, im off here.. gonna watch this movie and wait for dennis to get home..

I went to work out today with my DF.. i was on the elliptical machine for 45 minutes, made it almost 3 miles and burned about 400 calories!! plus, i have done great on plan today.

I'm just glad i am feeling more like me today. Yesterday i went to bed really early, i was so tired..

I noticed today when i put on my pants.. they seemed a teeny weeny bit looser... Im not getting my hopes to far up, i could just be wishful thinking. i have a tendancy to see things that are not there when it comes to this weight loss stuff lol... Ill know more at my 4 week weigh in when i get measured.. that is i think 9 days away.. my daughter is standin at my feet looking up at me with her cute little brown eyes... she always wants on my lap when im on the computer.. she loves electronics.. she has toy cell phones everywhere, her own little toy laptop, all kinds of things like that... she loves to hit the windows key when she is on my lap and make menus pop up.. kind of  a pain when im in the middle of something lol...

i just thought of something.. she is so young.. even if it takes a year to lose this weight, she will not remember me as being her fat mom lol..when she looks back at pictures of herself sitting on my lap shes gonna wonder who that chubby chick is..

which is FINE BY ME!! lol

well she is on me now, and wiggling like crazy so im gonna call it quits for now..

Well, it is that time of the day again.. time for some sleep...

Today was not a success story on my journey to losing weight, but in another sence, i found a huge success through my friends that listen to me vent like a mad woman lol..

today, choices were made to eat comfort foods. i will deal with this on and off as i continue to trudge ahead...

I did however made some good choices, and i will focus on those. I am not an all-or-nothing person... there is a middle ground, and i will find it through trial and error. 

when i went out to eat today, i ate a salad first.. then, i got a soup bowl and put it on my plate and only put the buffet food on what was left of the plate.. much better then the choices i have made before, when both plates would have been full to the top of all the fried stuff...and i did this well even while dealing with hormones...

This is a good sign... to me anyway... my first period since starting this journey, and i made some decisions that were better then previous ones.. I will attempt to keep this mindset throughout the rest of this week, and continue to work things out to be more prepared for next month...

I am not in the greatest of moods today. Woke up cranky, got hassled around a bit trying to schedule classes for next semester and was very tired. Tom does 3 major things to me.. Fatigue, cramping, and the biggest symptom of all, I am not a joy to be around. AT ALL.

As I have said before, i have a lot to learn. And this is a perfect time for learning.. how to deal with emotional eating when my emotions are not even really being affected by the things around me, but by hormones...

I could just rant and rave on here right now... and constructive critisism can be and is a wonderful thing, but I do believe that if i were to go off right now it would be read into incorrectly, and i don't feel i need to explain myself.. to anyone but me...

Of course, on any other day of the month, i am so much better at taking the positive and dumping the crap... but today isn't one of those days unfortunatly..

Some may think... oh she is 29.. no real life experience... Just wait till she is 50.. see what she thinks then..

i am sure my views on life will be dramatically different at 50.. hell, they will be next year.. but isn't this what all of this is about??? learning and growing and catching ourselves when we slip, and knowing why we made the slip instead of just pushing it into the background and continuing on the same path???

I've done alot in 29 years.. Ive missed out on even more in 29 years,, alot do to bad choices of my own.. and over the course of the last 2 years, i have grown 10.... the things i should have been figuring out all along, have made themselves apparent to me, through my own hard work and determination..

I am proud of my achievements.. the person i have become.. i am witty, funny as hell if you know me personally, and able to pick myself up out of the dirt and keep on going.. its what i do best.. And i have a very deep appreciation of life-- what i have to offer it, and what it has to offer me...

Sometimes being judged is the most annoying thing.... it happens everyday, in someway, to everybody... we really have two options.. let it beat us.. or accept that ignorance is a part of life... and brush it off...

the house is quiet. this kids are in bed.. no tv.. no radio.. nothing.. only the sound of the keyboard...Thank god for computers.. writing cramps my chubby little hands lol..

this blog is, of course, open to the public.. But as my wonderful friends on jenny craig forums know.. i soul search.. alot...so this is mainly for me. the thing i will make a goal to do for myself as often as possible to keep my head on straight. through the ups and downs.. Weight loss has been my biggest fight. Ive beaten the odds many times in so many different ways.. I question how food can be such an over-encompassing force in my life.. Its not even addicting in the traditional sence.. but.. it is my comfort.. This is my journey to find a balance.. to still feel comfortable with food, but to be able to find a balance.. to know that 6 slices of pizza will not make me feel any better then two.. to know that a 2 litrer of pepsi in a day is not going to solve financial issues.. to know that i don't have to have 2nds to be a better mother..

its odd to read those sentances because Ive never thought of things like that till i sat down here tonight to write this. It just sort of came out. You would think that living with this brain and this body for 29 years, i would have a pretty good handle on these weird thoughts...but nope.. not yet..

I know that how much i eat can actually affect my parenting abilities.. it already has.. the kids want to play, i dont.. the kids want to stay up and watch a movie with thier mom.. i fall asleep half way through cause carrying around this 250 pound body is exhasting..

Here is my life greatest challenge.. to lose 100 pounds.. Im not setting a goal date.. to lose 100 pounds is not something that should have a time frame.. slow and steady.. and with each pound.. i want to learn one new thing about myself and my relationship with food, and how that reflects on me as a person and as a mother. To learn with each pound will take time, so i don't want it to fly off, as strange as that sounds.. Now granted, i would love to get into a size 10 tomorrow, but what will i have learned? Not a damn thing...

Hard work and struggles have made me who i am.. and I like the inside.. just want to like the outside too.. so.. hard work and struggles will be the thing that i will look fwd to with this journey.. because when i find it in me to like the outside.. i will know, it was a hard fought battle, and well worth it.. And i won't feel vain at all..

some people are just born beautiful on the outside.. but have you ever met someone who has lost a considerable amount of weight? they appreciate every single pair of pants they buy, because they know what it is like to have to buy something they cringe to look at.. they appreciate the double takes, the winks,the smiles, the compliments.. it isn't in one ear and out the other..

I dont wish heaviness on anyone, but i do wish that the people who do not have to fight this struggle have had other areas in there life that have awarded them the opportunities in life to grow as a person.. We get one shot in this life..

i'm not gonna waste it..